"CORTEX!"

Cortex jerked awake from his chair, nearly receiving whiplash. "Oh no. Oh no no no...he's back..." He frantically started clearing his desk, throwing away unnecessary doodles and replacing them with several blueprints of 'genius' plans. "C-Coming Uka-Uka!"

"GET OUT HERE NOW!"

Cortex squeaked and leapt from his chair, nearly tripping over it as he dashed out of his lab. "R-Right here!" He skidded to a stop in front of the angry mask.

Uka-Uka glared at him dangerously, then looked around the trashed room with disdain.

"H-How was your...uh...vacation...?" Cortex grinned anxiously, sweat dripping down his face. "You were, eh—" He cleared his throat. "You were gone for quite a long time..."

"Not long enough," growled Uka, meeting his eyes once more. "I can see this place never got cleaned, did it?"

"Well, you know me." Cortex chuckled. "I'm too busy with all my world domination schemes to do nonsense like that."

"Well then, why didn't N. Gin do something about it? Isn't that something he always does?"

Cortex froze. N. Gin...? Oh...crap.

"Come to think of it, where is N. Gin, anyway?" Uka narrowed his eyes and looked around. "I expected him to show up to greet me long before you did."

"Well…" Cortex bit his lip and began rocking back and forth on his feet. "Uka-Uka...a lot of things happened when you were gone..." He scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Uka blinked, instantly facing him. "What kind of things...?" He gritted his teeth.

"L-long story...it's a terribly long story involving the breaking of close bonds...betrayal of certain minions..." Cortex felt like he could go on for hours.

"Cortex, where is N. Gin!?" Uka flew close to his face, losing his patience.

Cortex took a step back. "Um...you heard me mention 'the breaking of close bonds', right...?"

Uka looked startled. "YOU KICKED HIM OUT!?"

"What!? No!" Cortex frowned. "That dimwit kicked himself out! He ranted on how he was tired of me bossing him around, making him doing all the dirty work, supposedly "insulting" him, and—ugh, who needs him, anyway!?" He crossed his arms like a pouty child, obviously still bitter about the situation.

Uka narrowed his eyes. "So in other words, he's not coming back?"

"Nope."

The irritated mask gritted his teeth. "Well. That's just great."

"BUT!" Cortex exclaimed, startling him. "At least I'm not completely alone! I've still got Nina, Pinstripe, Tiny, and Ripper Roo here to keep me company!" He beamed proudly, while Uka rolled his eyes. "What, you got a problem with them?"

"I have absolutely no problem with Nina. You know that."

"Well, what about everyone else?" Cortex frowned. "At least they're loyal! Well...Tiny is, at least. I still have to get after Pinstripe from time to time, and Ripper Roo can be a bit unpredictable..."

"What about Dingodile?" Uka raised an eyebrow.

The bitter look on Cortex's face returned, and he bluntly pointed out the burned scar on his face. "You heard me mention 'betrayal of certain minions', right...?"

"Wha—he's gone TOO!?" Uka yelled. "Gosh—at this rate, why not just throw EVERYONE out the door!?" He shut his eyes and silently groaned, "I need a vacation..."

"You literally just took a vacation." Cortex gaped at him incredulously, although he didn't object.

"Yeah, but I had no clue I'd come back to this!"

"Life is full of disappointments." Cortex huffed, turning around. "You of all people should know that by now."

"YOU'RE full of disappointments!" Uka hissed. "Now that you don't even have an assistant anymore, how do you expect to get anything done!?"

"Well, what do you expect me to do—get a bunch of random people to just stand in a line, then choose who will take N. Gin's place?" Cortex growled. To his surprise, Uka was silent. "Wait...are you serious?"

"Well, that doesn't sound like a bad idea." Uka thought about that. "I could always use more help around here."

"Don't you mean 'we'?" Cortex raised an eyebrow.

"Whatever!" Uka scoffed. "Just find someone to replace him!"

"Why me? It was your idea!" Cortex jabbed a finger at him.

"And it's your right-hand-man!" Uka shot back. "Here—just use this!" He threw a random newspaper at him.

Cortex took it and rubbed his head as he looked at the cover. "Villains Weekly? I heard this paper was a dud." He started flipping pages, but then his eyes widened. "Whoa...there's stuff for everything in here! Henchmen...hit men...wait—what's Tropy's name doing in that!?" He quickly flipped to the next page. "...Minions...wait, aren't they the same thing as henchmen? I don't even know. Nine Steps on How to Appear More Threatening...Three Things You May be Doing Wrong with Your Evil Schemes...are you sure you didn't create this paper?" Cortex looked up at Uka, unamused. "Where the heck is the section for assistants!? Right-hand-mans!?"

"That'd be the back page, genius." Uka rolled his eyes, flipping the paper over.

Cortex narrowed his eyes. "Oh. Aides? What is this, the 1700's? Who the heck says that word anymore?"

"Just shut up and look it over already!" Uka hissed.

"Alright, sheesh." Cortex sighed and looked at all the names under the section. "Looks like I'm gonna be making a lot of phone calls..."

Uka looked like he was about to point something out, but instead he just turned around. "Good. Now, do me a favor and get me a sandwich." He flew into the other room.

"Wha—you're not helping me!?" Cortex exclaimed.

"It's your right-hand-man."

Cortex clenched his fists. "Yeah, but it's also someone who'll be working for YOU, too!"

"GET ME MY SANDWICH!"

"Yes sir!" Cortex quickly dashed into the kitchen.

After what was close to four hours, Cortex finally managed to successfully call everyone who was on the ad. "Whew...finally..." He flopped on the couch, exhausted.

"CORTEX!"

Cortex flinched violently and fell to the floor. "What NOW!?" He shouted.

"Hm?" Uka-Uka flew over to him, sipping on lemonade. "Nothing. I just enjoy yelling at you."

"I hate you," Cortex groaned, picking himself up.

"Likewise. Anyway, are you finished?"

"Yeah, and it took me four flipping hours to do so..." Cortex brushed the dust of his clothes.

Uka couldn't hold back a grin. "You seriously just called them all? You do realize you could've just sent a mass e-mail out, right? Their e-mail addresses were listed and everything, you know."

Cortex blinked. A loud noise that was a mix between a groan and a whine escaped him as he started pulling his hair, stomping his foot in rage.

"Congrats. Now you get to waste four MORE hours of your life interviewing everyone." Uka smirked and left the room.

Cortex growled and chucked a couch cushion at him.

Cortex stared incredulously at one of his potential candidates. "Too short."

"WHAT?" They scoffed and stormed out.

"Next!"

The next person, being freakishly tall, strolled into the room.

"Too tall." Cortex shook his head, and they stormed out as well. "Next!"

A woman with vibrant blonde hair, as well as all yellow clothing, walked up.

"Too...yellow." Cortex stated in disgust. "Next!"

Another person, whom he almost swore to be a clown due to the mass amount of makeup, stepped up.

"UGH! WAY too much makeup! Get outta here!" Cortex jabbed a finger at the door.

Uka rolled his eyes from the sidelines. "Cortex, for Pete's sake, you're picking out an assistant—not a date!"

"Shut up and let me think!" Cortex hissed. "Ugh...alright, let's just make things go faster." He forced everyone into a single-file line and started walking in front of them, one by one. "Too fat...too skinny...too old...too many eyeballs...wait—where's your face? ...AGH! ...Too young, too much hair..."

"CORTEX! JUST CHOOSE SOMEONE ALREADY!" Uka roared.

"Hold on, hold on. Too 70's...too sloppy..." Cortex placed a hand on his chin in thought as he looked over the remaining applicants. "Are you sure there aren't any more people?"

Simultaneous groans filled the air, and the crowd of people shoved him aside as they stormed out the door, some giving him deadly glares and gestures. One woman in particular, however, didn't leave. She had short, brown hair in tight curls, along with a red bandana on her head. Shiny gold earrings dangled from her ears, and a long golden scarf draped from her neck. She clenched her fists tightly, pulling out a large, golden, trident-like weapon from her back. In a flash, she pinned Cortex against the wall, pointing her trident at his face.

"Who do you think you are, exactly!?" She hissed through gritted teeth.

Cortex simply blinked, pulling out his clipboard. "And you are...?"

"Marvelous Pseredon. Marvel for short. The one you claimed was 'too 70's'."

"Ah. Well in my defense, madam, they called and want their bell-bottom jeans back." Cortex simply pushed her trident back and brushed off his clothes. "Anyway, lovely to have met you, but I'll be fairly busy trying to find myself an assistant. Ta-ta."

Marvel jabbed his shoulder with her trident, and he flinched. "Dr. Cortex, is it?" He nodded. "If you don't mind me asking, why is it that your former right-hand-man decided to quit?"

"That, Miss Pseredon, is none of your beeswax. Uka-Uka, do me a favor and show her the door."

"Ex-CUSE ME? You ain't the boss of me!" Uka barked. "You called her! You get her out!"

"As an invited guest, am I supposed to feel like a burden?" Marvel growled.

"Well, you are no longer invited. As of now, you're an intruder. Now, good day." Cortex turned around.

"Alright, forget the earlier question—let me take a wild guess; this former "pal" of yours was probably sick of you being so judgmental, egotistical, and a downright jerk! I'll bet that poor guy had to suffer doing all kinds of chores and dirty work without any sort of appreciation! Am I right?" Marvel crossed her arms.

Cortex came to a halt, not only because she accused him of such a thing, but because of how scarily accurate her accusations were. In fact, he was almost convinced N. Gin had personally given her a call. Cortex turned back to look at her, but muttered something unintelligibly and shook his head, facing forward.

"Eh—what was that? Was I right?" Marvel chuckled. "Mr. Grouchy Pants?"

"Shut up and get out!"

"Y'know, I'm startin' to see why it must be so hard for you to find an assistant," she laughed even more, "You just keep judging everyone at first glance and shooing them away without even bothering to look more into their skills, personality, and—more importantly—potential!" She advanced on him threateningly, trident still in hand.

"This lady's telling you off, Cortex." Uka was munching on popcorn.

"Whose side are you ON!?" Cortex shouted at him. He threw his hands in the air and faced Marvel. "Now you listen here—if you have a problem with my attitude, that's your own fault! And what happened with my past assistant is NONE of your business! I was able to have help for decades, and it won't be any problem for me to have it again! NOW GOOD DAY!"

Marvel just smirked and shook her head. "First of all, it kinda is our business if we want to know what kind of person we're working with. Second of all, this only proves my point, Dr. Cortex. I literally just stole your wallet while you were having that little tantrum of yours."

Cortex's mouth fell open, and he froze. Instantly, his hands searched his pockets. "W-wha-what did you—you just—YOU—"

Marvel held up her trident, and the wallet was hanging off one of its points. "Just a little tip, don't underestimate those that you judge so harshly, Dr. Cortex. As you can see, I'm a very stealthy person." She turned around, swinging her trident back and flinging the wallet back to him. "I mean, who knows...I could sneak right back here while you're sleeping and decide to...I dunno...plan your untimely demise..."

Cortex gaped at her, completely stunned.

"Ah, well. It was lovely to have met you as well, Dr. Cortex. Don't be afraid to take my advice; it will certainly help you find an assistant a lot faster, I'll tell you that. Goodbye." The door shut, and silence that was almost deafening filled the air.

Cortex was still speechless. He stared at the wallet in his hands, then glanced over at Uka-Uka, who was grinning like mad. "What are you smiling about!?"

Uka approached him, looking as if he was about to burst into laughter. "Cortex...you need to hire this woman."