Disclaimer: This piece of FF was written by me and I sure as hell don't own the characters I'm using that appear on ABC, or even hold a lease on a granule of dirt from the Disney Empire.

A/N: This began as a small experiment that expanded. I haven't tried to re-invent cheese and crackers, just tell a good story without resorting to too many tropes. Here's what's ahead: I write in the first person and if that annoys you, my suggestion is that you pull up on the emergency brake and exit the vehicle. Now if you won't bothered by my execution and the contents of this, then lastly let me inform you that this hot mess will be told exclusively in Regina's POV. I think all that legendary sass and snark is all kinds of fun.

|:::::::::::::| "I Don't Yearn" |:::::::::::::|

Act I. I Don't Wanna Fall In Love

The small, irritating bell over Gold's doorway rings out my entrance. I cannot begin to properly explain how much restraint it takes every single time for me not to reach up and rip it down. Instead I shut the door behind me with a fair amount of authority.

"I wasn't aware that the 'closed' on that sign only applied to everyone else, but you of course you Your Majesty and the obligatory unannounced Charming visitations I've endured."

To me Gold's voice always sounds bored and condescending. Whereas Rumpelstiltskin was always flippant, even amusing on certain days. So I've never really understood why Gold doesn't let the malevolent imp that is lurking just under that cursed visage out more often. It's not as though anyone would have the nerve to laugh at him, unless he chose to let them, then I imagine he wouldn't hesitate to turn them into a snail and step on them. I move closer towards Gold; he is standing behind the counter just in front of his safe, which is hidden behind a collection of uninspired landscape paintings.

"We can verbally joust some other time." I say while the sound of my heels slowly cease on the hardwood floors as I stop in the middle of Gold's shop. And what is it that every time I set foot in this place a new smell assaults my senses. "For now I would much rather discuss a possible method on how to rid myself of a rather tiresome pest."

I see Gold briefly smirk at me, before his attention goes back to the small trinket in his hand that previously held his interest, "Poor pest, does it have a name?"

That tone in his voice reminds me of when I asked him how I might go about exterminating another form of pest just a few years ago; Emma Swan. That didn't go at all how I planned and I'm wiser from that experience now. My new pest is a much simpler problem that I invited in with open arms this time around, after another type of annoying 'Bell' wouldn't desist with her meddling. I suppose it would be a fair assessment to say that I finally gave in because it was easier, but that's certainly not true now, not after everything.

"Robin Hood, as if you don't already know."

"I see." Gold says with a gleam in his eyes as his full attention finally lands on me. "Tinker Bell really shouldn't tinker with spells. She really is the worst fairy ever, as you so accurately phrased it once."

I roll my eyes while walking the remaining distance towards the glass cases were Gold is inspecting a small gold ring of some sort. As I move closer, the ring he's holding looks familiar, but right now I couldn't make myself care even if by royal decree.

"The tired soul mate fable is that and nothing more." Gold says as he places the ring on a blue velvet jewelry mat on the countertop. "The whole lion tattoo business was just...unimaginative, crass and tacky."

I already wish that I hadn't finally fallen victim to an obviously tall tale. I held myself back all those decades ago for a reason, and I should've continued to leave well enough alone, especially such foolish nonsense. I'm done with the lie that I embraced; pixie dust, it's for fools and I've decided to no longer be one.

"Hmm, be that as it may I'm beyond ready to move past it all."

A few days ago I realized that at some point all my acts; past and present, absolutely reek of desperation. In short I have willingly let myself become the trite and horribly overcompensating desperate woman who has once again allowed herself to be used by a man for his pleasure. Only this time around instead of it all being forced upon me, I allowed it, welcomed it. I've committed adultery under the guise of a false notion of a soul mate. I was a willing and compliant mistress to Robin Hood, at the same time that his wife and True Love was unavailable to see to his needs.

A faraway expression flickers on Gold's face for less than a second and then falls away; someone else would've missed it. "Oh Regina, I have feeling that since you've let the forest dwelling creature...show you what he's made of in your vault," A knowing smirk pulls up the side of my former teachers mouth and I suddenly want to wipe it off with a fireball as hot as a supernova. "Your so called pest won't be bothering you for very much longer now."

Embarrassment is something I shouldn't feel but I do. I lowered myself and I have no one to blame, except myself. My dalliances with Graham were my own desires; I took what I wanted. But now in my utterly worn down state, still on my path of redemption; desperation, the lowest kind of weakness allowed me to be taken and used yet again.

"You vile, sorry, little bastard!"

Rumpelstiltskin shows his true face for a moment through Gold and both men chuckle evilly. "Sticks and stones, Your Majesty. And besides I'm the one who does all the bone breaking around here, lest you forget."

"So you say." I say darkly; willing him to do his worst because for once I don't care about the notion of self-preservation. Gold seems to recognize this fact and he simply smirks at me. "Back to the task at hand, I prefer not to wait any longer. Unlike Miss. Swan and her make up wearing hooker pirate man tote, I want my pest to stop pursuing me now, not when he finally feels like it. I will not be made a fool of again."

Gold chuckles and once more it's as if I've fallen perfectly into a well-laid trap that has been waiting for me for quite some time.

"As you wish Your Majesty. Let's see if we can do a deal then, shall we?"

"Fine, but I will agree to no terms until I've heard what you're offering."

My former teachers gaze scrutinizes; it's as if he's looking for something he has missed or perhaps he's assessing my intent or seeing the future for all I know or have a passing care about. I hardly bat an eye during his inspection. Then the beginnings of a smirk curl the side of his mouth.

"If you recall not but a few scant years ago dearie, I told you and Emma that I had bottled True Love." My former dark teacher says knowingly, while moving out from behind the glass display cases. "But at the time I omitted what colors bonded together that actually made up the potent potion."

"Are you going to make your point anytime soon?"

Gold smiles at me rather smugly, "For you but of course."

"The two idiots colors are what exactly?" I prompt because my limited patience took a sick day.

"A vibrant red and a disgustingly pure white." Gold says while he walks out from behind the counter. "Those single strands of hair from Snow and her Prince. I'll never forget the sight when those two insignificant hairs met and created something extraordinary; glowing red and white intertwined together to form a color brighter than gold itself, that very potion brought magic to Storybrooke."

So that's how it was done. I never really stopped to consider how he did it. Because when I saw that purple fog roll in thick and heavy I welcomed it with a smile, like something precious that had finally come home to me.

"Why offer me this?" I wave my hand in exasperation. "Completely useless information when I asked you for a spell to get rid of a pest that can't seem to stop popping up where he is no longer wanted. I want him to just stay with his wife; his True Love, the fair and gentile Maid Marian."

Gold chuckles and moves a few steps closer to me. I stand my ground. I always do and I always will.

"All I can offer is a refresher and the ingredients required for a forgetting spell. Since you can't seem to manage any of those elements on your own these days." Gold says while sizing me up again, which he frequently does. "Or you can find your very own and real True Love and move on. Then fate will take its due course in regards to that wee green pixy's soul mate rubbish."

"I have no True Love anymore." I say sternly, looking directly into Rumpelstiltskin's intense dark eyes.

He smirks and a gleam seems to grow in those eyes of his as he holds my gaze, "But you do dearie, and I promise you that when I tell you who they are you won't be...happy."

"Happy?" I say incredulously while glaring at Gold. "That didn't exist for me for a long time. Not until Henry came along, and well we both know where my state of affairs lie as of this moment."

I won't speak out loud that I had to learn that emotion again to even be able to recognize it, even though beforehand I only received it mostly from my father. There was another but our time together was short and I can't live in the past with those memories anymore.

"Magic is about emotion, dearie." Gold says with a knowing grin and I've just now decided that I don't like where this conversation is headed. "And I must say that yours and the Savior's magical colors match them...perfectly." His cane taps resoundingly on the hardwood flooring on the last word.

"Match what exactly?"

"The colors of the True Love potion." Gold says with a crooked smirk. "Oh, your newfound red-tinged magic that mirrors Snow's contribution to the True Love potion and then there is Emma's pure white that mirrors her father's other half of the mixture." I can feel that old simmering rage of mine begin to stir. "My, my Regina I must say what a vision it was to see you both do battle side-by-side on the Snow Queen's magical creation."

Anger aside, I still feel as if what remains of my heart has shrunken in on itself and now there truly is a hollow blackened void in my chest.

"That's not possible, you're lying!"

Gold smiles and I involuntarily take a step back from him.

"Oh but it is Regina, and I've waited until just the right time to deliver this news. I must say I'm quite thrilled with your reaction, it was worth the wait."

All the ways that we have pushed one another, harsh words, threats and violent actions I wonder now how could it have all culminated to this one point, which I can't deny. I know all too well how it feels to make magic with Emma and I never really considered why and right now I believe that my previous ignorance was absolute bliss in disguise. My truth was that I could no longer stand is that my soul mate was Robin Hood, but to know that my True Love is none other than Miss Emma Swan is not something that I want right now.

"You're enjoying this aren't you, Rumple?"

"Thoroughly dearie, quite thoroughly and as I told your mother a very long time ago; irony is everywhere." Gold says with no small amount of satisfaction. "And if you recall I told you that you can no more fly from your fate than that roasted swan that sat upon your banquet table. And I assure you dear Regina that your favorite Swan already feels to an extent what you've just barely started on. But you can take comfort in the knowledge that Emma isn't completely in tune with her magic enough to fully understand...yet."

I'm not shocked in some ways but in other ways I can hardly stomach the idea. I think I've always instinctually known and in an unconscious effort of self-preservation, chose to smother it alive. Maybe I can still save myself from it though?

"I've finally rendered you speechless." Gold says as he steps closer to me again. "Let me continue to expound on that by leaving you with this; Daniel wasn't your True Love, he was merely your first; we all have to start somewhere. And you my dear, your emotions are ferocious and run either so very hot or so damned cold, and your path Regina was never meant to be easy as you should well know by now. You see your True Love wasn't born yet and that applies all the way back to your youth. I find it poetic that your personal savior was born out of a blood feud that has only recently been laid to rest."

I can take no more so I lunge for Rumple, but his magic weaves around my neck and then I feel myself being starved for air. With a flick of his wrist my feet rise off the floor and then he pulls me close to him. I fight for oxygen, even as I meet his glare with one of my own. If this is to be my end then I shall be defiant until I am robbed of my last breath.

"I played you like the finest instrument known to man, Regina." Gold breathes into my face and I fight to not flinch. "I took it all from you dearie, and remade you into the image that I wanted. That I could use whenever and however I saw fit."

I try to bring my hands up; my rage is all I really do have, but he has long since immobilized them.

"I also want you to know Your Majesty that I've taken not only your mother but your sister from you too." Gold says and I inhale sharply because a part of me wanted a relationship with the sister that I never knew I had until she tried to destroy me. "That day at the Sheriff's office I didn't want Belle to see that I haven't changed Regina, but that doesn't matter now. I finally have her exactly where I want her too."

My eyes flutter closed and everything feels light and empty in my chest. I'm fighting for air.

"You really should learn to listen to your first instincts, Regina." Gold taunts and it seems like I can feel his breath upon my cheek. "They were always right you know, every single time."

My lungs are starting to burn, but then Gold's magic induced choke releases me and my eyes jar open at the sensation of my feet hitting the floor. My legs only just barely hold me up and he chuckles at the sight of me.

"I feel sorry for Belle." I say; my voice no more than a breathless rasps. "But not for you, never for you Rumple. And as much as I would like to destroy you...I've finally learned from my mistakes."

"Enlighten me then, Regina."

The patronizing quality of his voice is oddly satisfying for me this time around. I straighten my back along with my resolve.

"Revenge solves nothing and it never hurts the person who wronged you as much as it hurts yourself." I reply past the scorched impression in my throat and lungs. "Belle will find out about you. No matter how you might charm your way around her, she will see the truth and your shiny new happy ending will be the end."

"I doubt that dearie." Gold says while adjusting his shirts cuffs then his squared cufflinks. "Things have gone as I have foreseen them; nothing has stood in my way and its not about to start now. I get what I want."

A ragged cough tears its way through my constricted throat and I faintly taste copper or more accurately blood. With my right hand I reach up to massage my throat and then with a little of my new found white magic I will it to repair the damage.

Gold chuckles, "The dark still suits you better Regina, but whatever you find of use I suggest that you use it. Good evening to you now."

I glare at Gold for a moment then turn around and leave the store. The annoying bell tolls again as I open and then shut the door forcefully behind me again. I can feel the barrier that I've spent my life building slowly crumbling with each step to my car. There is only so much that will allow Gold to see, but with the new knowledge that I have been all but his puppet on invisible strings. I might have been Queen but I apparently was always his Pawn. Nothing about my life has been of my own choosing. I don't think I can withstand much more, before I well and truly break. But I'll be damned if I let anyone see my own brand of deconstruction.

It feels as if I've been in a daze since I left Gold's, particularly since I have no recollection of driving to where I am now, but here I am and what a moment of clarity. I grip the Mercedes' smooth leather steering wheel in my hand tightly, before I pull the latch on the door and step out. The sea air greets me by filling my slightly tender lungs with its crispness. I'm cold from the inside out; my head and my chest hurts, but I'm not sure exactly why and it doesn't matter to me right now. My heels dig into the fine gravel with every step I take and even though today I opted for a tailored suit, I grasp my coat; pulling it tighter around me in an effort of poor self-comfort.

Still, the day is bright and clear; hardly even the thinnest wisp of a cloud to tarnish the blue, but the air has bite still since the winter has yet to completely let go. Pulling my coat tighter to me I walk towards the empty grounds ahead. I know all those years ago that my son took solace in coming to his own child-sized fortress. Granted, that structure is long gone but even in its absence it would appear that I've subconsciously come here for those same reasons. The ocean has no memory to be robbed of and as I stand before it I catch myself wishing it would wash take away all the bad memories of mine with its tide and leave only what few good one's that I've held onto. I close my eyes and make another wish, that Henry's old fortress still stood and that I could use its mock-up wooden battlements for a shield.

Emma and Henry used to come here to hideaway from me. I will not deal with Gold's attempt to wound me deeply by insinuating what Emma Swan supposedly is to me. It makes no sense. I've fought with her since day one and since we've only managed to tolerate one another. Also she's insulted me many times and sometimes in the worst possible way, in front of my son. It still stings that she referred to me as 'bad people' and has never apologized to this day. But she did apologize at Granny's that night, when she resurrected Marian. Looking back I think that I behaved rashly, going so fast with a man that I didn't really know. And after I really thought about where my heart was, and my memories of the missing year fully resurfaced; I had no great affair with Robin back in the Enchanted Forest, I could barely stand his company, let alone desire him to touch me.

The wind blows off the sea strongly and it pushes against my chest. Accepting that Emma Swan is my true love is more than I can handle. Discombobulated, is the only word that comes to mind that can accurately describe how I feel. I don't think Rumpelstiltskin could've engineered a better way to put me off. Inflict a bit more damage to my already horribly ruptured self. I've never wanted to immolate someone on sight more than I want to do to him right now. Betrayal is not a new emotion for me to deal with nor is the anger that it incites. I will admit that my former teacher played the long game and so far it looks as though he has all but won. His son's death being the only kink he could not straighten, but that was due to the fact that it was far too late in the game for the both of them. A part of me thinks that it's too late for me too, but the best parts of me still holds on to hope and I hate that sometimes.

Walking towards the edge of the grounds the sea air whips through my hair and reminds me of another reason that I came here. My vault no longer provides me with any real familiar peace, because of all the time that I had spent hiding in there, one of my last moments was interrupted when I allowed Robin's intrusion. Any man that desperate to force himself on me because his wife isn't all that receptive towards him these days isn't a man anyone should ever want, let alone me. My life has been destructive enough already but I welcomed the change, and it's left me skirting too close to the fringes of my former self as of late. Which I see now as another reminder that Robin wasn't a healthy choice for me.

I may have to re-learn how to make a forgetting potion, since I can't seem to remember how to make such a thing. So it stands to reason that at some point I've already used one on myself. The imp might be right about Robin leaving now that he has gotten what he wanted from me. I feel disgusted at the thought that I've most likely given away one of the last remaining scraps of dignity that I possess. I feel tears warm tears crawl down my cool cheeks. I wipe them away with my hand and resolve my will to not let another one fall where anyone can so easily see what has become of me. If only my life were just a reoccurring nightmare that I could wake from. With measured steps paced in time with my battered heart, I walk back towards my car so that I can allow myself to cry in its safe confines; like I have more than a few times before.

Time passes and even the most cursed life in this land can and will level out at one time or another. Everything falls into a banality, a mundane rhythm eventually. I know that to be truer than anyone else; repetition is hell, and I lived it long before I invoked the Dark Curse that lasted twenty-eight years. I've forgiven The Savior to preserve the peace, or rather to preserve what's left of my peace of mind. Then right on schedule said goody-two shoes agreed on an arrangement between sharing Henry. But I attributed this sudden reasoning is due to Emma's new little brother Neal. I should thank him for that or perhaps several things, since his wails can be heard all the way outside of the Un-Charming's loft. He makes Henry; who was very vocal in those early days, seem like the child who never cried for hours on end. The littlest Charming has phenomenal volume.

I laugh under my breath because it's the smallest things that brighten my days sometimes. Snow's, David's and Emma's lack of sleep makes provides me with enjoyment. I do hope now that Emma is in her thirties that she will put some serious thought into finding a place of her own, especially now since Snow's palace is overcrowded and loud. I refuse to visit even when I'm invited; it's another attempt on my part of preserving my peace. Also I suspect now that Emma has not one but possibly two suitors; the little frozen Queen has yet to leave. Dear Miss Swan may want to think about her privacy, and a bedroom that Henry can call his own. Also a person cannot carry out a romantic relationship whilst still with their parents. In my case it was fatal, but I won't think about that part of my past one second longer. But in all honesty, what thirty year old would want to continue living with their parents?

It's thoughts like those that make me smile even more while putting the finishing touches on dinner for Henry and I. Being in my kitchen has always been soothing to me; it's tranquil color palette is pleasing on so many levels to me, the curse definitely did a few things more than right with me in mind. But also being here affords me an opportunity to focus on one task at a time, and not often but sometimes the act of preparing a meal takes my mind off other things. Even the time I baked that poisoned turnover I had a smile on my face the entire time and that is a rarity; me smiling in joy and not for spiteful scorn or my personal favorite a nice evil grin.

Having dinner with Henry lately feels like the past few years haven't happened and that's exactly what I want to believe tonight, even though it's far from the truth. I chose a rather nice Malbec to go with the spicy beef dish that I prepared tonight, and it's at that instance that I'm enjoying a healthy sip of wine that sense Henry is about to change the topic. When he abruptly goes silent; this time after pleasantly talking about his friends at school, I've learned that those pauses are cause for alarm.

"Mom, I've been wanting to tell you something but I've been afraid to."

Acquiescing this situation for what it is, I already have a pleasant smile on my face while setting my wine glass on the table. At the same time Henry sets his dinner fork down on the place setting, just like I taught him. I count it a small miracle that a certain person with a fowl surname hasn't ruined all of my efforts.

"You can tell me anything, Henry."

"I didn't like Robin." Henry says and my smile falters and I end up staring at him, but that doesn't seem to faze him. "I only told you that I did for the same reason as I told you that I liked Emma's old boyfriend Walsh. I could see that Robin made you happy for a while, but really all he did was make you angry and miserable and then you took it out on Emma."

I start to interject that Robin is someone that I only want to forget now, since he's gone and gradually it has become something that I'm thankful for.

"Robin was never right for you mom and I'm glad he's gone; he wasn't good enough anyway and plus he was already married." Henry says while picking up his fork off of the place setting. "I didn't buy the whole tattoo deal either; it was too obvious and easy. I mean mom did you ever stop to think that while he might've been your soul mate once upon a time back in the Enchanted Forest, but that was then and this is now. And all that pixie dust stuff it could've just meant that he was supposed to be a close friend to you and not your boyfriend."

I'm beyond tired all of the sudden and I do solemnly wish with all my over-taxed heart that this topic will finally die and stay buried once it's over with.

"Then who is good enough, Henry?"

The seconds seem to stretch out like a vast perspective tunnel and I look on patiently as my son smiles to himself before looking up from his plate. He looks directly into my eyes and his eyes belong to his other mother at this moment.

"Emma."

"What?"

I can hardly believe that this is the second time I've had to digest this lunacy. The difference now being that I've had some time to not give into my immediate revulsion to the idea. This is my son and I don't want to hurt his feelings or dismiss his good intentions. For a second I consider that Henry has been around Gold's shop too long recently, and I admit I was beyond elated when I heard that the self-serving imp had his happy ending revoked from him by none other than Belle herself. I love that I was right for once. However, on the other hand my son believes that his other mother is one-of-a-kind. I know that I with every bone in my body that I will loathe the day where I actually start believing it too.

"Think about it, Mom." Henry says with enthusiasm, thus drawing my complete attention back to our conversation. "There's no one better or good like she is and yes I know that she's not perfect, no one is."

I consider it a good thing that my son is finally starting to realize such a thing as perfect doesn't exist in any realm. I never strove for such a useless and unobtainable notion. I embraced my flaws, built walls of contempt and ruled my unruly kingdom with as much vehemence as I could muster.

"Henry," I begin at his momentary silence but he shakes his head at me.

"Please let me finish." My son says quickly while sitting up straighter in his chair. "Listen, I already love you both and I'm not blind, stupid, crazy or just fourteen. Emma's still trying so hard to win back...your trust."

The hopeful expression on my son's face looks so very much like his mother's. I still see that look when I confessed that I didn't want to kill her. I blame Gold's revelation for that, even though I will never embrace it. I don't think that I can.

"Henry with everything that's happened between Emma and I, it's not exactly what I would call the ideal beginnings of...anything."

"Yes it is!" Henry says and his voice all but radiates his belief in such a thing. "Not all love stories start out as hearts and flowers. Some journeys are painful and full of tests to prove yourself."

"Henry, she...Emma, can't possibly see me as that type of...an option."

Thankfully those words came out mostly clear and not too pained or dripping with obvious distain. It still sounds absurd to me, the notion of The Savior being my True Love, and furthermore those were the only words that I could truthfully say to my son. Because in my private thoughts the whole truth is that no one can love me for who I am. That even you my dearest son; who has the heart of the truest believer, didn't believe that I loved you, and I dare say believed that I was even capable of such a thing. Although it was my kiss that broke the second curse, so apparently Henry just needed time to believe again in me. But no matter how so many things have yet to pass for me, one thing will always be true: I am damaged and I've learned to live with that.

I take a sip of my wine as Henry considers my words; probably gauging their merit just as his other mother would. Even now with Gold's information and if I chose to embrace this nonsense which I won't; not without a fight anyway, and Emma is as stubborn as I am. That and I know that I'm not ready. I may not ever be prepared to woo or be wooed by-I don't even know what to call her anymore, except maybe the spawn of the two idiots?

"Why?" Henry questions earnestly and my previous non-flattering thoughts quickly recede like the tide. "Is it because you're a woman too or is it that you don't want to admit that I'm right, again?"

With what I have learned lately I can agree with Henry about circumstances changing our paths; intended or not, and I should've had that lesson down cold another lifetime ago in a whole other realm. Now when I think of Robin, he reminds me of a leaf in the wind; more than happy to be blown in any direction and more than pleased to land anywhere. Lately, I find myself more than relieved that he took his True Love, small son and left Storybrooke. Gold was right about Robin being done with me but I'm still not eager to find out what else he might be right about. I place my nearly empty wine glass on the table, then I briefly allow my fingertips to graze along the fine linen place setting.

"Mom, aren't you going to answer me...please?"

I smile at Henry because in light of this conversation I can't keep from doing it; he smiles back at me.

"I'll admit to no such thing. Now please eat your vegetables, because there is no doubt in my mind that most of your meals; not had in this house, are solely processed food that only needs to be unboxed. The film poked with a butter knife and then thrown in a microwave."

Henry laughs and spears a fork-full of broccoli; staring at it like he doesn't recognize it anymore, which of course bothers me. A few minutes pass and he sets his fork down again. Please let him not be pressing the Emma issue again.

"Mom, Hook isn't right for Emma either." Henry says and I'm smiling on the inside, because my son apparently hasn't been won over by the pirate as I once thought. "I mean I think he's sort of cool as a friend maybe, but that doesn't mean I want to see him hanging all over my other mother."

I also felt sick many times over during my entire stay in Neverland. To one side I was bombarded by The Charming's and on the other side it was a love-sick, hard up pirate trailing along after The Savior like she was the last female on earth. To him it didn't seem to matter if she was willing. Even though it's hard to tell with Emma, because sometimes I think she chooses to tell people exactly what they want to hear. Regardless of what she feels and where her true motives lie.

"Well, that sight would put me off my appetite too."

Henry laughs which makes me smile again. My son is more than enough for me and this notion of happy endings can wait for all I care, it isn't suddenly required to be a part of my redemption anymore. And as for Miss Swan, she will be perfectly adept at living her life without knowing what I know. Although, I would have to admit to being willfully ignorant to assume that my new knowledge won't affect me the next time I'm forced to be around her.

"Think about what I said Mom." Henry says as cleans his plate and then pushes it away. "I just want you to be happy; you deserve it more than anyone in my opinion. And at least if you don't think you can like Emma in that way, I promise you that she does want to be friends with you because she cares and you know that's true."

I can only offer him a small smile, as I reach for my glass of wine. There aren't any words that I can say that won't hurt my son, and I've already decided that I will find some way to try to forget my True Love in this world. I'm not ready to have some unseen force push me towards someone else again. Emma Swan couldn't be a more unlikely and outright unreasonable choice, were I actually asked this time around. But Gold is right, no one will ever ask for my permission, certainly not Fate. And yet I know in the darkest part of my heart there is truth to what Gold implied. But for now, it's my decision to continue living my life the best way that I can; it's the only elective that I'm capable of in the here and now.

Soundtrack:"Take A Bow" & "Hoodoo" by Muse, "Demons" by Imagine Dragons, "Everybody Knows" by Concrete Blonde

F.Y.I: The timeline of this tale I'll leave to you (the reader) to decide when in S4 that this story could take place. Also, some things happened like they did on the show (in S4) and some things didn't but that's really secondary considering what this story is really about.