Disclaimer: PJO and Naruto don't belong to me.

Sound of Madness

D-Generation X - The Kings

"Oh god...Kill me." Percy whimpered as the despised book reappeared in his lap. Ares slowly drew his broadsword and a grin spread across his face.

"No." Hera warned her son. Ares scowled and willed his sword away.

"But he asked for it!"

"Ares." Poseidon glared at the God of War.

"Tch, fine!" Ares huffed and folded his arms. "See if I do anything nice for another decade."

Jason, being the brave hero that he was, took the book from his cousin. Percy glared at the leather-bound novel like it just insulted his mother. Frankly, he wouldn't be surprised if it did.

"It's not going to bite, you know." Annabeth gently nudged her boyfriend with a smile on her face.

"This one might…" Percy grumbled.

The five demigods walked back to the car Toni had used to get to Central Park.

While Percy complained in what he thought was hushed tones about his night to Annabeth, Naruto moped for two reasons. The first, he had been denied the rights to the car he appropriated earlier. Toni said it was too much of a liability, what with the cops that were undoubtedly hovering around it by that point. So he was forced to leave the keys with a dead demigod at the Kronos camp.

"Well, there goes the chop shop cash he could have scored." Hermes shook his head. "Kids today don't think about things like that..."

The other reason Naruto was moping was due to Yami still reciting Haikus.

My world became dark. The stranger passed the candle. I'm always grateful.

"Make it stop..." Naruto whined as he clutched at his head. He pounded the palms of his hands against his head. "Shut him up!"

Hey, it could be worse. Kurama consoled.

"How could it be worse than this?" Naruto asked heatedly.

The poetry could've saved your life.

"It can do that!" Apollo proclaimed proudly.

Naruto's eyes went wide in terror. "I'd have killed myself if that happened..."

"See if I ever help you, you ungrateful, uncultured brat." Apollo scowled and crossed his arms.

"Who's he talking to?" Annabeth asked the older daughter of Athena.

"Most likely a voice in his head," Toni said nonchalantly. Both Percy and Annabeth shivered at the casual tone she had. She frowned. "I thought those went away?"

"They must've come back after I shot him point blank in the forehead," Lester said. Toni rounded on him with steel eyes and a scowl on her face. Lester pursed his lips and hummed. "Hm, probably shouldn't have mentioned that."

"You shot him in the head?!" Toni snarled as she began to punch his arm. "Don't you remember how long it took to get rid of the voice he called 'Bubbles'? How much money it cost us on missions?"

"What a greedy girl." Demeter huffed. "She should be grateful for the life she has now, and keep her diet healthy. Perhaps get away from this child of Dionysus that has her wrapped around his finger."

"Non!" Aphrodite protested with a smile. "She followed him! Such lovely notions, to dive headfirst into madness for the person you love! Oh, it's like Percabeth all over again."

"Only this time, a lot crazier," Percy said dryly. Annabeth rubbed her chin.

"I don't know, I think Tori might've gotten the better deal in this one," she muttered. Percy looked at her quizzically and Annabeth smirked. "He doesn't suffer from a seaweed brain like you do, Seaweed Brain."

"...Yeah, but he's crazy." Percy deadpanned.

"That's not a bad thing, Peter Jenner," Dionysus said with a scoff. He arched a brow when incredulous looks were sent his way. "What? The maenads blessed my son! How many of your fanatical nymph-followers blessed your children?"

The rest of the Olympians looked away from him with shaking heads. Trust the God of Madness to have a skewed view on the situation.

Lester flinched away and rubbed his arm. "He kept getting my name wrong! It was annoying!" He looked at the darkened spot on his arm. "Damn, girl, first my knee and now my arm?"

Toni glared at him. "You're paying for the therapy...and all the therapist's therapy."

"Maybe we should send someone to help Chiron in that regard," Apollo said with a thoughtful stroke of his chin. "I can't, gotta drive the sun and all...Ace might, but-"

"Ugh, no! The last thing I need is your damnable favorite playing shrink with me or my children again," Dionysus said with a groan. He shivered. "So much therapy. Too much talking, not enough partying."

"Oh, that's bullshit!"

While Toni and Lester argued about dealing with the voices that were bothering Naruto, Percy rubbed his head and groaned softly to Annabeth. "I just want to go home and pretend this night didn't happen."

Toni rounded on him, her eyes narrowed and her hands on her hips. "It happened. You killed people. Get over it!"

"Don't act so superior! You were holed up in the cabin for a week after you went on that first 'quest' with the...Naruto," Annabeth said as she glared at her cabin mate.

"The Naruto. Coming to theaters near you!" Leo pointed at Piper's nose. She batted his hand away with an amused smile.

"Meh, I'd see it." Apollo shrugged and then frowned. "Well, only if it was about the ninja Naruto. Not this one. And there had to be no BS romance plot points...Like a magic scarf or something."

"What were you going to say? The Rejected Runaways? The Damned Demigods?" Toni asked with a glare. Annabeth held her tongue and Toni scowled at her. "I joined the Exiles –"

"Time out!" Time slowed and Naruto looked sadly at his readers. "For you Marvel fans out there, no, we don't have a sassy-slash-cute Blink to work with-slash-ogle at. Heartbreaking, isn't it? Believe me, I know. Time in!"

"Did he just pull a Kronos?" Percy asked, green eyes wide with worry.

"I'm still trying to determine what he's even rambling about." Reyna frowned.

"...I cannot tell you just how happy I am not to be Roman," Leo said with a shake of his head.

Time sped up and Naruto looked back at Toni as she continued. "– Because I saw that demigods weren't perfect, just like the gods that sired us."

"...Oooh..." Artemis gave her twin a dry look for his dead-on impersonation of a studio audience.

"She's talking about you, too."

"I know." Apollo grinned. "It still had to be done."

The sky boomed and she rolled her eyes. "See? A perfect being wouldn't get miffed if they were dissed."

Naruto frowned. "Or punish someone by taking away their ramen...the bastard." He was struck by a bolt of lightning and coughed up smoke.

"Try not to fry him too badly," Dionysus said, frowning at his father. "I happen to like this one."

"Please! As you said, he's been blessed with a stronger healing factor than Poseidon's whelp," Zeus said with a scoff. The king ignored his brother's annoyed glare and continued undeterred. "As far as I'm concerned, it's open season."

"Best kind of season." Ares grinned widely. Artemis begrudgingly agreed with him via a nod.

Naruto shook the blackened skin off and glared at the sky. "You act like you enjoy being compared or related to the old jackass! Make up your damn mind!"

The sky had no response for that and Naruto smirked. Victory was his and it tasted sweet. Like candy. He frowned when he heard Yami clear its throat.

Victory comes fast. The sky has no retort. Insanity rocks.

"...Okay, I kind of liked that one." Naruto mumbled, his grin spreading widely.

"Of course he would." Everyone, save Dionysus, rolled their eyes.

"Truth." The God of Wine nodded in agreement with his son. Dionysus ignored Apollo's frown. Just because he was the god of truths didn't mean he had claim over who did or didn't use the term.

Kurama chuckled. It was pretty clever.

"Yeah, but if you didn't like it why not stay at camp? Couldn't you have changed things from there?" Annabeth retorted, both children of wisdom ignoring the insane demigod.

Toni rolled her eyes. "You mean not kill other demigods? And how exactly did you plan to beat Luke's likeminded allies? Talk them out of it?"

"Hey! I'm the only one with access to the Talk no Jutsu, dammit! It's my origin character's trope!" Naruto cut in with a scowl.

"You know, he's right." Apollo agreed. "The stuff he gets away with only using words is bullshit."

"He must inherently have charmspeak." Aphrodite tittered excitedly.

"That ...makes perfect sense." Apollo nodded in approval. "That's my headcanon. Now and forever."

Ignoring the indignant idiot ("Oh, that's hurtful..." Naruto gave a wounded pout.), Annabeth grimaced. "No...but there's a jail system for a reason."

"Hiding behind the flawed justice systems. Typical." Toni snorted. She crossed her arms over her chest. "Tell me, Annabeth. What is a crime? A direct offense to you? Or is it to the public? Or perhaps a slight to the gods?"

The sky boomed again.

"Seriously, always with the booms." Percy groaned. "It's so annoying..."

Zeus glared at him, but said nothing lest he incriminate himself.

Percy looked at Lester, who rubbed his head as he grunted.

"That's getting annoying. Think he can stop with the sound effects?" The son of Apollo asked.

Percy looked past Lester to Naruto, who held a sheet of metal and a simple workman's hammer. The mad demigod placed a finger over his lips and held the sheet up behind Lester's head. Percy clamped his hands over his ears and Naruto wailed the hammer against the metal. Lester went rigid and then crumpled to the ground, twitching occasionally.

"There, now the ringing can cover up the thunder!" Naruto beamed at his solution while his 'friend' (and the term is used loosely) suffered at his feet. He tossed the sheet and hammer away before he grinned at the sky. "See!? I'm a good person! ...GIVE ME MY NOODLES BACK DAMMIT!"

"Sellout!" Leo jeered.

"Burn the sellout!" Ares whooped.

"No." Hera drawled.

"Aw, but he'd scream real loud! Plus, if it's Greek fire, he'd burn forever with that healing of his!" Ares explained gleefully.

"You have far too much time on your hands if you're able to think up such crazed nonsense." Athena murmured in disgust.

"Please." Ares snorted. "As if you'd not had ideas like that to inflict on Prissy."

Athena remained stoic and said nothing.

Percy paled slightly and gulped.

"Naruto, knock it off." Toni sighed and frowned at the new counselor. "Once Lester's back on his feet, tell him to drive you guys back to camp."

"Why can't you?" Annabeth asked with a frown.

"I have another priority at the moment." Toni replied coolly.

Naruto popped up beside her with his hand above his head. "Oo! Oo! Is it me? Tell me it's me!"

The four demigods gave him a dry look.

Naruto grinned. "That's not a no~!"

You want to hit snooze, you think there's nothing better, there's no fucking way. Yami wisely advised.

I agree with him.

Naruto's grin fell and he held his head as a look of horror dawned on his face. "Oh, gods, the Haikus...It's like part of my brain was cursed by a drunk Apollo!"

"Please, they're just as bad when he's not drunk." Artemis laughed a little to herself. Apollo scowled at his twin.

"Are you proud of yourself? Do you feel all empowered now?"

"Yes. Your pain does so."

"I'll remember that when you need my help with something."

Lester – who'd healed rather quickly after the cartoon-esque damage dealt to him – snorted and crossed his arms. "Maybe it was. Maybe he was miffed that you kept getting my name wrong."

"Shush, Lana." Naruto held his finger out at Lester. "The voices speak to me."

Victory is ours, when insanity takes hold, shining finger burns.

...Okay, yeah, even I didn't understand that one. And I'm half of your mind. Kurama noted, stumped.

"The sun always rises in the East!" Apollo proclaimed as he gained a long white beard, puffy white eyebrows and a stereotypical wushu master outfit.

"And sets in the West!" Leo, Percy, and Frank punched the air..

"...Is this another reference?" Hazel asked her boyfriend and friends.

"...You haven't shown her G Gundam!?" Apollo asked Frank incredulously. "It was a classic!"

"We've been a bit preoccupied!" Frank protested, gesturing to Jason as the boy drummed his fingers on the book patiently.

"Ah." Apollo reverted to his preferred appearance instantly. "Carry on."

"I highly doubt that even the loser writing this knew what the hell he was talking about. That or he was listening to some J-Pop again," Naruto said with a nod of agreement.

"J-Pop?" Thalia blanched. "Gag me."

"I would!" Aphrodite snarked, smiling beautifully when Artemis glared at her for the threat.

He looked around and frowned when he noticed that no one remained behind with him in the woods. "Aw, dammit. The haiku was a distraction!"

That would explain the poor haiku. Now, there must be a reason for it. Kurama hummed. Perhaps the author is going to show off how badass we are! Be ready for an ambush!

"Psh, we know we're badass," Naruto said with a scoff. He rubbed his chin and snapped his fingers. "Maybe we'll get to meet a goddess that wants to make us her sex toy!"

"…Nope," Aphrodite said with a shake of her head. "I'm not touching that much crazy. No matter how much fun it would be in other scenarios."

"I don't believe it," Artemis said with a smirk. "You have standards?"

"Well, not all of us can spend our nights with a harem of young girls," Aphrodite said with a smirk of her own sent back at the Huntress.

Artemis' smirk had fallen and she tightly gripped her bow, but the stern glare from her father kept her arrows in the proverbial quiver.

Doubt it. Knowing our luck, it would be Athena who shows up. No sexy time there.

"True...Yami, any input?" Naruto asked the white box that appeared overhead.

Allies yet to be, visit with warning from afar, Cable has arrived! Yami declared.

Naruto puzzled over this haiku for a moment before he grinned insanely. "Wait, Cable? Not Time Warner, but the Capital C bad boy?! Yes! My buddy from the future is here!"

He turned around when a bright light started to flicker into existence behind him. Naruto's eyes shone happily as a man stepped out. The man was built like a tank, and part of his body looked like one, too. The right side of his body was like it had been made of coiled bronze, while the left had a tanned complexion. Curly dark hair sprouted from his head, and while one eye was solid bronze, the other was like a dark almond.

"It's Cable!" Leo swooned.

"Who?" Reyna and Hazel asked.

"Muthafucking Cable!"

"Leo Valdez!" Hestia glared at the boy.

"Sorry," Leo said sheepishly. "B-But that's how you say it! You have to say it like that!"

"No excuses!" The goddess frowned at Leo and he ducked his head in shame.

"Sammy!" Naruto greeted the newcomer with a perfectly executed flying glomp. The tall half-bronze man grunted and stumbled back before he looked down to see the blond hanging from his torso, his arms and legs wrapped around his body, the mad demigod grinning up at him. "Didja bring me a present?! Ooh, ooh, is it Deadpool starring Ryan Reynolds?"

"I think that'd be a Meh movie." Ares grunted.

"Meh!?" Apollo exclaimed in outrage. "You know not of the greatness of RR!"

"Didn't he do that shitty super hero movie? What was it...The one with the crappy CGI?" Ares pondered.

"Hey, Green Lantern wasn't Ryan's fault-!"

"No, the other one. The one with the bad guy from Demolition Man," Ares said. Apollo's argument died then and there as a wince came across his face.

"Oh...Blade Trinity," he said with a grimace. "Yeah."

"I dunno, I thought Ryan was pretty okay in that needless Origins film until his mouth was sewn shut." Hermes offered.

"Reminded me of Apollo after the first time he had original Classic Coke with added nectar," Hephaestus said, a crooked smile on his face. Apollo's face shone brightly as his twin laughed uproariously at the memory.

"You swore never to speak of that again!"

"Not on the Styx."

"You-!"

"Enough!" Zeus' order boomed around the room. He looked at his sons, eyes narrowed as they quieted. "Let us finish this mockery of a tale."

Naruto turned to the audience as the time slowed once more. "Which, by the way, is available on Blu-ray for a wonderfully cheap price of $19.99 at Amazon dot com! Gotta love those daughters of Ares."

"That we do." Reyna smiled brightly as she thought about her sister.

Percy rubbed the back of his neck. "Speak for yourself."

Time sped up when Naruto looked back up at his friend gleefully.

"Naruto. Get off of me." The man, Sammy, pushed his hand against Naruto's head. He shoved the blond psychopath off of him with his bronze arm.

Naruto landed on the ground with a grunt of his own and rubbed his backside. "Ow. Geez, Tin Man, you're so rude!" He blinked and snapped his fingers. "Oh, wait! Intro time! Yea-ah!"

Time once more slowed down and the deranged demigod hopped to his feet. Naruto dusted himself off, which oddly kicked up enough dust to conceal his form. When the dust dissipated, Naruto was dressed in the classical referee attire with a black bowtie. He reached up and pulled down a microphone from off panel.

"L-l-ladies and gentlemen, gods of all pantheons! Behold, the future hero of humanity: Samuel L. J. Val-dez!"

"Say what?" The gathered demigods' jaws dropped and their eyes widened. They turned to Jason, and he reread the line. He looked up and eyes went to Leo, who was grinning up a storm.

"Heh, my kid's name kind of sounds like Sam L. Jackson..." Leo chuckled. Then it clicked for him and his eyes went wide. "Hold up, my kid is Cable?!"

"Or your descendant is." Annabeth added.

"Whatever!" Leo's eyes were lit up and a broad smile was on his face. He jumped up and started doing a victory dance. "Cable is my kid! Cable is my kid! Cable is my kid!"

Sammy's color came back into view, but he did not unfreeze. "Weighing in at over five hundred pounds, this son of a Titaness and demigod from the boyaka-boyaka six-one-nine stands at a whopping six foot nine! Due to complications at birth as a result of his parents coupling–" Naruto cut himself off and waggled his brows, "which was a very steamy coupling, mind you

Leo's victory dance stopped abruptly.

"How does he know that?" He asked softly, horror dawning over his features.

"He is a Deadpool knock-off." Piper offered. She shrugged. "He time traveled and stumbled across it maybe?"

"While that would be interesting to discuss," Leo said, unaware of the angered look on the Gods' faces. "Some things are private for a reason."

– Sammy's right side is covered from head to toe in Valdezium, a material created by chemical mixture that had a base of Celestial Bronze.

"I shoot and I score that three-point shot!" Leo cheered, his horror and unease forgotten. "I make a new metal!"

Hephaestus let out a hum of interest.

He is capable of mimicking telekinetic and telepathic abilities thanks to his insane attunement towards technology. He even managed to program my VCR's clock! A feat many have not been able to do."

"Thing's fucking impossible to program." Ares nodded in agreement. "Mine still blinks 12:00, all the time."

"I could fix it." Hephaestus offered, smirking.

"Yeah, and have me in your debt? Screw that noise, Crip." Ares scoffed.

"Furthermore, Sammy here is impervious to all mortal weapons. Trust me, I've tried to kill him before and he's nearly successfully done me in. Twice!" Naruto tugged on the microphone and it shot off screen before his clothes reverted to normal. "That's aside from the real juicy point. Not only is Sammy a cyborg that should not exist due to parentage, but he's also a – wait for it – time traveller!

"I thought we banned time travel? Where's Chronos on this?" Zeus scowled, appalled at the thought of a mortal abusing the domain of Time for their enjoyment.

"It technically also falls under the Fates' rule, and they act as they see fit," Athena said blandly.

Zeus sighed and rubbed his head. "Of course they do."

That's right, folks, you heard it here! This guy is the Cable to my Deadpool, not Princely Johnson like you all thought. In your face! Or would you rather on your face? Hehehe, get it? Orgasm jokes!"

"Man, this comedy is going straight to the gutter." Jason muttered after he read that last line.

"Crude humor is best humor at times." Leo protested.

"Meh."

"I meh your meh!"

"You can't meh my meh!"

"I just did! Stamped it, no erasies!"

Jason blinked, baffled at Leo's expectant look. The son of Hephaestus then looked at Piper, almost annoyed.

"Fix. Your. Boyfriend." He ordered.

"I'll get him all caught up in Jim Carrey's genius, Leo. Don't worry," Piper said. She gave Jason her own annoyed look. "I can't believe you don't know what Dumb and Dumber is."

"...That sounds like a stupid mo-mph!?" Jason's hands frantically went to his face as his mouth suddenly sealed shut.

"Blasphemous heathen cur! You'd get worse if not for Hera's favor!" Apollo snarled, before he looked evenly at the angered glare sent his way by the Queen. "He will get it back after this chapter is over."

"You tread on thin ice, Apollo." Hera warned. Apollo crossed his arms and firmly defended his stance.

"It is a crime to not see the film. You don't have to like it, but you must see it."

"I can't believe I'm going to say this, but...He's right," Artemis said with a drawn out sigh. "It's one of the few films my Hunters and I enjoy."

"We really should see the sequel," Thalia said idly, not as annoyed as most would think since she agreed with her patron goddess. She took the book from Jason's hands and grimaced. "I'll pick it up from here, but I won't read it again."

"That's fine, so long as we can continue." Zeus muttered impatiently.

I think they get the point. Kurama drawled. You should unfreeze time and get on with the plot before the author gets tired of writing you again.

Naruto scowled and looked at the white box. "Shut up, you. No one can get tired of Deadpool knock-offs! There's a movie!" Naruto leaned in and gave two thumbs up. "Props to Apollo. R-rating is the way to go for the DP movie! That trailer shown at Comic-Con? That shit was awe-to-the-some! I mean, damn, that kill shot and X!? Oh, so good!"

Time resumed and Naruto quickly leaned away from the time traveller with his hands behind his back. "So, Valdez, what brings you to the 'stupid ages'?"

"I am not here of my own choice, Naruto." Sam returned with a frown. He thrust his flesh finger at the blond. "Your antics are altering history. Again."

"Why haven't the Fates killed him already?" Athena wondered aloud. "I'm getting a headache coming from just listening to this garbage second hand."

"Which one should they kill?" Ares asked in amusement. "The idealistic time traveller or the Insane Idiot?"

"...Wait, what I do this time? I've been accepting jobs, keeping low off the radar!" Naruto argued. He thrust a finger back at Sam dramatically. "Like you told me to!"

Sam crossed his arms and scowled. "Two weeks ago, you plugged an arms dealer in the middle of the New York Interstate."

"Yeah, so?"

"He was going to die on that day...from a heart attack."

"Well," Hermes shrugged. "At least he died with dignity... and a third nostril."

"Gotta love them third nostrils," Apollo said with a nod.

Naruto smirked and crossed his arms. "Ha! So that means I did good! I killed him before he was supposed to die! Saved billions!" He made a frame with his hands. "I can see it now: Savior of the World, Naruto Uzumaki!

Percy squinted. "Nah, it's missing a P and a J."

"We get it, you saved the world." Annabeth rolled her eyes. She gestured to the other demigods, who glowered in annoyance at the son of Poseidon – especially Jason, who was kind of put out since he'd lost his ability to speak. "So did all of us."

"But I did it twice!"

"Big whoop, want to fight about it?" Ares asked, smirking.

"No." Poseidon and Zeus shot their sons down before they could even get into their rivalry.

Bet'cha I got myself a museum and everything, too! Not to mention all the fine tit-tays I'll be swarmed with... Score for the Naru-Pool, and Tasky can't, or better yet, probably won't argue against it! Boo-yaka!"

The fantasy that started to play out in Naruto's mind made his eyes become unfocused, his hands reach up to grope the air, and a dumb smile to spread across his face. Sam watched this with a mild frown on his face before he sighed. His bronze arm lifted up and came down on top of the deranged demigod's head. Naruto let out a dazed groan from where he was on the ground while Sam glared at him.

"Your 'team' not only cost the state of New York millions of dollars in repairs due to your dual assault on White, but you prevented White's illegal actions from being discovered post his natural demise by actual cops that would be investigating his successor."

"Well, that's going to be a problem." Annabeth rubbed at her eyes and groaned. "Something tells me that we'll be involved somehow."

"Aw man…" Percy's head flopped back onto the couch.

The time traveller explained slowly. "That means that all of his partners in crime and business can't create plausible deniability since his death at an assassin's hands means that all of his work related issues will be closely looked into. Which means a lot of good done to cover their small dark work is erased from the timeline!"

"Wait, but I stopped his successor from starting up, right? Isn't that good?" Naruto asked.

"You stupid idiot–"

That's a redundant statement. Kurama interjected with a hint of amusement.

"He does have a point," Dionysus said with a quirked smirk.

Athena sighed. "Indeed."

"–Time is not a pool to swim in! Time travel is only a two-way street without any turn offs. Destiny can be changed,

"I think the Fates would disagree with that." Zeus sniffed.

"Of course you do," Hades said dryly.

but time cannot! You altered our timeline.! Again! After I told you not to!" Sam raged. He pointed over at the Empire State Building. "Now they are going to have to deal with the return of a very ancient enemy that was supposed to remain asleep during all of this!"

"Which one? Gaea? She's already coming, dude," Percy said.

"It could be some other monster." Reyna pointed out.

"What else is there?!"

"A lot." Annabeth told her boyfriend.

"Ugh, how many more do I have to kill…?"

"Bring it on!" Naruto grinned. "We can take on the Sandman! He was such a puss in Spider-Man 3: Birth of Tobey McCrier!"

"You won't be apart of it, dumbass!" Sam snarled. He grabbed Naruto by the collar and shook him. "Pay attention, dammit! Two days from now, you die facing off against Kronos' Army!"

"That blows." Leo summed up.

"Tough break," Percy said mockingly. At the small looks of surprise he shrugged. "What? I don't like this story, I'm not invested in it. I don't care if this Naruto gets axed."

"Wow, that's cold, Percy." Thalia chided.

"Oh, so you do like this one? Funny, I thought you only liked the one where he's your hands-on boyfriend," Percy said, annoyed at what he deemed hypocritical, since Thalia was so reluctant to read after she was forced to sing.

Thalia bristled at the jab and her eyes sparked.

"No fighting!" Annabeth cut in before her boyfriend and friend could get into another argument or fight. She leveled a look at Percy and he winced. He was in trouble and was going to get it later.

Glad that she wasn't going to see her cousin and boyfriend get into another altercation, verbal or otherwise, Annabeth looked back at Thalia.

"Thalia..."

"Yeah, yeah..." Thalia grumbled and returned her attention to the book.

Ohh...We done fucked up. Kurama muttered.

Yep! We're boned!

"Oh, hey, you sound better." Naruto noted as he turned to look at the white box of italicized Greek text that appeared to his right. "Feel poetic, Yami?"

"Naruto, stop ignoring me and focus!" Sam barked as he shook the son of Dionysus. He released the shorter teen and glared at him. "Despite how you act, how deplorable of a psycho you are–"

You know something...I-I think he's confessing to us!

Whoa! Hey! I am not prepared to be his sempai! I need time to think about this sort of thing!

"Look, Sammy, I like you, too, but, I'm straight (mostly) and spoken for. I mean, yes, I know that won't matter in a few days, but you're a good guy. You deserve happiness." Naruto clapped a hand on the half-machine's shoulder. "You need to move on. Just... promise me that you'll name your first adopted child after me. I'll even babysit for you, but it'll cost ya!"

Sam's eye twitched. "Naruto, I'm not gay for you."

Dionysus wrinkled his nose. "He doesn't have to be so rude about it."

"As long as he isn't my Sempai, I'm good." Percy quipped.

"I think he is." Piper pointed out in amusement while Jason smirked alongside her.

"Not funny, Piper." Annabeth scowled while Percy blanched.

"Good! That's progress! A little fast to admit, so I think there's some denial, but-!"

"I'm not gay!" Sam snarled. "Stop interrupting me and pay attention for one goddamn second!"

"...Alright, but I still think someone's floating on a sinking ship in the river called De Nile~!" Naruto sang. He was cut off as the bronzed hand grabbed him by the throat. "Urk! Whoa, right for the kill, huh? Starting to make this comedy into a tragedy with each passing second."

"Personally, I don't think it would be a real tragedy." Thalia dryly noted.

Ooh, almost like the Deadpool movie did.

Is it me, or does it feel like a year's passed since this document has been updated?

"Yeah...Loser saw the movie...not even bothering to change the jokes at the start...fucker's going to destroy...continuity...!"

"Psh, continuity? Like we care about that in fiction." Apollo laughed sarcastically and waved his hand. "Just retcon it!"

Naruto choked out while he clawed at the hand restricting his throat.

"Stop babbling nonsense! You need to come with me and..." Cable-er, Sam's voice became akin to white noise as Naruto tuned out of the heroic monologue.

Seriously, even the video game wouldn't let the hero monologue! Hell, even the movie-Oh, fuck yeah, the moment when Colossus tries to teach Deadpool to be good! Ha! Shame the studio wouldn't cough more cash up for more X-men.

"Spoilers!" Apollo spat in outrage. "It's still getting approved by the company!"

Bastards believed it wouldn't go anywhere, and Reynolds even made cracks about his past career! ...Can I for one just say it's awesome that the Loser is letting us have this knowledge without having to wait for the real thing?

"Hell...Yeah..." Naruto reached down and grabbed the handle of the handgun that was at Sam's hip. He waited for Sam to be lost in descriptive monologue, which didn't take long, before he pulled the gun out, put it under his jaw and – click.

OH COME ON! Naruto, Yami and Kurama took that moment to glare at the loser writing his story's late, late, late and so very anticipated chapter. The Author in question shrugged, as if to say, "I'm not apologizing."

"Hm..." Hermes sniffed the air. "I smell a rip-off!"

"Sorry." Ares grinned.

Hermes stuck out his tongue in disgust. "Oh, Us."

Hera just took a deep breath to withhold voicing her shame. She would only be giving Ares what he wanted if she reacted.

We'd better get to kill something soon. Kurama growled as Sam continued his monologue, which spoke of space battles with the gods and dark gods like Cthulhu and other Lovecraftian lore.

"Dribble." Zeus sneered.

"I don't know, there were the rituals and all that going on around the world." Hades mused.

"Spare us your conspiracy theories, Hades." Hermes pleaded. He used to have to suffer through it all the time when he made direct drops.

Naruto dropped the handgun and put his face in his hands since he was forced to listen to Sam's monologue.

It was like being forced to listen to William Hung for ten hours straight and then being force to watch Two Girls, One Cup with your eyes taped open.

Yeah, otherwise-Hey, what's that? Yami asked.

Wha-Oh my Christian Slater! Look! Below us! It's a scene break!

Yes! Scene changes for the fucking win! Yami cheered.

"…I must ask, why are we reading this?" Reyna asked, perplexed and somewhat offended.

"Because the Fates are cruel?" Leo suggested.

"It would seem so."

"Worst. Time Skip. Ever." Naruto grumbled sourly, his arms crossed while he was bunched in between Percy and Annabeth in the back of an SUV. "Stupid fucking loser...going off to write about that stupid anime awesomeness that won't be a thing in this world and leaving me to rot, not even explaining where Sammy went or what he wants us to do...I want my screen time dammit!"

Should've known it was too good to be true. Kurama sighed.

Hey, but look at how well Angel-hair filled out! Least we have some good eye-candy...and finger candy. Ring-pop is still in our 'secret pouch'.

"I'm saving that for later. But you're onto something, Yami. She is starting to look like Tasky." Naruto scrutinized Annabeth with narrowed eyes and a hand on his chin. "I don't know what's missing though..."

"Please do not talk about me." Annabeth pleaded, now uncomfortable with the book.

Percy's eye twitched and his arm tightened protective/possessively around Annabeth.

"Hey, uh, Naruto. Can you, um, back off?" Annabeth asked, uncomfortable with his proximity to her person. Naruto furrowed his brows further, his mask's white eyes narrowed even more as his face was centimeters from hers.

Hey, d'you know who she looks like?

"Athena." Naruto muttered,

"A genius in the making, Dionysus." Athena drawled.

The wine god gave her a withering glare.

all the while still scrutinizing Annabeth. His concealed eyes drifted down from her face for a brief moment. Nope. Those were close to Toni's at that age. Maybe there was a sensitivity difference or something...

Don't touch, just look! She's the heroine of Percy's book.

"I am not a book," Percy said indignantly. "That would be boring."

"So what? You'd want to be a movie." Apollo asked, intrigued by the idea.

"If they do it right? Sure."

"Right." Naruto conceded to Yami's point and backed away. It was Percy's job to corrupt Annabeth with sex. Then she was free game. After all, a few drinks between friends meant for a happy threesome! ...Or orgy!

"Hoopla!" Aphrodite grinned.

"Now I feel like I need to shower…" Piper muttered as she rubbed her head. Jason patted her shoulder consolingly.

Icha-Icha be praised! Yami proclaimed

Hail! Kurama agreed. But seriously, you know who she reminds me of?

"Considering you've only existed for about, oh, three, maybe four days, give or take a few years of inactivity, no, no I don't." Naruto mumbled while he began examining Annabeth's hat, having swiped it and gotten bored of creeping the younger girl out. He snorted and looked at Annabeth as he tossed the cap back to her. "Don't you have any loyalty, Magnus? Yankee's suck. Red Sox for the win."

"How does he know that name?!" Annabeth asked in alarm.

Percy looked at her oddly. "...So, now I get the feeling that I should ask who-"

"Cousin on Dad's side." Annabeth muttered, half distracted. She pursed her lips in worry. "One we haven't heard from in a while..."

"Ah." Percy nodded.

"Blasphemy!" Both Annabeth and Toni snarled.

"Break his legs." Annabeth and Percy scowled as they recalled the protagonist's insult to the former's favorite baseball team.

"Hey! Drive! Yell at your boy toy later!" Lester snapped, his hands on the dash.

"Shut up, Lester!"

"Then focus on the road, Toni!"

"I like yelling, too!" Naruto suddenly announced, popping up between his two fellow seniors. He pointed ahead of them. "Hey, I know that guy!"

Toni slammed on the breaks when she turned her attention forward, just in time for the hood of the car to be impaled by a Bronze axe.

"I'd believe that." Frank muttered.

"Conflict? Yeah conflict!" Ares whooped.

The wielder of the axe was an eight-foot-tall giant, with gnarly black hair and a thick bushy beard. He had on a pair of yellow Shutter Shades, a forcibly sleeveless purple shirt that had a beefy man posing on it, and tight lightly hued jeans that strained around his legs.

"...I knew it was too good to be true..." Naruto muttered. He sniffled and rubbed at his eye. "Macho Man Randy Savage. You live on. But...Dammit, you're a bad guy!"

"He was a bad guy when he was alive, too." Ares grinned. "Oh yeah."

"That's not Randy Savage, Naruto!" Lester snapped. "Get us out of here, Toni!"

"He cut the engine!"

"This calls for an epic fight scene!" Naruto declared. He looked over his shoulder at Percy. "Boy Bubbler, stay here and protect mini-Toni. Lion-o, you're with me!"

"ThunderCats, ho!" Leo cried out, getting some looks. "Seriously? Come on! I set that up flawlessly!"

"Could have been better." Thalia muttered.

"Swear to god, one day I will kill you." Lester grumbled as he hurriedly got out of the car.

"Be happy, dude, Apollo gets your name when Zeus punishes him," Naruto said as he clambered out in a much more casual manner. Seated in the passenger's seat, time slowed again and he turned to the readers. "Oops! Spoilers."

"Hold it! Pause! Time out!" Apollo cried out in alarm. He turned to the King with wide, horrified eyes. "You're going to what?"

"Hm? Oh, nothing." Zeus smirked at his son's fear.

"Liar!" Apollo pointed furiously at Zeus. "You said I'd never have to go through that again!"

"To be perfectly frank, Apollo, I never swore it on the Styx."

"...Dammit." Apollo whimpered.

"Naruto, just get out!" Toni shoved Naruto out of the open door when time resumed. Naruto landed face first on the asphalt, groaning as he got to his feet and immediately had to avoid being turned into sliced bread when the giant's axe came down on him.

"Uzumaki!" The giant growled. "You insult me and my father, betrayed our glorious leader and have the audacity to ride around with my beloved."

Time, once again, slowed as Naruto turned to the audience.

"Okay, yeah, backstory time. Since apparently we don't have the budget for another flashback." Here, Naruto pointedly glared off-panel. "Lazy good for nothin-...Anyway. The Cream of the Crop over there is Almops, son of Poseidon, side of the Gigantes...Wait."

Here, Naruto blinked and pulled out his i-Phone. He went to Wikipedia,

Athena looked on in distaste. "He actually trusts that site? But it's wrong! It always is."

"Actually, they've started to clean it up a bit." Hermes shrugged. "They have citations for their articles and claims, and you have to pay-"

"It. Is. Wrong." Athena glared the god into silence.

looked up the monster's name and-

"Fuckin' dumbass, Gigantes weren't in this fight!" Naruto glared off panel again. "Bullshit, man, I gotta fight a legit giant-Oh, wait...Not anti-god...Just a run of the mill giant. Huh. Well, anyway, I ran into this loser a looong time ago. Like, pre-Deadpool Powers. Back when I was still welcomed at camp. I mean I am still welcomed, but apparently they're prejudiced against badassary. Go figure. So, in summary: Dude's a giant son of Poseidon, I killed his dumb ass before, don't exactly remember why...but yeah, killed him and apparently he's got the hots for Lester. ...Or is-is he talking about my bae? Oh, motherfucker best not be talkin' bout my bae! Hold on, I gots-ta take my weave out!"

Naruto huffed as time resumed once more and unsheathed his knives. He grinned eagerly behind his mask.

"Let's take a few inches off the top."

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but... Kurama trailed off.

Someone's getting cliffied~! Yami sang.

"That dirty rotten scoundrel." Demeter frowned. "We're kept waiting how long and then they do this? I suggest we drop this story!"

"I say we don't." Hades smiled.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?"

"Doing the opposite of what I want!"

"Make me." Hades snorted as Demeter simply fumed. "...No? Go cry to Mother, Demeter."

"What?" Naruto asked before he put his knives away and pulled out a copy of the story.

Almops, freed from the time distortion, stared in bewilderment while the demigods shared confused glances. To them, Naruto looked like he was flipping through an invisible book, but it was clearly there. They were just far too sane to see it. Those poor, poor sane fuckers.

"Agreed, sanity is overrated." Dionysus smiled broadly as he willed another Diet Coke into existence.

"Let's see, chapter four, chapter four, chapter-Hey, musical fourth wall dream. Nice!" Naruto chuckled. "Bet they made Thalia Grace read that.

"Okay, I'm scared now." Thalia shuddered at the line.

Nico looked around. "I get forth wall and all that, but that's just too much."

"I never ever want to meet him for real." Percy muttered as he trembled

Heh, that'd be funny. Hm, wonder if she's a babe.

"You sonova-!" Thalia's eyes sparked and glared at the page. "I'm going to cook his nuts over an open fire!"

Aphrodite looked at Artemis. "It's been only three years and she's this bad already?"

"She's not bad in any sense. She's wizened up." Artemis argued.

Bucket list objective added – Ah-ha, here we are!"

Naruto smiled and trailed his finger along the lines of the page.

"Title, meh, could be better. Love the group though-Oh! There's Motherfuckin' Cable, lookin like a sexy badass, hope we see more of him later," Naruto said with a chuckle. At this point, Almops took a step back, but kept a wary eye on the son of Dionysus. The other demigods had already moved to cover, with Lester on a fire escape above and debating silently who he should shoot: The baddie or the idiot.

"The baddie you fool!" Apollo chided. "No killing Narupool!"

"If he can that is." Hades reminded him pointedly.

"Exactly."

"Comparing Annabeth to Magnus, staring at tits, hmm. Makes me look like a douche, but then again, I'm no saint. Ah, here's the wannabe WWF Champ...Heh, I'm a riot," Naruto said with a smirk before his eyes went wide. "Whoa, I'm rereading my own dialogue. That's like a fourth wall joke within a forth wall joke...That's like, Sixteen walls broken."

"Maybe I should start up a company for forth wall insurance." Hermes stroked his chin in intrigue.

Skip to chapter five and jump back a page. Yami advised.

"Spoilers! ...I love it." Naruto grinned and did as the voice in his head said. He looked at the bottom line and gasped. "No...No! NO! Don't you dare! You lazy-stupid-sonova-!"

"Finally done!" Jason sighed in relief as he regained use of his mouth when the book vanished.

"Well, hopefully we get to read a new chapter sometime this year." Dionysus frowned, he was sad the chapter was over.

"Meh, who knows." Apollo shrugged and sat back with his hands behind his head. "But damn those cliff hangers to Tartarus."

REVIEW!