Long time no see...hahahahahaha...

Anyways, I finally updated as I was struggling with all the ideas in my head and how to connect them with one another and just how I want Koi to evolve as a character and influence the canon characters, specifically Kaneki.

This 1st person POV does not portray the true Koi and is only in the beginning. I will very rarely switch to this POV (it was kind of an accident but...it worked out I hope). I don't want to spoil it all, but Koi is a very complex character that, honestly, wrote herself. It is very difficult to portray her the way she needs to be seen, however, I add in many points within the story that allude to true personality. Some of these hints are very obvious, and the other, more impactful ones are kind of hidden, so keep your eyes stapled open.

Xxx

"Do you have the notes from Friday?"

I glanced up and smiled nervously. "Ah, Senpai," Gripping my books tightly against my body, I scooted farther away from his looming form. "Of course."

He snorted and held out his hand expectantly. I copied his actions, holding my own hand out in the same entitled gesture, except raising a brow.

"Damn cheapskate." He grumbled, adding a few mumbled words of why I otta...should've just taken...would've been easy. He reached into his pockets and started counting his money. I lifted my lips at his sounds. "You're not the only one dealing with college debts, you know."

"Survival of the cheapest." I very happily took his money, sighing at the feeling of those crisp tickets to this month's food money. I almost felt like I was doing something wrong until I realized that my milk was expiring, and that wasn't going to buy itself now was it?

I took out a yellow folder that basically had his name printed on it and handed it to the frowning upperclassman. Half of me wanted to laugh at his pissed off expression. The other half wanted to run away to a corner and cry myself into forgetting that I'm undoubtedly screwing my future self over somehow.

The tall male practically snatched the folder, flipped through it, and sighed in defeat. He cursed and put his ticket to an A in his bag. And I knew it was his ticket to an A. I knew for a fact that he comes to class half the time he's paying for—and for what?

I don't know. To be honest, I don't really care for anything except he paid good money for those, might I say, fine, fine, notes. It was totally worth it.

That is, basically extorting him of his probably hard earned money for notes that probably shouldn't cost the price of at least 3 dinners at a decent restaurant—per topic. We're in the pharmacy department. I don't know what job he has but dang do I want it if he could pay these totally unfair prices at least a few times a month.

I don't even know why he hasn't beat me up and just took my stuff yet. He looks like the type who put kids' heads into toilet bowls for the fun of it in high school. Why my face hasn't been acquainted with fecal water is still a mystery.

I snuck a peek at his profile.

I really hope that stays a mystery, like really hope. I half chuckled half whimpered nervously.

"Koi?"

I jumped and glanced at him, gulping. 'TodaysthedaytodaysthedaytodaysthedayohPLEASEdon'tletitbemexicanmonday'

"Y-Yes?" Where was my faker-than-fake confidence when I need it?

He suddenly grabbed the top of my head, and I freaked.

I swear I didn't mean for it to happen. I just went on autopilot and instinct decided to take control. I didn't mean to shriek so loudly that his glasses should've cracked (How could they not?) Nor did I mean to kick him below the belt (oops) and run away to...here.

How could my body betray me like this? I should've at least ran somewhere normal. But no, my stupidstupidstupid brain decided to take me to an alleyway. I could taste the dust in the air, and I could feel little shadows crawling across my back like little spiderlings (they were there!). The gray concrete surroundings practically came out of a horror movie back in the '80s.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't so close the the 14th ward.

Xx

Koi shivered as she attempted to make her way out of the area. She wanted the Earth to open up right beneath her and suck her body away from the empty streets and abandoned buildings. Everything had a tone of gray—the same shade of a corpse's ashen face. Her internal alarms were blazing at every sight, simply because it was littered with bad signs. It was common sense to avoid places that had trash as the only decoration along the sidewalks, cracks that were infested with godknowswhat, and buildings so abandoned Koi was scared to walk by them in fear of being crushed by poor foundations and rotting wood.

Acting on habit, Koi kept close to the dark, places which would draw the least amount of attention. Her eyes blinked once again, and it wasn't long before she realized she was on the verge of crying. It were situations like this that she realized how lacking her self-control was, and the knowledge only pushed her tears further out from the ducts. She wanted to scream and cry and pound the concrete walls and hide in a corner, curled in a ball because that was the only way for her to block out this crazy, crazy world. She wanted to limit her vision and stop being so aware of everything, of the little ants that marched along the streets and the raven that cooed on top of a broken light post and the way the sun seemed to weep along with her as it gradually made its way down.

But Koi knew she could never stop being aware of the world, because if she stopped she would've died at that moment.

Koi choked on her spit as she rolled away from that largelargeohitcouldcrushmyhead hand. All she could see was a looming form of a monster—a monster that was five times her size with spiked blond hair that jutted out and a pristine suit that was too white. It had great big teeth, 'like a shark', that held a grin so wide she thought it's face would break, but then realized it probably broke other people's faces to make up for it.

Koi choked on a sob when she heard Japanese words. "Hello there, girl. It seems today's my lucky day!"

Fear. That was all Koi could feel. Fear at the realization he was more than a monster, at the looming possibility that in those largelarge hands could've been her head, cracked like the building right beside them and the streets she was laying on and he was standing on.

What should she say? She tried to scream, but her body wasn't working with her again and all that came out was a sob, so choked and gurgled Koi thought her throat was already filled with blood. She imagined that one of those hands found a new home in her stomach and the other in her throat, taking control of her voicebox to make her only say pitiful things. But it was too soon for that, because he had smiled even more at the noise, and Koi realized again that he was more than a monster.

A monster simply killed and ate. He wanted more than that; Koi could tell by the way he flexed his fingers and casually walked closer to her, as if she was nothing but a convenience. He didn't need her for food. He could catch her anytime. He had more than she did. He had muscles and working hands. She had little cardio muscles and a body that only wanted to cry. He had a smile on his face. She didn't know what she had, but it clearly made him smile even more. He had power. Koi never had power. He wasn't desperate, he knew what he had, and he relished in the tipped scales.

Koi was desperate though. She didn't want to die. She ignored everything else around them, and picked herself up.

'Nevernevernever, I haven't done anything yet.'

It were those words that she chanted as she broke into a scream and a run and she could feel her heart pound along with her thoughts. Adrenaline pumped through her veins as her brain signalled throughout her body that it was time to survive. She ran across the sidewalk, acting on instinct and hoping that maybe this time her body would do what she wanted because shewantedtolive. She swerved into an alleyway, jumping across boxes and crates because sheneededmoretimeandspace away from him.

She wanted to disappear into a crowd and walk away from danger just like those other days.

Where was her caution this time?

The jagged end of a broken pipe tore across her forearm as she ran, and the overwhelming urge to collapse and cry at the searing pain almost buckled her knees. Despite knowing that it would never work, Koi tried to stem the flow of her sicklyredblood by clenching her left hand on it. She knew it was futile by the wet, sticky feeling seeping between her fingers, and she wanted to start crying even harder at the thought that he could smell her.

She turned into another connecting alleyway.

"How many times have I turned?"

All the turns and curves were beginning to blend together with those walls—they were the same shade of a corpse—and the streets and sidewalks were all just a path to nowhere. She was aware of everything, right? So where were the noises of cicadas and birds, of the jingle of doors opening and closing, of shoes tapping along the path home, of people?

Therewerenone

All she could hear was herself.

Pantpantpant

Taptaptap

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

This time Koi wasn't aware enough, and that largelarge hand closed around her throat and pulled her tiny body into a corner. She wheezed when she was slammed into a wall—please be crushed by poor foundations and rotting wood—and she blacked out for a few seconds. He had her against the wall, one hand tightly secure around her throat, loose enough to let her barely catch her breath. His massive frame blocked away the sight of the surrounding gray walls, and all Koi could see were the whites of his wide eyes, teeth, and suit. She didn't know where to look; Every sight made her alarms blare because she was going to die.

He leaned closer, his other hand resting beside her head so his body wouldn't crush her.

She was an idiot. An idiot that had lost her life because she was scared of too many things.

He whispered into her ear. "Whats wrong, little girl? You were making so much noise a while ago." She could feel the rough texture of his tongue sliding across the side of her neck and she could hear his breathing, 'it sounded so much like hers', flooding her ears.

Koi gagged at the noise; She couldn't scream with his hand controlling her neck like a brace. He chuckled at her pathetic self and brushed a lock of her hair, following the natural curve of her bloated cheeks down to her shoulder. He stroked her arm and slid two fingers around the gash in her arm.

"Come on," He laughed raspily, dragging his tongue on the curve of her ear. "Say some more."

She could only wheeze, and he squeezed her neck harder with each word. "What was that? I can't hear you." Koi clawed at his arm like a mouse desperately struggling against a cat. She could taste the salt from her tears. It streamed down her face, and she could only imagine what it would taste like once it was blood instead.

With each of his chuckles she banged her head against the wall from the disgustingdisgusting sound of his sick amusement. She was his personal entertainer, his class A act, his toy.

She felt relief flood her lungs when he finally lessened his grip on her neck before she screamed, a sound so scratchy and coarse. Koi felt every squelch and squeeze from his fingers—the nerves in her arm screeched with every torturous flex of his fingers. She writhed against his hands, clawing at everything she could touch because it felt so painful she wished he would just clamp his teeth against her neck and tear off her arteries.

"I-I-I—"

All she could hear beyond the tears of her arm and the blood running down her fingers was that same sound. It was a raspy, dominating laugh that traveled through her ears and the curl of her toes.

And then it stopped, and there was another scream.

Koi felt more blood stream down, but this time it wasn't hers and that made her want to vomit even harder. She felt the cold scratchy surface of the steel pipe gripped by her wet, dirtied fingers. It smelled so metallic.

"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" She fell to the floor as he stepped away from her, his hands clutching his eyes.

"I-I-I—" There was so much red blossoming in between his largelarge fingers.

He reached towards her, tripping on the discarded pipe. Koi scrambled away from his towering form, watching as his body tumbled down like a ragdoll. "WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Instead of salt she tasted the rusty tang of blood. She instantly kneeled over and vomited. Everything was so disgusting. She didn't bother wiping her mouth. The filth would never leave anyways. Koi panted as she stood up, leaning on the wall, wobbling as she balanced herself. 'I-I can't stay here.' She almost slipped on her own blood as she limped away, cradling her arm. 'I-I-I—'

'I need to live'