I know I need to update my other stories, and I will soon! :D But I finally got inspired to write a story for my username and...yeah. This is it. Warning: This is really, really random. Read at your own risk. I am not responsible for any brain damage this may cause.

"I just want to have a look at it!" whispered Pippin, placing the Palintir on the floor. Merry watched in terrified astonishment. Pippin placed his hands onto it...

Sauron appeared, one gigantic eye filling the palintir. "I...see...you..." he growled dramatically. Pippin struggled, but could not let go. Suddenly Pippin heard a deep voice in the background.

"Master, you are not doing this right! Let me try!"

"Very well." agreed Sauron.

The newcomer wore a black helmet, and stretched out his arm to Pippin. "Come join me on the Dark Side!" he shouted. "We have mushrooms!"

Pippin stopped struggling and listened. "Mushrooms?"

"Unlimited mushrooms, as many as you can eat!"

Pippin looked amazed. "But that's not possible!"

"You do not know the power of the Dark Side! Join me, and we shall rule the galaxy together!"

"What's a galaxy?"

"Never mind about that. Will you join me?"

"Yes! Anything for mushrooms!" At that moment, Gandalf knocked the palintir out of Pippin's hands. Pippin pretended to lay unconscious on the floor, but watched them through slits of his eyes. Merry ran over to him.

"Pippin!"

Gandalf roughly shoved him away, and bent over Pippin. When he opened his eyes, Gandalf asked him what he had seen.

A maniacal grin spread over Pippin's face. "Mushrooms!"

Merry ran over. "Mushrooms?"

"Mine!" shrieked Pippin. "My own!"

"I get some!" yelled Merry.

"Peregrin Took!" shouted Gandalf. "What else did you see?"

"My precioussss..." hissed Pippin.

Everyone looked disturbed. Pippin leapt to his feet, threw them all against the wall with the force, and ran out.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

He arrived in Mordor within that week, and entered Sauron's office. Gothmog was at the desk. "Who are you?" he asked. "Name, rank! Why do you wish an audience with Sauron?"

Pippin stared at him with a creepy gleam in his eyes. "Mushrooms..." he hissed creepily and dramatically.

Gothmog scratched his head. "I don't understand..."

"Of course you don't!" growled Pippin. "You will allow me to see Sauron." he said, making a small motion with his hand.

Gothmog grinned stupidly. "I will allow you to see Sauron."

"Weak-minded fool." muttered Pippin as he entered.

In his office, Sauron was watching Caption America with Darth Vader. Pippin walked over and tapped Vader on the shoulder. Vader turned around.

"Where are the mushrooms?" demanded Pippin. Darth Vader simply made dramatic breathing noises. "WHERE ARE THEY!" he screamed. Sauron rose. "Keep calm, I have a small assignment for you, my new apprentice, to prove your worth. Then you can have the mushrooms."

"What is this...assignment?" asked Pippin.

"You must find Frodo and bring me the Ring." answered Sauron.

"Sure thing!" Pippin left, thinking of mushrooms.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

A few days later, Frodo and Sam had just left Faramir, and we're heading for Cirth Ungol. They had stopped for lunch when Pippin jumped out of the bushes. Frodo and Sam stared, for Pippin was dressed in a black cloak and there was something very disturbing about the way he was looking at them.

"Uhhh...Pippin?" asked Sam hesitantly.

Pippin ignored him and stomped over to Frodo. "You will give me the Ring." he said, waving his hand.

Frodo smiled. "I will give you the Ring."

Sam gasped in horror. "No, master, you can't!"

Pippin sighed and waved his hand again. "Yes, he can."

"Yes, you can." Sam sat down and looked content. Suddenly Gollum leapt out of the bushes. "MASSSSTERR! WICKED! TRICKSY! FALSE!" he screamed, hanging off Pippin's leg. "PRRRREEEECCCIIOOUUUSSSSS!" he wailed. Pippin glowered at him. "Your master is kind and true." he said, beginning to tire of waving his hand. Gollum jumped over and stroked Frodo. "Nice masssster..." he hissed. Frodo pulled out the Ring and handed it to Pippin, who left.

PIPTHEDARKLORDOFALL

Pippin arrived back at Sauron's office. Gothmog was on the phone with Elrond and didn't even notice as Pippin went by. Pippin approached Sauron. "The mission is complete!" he said. "But I do not choose to do this thing! The Ring is mine!" Sauron gasped as Pippin disappeared. Darth Vader entered the room. "I will do what I must." he announced, drawing his lightsaber. Pippin flicked his hand, and the lightsaber flew into it.

"My powers are far beyond both of you!" he shouted. "I have the powers of a Sith, and the Ring! All shall see me and despair, because I have all the mushrooms!"

"But Pippin!" shouted Darth Vader.

"What?" growled Pippin, getting impatient.

*breathing*

"Well?!"

"I am your father!"

"Really? Well, you can stay as my lieutenant!"

*breathing*

"As for you..." he pointed at Sauron..."get thee gone, and take thy due place!"

Sauron slunk out of Barad-Dur.

With that, he settled down to eat mushrooms.

Reviews are mushrooms. Remember that story was about me. ;)