Banana Babe Beach Blast

Chapter 18: So Long, Banana Beach

With the sandcastle hijinks finally behind them, the Smashers could once again return to enjoying their vacation, or whatever was left of it for that matter. The sun had already begun to set on the horizon, painting Banana Beach's golden sand a brilliant shade of orange and red. Mario had finally unpacked his radio player, throwing on some tunes to help set the mood for the approaching evening. Greninja, Little Mac, Pit, and Captain Falcon had made it back into the water innocently enough, save for the fact that they were locked in an intense game of chicken. In contrast, Palutena had unveiled her secret stash of alcoholic beverages, which apparently she kept in a heavenly cupboard that only she could access at any time, and therefore made smuggling these babies no chore at all. Robyn's lecturing didn't sway her decision one bit however, and she found little to no help on the argument since Shulk and Kirby were busy trying to start a campfire, while Donkey Kong was making sweet love to his giant banana in a hammock strung between two palm trees.

"We can't have those!" said Robyn, snatching what appeared to be a bottle of rum from Palutena's hand. "There are minors here!"

"Oh come on, it's not like any of them like this stuff anyways," retorted Palutena. "I was just gonna have some for myself…and maybe share with Samus and Doc Louis."

Luckily for her Samus wasn't in earshot of her comment, for she was busy near the water's edge teaching Lucina some martial arts techniques. Lucina had mentioned to her that when she was in Dedede's castle, she was completely helpless without access to her sword. At least this way Lucina would be able to defend herself if she were to ever wind up in a similar situation again.

"Always keep one foot and one arm in front of you," Samus explained as she stepped across the sand. "This puts you in the best position for both approaching and retreating. Little Mac uses a similar stance when he enters the ring."

Lucina seemed to be missing the picture however, for she was spending so much time imitating Samus' hands that she practically lost her balance from not watching her feet.

"I think I—Whoa!" she nearly fell backwards, but thankfully Samus was able to react just in time. She reached out and grasped Lucina's hand, reeling her back into a standing position.

"You almost got it," she said. "Just try to make sure you distribute the same amount of weight on both sides."

"Eheh, yeah," replied Lucina. "I never realized how much I relied on my sword for balance."

The two girls laughed and resumed their practicing, while Palutena watched from afar clenching her fingers into her palms.

"Bah, this is no good," said Shulk, tossing his kindling wood in the sand. He had been trying to get a warm fire going for almost fifteen minutes now, but to no avail. Even with the use of charcoals, lighter fluids, and matches (which were all haphazardly chucked a few feet away) he just didn't seem to be having any luck at all. Kirby was doing his best attempt at starting a small flame by bashing a seashell against a rock, but the only thing that came out of that was an irritating sound that everyone was too preoccupied to notice.

"Poyo! Poyo!" replied Kirby, noticing a small spark, but then frowning when it disappeared moments later. "Poyo…"

"Maybe we can get Mario to light it for us…" mumbled Shulk as he tried to figure out a solution. "Or Captain Falcon! Yeah! Why are we messing around here when we have friends who can literally start fires with their bare hands?"

"Poyo!"

As if his prayers were answered, Kirby pulled one of his Super Spicy Curries from out of nowhere, inhaling it in a matter of seconds. Soon enough, his eyes began to water and his face turned pitch red, but he didn't even give Shulk time to duck and cover before he blasted the campsite with a burst of flame. A glorious fire immediately appeared, scorching Shulk's face in the process. The pink puffball let out a tiny burp before falling onto his back and laughing at Shulk's blackened face.

"Ah well," coughed Shulk. "At least the fire's started now."

The fire was huge, creating a smoke signal that could be seen from just about anywhere on the beach. Toon Link noticed it immediately, although he was nowhere close within the proximity of his friends. He had wandered off down the shoreline, kicking sand and water as he watched the tide roll up around his ankles. Now that everything was back to normal, he found himself growing bored just as he did when they first arrived at Banana Beach. The only difference here was that Donkey Kong was no longer with him, having found a new playmate in the form of Captain Bananabeard's banana.

"Something troubling you, lad?" asked Captain Jack Sparrow.

Toon Link whirled around to find himself face to face with the infamous pirate captain, who was decked out in his coat and abnormally large captain's hat. He seemed to be dragging his old rowboat, the Steel Slipper, tugging it to the water's edge in preparation for the castoff.

"You're leaving?" replied Toon Link in surprise.

"Aye, there's nothing left for me here. Bananabeard's treasure was the only thing worth coming here for, but with that buried deep beneath the sands, it's time for me to set sail and find another group of misfits to call my own."

"You can stay a little longer," said Toon Link earnestly. "There's still lots of food, and we'll be staying here the night."

Jack shook his head. "As much as I appreciate the thought, my friend, I'm afraid this is the end. The sea calls to me at this hour, and so I must return to her. Where she plans on taking me, I am not sure, but that's all part of the fun."

He smirked, but Toon Link couldn't return the gesture. Jack's departure only made him feel emptier on the inside, since realistically if it wasn't for Jack, he never would have been able to enjoy this vacation. From sword fights to treasure hunting to defeating a giant octopus, Toon Link had really done it all on this trip, and he had Captain Jack Sparrow to thank for that.

Toon felt his hands shaking, and he tried to stop it by clenching his fists together, but that only made looking at the deranged pirate even more difficult. Without raising his eyes, he managed to mutter a simple question.

"Will I ever see you again?"

He was expecting Jack to give him the old tales about why he was such a wanderer, or maybe something like how if they both just so happen to be crossing the same ocean then maybe, just maybe, there'd be a chance for them to bump into each other. Jack said neither of those things, however, and in fact, he didn't say anything at all for quite a while. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of gulls in the distance. It was then when Toon Link suddenly felt something weighty placed atop his head. He glanced up, realizing that Jack had given him his captain's hat, complete with beads, scratch marks, and charred trimmings. More noticeable was the fact that it smelled like fish, but perhaps that was just the tide.

"We may or we may not," replied Jack with a warm smile. "Nevertheless, you will always have a part of me, as I will to you." He reached out a hand and placed it firmly upon Toon Link's shoulder. "You're the captain of this crew now, Link. I know you'll do a damn fine job."

He was going to leave it at that, kind of like a traditional send-off, only cooler. Toon wasn't happy with that, however, and found himself embracing the pirate captain in a hug, which took Jack completely by surprise.

"Thank you, Captain," he said, fighting back the tears. "Thank you so much."

Finally, it was time for Jack to make his departure, and so he shoved the Steel Slipper into the water and began wading through the tides, pushing it out to sea. Toon Link waved to him from the shore, the silhouette of Captain Jack Sparrow molding with the orange sun.

"Take care, Link!" hollered Jack. "And say good-bye to your family for me! Especially your monkey and that old fat one! He'll make a bloody fine pirate someday!"

And so, Captain Jack Sparrow returned to the sea as quickly as he had arrived. He certainly would never forget his epic adventure with the zany and colorful Super Smash Brothers. Toon Link watched him disappear on the horizon before scampering back to his friends. He felt much more cheerful now, his inner spirit rekindled after seeing Captain Jack one last time.

"What about me!?" hollered King Dedede. "Where's my happy ending!?"

The penguin king was back with the other Smashers, although he was off on his own shouting at the communication device he had used to contact the Nightmare Enterprises representative when he first arrived at the beach. He had nearly forgotten that Shovel Knight's appearance was a result of him contacting N.M.E. in order to get a monster to clobber Kirby. Had he known the blue knight was going to give him so much trouble he wouldn't have bothered calling in the first place!

"Hey, hey, Triple D," came the optimistic voice of the same representative in a business suit. "Long time no see. Did you get that monster we sent you?"

"You bet I did, and it sucked!" replied Dedede angrily. "Shovel Knight tried to take over my castle, and he also hoarded a cursed pirate treasure underneath it!"

"Huh…" The representative gave a puzzled look through the glass screen. "That's strange. We didn't send anyone by the name of 'Shovel Knight' to your area. Are you sure you received the right monster?"

Dedede's mouth fell agape at the thought that Shovel Knight was not, in fact, the monster they sent and was instead just a clever ploy used to give this story a compelling antagonist.

"B-But it has to be him!" he stammered. "He did everything I told him to! He even built the sandcastle for me!"

The N.M.E. representative scrolled through what appeared to be a tablet, pulling up an image of Shovel Knight on Google. "Hmm, nope, that's not our guy. I've never seen this character in my life."

"B-Buh…Buh…Wha?" were the only words that managed to make it out of Dedede's mouth. The device nearly slipped out of his hand as he realized the whole sandcastle crisis was merely the result of a fluke.

"Perhaps our monster got lost in the mail?" replied the representative as he pulled up another screen on his end. "Oh! Would you look at that!" He chuckled. "I never gave them the OK to send the darned thing over there. Your monster is still sitting in the docking bay. How silly of me!"

Dedede's hand gripped tightly around the communication device, his grinding teeth so loud that they could be heard from the other end of the call. He was just about ready to bash the thing against a rock.

"Oh really now?" growled Dedede through clenched teeth. "Well isn't that convenient?"

"My apologies, Triple D. I'll send it over right away!" He pressed a button, which apparently gave the signal to let the monster travel on its way to Dedede's location. "This probably doesn't look too good for me, though. Why don't I take a few dollars off the bill for you? That sounds like it'll even it out quite nicely."

He presented Dedede with the finalized price of the monster, but the value still had more zeros than he could stomach. That, topped with all the other bills the Smashers had piled onto him, left him to be a pretty bankrupted king.

"Some good that'll do me!" shouted Dedede. "The contest is over and everything is back to the way it was before! I don't need no monster anymore!"

"Don't look at it like that. Maybe you could find a use for it? Later, Dee-Three!"

And just like that the connection was lost, leaving Dedede with nothing but an image of a rotating N.M.E. logo. He grimaced, tossing the device in the sand and grumbling to himself how ridiculous this was.

Like magic, a giant metal capsule containing the monster he ordered came falling from the sky, crash-landing onto the beach several yards away from Dedede's location. As expected, the box had the N.M.E. logo stamped on the side of it, which implied that this monster was definitely the one they meant to send him from the very beginning. The door to the capsule swung open, a cloud of smoke and other particles crawling across the ground as the monster in question stepped out into the sunlight. The first thing that Dedede noticed was that the monster was severely lacking in the height department, for it stood about as tall as his own stomach. Not to mention, the creature bore a strikingly similar frame to that of Kirby, having a completely round and soft body. Dedede was at a loss for words, for right when he thought Nightmare Enterprises had done something right, they went ahead and pulled another stunt like before.

The creature threw off his cape, brandishing a sparkling gold sword that he slashed through the air. If the mask didn't give away his identity, then his deep and menacing voice sure did.

"I am Meta Knight, here to do your bidding!" proclaimed the creature. "Tell me who it is you wish to destroy, and my blade with swiftly cut them down!" Meta Knight struck a cool pose, not realizing who he was standing in the presence of. After hearing nothing of a response, he opened his eyes only to be taken aback in embarrassment. "S-Sire!?" He lowered his weapon and rubbed the back of his head. "Well…this is awkward."

By the end of the day, the Smashers had all gathered around the campfire to relax and chat. They had plenty of Super Spicy Curry to indulge in, although most of them only took small bites so not to blast flames from their mouths. Everyone was here and accounted for, including Meta Knight, who ended up showing up by some bizarre coincidence. It was getting a little dark by this time, but fortunately, there was still some sunlight coming from the horizon. There were plenty of chairs and towels to go around despite Pit complaining that his goddess was sharing hers with Samus and not him. Greninja and Jigglypuff were a small enough pair to sit together in their own chair, while Wario kind of just sat on the ground with his arms crossed in indignation. Mario had killed the music a while ago, but that didn't stop the noise from simmering down between King Dedede reiterating the Shovel Knight story to Shulk, and Captain Falcon arguing with Robyn why it's theoretically impossible for Lucina to be her daughter in another universe when they're so close to the same age. As for Toon Link, he was busy cleaning off Jack Sparrow's hat, having noticed that the old pirate never really took good care of it to begin with. Among all this, Doc Louis seized the opportunity and pulled an acoustic guitar from out of nowhere and started strumming some chords.

"You know, you guys are awesome," exclaimed Doc, plucking some strings and giving his instrument a fine tune. "This has to have been one of the best vacations I've ever had!"

"True that," chimed Little Mac, chowing down on a banana burger in one hand and a chocolate bar in the other. "Let's do it again next year."

"Are you going to play a song?" asked Samus unenthusiastically, who found herself squished against a napping Palutena on her beach towel.

"I very well might," replied Doc. "Unless we got any requests?"

"Poyo!" exclaimed Kirby, who was more than likely asking for something native to his homeworld like the Green Greens theme or Ice Cream Island.

"How about, 'Those Who Bear Their Name'?" asked Shulk. "That's the best song in my whole soundtrack!"

Captain Falcon would have said something in objection, probably along the lines of how no Nintendo game in the history of the world has as good a soundtrack as the original F-Zero, but thankfully Robyn had him distracted enough that he wasn't really paying attention.

"Nah, I don't think I know those ones," said Doc, resuming his strumming. "I do know a pretty good one for the fire, though." He cleared his throat and started playing. "Let's gather 'round the campfire and sing our campfire song. Our C-A—"

"NO!" shouted everyone in response, including Palutena who shot up from her pleasant sleep. Apparently, none of the Smashers were a fan of Spongebob.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," laughed Doc. "All jokes aside, I think a song would be the perfect way to end this vacation, wouldn't you?"

"I think that would be lovely," said Lucina.

"Just play something already!" chimed Mario.

"Alright, time for round two," replied Doc. "You know what to do, Mac!"

As if on cue, Little Mac had replaced his food with a harmonica, but it was barely visible since he still had his boxing gloves on for some reason. He began to play along with his coach's strumming, and once they got the ball rolling, everyone seemed to stop what they were doing and listen to the soothing melody of the song.

"One fine day in the middle of summer,

A group of friends met up with each other,

They found the coolest place

You've ever seen

There was a big yellow beach with plenty of sand,

The perfect place for getting a tan,

It turns out that this place

Was Banana Beach!"

Oh Banana Beach!

Banana Beach!

Banana Beach!

Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!"

It was at this point where Little Mac really started showing off his harmonica skills, and even all of the Smashers listening couldn't help but admit that the song sounded pretty good. Dedede and Lucina especially preferred this song to the one that Shovel Knight sang to them, and they could see it in each other's eyes as they glanced at each other from across the campfire. They laughed.

"There was a volleyball game that ended in flames,

A pirate captain that looked kind of lame,

And a creepy merchant that gave us

Banana treats!"

"I heard that, strangah!" hollered a distant voice.

"There were treasure hunts and castle fights,

And an octopus with perverted delights,

And who could forget the knight

As tall as my knee?"

"Ugh, I wish I could forget him," murmured Dedede.

"Oh, Banana Beach! Sing it with me!

Banana Beach!

Banana Beach!

Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!"

Miraculously, other Smashers began joining in on the singing, with the exception of Wario who continued to pout, and Donkey Kong who was content with swaying his head to the beat. The chorus was pretty easy to sing since it was only two words repeated, and even the Pokémon were getting in on the fun despite the fact that they couldn't speak English.

"Banana Beach!" sang Shulk.

"Banana Beach!" sang Pit.

"Banana Beach!" sang Robyn.

"Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!" hollered Captain Falcon.

"Banana Beach!" sang Lucina.

"Jigglypuff!" sang Jigglypuff.

"Banana Beach…" sang Samus.

"Banana Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach, Beach!" laughed Mario.

"One more time, Banana Beach!" sang Palutena.

"Poyo Poy!" sang Kirby.

"Banana Beach!" sang Toon.

"Greninj, Gre, Gre, Gre, Greninja!" sang Greninja.

Doc and Little Mac concluded the song with a small harmony, before bringing it to its close. Their song was met with an abundance of praise. Everyone applauded and cheered, that is, except for one individual who continued to sing the song despite the fact that it was already over.

"Banana Beach! Ugh! Ugh! Yeah! Banana Beach! Ugh Ugh! Yeah! Woo!"

The Smashers were silent as all eyes fell on Meta Knight, who was doing some kind of weird thrusting maneuver in his chair as he sang. It took him a moment to realize that the song was over. His voice faded to a whisper, and so he slowly stopped himself as he stared back at all his friends in embarrassment. A few second later, he took his cape and shielded himself, glaring at everyone.

"I am the darkness! Fear me!" he shouted, before using his Dimensional Cape to warp away.

"Awesome job, Doc!" exclaimed Pit, patting the old boxing coach on the back. "Who knew you could play the guitar?"

"I sure didn't, I can tell you that," replied Doc with a laugh.

"Well, I guess we can end it now, or keeping going and try to squeeze one more joke out of this story," said Captain Falcon.

The Smashers returned to chatting, although no one was really interested in fishing for one more joke. They were perfectly content with just enjoying the rest of the evening before having to return to Master Hand and the Super Smash Bros. tournament. They were so used to beating the crap out of each other that they never really took the time to relax, and so they planned on seizing ever last moment they could.

While everyone was talking, Toon Link noticed Wario looking rather glum. He was half-expecting him to try and getting another boob-shot of Samus, but for some reason, the fat Italian man was looking more miserable than usual.

"Hey Wario, what's the matter?" asked Toon.

Wario glanced up from his position on the cold ground.

"I'm just bummed we didn't get any of that treasure. It would have been nice to take something back, you know? Plus, we could have been rich!"

The mere thought was making Wario anxious all over again, and he almost wanted to get up and go find Dedede's sunken castle so he could reclaim the lost treasure for himself.

"Well, even if we could get the treasure, it's still cursed remember?" said Toon. "We'd probably put everyone in danger."

"It would still be worth it," grumbled Wario. "It's not like anything good came out of this for me."

As luck would have it, Donkey Kong just so happened to be eavesdropping on their conversation. He moseyed over to Wario's spot on the sand, taking his giant banana up in one arm. Upon noticing the banana, Wario grimaced in envy.

"Here to rub it in my face again?" he asked.

DK shook his head and placed the giant banana down in front of Wario. Wario almost couldn't believe what was happening, and even Toon Link found himself staring in surprise at DK's generous offer.

"S-Seriously?" said Wario with widened eyes. "You're sharing this with me?"

DK grunted and pushed the banana closer in front of Wario, giving him the perfect spot to sink his massive jaws into. Despite DK's distaste towards the fat Italian man, it seemed that he really did have some sympathy towards him. This whole time he had hoarded the giant banana to himself, waiting for the perfect opportunity to take that first bite. It certainly was a privilege to partake in one of DK's precious bananas.

"Go on, Wario," said Toon. "He's giving it to you!"

Wario felt his eyes water up at the warm gesture, and for a moment he felt bad having to accept it.

"No one's ever done anything like this for me before," he stammered before looking DK in the eyes. "Thanks, friend."

DK nodded his head in approval, signaling for Wario to chow down so that they could enjoy the banana together.

"I may not have gotten the treasure," exclaimed Wario. "But at least I still got my friends! Bon appetite!"

He opened his jaw wide to the point of unhinging before giving the banana a massive chomp. Toon Link expected his teeth to bite right through the banana like butter since there was no mouth in this world that could match the strength of Wario's. To his surprise, however, the banana didn't change in size, shape or form. In fact, it remained as it did before, unbitten, undisturbed, and wholesome. The sound of Wario's teeth colliding with whatever material the banana was made out of sent a wave of chills down his spine as his eyes widened in horror. This banana was no banana at all but was in fact made of some kind of metal, like titanium, or more likely gold. The other Smashers heard the commotion and looked to what was going on, but by the time they realized what happened it was too late. Wario had already started shrieking as he fell backward writhing in pain, gripping at his teeth with his bare hands.

"Gold!" he cried. "It's made of gold! You bastard! You knew it all along!"

DK shrugged his shoulders. Ofcourse he knew the banana was made of gold. After all, if it were a real banana, he would have already devoured it by now.

Author's Note: And so concludes what I'd like to call, "If Super Smash Bros. was an anime and they had a beach episode." Because honestly, that's more or less what inspired everything that happened in this story. I hope you readers got the same vibe from this as well, and at the very least I hope it made you laugh! Thanks a million for reading!