There were nights where he couldn't sleep at all.

Though there were times where he said he enjoyed the silence, he could never become used to it all. He had grown up in such a chaotic way that he had no other way of living, at least until he came to the manor. Bard never thought such peace could be achieved that the only time he felt really alive was when he took up arms against those who came to harm their young master.

Was this normal behavior? He supposed it wasn't, any normal human being wouldn't take joy out of what they were doing. Half the time he saw the haunted look his fellow servants wore, but he never allowed himself to think of the target. As far as he went they weren't human, but prey.

What normal human would be coming after a 13 year old nobel anyways? They had to be pretty messed up to begin with, so he didn't think about them too often.

He's learned to numb himself of feelings when they burned the bodies, he's had to do that since his service in war. He supposed the other two never learned that, Meyrin had only killed and left the body behind and he wasn't entirely sure of Finny's story. Snake hadn't been involved in most raids, and Tanaka never seemed any different either.

He had seen the war upfront and personal, there were things he wanted to do again-but he knew that wouldn't do a damn thing.

War took a lot from people.

He killed those who were husbands, some were even newly wed. He took sons away from their mothers and fathers away from their children. War took the only family he's ever had, and made him wonder if what he had done had been the right thing. Had they listened to him back then they would have survived, they would be sitting in a bar right now remininscing about a war long over.

They could have dealt with the nightmares together.

But they left him alone to deal with his demons, ones that his newly found friends could possibly never understand. At least that's what the Chef told himself. They couldn't have known what it was like, could they? Of course Meyrin had been a trained assassin-but she never had to face her target face to face.

Even then Finny had no idea that there was more to this, that he could have escaped and gotten away from the killing. But that gardener would do anything for Ciel, out of the rest of them he had the closest relationship to their young master than Sebastian. Though he was almost as loyal, he knew deep down that this was a temporary fix to a bigger problem in the grand scheme of things.

He wasn't as stupid as Sebastian thought, so why did the Chef stay knowing all this?

Maybe because there was something in Ciel that he once saw in an old friend, it was probably some sense of personal obligation that he accepted his job. And why not? Ciel gave him a roof over his head, food to eat and a place to call home. He gave him another opportunity while his own country would have shunned him.

He didn't have to go home to play hero to people he knew didn't care about him.

Bard often thought of leaving, maybe starting over-but where would he go? He could only let out a sigh as he watched the flames begin to dissipate as the others put out the fire. The smoke clearing, the only sound he heard was the shovel maunevering ash around to mix in with the dirt.

They were making as if these men had never existed, and he supposed he would never get fully used to it. He'd never fully get used to taking so many lives.

But he was simply doing his job.

Just a drabble. I roleplay as Bard so I always try to delve deeper into his character. He seems so serious all the time.