Here is a one shot inspired by a prompt request from linsteadlove. It took a different course than what I had originally intended, but I hope you all will enjoy it anyway. :)

"Jay, what are you doing here?" Erin opened the front door of her apartment. Her hair already thrown into a messy bun for the night, sporting a pair of black leggings, and embarrassingly, one of his t-shirts he'd left at her place before they decided to "cool off."

"Can we talk?"

"I don't think that's a good idea. You can't just show up at my apartment like this. There are rules and boundaries to cooling off, and I'm pretty sure you coming into my apartment would be breaking quite a few of them."

"Erin, I'm leaving tonight."

"You're what?" She choked on her words and they came out. Pulling the door open she let him inside.

"Voight, Olinsky, and I stayed late talking about the case. We think we figured out how to crack it. Voight is sending me undercover, in a few hours actually. I'm supposed to be tying up lose ends right now, but I ended up here."

"For how long? Why didn't he call us all to the station to brief us on this?"

"A few days, a few months, you know how this thing works, Erin. It takes as long as it takes, and there wasn't any reason to call everyone. Voight, Al, and I handled all the details."

"Wow, tonight? Okay, well don't be too long. I can't get partnered up with Ruzek. I'll go insane." A halfhearted smile crossed her lips, but didn't reach her eyes.

"I'll do my best. Maybe this will be good." He shrugged. "Some time apart where we don't have to see each other everyday might make things easier."

"Maybe, just don't be stupid out there."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Er."

A real smile graced her lips this time. "No problem, Halstead."

Without thinking about it, Jay reached his hand to the side of her face, thumbing over her dimple. "I miss that."

"What?" Her voice came out as a quiet whisper.

"Your smile. You."

"Jay…"

He cut her off before she could continue. "I know. I know. That probably breaks a rule of cooling off, but…"

It was her turn to cut him off. "Jay, I miss you too."

He beamed down at her, a sad grin.

She leaned into the hand still resting on the side of her face, closing her eyes the same way she'd done in the locker room two weeks ago. Regardless of how much time had passed since they decided to end things between them, she still felt safe with him, comfortable, at home.

The buzzing of Jay's phone in his back pocket interrupted their quiet, intimate moment. "It's Voight. It's all set. I have to go meet him at the station."

"Take care of yourself, Jay."

"You too. Don't be too hard on Ruzek, alright?"

"Okay, I'll be nice to your boyfriend."

He flashed his boyish grin, her favorite smile in the entire world. "Good bye, Erin."

"Bye." She wasn't sure why she had to hold back a cry when she said goodbye, but she did.

2 Months Later

Everyone was out following up on leads on the new case they had except for Erin, Hank. Nadia was also in the pen, at her desk answering the phone.

Jay had been gone two months now, and Erin never anticipated missing him as much as she did. She assumed being away from him would actually make cooling off easier, but she was wrong. Now she thought about him more often then she had the two weeks after they'd first ended things. She'd even found herself using her emergency key the night before, and sneaking into his apartment just to sleep in his bed and feel close to him. She missed him, she was worried, and as much as she tried to focus she couldn't stop staring at his desk longingly.

Catching herself staring at his desk for what felt like the tenth time that day, Erin determined she needed a breather. She decided to see if Hank and Nadia might want her to go pick up some lunch. She and Voight had been looking into the case all morning, and at this point her stomach was growling anyways.

In his office, Hank Voight shuffled through the clutter on his desk searching for his vibrating cell phone. "Voight, what do you got, Dawson?"

"Hank there was some sort of explosion at the warehouse on 27th this afternoon. Atwater and I are going to check it out."

"Shit, has anyone heard form Halstead?"

"We were hoping you had."

"Son of a bitch." Hank mumbled under his breath. "Call me when you know anything. Keep this between us right now. We don't want to blow his cover, and we don't need Lindsay knowing yet."

"Don't need Lindsay knowing what?" Erin asked from the doorway of Voight's office. He hadn't noticed her enter.

He lifted a finger, signaling for her to wait a minute. "Call me when you know anything, Antonio," and with that he hung up the phone.

He thought about lying to her until they had more information, but if something really had happened to Halstead, he knew Erin would never forgive him for being dishonest with her. "You should sit down."

"I think I'm good standing." She crossed her arms over her chest, taking a steady stance.

"Erin." He was stern, telling her just how serious what he was about to say was. Her stomach instantly sank. She knew right away it had something to do with Jay. Shakily she lowered herself into the chair across form him.

"Okay I'm sitting." She managed to speak, but it didn't feel like it was coming from her own mouth.

"There was an explosion at the warehouse this afternoon."

"Halstead?"

Hank shook his head yes. "We haven't heard anything yet. Dawson and Atwater are on their way over now."

"Then I'm going too." she stood rapidly from the chair.

"No you're not. Sit back down."

"Kiss my ass, Hank. I'm going." She stormed out of his office, and to her own desk to grab her jacket and keys.

"You're gonna go over there, act emotional, and blow his cover? If he's not dead now you're about to ensure he ends up that way."

The glare she shot through him was a vicious one. "Like it would matter to you anyway."

"You know that's not true, Erin. Halstead is good police. He's a member of this unit, one of our own. I want him to be alright just as much as anyone else here."

"Don't give me this bullshit right now. You always treated him differently, since the day you realized I actually cared about him, and you know it Hank!"

"Intelligence," Nadia answered the phone startling both Erin and Hank from their argument. Nadia left her eyes on the pair the entire time. "Yes. Yes. Thank you." She hung up the phone. "It was just them notifying us about the explosion. No news on Jay. Do you need some water, Erin? You look really pale." Nadia stood form her desk, starting towards the break room.

"Thanks, I can get it myself." She pushed past Voight with a chilly glare.

Erin took her minute alone in the break room to calm down. Voight was right, if she went there she wouldn't be able to compose herself, but she couldn't just wait around to find out if he was alive. She couldn't lose him. She wasn't ready. They were just cooling off, it was never supposed to mean forever. Someday, they were going to make it work, she had been sure of that until 20 minutes ago.

She leaned over the countertop, her hands griping the edge tightly. This break room had been their spot during their workdays. She knew they'd gotten a little bit reckless, and carless, spending so much time in there, but it was to hard to stay away from each other all day. She thought back to the conversation they'd had on the morning they realized Voight knew.

"You coming over tonight? I'm in the mood for pizza and I can't eat it all by myself." Jay snuck up on her in the break room as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

"You and Ruzek had a contest of who could steal the most donuts from the officers downstairs this morning, and you bragged about eating 11. You mean to tell me you couldn't finish a pizza on your own?" Eyebrow raised, she called him on his bluff.

"Okay, so maybe I could, but sharing is caring right?"

She rolled her eyes and grinned. "I like how you have to ask as though we haven't spent almost every night together for the last month."

"Is that a yes? Because if pizza isn't reason enough," He paused to check over his shoulder before leaning in closer to her, smug grin on his lips, "you know the jeans you're wearing today are my favorite, and I've spent the past 20 minutes thinking of different way I could take them off you tonight."

She looked over his shoulder towards the door. The coast was clear. "These jeans do make my ass look pretty great huh?"

"Incredible," He answered with a wink. "So do we have plans or what?"

"Ham and pineapple. Get a side of ranch too. I've been craving it all week. I'll be there."

"Anything else, princess?" He teased.

"Do you have beer?"

With a quiet laugh he nodded. "I'll add beer to your list of requirements."

"Can a back rub be added too, or is that pushing it?"

"I'm sure I can make a back rub happen."

"Good, now we're talking."

"Specific food cravings, back rubs, I can't imagine what you'll have me doing for you when you're pregnant with our kid."

The second he'd realized what he'd said, his ears turned bright red.

Erin found it almost adorable. She'd had a slip up when he was talking about Wisconsin, so it was entertaining to see the roles reversed, and him squirming this time.

"Get out of here before we raise suspicion, Halstead." She laughed.

Still embarrassed, Jay took no time at all to oblige, and hurry out of the break room.

She was pulled from her memory by the feeling of a hand on her back. "Are you okay, Erin?" Nadia asked her gently.

"No, actually I'm not." Erin snapped, but Nadia wasn't scared away. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. It's just Hank, and Jay, and what if he's not okay? I don't know what I'll do. I pushed him away because I was afraid, and now I might never have the chance to correct things." She rubbed her temples in an attempt to alleviate the migraine she felt coming on. Her frantic tone turned to a glum whisper. "I don't even remember the last time we kissed. You never think the last time, is the actual last time, you know? He can't be dead. He just… he can't." She no longer cared if people knew what had happened between her and Jay. If he came back it wouldn't matter, she'd be with him no matter what.

"We don't know anything for sure yet. His car being in the parking lot doesn't mean he was inside."

"His what?" Erin swiftly turned to face her.

"His car… You didn't know the car he'd been using was in the parking lot of the warehouse?" Erin's face fell, and Nadia hurried to fix her slip of the tongue. "Like I said, that doesn't mean he was inside. He's probably fine, Erin. I'm sure he is."

The sound of Hank's cell phone ringing came at the perfect time; distracting Erin from worrying about the fact Jay's car was there. She took off out of the break room, Nadia in tow.

She didn't make it out of the entryway when she saw Voight walking towards her.

Upon hanging up, Hank met her glance, and his look told her everything she needed to know. He was dead. Her partner, her best friend, and the man she loved was now dead, and she never got the chance to tell him how she felt.

In shock, she couldn't fully react at first. She stood stone still. Then Voight spoke, "Erin, I'm sorry."

Her knees immediately went wobbly, as though her body was suddenly too heavy for them. Instinctively, her hand covered her mouth. The other hand gripped the doorway for balance as her body stumbled backwards. When her legs had had enough, she dropped to her knees, right in the doorway of the break room.

No tears came yet, just silence. She knew Nadia and hank were both talking to her, but it was all a blur. Words didn't make since, and she honestly just wanted them to shut up and leave her alone.

She hid behind her hands, her entire body trembling and shaking as she held back sobs. She'd never forgive herself for not being with him when she had the chance, for leaving so many words left unsaid. She couldn't blame Hank anymore, she was a grown woman, she had made a decision, and now she had to live with the fact she'd made the wrong one. She loved him, and she let him go.

She heard footsteps coming up the stairs of intelligence. Antonio and Kevin getting back. She didn't bother to look, leaving her face hidden behind her hands. Still no tears had fallen, it hadn't fully sunken in. She heard a third set of footsteps; she assumed it was Olinksy or Ruzek getting back to the pen too. At this point everyone in the unit had to of known.

She felt Nadia remove her hand from her back, and step away from her. Another figure crouched before her, and wrapped her in his arms. She could tell it was a man. She assumed it was Antonio, because Hank knew better than to come near her right now. It didn't matter who it was, she needed someone to hold onto, so without opening her eyes she buried her head in his chest, and finally allowed herself to weep.

Throaty, ragged sobs escaped, and for the first time in her entre life she didn't care if people saw her cry.

"Why are you crying, beautiful."

She choked on a sob as she gasped. Her head immediately snapped up to meet a set of crystal blue eyes; Jay's eyes. He'd been the third set of footsteps, the one holding her for the past minute or so.

"W...W..What?" She stuttered out in disbelief. Was she hallucinating? Was this all some crazy, messed up dream? Her hands were on his face now, assuring he was really there. She glanced around the room, and everyone looked just as surprised as she felt. They were all waiting for an explanation too.

"I thought you were dead." She finally answered his question as to why she was crying. "They said an explosion, and you were dead."

"I wasn't inside. I got out right before it happened, but I needed them to think I was inside, so I wouldn't blow my cover. I didn't have time to warn you all, or I would have. I'm sorry." He looked around the room to try to explain to not only Erin, but also the rest of the team.

He'd barely finished speaking when she wrapped her arms around his neck in a tight hug. Jay smoothed her hair with one hand, and rubbed her back with the other.

"I don't wanna cool off anymore, Jay." She mumbled against him before pulling back to see his reaction.

"Good, because I never wanted that."

"I love you, and I was so scared I would never get to tell you that." A mix of a nervous laugh and a cry followed her confession.

"I love you too, Erin Lindsay."

She took his face back in her hands, and leaned in to kiss him. Before their lips met Jay stopped her, and nodded behind him to where the guys stood, specifically referring to Voight.

"I don't care. He'll get over it." She whispered pressing her lips to his.

Kissing him felt exactly how she remembered, probably because she'd loved him for a long time now without realizing it. "I love you." She mumbled again. Five minutes ago she thought she'd never get to say it to him, and now she'd get to everyday, and she never wanted to stop.

Hank cleared his voice after a minute of them kissing on his bullpen floor. Erin didn't want to stop, but she didn't have much of a choice when Jay pulled away. She couldn't blame him much; she'd be terrified of Voight if she were in Jay's position too.

"Good to see you alive and well, Halstead." Hank said it as though he was unsure of how happy he really was, after just having watched him make out with his pseudo-daughter.

"Thank you, sir." Jay replied nervously.

"Why don't you head on home. Take tomorrow and the rest of the weekend off."

"Okay. Yes, thanks. I could use it." He stood to his feet, pulling Erin up with him.

"I'm gonna walk him to his car." Erin informed the group over her shoulder.

"Lindsay," Hank called to her.

Erin whipped around quickly. She was fully prepared to quarrel if he made any argument against her walking Jay out.

"I'll see you Monday too."

Instantly Erin's face softened. "Yeah?" She asked.

"Get out of here." Hank nodded towards the door.

Erin knew that was the closest thing she'd ever get to approval from Hank, but it was exactly what she wanted, maybe even needed to make this feel right. She almost wanted to run over and hug him. Instead, she settled for a whispered, grateful, "Thank you."

"Get." Hank silently mouthed back, once again nodding towards the door giving his final approval in his own Hank Voight way.