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Title: Heaven Forbid (You End Up Alone)

Rated: T for the few and far between swear words, and also possible action. And by action, I don't mean the romantic kind. Until possibly, like, way, way in the future.

Author: Wynter Spite

"Normal speak, obviously."

Thoughts.

"Emphasis."

(General perspective. This one is important, as there will be several of these throughout this story.)

Twenty years, it's breaking you down, now that you understand

There's no one around . . .

Take a breath

Just take a seat

You're falling apart, and tearing at the seams . . .

Heaven forbid you end up alone,

And don't know why . . .

Hold on tight, wait for tomorrow,

You'll be alright . . .

- Heaven Forbid, The Fray

Itachi was sitting beside Sasuke, as usual. He was always hovering over his little brother's shoulder, a silent, unseen guardian. Well . . . mostly unseen.

It wasn't that I saw ghosts. They weren't ghosts. Some of the people I saw were still alive. But, well . . . I didn't know how else to describe them.

Only I could see them. Only I could hear them.

Well . . . at least I never lacked for company.

"Naruto!" snapped my teacher. I jerked. "Pay attention!"

I flashed a grin and saluted. "Aye, aye, sir."

Next to me, Madara scoffed. "Imbecile."

Geezer, I thought cheerfully.

School was out, for now. I was sitting on a bench, chewing on the sandwich I'd packed. I would've had ramen, but Hashirama would have scolded me.

"Did you give any thought to my suggestion?" volunteered the First Hokage.

"You mean that I have a slight case of ADD? Not really. I got sidetracked."

"What, got distracted by a squirrel again?" Madara scoffed.

"No," I said indignantly. "It was a ladybug!"

The old Uchiha snorted. Hashirama smiled down at me and patted my head. I couldn't feel it.

I was getting odd looks. I didn't mind. Most people had already gotten used to my crazy.

"The exams are tomorrow," Hashirama commented. "Are you going to be alright?"

I flashed him a grin. "Sure! I'll be fine!"

"You fail!"

Beside me, Hashirama winced. "Oh, dear. Perhaps we should have gotten started on the Bunshin sooner . . ."

"Yes, he might have passed had we started him, oh . . . five years ago." Madara had his arms crossed over his chest, sneering.

Hashirama frowned fiercely at him. "Madara-"

They'd been walking beside me, arguing as I trudged away, and we were already outside. I waved a hand as I slid onto the swing, held up by at tree. "It's fine. I should have tried harder."

"You did your best, Naruto," protested the First Hokage. I just shook my head.

"Hmph. Don't beat yourself up about this, child," Madara said gruffly.

I gave him a grin. "What's this? Uchiha Madara, getting soft in his old age?"

He scowled. Hashirama laughed.

Sometimes they went off to who-knows-where. I was alone when one of my teachers sat down beside me. Mizuki smiled gently down at me. "Iruka doesn't mean to be harsh," he said softly.

I nodded. "I know." I didn't blame him. How could I, when he took me out for ramen sometimes? He was always the nicest of my teachers.

Mizuki went on to tell me about a 'secret exam'. I thought about it and shrugged. It would be a trick or it would be real. Either way, I might as well chance it.

It was a trick, of course. Hashirama and Madara were with me when I found out. The surprise was when Iruka-sensei defended me. I, of course, couldn't run when he'd gotten hurt getting in the way of a large shuriken for my sake. My ghosts taught me better than that.

"Naruto?" Iruka-sensei asked as I stepped in front of him.

"I won't let you hurt him anymore," I growled at the gloating Mizuki.

"Oh? And what can you do?" he asked scathingly. "You can't even make a Bunshin properly."

"I'll show you!" I made hundreds of shadow clones, and . . . "Ninja Centerfold!"

Mizuki gaped.

Hashirama clapped a hand over his face. I didn't even know ghosts could get nosebleeds.

Madara was also gawking. Impassively, of course. Too bad I didn't have a camera. He probably wouldn't even have shown up on film, anyway. Oh, well. I would just have to savor the memory instead.

I punched Mizuki out.

All in all, it was a good day. I got to beat up one of my teachers and Iruka gave me his leaf headband. Plus, I gave the First Hokage a nosebleed and made the old Uchiha look something other than contemptuously dignified.

So, yes. A very good day indeed.

The next day, I let my elbows rest on my desk, chin settled on my arms. I was very aware of the hitai-ate on my forehead.

"Naruto," said another student, "what are you doing here? Class today is only for the students who didn't fail!"

I flashed him a grin. "Yes? And what do you conclude from that?"

"Uhh . . ."

Madara looked contemtuous. "Idiot."

"They are but children, Madara," Hashirama reminded him.

"I was not that stupid at his age," he said scornfully.

I kept the doubt from my face. He seemed to sense it, anyway, because he turned to scowl at me.

"Excuse me," came a feminine voice. "May I pass?"

I looked up to see Haruno Sakura. She was very cute, with long pink hair and nice blue eyes. Well, they were nice when they weren't directed at me, as they were now. "Move, Naruto," she snapped. "I want to sit next to Sasuke!"

I stared at her for a moment, then scooted closer to the boy in question. "Boss, there's a dame here asking to see you," I muttered to him. "You want I should run interference?"

He raised a black eyebrow at me, but I could tell he was amused. Next to him, Itachi was smothering a smile. This time, Shisui was also there, and he laughed outright.

"Whatever, dobe," Sasuke muttered, lips twitching. I smiled widely at him and stayed where I was.

Sakura huffed and sat down beside me, because there wasn't room on Sasuke's other side.

It was then that Iruka-sensei came in and told us our selective teams.

Madara had his arms crossed over his chest, as usual, his expression one of indifference, but Hashirama looked attentive as Iruka-sensei read out the cell of Team 7. Sakura groaned when she heard my name and cheered when she heard hers and Sasuke's.

"You just had to be on the same team as that noisy wench," Madara muttered.

"Madara!" Hashirama protested.

"Please." He sneered. "Don't tell me you don't wish she'd shut up sometimes."

"Wow," Shisui whispered to Itachi, "Grandpa's scary." He let out an 'eep' and disappeared when Madara turned his fiercely emotionless scowl on him.

I chuckled.

"What's so funny, dobe?" Sasuke asked.

"The ghosts are fighting," I explained.

As I'd already been confronted about this (loudly and publicly), he just grunted.

"Oh, please, Naruto," Sakura said loudly. "We both know that's just you're imagination. You probably just do it for attention."

"I'm not sure I really want more attention," I muttered, thinking of the prejudice of the villagers.

Madara twitched slightly. Hashirama placed a protective hand on my head.

"Hn." Sasuke didn't know the reason for the village's hatred and even if he did, I didn't think he'd share in it. Itachi knew this, and though he looked impassive, I could tell he approved.

Iruka-sensei concluded his talk, saying that they would be introduced to their senior ninjutsu intstructors that afternoon.

"Finally," grumbled Madara. I ignored him, as he complained about everything. We left to go eat our lunches.

To my surprise, Itachi drifted over as I was getting my bento box. I watched him with interest. "You think I should eat with Sasuke?" I guessed.

He smiled (a slight quirk of the lips) and nodded.

I shrugged. "Sure."

He inclined his head and left to wait with his otouto.

I grabbed my bento and went to find my lunch buddy.

I found him leaning against a window on the upper floor. I smiled cheerfully at him and sat cross-legged on the floor. He raised an eyebrow at me, but didn't object.

I chatted to him about just about anything while we ate. He stayed silent. I didn't mind. He said enough with just a slight movement. It was a good thing I was fluent in Uchiha.

It was time for us to meet our teacher. Or rather, it was past time.

Madara was irritably drumming his fingers on a desk, a tum-tum-tum sound that only I and the other 'ghosts' could hear. "He is late," the old Uchiha snapped. He pointed a finger at me. "Child, you had best prank him, and make it good."

I blinked at him and stood up to place an eraser in the door.

". . . that's not good enough."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Shisui said cheerfully.

Madara growled at him and started forward. Hashirama grabbed and held onto him, sighing.

Shisui hid behind Itachi.

"That won't work," Sakura said, frowning at me. "He's an experienced jounin. There's no way he'll be caught in something as simple as that."

"So . . ." I said slowly, ". . . you want me to make the prank more complex?"

"Yes . . . I mean, no! Ergh!"

"Hells, yeah," Shisui said immediately.

Sasuke's lips were turned up slightly.

Unfortunately, I didn't get the chance to do anything else, as at that moment, our teacher walked through the door.

The eraser plunked onto his spiky silver head. He slowly looked at us. Beside him, a black-haired man was hunched over slightly as he laughed hard and long. A brown-haired woman with purple markings on her cheeks, a bit like I'd seen on the Inuzuka's, was also laughing. It was a very pleasant sound.

"I'm sorry, Sensei," Sakura groveled, "I tried to stop him, but Naruto . . ."

"May I kill her?" Madara wondered aloud."May I silence her forever?"

Hashirama didn't bother protesting, instead saying mildly, "Of course. Just as soon as you become corporeal . . ."

"Damn," he muttered.

"My first impression . . ." The silver-haired teacher smiled. ". . . I hate you."

I wasn't listening. My attention was distracted by a pale green lizard scurrying across the floor.

"Naruto." Hashirama nudged me gently.

I snapped to attention. "Huh? What? What was it?"

"Your teacher was telling you that he hated you all," Madara enlightened me.

I blinked at Silver-Hair over there. "Oh. All of us?"

"All of you," Silver assured me.

"Huh. That's a first." Usually they just hated me.

Sasuke shifted. If he just so happened to brush my shoulder with his, well . . . completely accidental, right?

Yeah, right. I grinned at him.

"I'd like you to tell us a little about yourselves."

"Like what?" I asked.

Silver-Hair shrugged. "You know. The usual. Your favorite thing, what you hate the most. Dreams, ambitions, hobbies. Things like that."

"Well, in that case, why don't you go first?" I suggested.

"He's right," Sakura nodded. Her arms were wrapped around her legs. "After all, you're a complete stranger to us. A mystery."

"Right, you're sooo mysterious, Bakakashi." The black-haired man (an Uchiha named Obito, he and the girl had already introduced themselves to the group) snickered.

"Hey, women like a man with a bit of mystery." The girl nudged him. "Besides, it goes both ways, doesn't it?"

"Mystery is sexy," Shisui agreed.

Silver began, "My name is Hatake Kakashi. I'm the kind of person who doesn't feel like talking about his likes and dislikes . . ."

"Too much mystery, Bakashi," Obito muttered.

"My dreams for the future are none of your business . . . I have lots of hobbies." Kakashi smiled. "Now that that's over, why don't we start with you, on the right."

Rin facepalmed.

"Me?"

Madara raised an eyebrow. "He certainly doesn't mean me, idiot."

"Right." I nodded. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like ramen and Iruka-sensei and this grump over here." I pointed a thumb at Sasuke, who looked a little surprised. "I also like . . . some other people. My dream is to one day become a better shinobi than Lord Hokage."

Hashirama smiled and ruffled my hair. "I do not doubt that you'll surpass us all."

I smiled. "My hobbies are taking care of my plants, playing pranks, and listening to a certain person complain. Mostly because he never really stops."

Madara scowled impassively (seriously, how does he do it? If I tried, I'd probably just look constipated). Hashirama laughed. Madara snapped at him, and he got all depressed, which really frustrated Madara because he does that too easily.

I realized that I'd been silent for a while and shrugged. "That's about it, I suppose."

Kakashi looked thoughtful. "Next."

"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. There are plenty of things I hate, but that doesn't really matter, because there is very little that I like." He hesitated before saying, "Naruto is . . . not as annoying as some other people . . . so I suppose he is part of that small group."

"Aw," Shisui cooed. Itachi smiled faintly.

Madara twitched. "Quiet."

Shisui pretended to lock his mouth and throw away the key.

"As for my dreams . . . no, my determination . . . 'dream' is just a wor-" He glanced at me. Maybe it was my big blue puppy-dog eyes or the earnest expression on my face as smiled encouragingly at him, but he rethought what he was going to say. ". . . I plan to restore my clan."

"Not until you're older, cousin," Obito interjected.

"And there is a certain man . . ." Sasuke's face darkened. ". . . whom I have sworn to kill."

This seemed to upset Itachi. He reached out to touch his otouto's shoulder, but Sasuke couldn't feel it and didn't notice.

"If that's the case," I decided, "you aren't doing it alone."

The young Uchiha's dark eyes flashed. "Dobe-"

I looked at him. I wasn't angry or even stern or anything. But for some reason he stopped.

(Naruto didn't know that he looked like help and safety and protection and companionship. But it didn't matter that he was ignorant of just how much of a guardian he looked, because Sasuke was silent and wondering if perhaps he shouldn't be alone in his mission after all.)

Itachi had a look of fondness and pride.

Kakashi coughed. "Finally, the young lady."

Sakura was glancing at Sasuke and I, perhaps truly seeing us for the first time. "My name is Haruno Sakura. My favorite thing is . . . u-um . . . I like dumplings, actually. And flowers."

"That's right, girl." Rin nodded approvingly. "Let's get you out of the fangirl zone, shall we?"

"I . . . dislike bullies. My dream . . ." Sakura straightened as she remembered what it had been, and would topmost be again. ". . . my dream is to be a strong kunoichi."

"Hmph." Madara grunted. "She might be worth something after all."

Might be worth something? She would be worth everything.

A/N

So, this is only to get this story started. To get the ball rolling, so to speak. It will get smoother as the story goes on.

And yes, I know (now) that Naruto did not, in fact, used the Ninja Centerfold against Mizuki, but by the time I'd remembered that, I'd already written the part out, and I decided to keep it because I liked it. Ghosts with nosebleeds, heh.

EDIT: Hey. So, people have been asking questions that I've already answered in later chapters. If you have a question, I'd appreciate you reading to the last chapter 'till you ask it. If you've still got it by the end, then go ahead, but 'till then . . .

Also, and this is important, this story is not to be taken too seriously. I write this because it's fun and it makes me laugh, and I posted it because I wanted others to share in my enjoyment. Yeah. That's . . . about all I wanted to say. So . . .

Thank you, and have a nice day. Don't forget to grab a coupon for the mangos on aisle 5. I repeat, coupons for mangos on aisle 5. Thank you. Wynter, out. *Screech, static, clatter, a struggle ensues to place the microphone back in its holder.* Bob? Dangit, Bob, how do you turn this thing off? *Fzzt.*

END EDIT (4/26/2015)

(Edit: 6/22/2015)