Having a group of trained assassins to babysit your daughter could often lead to disaster. To prevent said disaster Phil created a manual for all SHIELD agents assigned to babysit the little girl.

How to Babysit an 084

1. Knives are not proper toys. (No Clint, it doesn't matter if it's pink and has sparkles, it still is not an acceptable toy for children)

2. A puppy and a kitten are suitable pets for children...spiders, snakes, scorpion and any other venomous animals aren't. (Piranhas are not allowed either)

3. Tiger cub does not count as kitten... (Honestly, where the hell do you get all these animals?)

4. Stories where characters get decapitated and/or killed is not an appropriate bed-time story. (No Natasha, the Budapest story is not appropriate either)

5. No cleaning of guns, arrows and any other type of weapons and artillery in front of Skye.

6. Stop telling Skye that Fury is a pirate. Or that he's related to Mad-eye Moody.

7. And for heaven's sake Barton stop telling Skye that Fury is secretly Mace Windu. (Even if they do look a lot alike)

8. Stop telling Skye that Fury's hiding a Sharingan behind his eye patch.

9. No sharp deadly objects within Skye's reach. (For fucks sake Barton, stop being a slob. Stop leaving your arrows on the floor where Skye can reach it. Especially the poisoned ones and the ones rigged with explosives.)

10. No playing with real guns.

11. No playing with tasers either.

12. No more horror movies before bedtime. (I don't care if you didn't know that Chuckie was a horror movie because it has a picture of a doll on the cover)

13. Natasha, please stop eating Skye's cereal.

14. And Clint…if I ever see you drink from the milk carton again I will make you report to Victoria Hand.

15. No cursing in front of Skye.

16. Although I appreciate you guys teaching Skye a new language. Please refrain from teaching her Russian or Chinese curse words. (This rule goes to you too Barton. Stop teaching her curse words in ASL)

17. Fast-food is not considered as a healthy meal. (French Fries are not vegetable. I don't care if it's made of potatoes)

18. Chocolates is not a vegetable either (I don't care if they came from a plant).

19. Natasha, please stop teaching Skye how to hack into government database.

20. Bringing Skye to the archery range is not qualified as an educational trip Barton. (And stop calling her your mini-hawkeye in training)

21. Stop calling Skye Baby Hawkeye or Black Widow Spiderling. She is not going to become your sidekick. (That goes to you to Melinda...Stop calling her Little Cavalry or Mini-May.)

22. When I said take Skye to the playground, I didn't mean the secret Shield base. If I received another call from one of the Koenigs about damages, it'll be from your pay check.

23. The Koenigs are not the Shield version of Clone Troopers so stop telling Skye that. They are not clones they're triplets, I think.

24. Stay away from my Captain America collectibles (When I found out who put water stain on my mint conditioned Captain America comics, I will kill you)

25. My Captain America Shield replica is not a toy. (See rule #24)

26. Agent Sitwell's head is not to be used as a Nerf target practice.

27. Agent Sitwell's head is not a canvas to be drawn at with permanent marker. (Even if he's sleeping during work hours.)

28. Romanoff, I know how much you hate Agent Sitwell but did you really have to bring a Sitwell Piñata at Skye's birthday party?

29. Natasha, I gave you permission to teach Skye ballet not martial arts. (This goes for you too Melinda)

30. To whoever sent Skye that blasted fake Hogwarts admission letter will be automatically transferred to Victoria Hand's team. (Do you have any idea how long she cried when I told her Hogwarts isn't real and that the letter is a fake? And where the hell did you even get that trained owl?)

31. Stop wasting Shield resources to prove that Hogwarts is real. (And no, using Shield resources to make Skye believe in Santa Clause and the Tooth-fairy is not considered wasting, it's called good parenting.)

32. In relation to earlier rule, stop stealing the Quintjet to take Skye to Scotland in an effort to find where the Hogwarts Castle is.

33. In addition to rule #32, stop going to Scotland to hunt for unicorns. (Just because Unicorns are their national animal it does not mean they exist. And no, Voldemort did not eat them all to extinction.)

34. Stop calling me a dumb muggle! (I don't know what that means, but I'm sure it's meant to be an insult.)

35. Melinda and Andrew, stop stealing Skye to get a Family discount promo from your favourite restaurant.

36. Stop telling Skye that Agent Hand is a vampire. Or that Agent Hand is secretly a witch. Stop telling Skye anymore lies about Agent Hand; she's already scared of that woman.

37. Stop telling Skye that Melinda is really Mulan. (Even if they do sound alike. Except when singing.)

38. If Skye asked to paint your toenails, you'll let her paint your toenails. (I don't care if it's emasculating you; you love the pretty pink sparkles on your toes. Any objections and you'll have Melinda May to answer to.)

39. If anyone had seen 3 baby chicks running around The Hub, capture them (without killing them) and bring them back to my office. (It's for Skye's school project)

40. Andrew, Skye's not a test subject to figure out which Child Development Theory's more accurate.

41. Do not use Lola to go to McDonalds Drive Thru

42. Do not touch Lola!