A/N: Ooooooooooooooh my Goooooooooooood! Alright, I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm freaking out. Simple. A friend of mine finally badgered me into watching this anime Date A Live, the first season of which runs twelve episodes. Seriously, this girl has been pestering me for MONTHS to watch it, and I kept putting her off. I'm not into those blatant fanservice animes unless they have very very VERY good plot. But my internet was out today, and she popped over with the boxed set, so...I gave it a go.

Here is my verdict. BRAVO!

To my surprise, while this did have SOME fanservice, the plot, and the main character, were actually rather solid. Funny as hell, too. Protagonist was solid, not wishy-washy, either!

Which brings me to my next point. The characters. I have never, in all my life, seen such moe packed into one series.

One particular character, Tohka, I believe her name was, is bloody ADORABLE. Look her up on youtube if you don't believe me. And so I thought to myself, hey, why not try to write a crossover with this? I have no hate for Shido-hell, its hard to hate him-but I was curious and wanted to my forte. And on that note, for those of you who have seen Date A Live, I'm sure you know what to expect here. Those who haven't...

...I highly reccomend that you watch it, or you're gonna be confused! Barring that, just look at the wiki...and remember, I own nothing but the idea for this story! And on that note, I apologize if its short, but expect big things to come from this story! Needless to say, there's gonna be a few changes, so I apologize if I offend any purists out there...

"A spacequake is a general term for occurrence of a large scale disaster. Well, in simple words, one day suddenly in the world somewhere, *DON*, an explosion will occur."

~as explained by Tamae-sensei a.k.a Tama-chan-sensei)

Date or Die

Do you know what a spacequake is?

"A spacequake is a general term for occurrence of a large scale disaster. Well, in simple words, one day suddenly in the world somewhere, *DON*, an explosion will occur." I suppose that would be one way to explain in loose terms-VERY loose terms!-the incident that claimed over one hundred and million lives in japan.

Alright...that explanation sucked. Hey, I'm a shinobi, not a physicist! Ugh, let me try this again, using the explanation these Ratatoskr folks gave me. Ahem...

Spirits that exist in the alternate dimension that is said to be the neighboring world and would occasionally appear into this world. On these occasions, there would be a large bend in the walls between the dimensions, causing a phenomenon known as a spacequake to occur. Whether it was on a large or small scale– the area where the Spirits would appear would be absurdly destroyed, as though a bomb had exploded. So basically, yeah...

...boom.

To begin with, the world's absolutely terrified of these "space quakes" as it were, even though they're mostly centered around Japan. They'd even formed a task force-the AST, otherwise known as the Anti Spirit Team, I believe it was called-to kill the poor girls and keep these quakes from happening in the first place. That's right, the whole world fears them; they are reviled and hated almost entirely as a whole.

Me?

I find them interesting.

Immensely powerful beings capable of wanton destruction, creatures capable of shrugging off bullets as if they were nothing?! Finally, something to entertain me after all these years of living! Do you have any idea how BORING it is, being immortal?! Nothing to see, nothing to do, and after a few wars, trying to save the world really starts to loose its sheen. But a fight? Yeah, I can appreciate a good fight. Or a prank? Or ramen-great, I gotta get something to eat now...

Anywho, this is my story...the day fate-really shoulda listened to Kaguya an' killed that troublesome thing when I had the chance-decided to stick her troublesome fingers in my business and meddle. The day everything changed. Its a happy, silly, sad story, one I don't regret to this day. Ah, but I'm getting way ahead of myself here. My name, is Uzumaki Naruto. This is my story. Don't know if it has a happy ending...yet. Sorta penning this as I go, so...

...read at your own peril!

Uzumaki Naruto was bored.

Not the commonplace boredom that came with a lazy, rainy afternoon; nor was it the fleeting kind that lasted only a few minutes. This was worse. This was the earth-shaking, soul-shattering boredom that built up after years and years and years of living, with nothing more than the voices in your head and your own, twisted mind to keep you company. Even adopting a semi-normal life had done little to curb the need for excitement in his life.

"Mwah," he groaned, flopping around in the desk, sprawling as the dismissal bell rang. "I. Am. So. Booooooooored~!" His finger poked morosely at the window, and though he could've easily shattered it with a flick of his little finger, the ancient shinobi restrained himself. If he broke the window he'd just get covered in glass, and then the rain would get him wet, which, even with his hyper-metabolism, likely meant a cold...

"Aaaargh!" Swinging away from the window he lunged, planting himself on the ceiling with both feet, sticking there like a spider, uncaring of who saw. Perhaps it was too much to hope that the blood rushing to his head would rid him of this infernal tripe...

Going to school was amusing for the first fifteen seconds or so, but the knowledge that he'd willingly returned to this hellish institution did precious little to curb his lack of enthusiasm. Well, at least the vacation had been entertaining. A merry chase through the city, making the AST think he was a spirit...that never failed to get some giggles. Hmm...maybe he should do that...

"Can't we do something different this time?" a dusky, ethereal voice whispered in his ear. "Running the mortals in merry circles grows tiresome after awhile."

"Oh, you're still here." his ears perked up as he dropped back to the floor. "I'd thought you clammed up after the last century."

"Boredom does strange things to ones mind. But you're right, things got a little weird after century five...

"Sooo, I suppose you're done trying to claim my body and rule the world?" he stared back into the window pane, mildly disturbed by the dual reflection that greeted him. Even after all these years, her appearance never failed to unnerve. He was undying, he'd accepted that much, but the idea of having a living, breathing, honest-to-goodness GODDESS bound to his soul was still taking some getting used to.

"Naruto, I am a GOD-

"Right right right," he yawned softly, palming his mouth in a fascimile of a goddess, "I am a Goddess, fear me, all ye puny creatures. Rawr."

...you're no fun, you no that? None at all. And have you forgotten? You already gave me a body, remember? Why would I need yours?"

"Aaaaand you're still here because, why?"

"Bored." came the deadpanned reply.

"Oi, oi, you starting to sound like Origami-chan...

"Ah. Naruto."

Speak of the devil!

"Osu." He yawned, not looking up. "That'd be me. Leave a message after the beep. Bee-oomph!"

Breath gusted out of his lungs as she kicked the chair out from under him, sending the dozing blond crashing to the floor.

"Okay, okay, no need to get angry." The blond sleepily raised his head from where it lay in his folded arms, swinging a hand in acknowledgement as the desk beside him scooted backwards. Tobiichi Origami stared back at him, her once expressionless face bearing a slight scowl, blank eyes regarding him with just a spark of anger. Despite that, he found himself smiling as he lurched to his feet.

"You still mad about that little chase?"

"No."

...do you want something else, then?"

A blink. "Yes."

Girl of few words, this one. He never could figure her out...

"Do you have any plans?"

"Yup." he forced himself to ignore the flicker of dissapointment in her eyes. "I'm meeting Kotori-chan at a restaurant after this."

"Oh, I see...

Without so much as another word, she shuffled off, leaving the room and rounding the bad.

"I hope you feel horrible for that." Kaguya said.

He simply sat there for a long moment, letting those words sink in. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"

"I suppose."

"Then yes, I do."

"Ah, the flickering hearts of men." she preened at the praise. "Well, at least I'm not trapped as you are."

At that, the shameless blond finally blanched. "See, now that just hurts, Kaguya-chan...

He was, to his eternal irritation and after years of fruitless experiments, trapped at the age of eighteen. It wasn't that his aging had stopped per se; it was just moving so slowly that his physical age no longer paralleled the mental age of the mind and soul beneath. His near-impervious body had simply stopped changing noticeably. Well, perhaps there were a few changes.

Thanks to the nigh-indestructible Rabbit Goddess sealed inside him he was noticeably taller than his former self, his hair longer, possessing an equally annoying streak of white among the blond; one that seemed to ebb and flow over the ages. It was, as Kotori had so bluntly put it, just a little funny.

'Onii-chan!'

Naruto felt his eye twtich at the thought of his silly, drop-kicking, adopted little sister. 'Right, I DID promise to meet her at that restaurant after school...guess I'd better.' In a single movement he rose from the desk, a black blur to those who weren't watching. He liked to think he saw Origami twitch as he blew past her in the hall; that she frowned, just a little, at the explosion of speed.

After all, he had somewhere to be.

No so long ago-to him, at least-he'd promised that Itsuka kid he'd take care of his little sister. He was stuck with her, like it or not. and going back on a promise simply wasn't his style. 'Sheesh, how did I end up with a little sister? Guess I'm still too nice, even after all these years...

Unfortunately, the Spacequake alarm chose that moment to sound.

The next few seconds were a bustle of activity; loud, blaring klaxons and a soft, feminine voice warned of the impending disaster. Students filing past him to the nearest shelter, the teacher freaking out...but he barely heard any of it at all. One sentence rang in his mind, over and over and over again:

"Meet me here even if there's a spacequake!"

Shit.

Aw, crap baskets...why does this shit always happen to me?!

His feet dragged themselves to a halt for a moment, just a moment, momentum flagging. Then he started running for real.

Floors ruptured.

Windows shattered.

The very fabric of reality bent at the sudden explosion of godlike speed; his body registering as little more than a gold/black streak as it shot past. Skirts shot up in the sudden wind, eliciting a chorus of feminine squeals that, at any other time, he would've been more than happy to witness. Not here. Not now. His mind was focused on a single point, well, two, if one was entirely honest. The GPS on his phone told him exactly where she would be, and his sixth sense only confirmed what he already knew.

A Spirit was coming.

And he was going to be there when it hit.

Naruto's plan for meeting a Spirit was frighteningly simple. Most people would also consider it stupid, reckless and retarded, but those people weren't him.

He was going to stand at the epicenter of a spacequake and wait. No more watching from a distance, no more wondering just what these creatures were. He would finally know; finally get to speak to one, and if things went well, he might actually have a bit of entertainment-a battle!-on his hands.

After he got Kotori out of here, of course. She took priority, no matter how excited he was.

He couldn't bear to let something happen to her. His superior speed had gotten him here in record time, but alas, she was nowhere to be seen. Of course. That would have been too simple and the universe never did simple anymore, oh no! It always had to be complicated...

Inhaling deeply, he opened himself to nature.

As ever the power tried to fight him; it didn't like him, or Kaguya's presence within him. It considered her an abomination, something to be avoided at all costs. She should not exist in the natural order of the world, and neither should he, so he had to fight it, break it, make it bend to him and obey him. Child's play. Being a God had some perks after all. And then, when he finally had it under control, he opened his eyes. Saffron stained his sapphire eyes, the horizontal bars of the toads staring outward at the now-empty block.

Sage Mode.

It revealed absolutely nothing; he couldn't sense anyone in the immediate vicinity. And yet, the phone clearly said she was...wait. He wasn't quite sure what inspired him to look up, only that he did, and when he did, a glimmer of refracted light caught his eye. His eyes, eyes that had been trained to see-sense!-the slightest discrepancy in the world, and that cloaked hulk of something miles above the diner was certainly not supposed to be there. More importantly, why did he sense Kotori up ther-

BA-KRAM!

"IDIOT!"

A deafening crack reached his ears alongside Kaguya's admonishment, flattening his unsuspecting body to the ground. Too late, he realized what was happening. The spacequake wasn't just hitting this area; it'd landed right on top of him. All he could think was to flare his chakra; the shroud that was both his and Kaguya's enveloping him in a single white instant.

And then it was over.

As swiftly as the pressure had come, so too did it vanish.

His eyes, still struggling to adjust to the sudden brightness-and then lack thereof-swung around, seeking some semblance of shape. What he found there baffled him. In place of the street where he'd once stood he was now crouching in a crater easily several miles across; a dip of scorched earth so flattened even the dirt itself looked black. But there, in the center of the crater, at the epicenter of it all, of this strange, twisted, broken world...

...was a girl.

"..."

She was...well, she was certainly something, Naruto thought to himself.

Dark purple hair lofted around a heart-shaped face, from which eyes of bright amethyst shone. Her battle-dress, for he could think of nothing else to call it proved equally inspiring. Gleaming purple plate over cloth over a slim frame, she looked every inch a warrior, ready and willing to battle. Hmm. Perhaps the only description he could think of was violently beautiful. Her body turned slightly, armor rusting in the breeze.

Naruto couldn't help but whistle. "Wow. Not gonna lie, I thought a Spirit would be a lot...scarier."

Finally, she seemed to notice him.

"So...you're here to kill me, too." she asked of him, her soft voice full of sorrow. Naruto blinked, momentarily taken aback, both by the words and the emotion that rushed him. With Sage Mode still active, and his now-white cloak fully focused on her, it was like looking into an open book. The pain, sorrow, sadness, loneliness, it bombarded him with such force that he nearly vomitted. Yes, the intensity of her negative emotions were so powerful that just looking at her made him physically ill.

Why?

"Eh?" he felt his legs buckle, such was his surprise.

Why do they want me dead? Not fair. Always rejecting me, always-

Gasping, he shunted Sage Mode off and returned his senses to his body, focusing solely on his chakra shroud. Look at her still made him uneasy, but she was no longer the writhing storm of sadness and sorrow that had nearly driven him to his knees moments ago. He also became aware of massive sword pressed against his neck.

Wasn't expecting that!

"Um, could you stop that, please?" he asked, reaching up to grab the blade currently biting into his jugular and forcing it away. "I'm not here to hurt you."

"Lies!" she snapped. "You're no different than the rest-huh?! L-Let go!"

Dismay flickered in those bright eyes as she realized she couldn't pull the blade away; her own strength was rendered nonexistent before his seemingly simple grasp. Naruto cocked his head aside, smiling. "Will you stop trying to kill me if I do?" Something in that smile only made her fight harder to get free, followed by a series of increasingly pitiful cries as she fought to free her sword. Never once did she consider that she might let go of the blade...

"Can you please stop that?" Naruto frowned, annoyed as she tried in vain to escape. "I came here because I wanted to meet you. Well, to be honest, I wanted to fight you, but now-

"I KNEW IT!" with surprising strength she pulled her sword free, only to foolishly level it at him once more. "You're here to hurt me! Just like the rest!"

"Oi, if you'd just let me explain-oh." the blond felt himself frown as distant pinpricks of lights made themselves known on the horizon. "Heads up!"

Before he could hope to deny even that, the staccato sound gunfire roared towards them, stitching the ground in either direction. Dozens of flying soldiers-all of them coincidentally female-appeared, shooting down from the skies and trying their utmost to obliterate them. Ah. The AST. Then came the missiles. "Don't they realize how futile it is?" The strange girl frowned, raising a hand towards them, deflecting the explosions with some sort of strange shield.

"Oh? A shield? I can do that, too." she started as he rose up to stand beside her, raising an arm of his own. "Here, let me do one better."

"What are you-

"SHINRA TENSEI!"

The AST soldiers never saw the massive force until it was too late. A wall of invisible energy rushed up to meet them and suddenly they were flying away into the distance, as though the'd been smacked by the hand of an angry god. Naruto watched his handiwork with sweet satisfaction, snickering softly as they crashed away into the ruin. A blast like that wouldn't kill the girls but it would put them down for the count until he'd finally wrapped things up here.

"There." he nodded, satisfied. Turning back to the baffled maiden, he offered his most winning grin. "Now I can finally talk to you."

Her face was a study of contrasts he thought. She looked like she wanted to punch him clear out of the crater, but at the same time, he sensed a curiosity, a desperate need to trust. At last she lowered her blade, giving him a stern, strangely sad look.

"You...you're not like the others."

His head bobbed sagely. "Not in the slightest. I'm just here to talk to you."

Unbidden he recalled a snatch of her thoughts. Always rejecting me...always...always...! Ah. There was the crux of the matter. She hated being rejected by everyone-by the world-by everything. He knew that pain. He'd carried it inside of himself for years until finally, finally, Iruka had acknowledged him. Then came the others. This girl...she was like him. Somewhere, deep inside of him, he felt a surge of empathy for this girl. No...that wasn't quite right...

"I'm not going to reject you." the words were out, leaping past his lips almost before he could think to stop them.

Urk.

He didn't know it, but in that instant, he'd won. Her eyes locked on him, twin points of light.

"You mean it?"

"Yup."

"Do you really mean it?" the look intensified.

"Sure do."

"Do you really, really mean it?"

"Oi...

Finally, finally, the batte maiden seemed to deflate.

"Who...are you? Baka!" Okay, that was strange.

"Uzumaki Naruto." A blink. "Like I said, I was going to fight you, but now I just want to talk."

"Why?"

"It'll sound stupid."

She started to charge an energy blast in her hand. Of course, it wouldn't so much hurt him as it would sting, but she needn't no that. "Alright, alright! Sheesh, no need to singe my coat! Look," he continued, "I...don't fight girls. Its a bit of a principle for me, really. Anyhow, I never got your name."

"What?"

"Don't you have one?" in the distance he could hear the roar of engines the sound of the troops returning. Not a concern, but something to watch out for to be certain.

"A name...?" she frowned at him. "Why would I have such a thing?" Well, we can't have that, Naruto thought to himself.

"Would you like me to give you one?"

Her cheeks turned pink. "W-What?"

Kaguya facepalmed inside of him. "Typical Naruto...

"That settles it!" he thrust a finger forward, seizing on a sudden surge of inspiration. "Your name shall be Tohka!"

"Toh...ka?"

She smiled.

It was like a breath of fresh air.

"Yup this is how you spell it." he showed her, scrawling it out with a finger in the ruined dirt at their feet. "I mean, I could call you Ramen, but that just wouldn't fit now, would it? 'Sides, you look like a Tohka to me. So, whadday say?" He patted the spot beside him, sitting stiffly. "Lets talk, Tohka. Unless you want to be called Ramen, because I could always call you that awesome name...

Her cheeks burned slightly as she copied the motion, sitting opposite him. "N-No, Tohka will do...

"Great," he errantly raised a hand, deflecting a stream of bullets. "You start. Where are you from?"

"Well, I-

She flinched slightly as another missile hit their shield. "N-Naruto. You're in danger here, you should-

"Whadday talking about? This is our time to talk. Just ignore them."

Her smile brightened. "Yes!"

They talked for hours, amidst the endless stream of bullets, the gunfire pinging harmlessly off their shields, the gunners themselves flung away time and time again, only to return minutes later.

When they finally ran out of bullets, we were talking. When they gave up and went home for the day, still talking. And when the sun finally slunk away and disappeared over the horizon, we still kept talking. And, for the life of me, I can't remember when we stopped; when I found that I was opening myself to this girl, to this Spirit, letting down my walls for someone I barely knew.

That was the day everything changed.

Yes, that was the day that I met-and named-this strange girl. Tohka. In hindsight, it was sorta of the top of my head. I'm not sure why I gave her that name. It just seemed to fit, ya know? I couldn't bear the loneliness in her eyes, the sorrow I sensed in her soul. So I resolved to do something about it. That day, I gave up my foolhardy notion of fighting Spirits. Instead, I swore I wouldn't let her make that face, ever again. So, being my brilliant self, I decided to do something I hadn't done in an age.

I said I'd take her out on a date.

Yes, that's how it happened.

It was the day my life changed forever. Funny thing though...

...did I mention that she had no idea what a date was?

A/N: Aaaaaaaaaand there we go! An ageless, immortal, or at the very least, ridiculously hard to kill, Uzumaki Naruto, in the Date A Live universe. A cross like this was actually easy to do, given its Japan and all, so I went with it easily. And to those looking forward to my future Naruto self-insert story, I can promise you its-a-comin'! As is my Bleach and One Piece one. If you want to see my first attempt at a Self-Insert story with a twist, be sure to check out Not a Hero on my profile page!

I eagerly await your reviews and responses to both that fic, and this!

So...in the Immortal Words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly? And of course, enjoy the preview! Hope it makes you smile. And Review! Or face the wrath of TOHKA! BAHAHAHAHA!

(Preview)

"Ohhhh?! Is this a date, Naruto?!"

An eye twitched. "That's ramen, Tohka. You eat it. Not a date."

Tohka's head cocked aside as she slurped out the noodles, like a dog listening for a new sound. "Then what is a date?"

He finally told her, hours later.

"W-Well, a date is when a boy and a girl spend time together-

"Is this a date, then?!" She looked at him with wide, adorable eyes. Naruto was almost blinded by the cute. BLINDED!

"Yes. Yes it is."

Her squeal was possibly the most soul-wrenchingly sweet thing he'd ever heard.

R&R!=D