Vice-Admiral Akainu: 53 years old. Works as a Vice-Admiral for the Marines. Blood Type A. Leo. Favorite phrase is "Absolute justice".

Not that anyone was asking.

He was currently sitting in a train, where the infamous criminals "Firefist" Ace and "Strawhat" Luffy had been said to board. He flipped through his newpaper, and he was just about to crush his can of beer in his Absolute Fist of Justice when the compartment door opened.

"-can't just put anything that looks like food into your mouth!"

"But I was hungry!"

"You're ALWAYS hungry!"

Akainu spun around and pointed his finger at the two new passengers. "YOU!"

Ace raised an eyebrow. "Do I know you?"

Akainu took a moment to observe the criminal. The cocky, self-assured criminal. With a dash of freckles across the bridge of his nose that didn't detract from his roguish good looks. He looked that criminal square in the eye. "Will you go on a date with me?"

"Excuse me?"

"Uh, I mean, ABSOLUTE JUSTICE!"

"Who the hell are you?" Ace took a protective stance in front of his little brother.

Akainu stood up to his full height, easily dwarfing the two. "I am Vice-Admiral Akainu, and I will be taking you two down, in the name of justice."

Ace inspected the man from head to toe; he'd always had a weakness for strong, older men. "Well, you can take me however you want, but Luffy here is underage."

"I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT!"

Luffy observed the two silently as he munched on some chips, having stolen them from some nearby luggage.

Ace decided to tease the flustered man. He worked up his most sexy smirk. "Can't you feel it? The flames of love."

"Flames?" Luffy looked around. "Where?"

Ace patted his dumb little brother's head, his gaze still fixed on Akainu. "I can see the passion burning in your eyes."

"My only passion," Akainu cursed at himself for stuttering, "is for justice…stop staring at me like that! It's not like I'm infatuated with you or anything!"

He's a tsundere, Ace realized with a gasp. He clutched at his chest like a gaping hole had just been punched through it.

A punch called love.

Akainu shook his head to clear his thoughts, reminding himself of his original mission. "You will not escape here alive, Son of Roger."

Ace spat at the ground. "Pops is the only father I will recognize."

"You can't escape your accursed blood. You will forever known as the Devil's child!"

"I have a name, dammit!"

"Of course I know that!"

"Then say it."

"What?"

"Say my name!"

"A-a-a-ace-kun…" Shoujo flowers and sparkles appeared around Akainu's head..

Ace suddenly felt himself blushing and started fanning himself. "Is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

"It's probably just you," Akainu muttered.

"This is boring. I'm leaving now." Luffy pushed past Akainu.

Akainu reached his hand out for the younger boy. "I will not let you get away, Son of Dragon!"

"Leave Luffy alone!" Ace trembled with anger. "Leave him alone. I'm the one you want. I mean…" He ripped his shirt off to expose his perfectly chiseled chest. "I'M THE HOTTER BROTHER!"

"Holy justice on a stick, I could do my laundry on those abs," Akainu unwittingly said out loud.

"You can do a lot more than that," Ace purred, "Akainu."

"Not Akainu." Akainu felt himself moving closer. "You can call me…Sakazuki."

"Sakazuki," Ace breathed in a husky voice.

"Ace."

"Sakazuki!" Ace clutched at the older man's hands.

"ACE!" Akainu returned the grasp with equal fervor.

"Is there's gonna be food at the wedding?" Luffy asked, having returned with more stolen food.

And that's when the train crashed.

Ace and Luffy pulled themselves out of the wreckage, coughing out smoke.

Luffy looked around. "You think Bakainu made it out?"

"I think we're the only ones who survived, Lu." Ace shrugged. "Ah well. Hey, I think I see a buffet in the distance."

"A buffet?! Race ya there!"

"Oh no you don't!" Ace ran to catch up to his little brother.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Except for Akainu, who died in this story.

The End.