"When everything seems like an uphill battle, think of the view from the top." - Unknown

Day 0

Spencer had a duffel bag slung over his shoulder as he walked down the stairs of his apartment building. His stomach turned with anxiety as his feet made contact with each stair. Gideon and Emily were going through his apartment and removing every vial, every syringe and any alcohol they could locate. He knew they'd have a decent amount to dispose of when they were done which made his cheeks redden slightly at the thought of it.

The cool air hit Spencer's face as he and Morgan walked out the front door. The sun was setting and the sky was mixed with dark blue and the last few rays of sun. He followed Morgan down the street and stopped in front of Morgan's SUV. The sound of the power locks chirping filled the air.

"You ready?" Morgan asked him as he opened the door to the back seat, grabbed the duffel bag from Spencer and loaded it into the vehicle. Spencer nodded as he opened the passenger door.

"Yeah. I think so." He said quietly as he slid into the seat. That was good enough for Morgan, who quickly jogged around the front to get to the driver's side as if not getting there quick enough would give Spencer enough time to change his mind and run.

Morgan started the car and pulled away from the curb. It was going to be about a thirty minute drive to the treatment center, The car was silent as he merged onto the freeway. The only sound that filled the space was the whooshing of the air at the windows and the rumbling of the tires against the pavement. Morgan had been too tense to bother with the radio and Spencer hasn't made an effort headlights of the other cars cast their faces in a glow every so often and finally Spencer turned to Morgan and spoke.

"What if I can't do this?" His voice sounded small and watery and Morgan could tell he was on the verge of tears. A pang of sadness hit him. He hated watching his friend suffer like this.

"Reid, you can do this. All you have to do is try. You are the most stubborn person I know."

Spencer sighed, doubt starting to fill his head. He hated failing and he used every resource he knew to avoid it. It usually worked for him but this, this he wasn't so sure about. He was thankful the car ride was short and it seemed like only minutes before they were pulling into a circular drive way in front of what looked like a welcoming colonial style home. Amber lights glowed through the windows and clearer light illuminated the sign out front.

Arrowhead Center: A Place for Healing

Spencer almost laughed at the name. A place for healing? He'd see, he guessed. He opened the door and walked up with Morgan to the front entrance where he was greeted by a short, curvy woman and a tall older man. The older man extended his hand to Spencer as he spoke.

"Hi Spencer. Welcome to Arrowhead. My name is Jordan and this is Callie. We'll be checking you in."

Spencer nodded but stayed silent, shifting his eyes from Callie to Jordan and finally to Morgan. Jordan gestured for Morgan to hand him the duffel back and Morgan obliged.

"Well, kid. This is it." Morgan said to Spencer. Spencer kicked the ground with the toe of his sneaker, jamming his hands into his sweatshirt pockets. This was it. This was the start of thirty days without dilaudid. Thirty days having to deal with everything sober. Spencer looked up and Morgan could see the terrified look in the younger man's eyes.

"Derek..." Spencer started but Morgan cut him off by wrapping his in a fierce hug.

"You can do this, Spencer. I know it. You've got all of us on your side, kid. Don't be scared. You've got this." Morgan said as he felt Spencer shake and could tell that he was nodding as Morgan spoke. Morgan pulled back, gave Spencer one more smile of encouragement and turned to walk back to his vehicle. He's already been told he wouldn't be able to stay during the intake process. It was something Spencer had to do on his own.

Spencer watched as Morgan got into the SUV and after a moment, pulled down the drive. He watched until the tail lights were small and then non-existent. It was real now. He was here and Morgan was gone and he had nothing left to do but to follow the two people who grabbed each arm and gently guided him through the front door.

The foyer was well lite with dark blue walls and wainscoting lining the bottom. There were silver letters painted onto the wall and Spencer realized it was a passage. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference. Spencer stood, staring at the painted words, trying to process them.

"It's the Serenity Prayer." Jordan said, his hand at Spencer's elbow. "It'll make more sense once you start to work the program."

"Spencer, we're going to need to get some medical information on you, okay?" Now it was Callie talking to him. He was being led to a small examination room off of the main foyer. Callie motioned for him to take a seat and he did. Spencer sat quietly as Callie took his blood pressure, pulse and temperature. Jordan was asking him questions in between.

"When was the last time you used?" He asked, looking up from a clipboard. Spencer stared up at the clock that hung on the wall. The second hand making soft clicks as it moved. It was about eight o' clock.

" A few hours, I don't exactly know." He replied quietly. Jordan marked something on the clipboard.

"What have you been using and for how long?" Jordan asked him. Spencer swallowed trying to get past the lump in his throat. This was quite the blow to his ego. he was sitting in a rehab facility, a nurse taking his vitals and being asked questions he barely admitted the answers to himself.

"Dilaudid." Spencer said quietly. "I, uh, well, I take an injection at least two times a day. That's been going on for seven months? Today was a little worse than others."

"Are you taking any medications? Any medical history, physical or mental, that we should know about?" That question threw Spencer. Should he mention anything about his schizophrenic mother? It was a sore subject for him even on the best of days and this was definitely not the best of days. Spencer just shook his head.

Jordan nodded in response. He looked at Callie and she started rattling off some information and Jordan recorded it on his clipboard. Callie spoke fast but he could piece together that his blood pressure was low, his temperature a little high along with his pulse.

"Most importantly Spencer, why did you seek treatment for your addiction today?" Jordan put his pen down on the clipboard and looked expectantly at Spencer.

"That's a loaded question." Spencer said automatically, not thinking about it before saying it. Jordan laughed a bit.

"Yes, it is but it's important. There's not a wrong answer. we're looking to get an idea of your expectation of treatment."

"I was asked to leave my job today." He began quietly. "I thought I was hiding it but I guess I wasn't. My coworkers, well, friends, asked me and I said yes. I'm tired. I can't do it it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore but I don't know how. I'm hoping I can learn how...here."

"That's what we do here." Jordan said kindly. He flipped to the last page of the clipboard and handed it over to Spencer. "This is the consent for treatment. I will need you to sign it. Basically, it is saying you are signing yourself in for thirty days of treatment, which we may recommend more depending on your progress, that you will follow the facility rules and remain drug and alcohol free while staying here."

Spencer took the clipboard and read through the agreement. He picked up the pen and before he could think twice about it, signed his name. Jordan took the clipboard and motioned for him to stand up.

"Are you familiar with the detox process?" Callie asked him as they walked out of the examination room and down hallway. Spencer logically knew what would happen as his body withdrew from the narcotic but he'd only experiences what he thought were mild symptoms.

"I think so." He said as the three turned a corner.

" As the drug leaves your system, you'll start to experience symptoms. It's different for everybody but it usually starts about six to twelve hours after the last time you used. For opiates, you could experience shaking, nausea, sweating then later on stomach cramping, it could feel like your skin is crawling. You'll probably throw up at least once during this whole process. The good news is that it only lasts a few days. Once your detox is over, you'll start therapy."

"O-Okay." Spencer stammered when they stopped in front of a door.

"All right, we'll need to go through your duffel bag to make sure you don't have anything you're not supposed to and I'm afraid I need to do a pat down to make sure as well. Before you go in, is anything you'd like to grab? There's a television in there along with some magazines. You should have your bag in an hour or so, just so you have a time frame."

Spencer took the bag from Jordan and opened the zipper, he grabbed a book, re-zipped the bag and handed it back. He watched Jordan take the book and flip through it's pages before handing it to him. A few pats later, Jordan opened the door to a room with two twin beds. The room was a pale brown with dark brown trim along the top of the walls. Some woodsy looking art hung alone the walls. There was a night stand next to each bed with a lamp on it. There was a large divided dresser at the foot with a television set perched on top of it. A couple of magazines littered the top as well.

"Make yourself at home" Callie told him as walked toward one of the beds and tentatively sat down. "You don't have a roommate now but that might change. Someone will be back with your bag and one of our medical staff will be by to check on you periodically thorough out the night. In the morning, if you're up to it you can come down to the dining hall for breakfast but if not, we have some small things we can bring to you. Any questions?"

"The bathroom?" Spencer asked. Callie nodded.

"The door over there." She said pointing to an oak door that was closed.

"Thank you." He said as Callie and Jordan left he room and closed the door quietly behind them. Spencer sighed as he brought his legs up to the bed and stretched out on top of the comforter. He was glad Morgan had talked him into just wearing pajamas in here. He was tired and didn't think he had the energy to change even if he'd wanted too. The silence seemed to fill the room as he waited for something to happen. He knew that he wouldn't start ti feel anything for probably at least a few more hours but his senses were on high alert. He closed his eyes, trying to calm himself and before he knew it, he was asleep.

Day 2

Spencer gripped the comforter wrapping it tighter around him as his teeth chattered, It was like he couldn't get warm. The literature he'd read about detoxifying from drugs hadn't been lying when they said it, essentially, really sucked. The withdrawal symptoms had really started to pick up early in the morning. They'd been mild at first. He'd had a headache most of the day yesterday. A wave of nausea would hit him every so often but nothing like this. The digital clock on the night stand told him was around four in the afternoon.

He'd spent the last hour alternating from shivering to the point where he couldn't stop shaking to doubling over in pain from stomach cramps. Callie had called it, he'd thrown up that day as well. His body hurt from the constant movement and he wondered why he had agreed to do this in the first place. He could be home right now, not feeling like he was going to die but he'd chosen this hell for himself. His stomach turned violently and he flung the covers from his body the best he could and stumbled toward the bathroom. He hadn't eaten much except for some crackers the day before but he still made his way to the bathroom just in case.

He sunk to the tiled floor, the jolt from his knees hitting the tiles sent pain vibrating throughout his body. His hair hung damply in his face as he felt the first heave wrack his body. Nothing came up but he couldn't stop the dry heaves. Finally, he could taste bile in his mouth and he spit into the toilet to get rid of it.

"Spencer?" A voice called from the main room. It was Callie.

"I'm in here." He called out weakly as the shivering commenced once again. He feebly stood and flushed the toilet and made his way to the sink to rinse his mouth and wash his hands. he heard the bathroom door creak open.

"How are you feeling?" She asked. Spencer wiped his hands on the towel in front of him and turned to her.

"I've been better." He said. He tried to stop the shaking but couldn't. Callie grabbed his arm and helped him walk back over to his bed. He saw the small medical cart in the room and knew she was there to do a vital check. e sat quietly as she took his blood pressure and temperature. After she notated it in the chart, she reached over to the night stand and handed him a bottle of water.

"Do you think you can drink this? It's important that you don't get dehydrated."

"I'll try." he grabbed the bottle from her and took a sip. A little spilled from the top due to his shaking hands. A moment later, he took another sip. he closed his eyes waiting for the nausea to hit but to his surprise it didn't. He took another drink as he registered how dry his mouth was and that he in fact, was actually thirsty.

"Take it a little slower." Callie urged as she took the bottle from Spencer's hands and set it back on the nightstand within reach of him. Spencer slowly slid down back into the bad and pulled the blankets back over him. His skin was starting to crawl and he had to concentrate to not scratch at the imaginary things crawling all over him.

"How much longer?" He asked tiredly. Callie sighed.

"Not much longer. Maybe a day or so. You're almost through this part. Hang in there."

Spencer nodded as Callie grabbed her cart and wheeled it out of the room.

Day 10

Spencer sat opposite his counselor, his hands folded in his lap and his eyes glued to the floor. He had been sober for ten days. He hadn't thought it was possible but here he was. It wasn't like he still didn't want the drugs but being in a controlled environment helped. He wanted to stay a little longer but the nagging feeling of wanting to go home kept digging at his core.

"Spencer, you've only been here ten days. It's a good start. A really good start but you're not ready to leave yet. We've just started to discuss the effects your abduction had on you."

Spencer pursed his lips together. His counselors name was Stephen. Stephen was all right but Spencer really had no intention of discussing Tobias Hankel with anyone, let alone a stranger. Everything he'd told Stephen had to be pried from him. He still felt weak when it came to Tobias. He still felt guilty. He knew these were the types of things he should be telling his counselor but every time he tried, it sounded so pathetic to him.

" I think I really just needed the push to be clean for a few days. I never want to experience withdrawal like that again. I think I'd fare much better at home or back at work." Spencer told him. Stephen smiled.

"Are you ready to deal with your urges to use with a positive outlet? What about triggers? You know, when you happen to have a nightmare about your abductor. Are you ready to deal with those stressors in a healthy manner?" Stephen asked him as he leaned forward in his chair. Spencer unfolded his hands.

"I have a better understanding now. I know I won't reach for a vial of dilaudid and a needle."

"At least stay the remaining twenty days of your commitment. What harm could it do?"

"I'd really like to go home."

"You know I can't recommend that but I can't stop you."

"I know."

Day 11

Spencer smiled as he returned the signed forms to the receptionist at the desk. He had a hard time putting it into words but he couldn't stay here. He couldn't talk about Tobias. He couldn't talk about the nightmares but he knew he could live and not turn to dilaudid.

He turned from the front desk and walked out the doors into the morning. A cab was waiting for him and he opened the door and slid into the back seat. He told the driver his destination and the cab started with a jolt. He watched the building slip from sight. He had eleven days. He wanted more.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I am playing with the idea of ending it here but I am not sure yet. There's more twisty things I can do to Reid. I'll know soon. :) Happy New Year!