Day 61:

Have calmed down slightly. Realized that there are girls here who have been here for longer than I have and are less panicky than I am.

Will be alright. Have to calm down. This is not déjà-vu. That will not happen again.

Jae-ha will save me.

I hope.

Day 62:

Scared. Very scared.

Have been here for 4 days. Hoped kidnapping would give them the lead they were missing.

Hurry up, Jae-ha.

Hurry up please.

Day 62: (Eavesdropping)

For once in life, am glad for lack of presence.

The soldiers who come in here don't pick on me (wish I had strength to stop them) and have been able to write in diary without getting caught.

Have also been listening to door for any info on pirates.

Have only heard: "—we'll be sailing out the day after tomorrow."

No.

This is bad. Very bad.

Hurry up Jae-ha. HURRY UP.

Day 62 (Yan Kumji):

Have had the worst experience of seeing Yan Kumji's face.

Thought I would be afraid but all I felt was anger. Red hot boiling anger.

Do not have time for fear, Gou.

The bastard said he liked women who trembled in fear.

Refuse to be what he likes.

Do not have time for fear. Crew will come.

And so will Jae-ha.

Day 63:

Never thought 5 days of imprisonment would be stepping stone to rid self of phobia. Never thought Yan Kumji, Yan Kumji, would be the one to break chains of past.

Guess even enemies have their benefits.

Will confess to Jae-ha as soon as freedom is secured. Don't care if he's leaving or if he's a dragon or even if he doesn't like me back. I love him and that's all that matters.

Learned you regret more what you don't do than what you do do.

Day 63 (Yona):

Yona and Yun have come!

Was so relieved hugged Yona. She seemed surprised but smiled even more than I did.

Filled me in on plan. It's very idiotic but might work.

Reprimanded both of them for doing something so dangerous.

Then Yona said: "But we couldn't leave you by yourself Gou, at least now you're with us."

Wonder if this is what it would feel like if sister was still alive. (Am not tearing up.)

Yun also added when I asked him about Jae-ha: "He pretended it didn't bother as much as he let on but, since I'm a genius pretty boy and all, I could tell he was really worried. He kept on making mistakes you know? Like yesterday he put on the Thunder Beast's clothes instead of his."

Am touched more than I should be. Am afraid to swoon but think it is worth it.

(And mental image of Jae-ha with an open-buttoned shirt should not be this appealing in my mind.)

Day 63 (Bastard):

Yan Kumji came to give his 'merchandise' one last look. The bastard kicked Yun and threw Yona.

Would like to kill him myself but traces of phobia still hold me.

Yona is amazing. Even with her sprained ankle her resolve continues to crackle like growing fire.

She will be a great queen one day. (Though it's supposed to be a secret).

Day 64:

The bastard's men loaded us onto a boat today.

Yona and Yun managed to cut their binds and start their plan.

Stayed behind. Wanted to help but know phobia might backlash even with new resolve.

Hugged both Yona and Yun and told them to be careful.

They both smiled and told me to leave it to them.

They can do it.

Will pray for their success.

Day 64 (Curses):

Yan Kumji figured out the crew was coming. He sent two men here to the hold. They're staring directly at

Day 64 (WiLl NoT gIvE iN tO pHoBiA) [1]

WiLl NoT gIvE iN tO pHoBiA.

wIlL nOt GiVe In To PhObIa.

WiLl NoT gIvE iN tO pHoBiA

JaEhA cAn SaVe Me, He WiLl!

EvEn If YaN kUmJi ToOk Me As a HoStAgE oN a BoAt FiElDs AwAy FrOm tHe BaTtLe.

Day 64 (Jae-ha): [2]

Jae-ha is woun(DeD).

Paddled as fast as I (CoU)ld and managed to (PuL)l him on boat.

Yan Ku(MjI) hit him with (ArR)ow.

Ripped (PaR)t of yukata and (tie)d wo(UnD). Blood has stop(PeD).

(CaN)'t stop cry(InG).

Am reli(VeD.)

Not fa(TaL). Am (ReL)ieved.

Jae-ha's w(IpI)ng my tears away and ruffling my (HaI)r but he can't h(ElP) but smile.

Yan Kumji (HaS) fallen!

Going b(AcK) to ship to celebrate victory.

Day 65:

Celebration of Yan Kumji's downfall has began.

Helped treat the wounded. Was suffocated by weeping Yuki. Said she was so worried. Wiped her tears and confirmed my well being.

She then asked me if I had been able to confess to Jae-ha.

Told her no. She groaned.

Smiled and informed her I would once the celebration is over.

She seemed surprised. Something about how different I am from the time we first met.

Very nostalgic.

Remembered the first time I interacted with Jae-ha.

Can only smile now.

Day 65 (Gija):

Rescued drunk Gija from female claws. Kept spouting nonsense about Thunder Beast and dragons and other things. His cheeks are pink from alcohol.

Very, very cute.

Day 65 (Hak):

Was almost egged on by Hak to participate in drinking contest with him. Said he could probably beat a girl who can't even confess. Told him for someone who doesn't have the balls to do it either, he's talking very big.

He scowled and ruined my hair.

Was planning to retaliate but he ruffled my hair again and wished me luck.

Am smiling a lot today.

Day 65 (Conviction):

Witnessed endearing moment between Jae-ha and crew members. Heart lurched when reminded Jae-ha was leaving.

Took in as much air as possible and told Jae-ha I'd like to speak with him.

Said he needed to talk to me too.

Day 65 (Confession):

Walked to abandoned green cliff with Jae-ha. Didn't say anything entire way. Neither did Jae-ha.

Stopped before edge and took long deep breath.

Said exactly this:

"Jae-ha, I love you. I have for a very very long time now. I'm sad that you're leaving. This is very very embarrassing. I will now proceed to run away."

Stupid stupid self.

But didn't even get past running away part before he kissed me.

Jae-ha kissed me.

Repetition: Jae-ha, stupid green dragon idiot jumping pirate kissed me, person writing diary.

Am still stupefied.

He said that kiss was for saving him.

And then he kissed me again and said it was for covering for him.

And then again and said it was for making him tea.

And again and again and again and he gave a reason to all of them.

And then the last one, the longest one, the most passionate one; he said it represented his feelings for me. He said that he returned my feelings.

Jae-ha loves me.

Embraced him and cried with joy after that.

Day 66:

Went to tell Yuki what happened.

Swear she was happier than me. Even wept more than I did. Saying how I was all grown up and leaving the nest. (?)

Also told her was going to spend entire day with Jae-ha.

She rocketed to her home and grabbed me along.

Hope I survive.

Day 66 (Date):

Yuki dressed me up in floral pink yukata, did my hair into bun and applied cosmetics in less than quarter hour.

Am impressed.

Jae-ha looked jaw-slacked when he saw me.

Told him to stop looking at me like an escaped prisoner among armed soldiers.

He sighed happily though and said I would have been more beautiful than a singing maiden in the moonlight if I hadn't opened my mouth.

Am both irritated and blushing.

Jae-ha is still Jae-ha after all.

Day 66 (Hand):

Ate fancy ramen and walked around market.

Kept staring at Jae-ha's hand.

Want to hold it.

Ignored alarms going off in head and grabbed it.

He seemed slightly taken aback but intertwined our fingers.

His face is gaining color. It looks like he's embarrassed.

Am very very satisfied.

Day 66 (Stupid stupid Hak):

Passed by Hak.

He stared at me then Jae-ha then our hands. He gave us the most creepiest, evil, stomach-retching smirk ever and walked away.

Want to die.

Jae-ha vowed revenge.

Day 66 (Jae-ha is scary):

Went to Hak's camp-sight. Spotted Yona. Jae-ha made the most evil face I've ever seen. (Worse than Hak!)

He told Yona Hak was hurt and drowning in the male's bath.

She ran off.

Gave Jae-ha a look.

He only smiled innocently.

Day 66 (Stars):

Spent rest of day with Jae-ha. When night came we laid next to each other on grass and watched stars.

Jae-ha told me a little about the stars but dozed off mid-sentence.

Am writing this while he's sleeping.

He's most likely still exhausted from long battle and injury.

Patted his hair while he slept.

He.. will leave in 3 days.

Don't know what I'll do after that.

Day 67:

Moving out of ship today.

Gave cooking supplies and provisions to Yun and other people in need.

Other belongings are few in number, all fit in small bag.

Will likely live with Captain or Yuki until I decide what to do.

Jae-ha is leaving in 2 days.

So are Hak and Yona and Yun and Gija and Shin-Ah.

Will miss them all. Hak the least and Jae-ha the most.

Am sa

Day 67 (Idiot):

Hak stole my diary while I was writing. Managed to get it back.

Think he read a few entries.

He looked at me for a very long time and said: "Why don't you just come with us?"

Never really thought of that.

They are planning to take back kingdom though. Will probably only hold them back. Never want Jae-ha to get injuries because of me again.

Never.

Thanked Hak for his kindness. He ruined my hair again and slapped me on the back.

Told me: "Great job on snatching the droopy eyed bastard."

Never snatched him though. It was he who snatched me in the beginning.

Day 67 (Farewell Party):

It's the last night the crew sleep on the ship. They're all drinking and holding back tears.

Jae-ha, as usual, is being a sadistic snob and keeps playing his stupid instrument that makes everyone sleep.

Am getting the worst of it since I'm sitting next to him.

Jae-ha is doing it on purpose so I fall asleep and he can do whatever he wants with me which is why I'm fighting back.

But am really sleepy.

Maybe I'll just use his shoulder as pillow.

Day 68:

Knew shoulder pillow was bad idea.

Woke up on bed with Jae-ha sleeping on chest.

Can't breathe. So heavy.

However if I kick him off will have to live through his wining all morning.

Can not handle that.

Am going back to sleep.

Day 68 (Too much touching):

Now know reason why I'm up so early.

Jae-ha is even more touchy-feely when asleep than when awake.

Somehow maneuvered out of bed.

Want to make breakfast for everyone.

Day 68 (After Breakfast):

Crew members very sentimental about last breakfast made by me.

A few tears also fell from my eyes.

It's finally time for them to leave the ship.

Captain wished them all happy lives away from pirates and killing.

Guess there are times when even grown men can't help but cry.

Day 68 (Yona):

Spent girly time with Yuki and Yona.

Talked food, clothes, boys. Still have no idea where Yona and Hak stand relationship-wise.

Yona doesn't seem to know either.

Yuki told us about one of the pirates she's been hitting it off with.

Am really happy she has someone who will fill her days with melancholic happiness.

Now can also get the revenge for all the times she teased me too.

Day 68 (Getting bolder and bolder by the minute):

Jae-ha jumped in somewhere while we were talking and whisked me away.

Reprimanded him for not letting me enjoy time with friends.

He tutted and responded by saying I could have girl time whenever I want but time for my lover was sacred and only worked at certain times.

Kissed him to stop his stupid lecture.

He shut up very fast, mumbled incoherently and pulled me into an embrace.

He then proceeded to jump from building to building.

Want to kill him.

Day 68 (Cliff):

Jae-ha finally stopped jumping when we reached the cliff I confessed on 3 days ago.

Already feel the nostalgia. Have urge to vomit rainbows. (?)

Jae-ha stood silently for a long time and then said: "Come with me."

Am confused.

He explained that if he left (he's still pretending he's not going but everyone knows he is), he wants me to come with him.

After very long moment told him I never want to get in the way like I did with the Yan Kumji incident and no I couldn't go with him.

Jae-ha actually got angry. Said it was his mistake, not my fault, how could I even think that, and a lot of nonsense I didn't believe one word of.

It was my fault Jae-ha got a scar.

Jae-ha asked again: "Come with me Gou."

And I said no.

Day 69:

Jae-ha hasn't talked to me since yesterday.

Guess our relationship is over, however short-lived.

Today is his last day. Maybe it's good for him that he doesn't have to go through saying goodbye to me.

Don't think I could go through it either.

They're all leaving in the morning. Am going to say goodbye to them.

Day 69 (Goodbyes):

Embraced Yona as soon as I spotted her. Wished her luck in retaking her kingdom.

She seemed ready to sob but left before she could shed any tears.

Nodded at Shin-Ah and gave him my goodbyes. He nodded back.

Managed to steal hug from Gija. He was pink and fidgety about it but coped and slightly squeezed with one hand.

Will miss him greatly.

Hugged Yun and told him if I ever saw him again I would challenge him to cooking contest. He smiled and said he'd never lose.

Will miss him too.

Waved at Hak from safe distance and attempted to escape slowly but he caught and dragged me to market.

Day 69 (Hak sure can talk):

Hak walked me through the town trying to convince me I should go with them.

But I can't. I just can't.

He stated at me for a good long minute then tripped me.

He said, "You're really stupid sometimes you know?"

Didn't want to hear that. Didn't really need more arrows to pierce heart.

But then he continued, "You just have to make sure your strong enough to stand next to him next time and don't get in his way."

Can I do that? Stand next to him not in front of him?

Hak banged my head very hard (still feel pain) and called me an idiot again.

He left after that and said, "See you tomorrow Gou."

Hak is very different from normal people but I like that about him.

Day 70:

Today is the day they leave.

Still haven't talked to Jae-ha, still haven't made a decision.

Don't know what I should do with diary either.

Going to talk to Captain.

Day 70 (Captain is truly most amazing person I know):

Captain sighed and smacked me after I relayed my story. She said she'd never heard of anybody so stupid in her life.

She told me it was my decision and my life. That I should chose for myself . She said that people you truly care for are few and you should hold onto them with everything you have. She smirked and patted my head and said it was time for me to see the world. Time to see it with Jae-ha. She also said there was nothing left for me here. Nothing left for me to do.

Tried to say something but think she is right.

Will I ever find anyone like Jae-ha?

Will I ever love anyone like I love Jae-ha?

Is there anything left for me to do here?

Why won't I leave?

Told Captain that I was scared.

She smiled after that. She ruffled my hair and said: "Everything you fear the most has already happened to you, why don't you let everything you wish for happen instead?"

Now understand what Hak and Captain were talking about.

Am writing this while running now.

Hope I can catch up to them.

Day 70 (Jae-ha):

Jae-ha was standing at town gate.

He seemed surprise to see me but perked up greatly.

Was he maybe waiting for me?

Embraced him, told him I was sorry, and told him I never want to leave his side again.

That, of course, got to his head, "How could anyone leave someone as handsome as me alone?" He said.

Let him go this time. Kissed him and said I was sorry.

He hugged me tightly.

Then he asked for another apology.

Told him not to get ahead of himself.

He pouted.

Day 70 (Last Entry):

Had to go back to secure belongings. Finally, a pro to Jae-ha's powers.

Dropped by Yuki's and said goodbye. Still feel the aches from her hug.

Went back to Captain's and apologized for abrupt leave. She didn't seem to mind.

Am leaving diary with Captain. Have become human enough for me.

Don't need it anymore and want to give something to Captain she can remember me by.

She said she would read it to children.

Do not think that is appropriate.

Captain ordered Jae-ha and me to take care of each other.

Assured her I would. Jae-ha wrapped arm around waist and said he'd take very good care of me.

Kissed me very very passionately in front of Captain.

Very very blush-inducing.

Not appropriate for children whatsoever.

This diary was property of Gou, who really wasn't either a pirate or chef.

But a girl.

W̶h̶o̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶a̶v̶e̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶a̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ o̶r̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶s̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶s̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶t̶r̶i̶e̶s̶?̶ ̶S̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶r̶o̶t̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶o̶p̶e̶n̶-̶b̶u̶t̶t̶o̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶m̶a̶k̶e̶ ̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶s̶w̶o̶o̶n̶~̶?̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶n̶c̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶d̶u̶c̶e̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶c̶h̶e̶f̶~̶!̶!̶ ̶

J̶a̶e̶-̶h̶a̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶s̶t̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶s̶t̶u̶p̶i̶d̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶ ̶7̶0̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶s̶,̶ ̶h̶a̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶g̶a̶i̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶a̶ ̶s̶i̶n̶g̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶r̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶c̶e̶l̶l̶.̶

T̶o̶u̶c̶h̶e̶~̶!̶

Stupid children.

[1]: Here Gou is tied up with rope, so her writing is all over the place.

[2]: Here she's crying so some of her tears messed up the words.

I can not begin to explain how sorry I am I took this long to update. Especially with that cliffhanger. I'm so, so sorry. A bunch of real life things popped up and on top of that I wasn't sure how to write out a lot of scenes but I like the way it turned out. Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed and followed and favorited. Like every day someone would follow and I'd just remember and I finally got it out. This is the first time I actually finish a fanfiction and a story. I'm really happy with it and I hoped you all liked it as well. I'm planning to write some more stuff in a little bit though it probably won't be Akastuki no Yona. This was a really nice and amazing experience and I'm really so happy and thankful for everyone who joined the ride. I hope you all write your own story we can enjoy too.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!