[12/26/15]

Drag me out of the sea and then teach me how to breathe.

"March Into the Sea", Modest Mouse

The smell of tobacco pervaded the air and he was surprised at how quickly it had eroded the smell of fresh pines. He stared quietly as she brought the thin cigarette to her pretty pouty lips, her nails painted a deep red. She was prettier in the wan light of the lamposts, sharper, somehow, than when she was softened by the hospital lights.

"Should you be smoking?"

Megumi-san turned around, smiling softly at him. "The irony is not lost on me, believe it."

"I don't think there's anything ironic about you smoking," he said, unsure of where he was going with it. "I just wondered if you should."

"You don't?" she asked, amused. "Many people find it ironic that a nurse would actually have the gall to smoke."

"It's just a cigarette," Sousuke replied, shrugging his shoulders. He was still wearing the simple white t-shirt he had put on after his shower, without a jacket, and it was starting to get cold. He suppressed a shiver. "And if that's what you want..."

But instead of replying, Dr. Kido's nurse just gave a tiny nod towards him. "That cute girl came by again this afternoon, the one that always asks about you. Is she your girlfriend?"

He tried not to let his surprise show, taking a small breath and sighing, averting his gaze.

"No."

She came closer to him and now he could see her more clearly, wondering how she could still look beautiful after a long day of work, under this bad lighting, with a cigarette popped in her mouth. Bending closer, she raised a hand to his forehead, pushed his hair back, blew the smoke away from his face, though he still caught the pungent, sweet smell.

"People do things they shouldn't all the time, Sousuke-kun, is that what you think?" she asked. "And they also avoid doing the things they need to do. Don't you think that's strange?"

He stared right back into her eyes, unflinching. "There's a difference, you know, between what you want, and what you need."

"Yes," she said in a soft voice, straightening as her fingers left his face, "there is."

She flicked the ashes from her cigarette and sighed, taking a deep drag and keeping it inside in a way that would never come as natural to him, he was sure.

"We're all trying to help you," she began after a moment. "Not just here at the hospital and," she sighed, letting out a steady stream of smoke, "—there's nothing wrong with letting people know that you understand that difference." She tossed the cigarette away, then ruffled his hair with the hand that had not been holding it before turning on her heel and winking over her shoulder at him.

"Don't tell Dr. Kido you saw me smoking!" she called out. "He keeps getting upset whenever I do."

-x-

At night, the ocean swelled and roared with the same kind of quiet energy that had always drawn him to it. Sousuke sat on the shoreside, shoulders hunched, eyes clouded-over, mouth set down firmly in a thin line. The skies were a dark, dark blue and it was difficult to see where the ocean ended and where the sky began. He pulled the hoodie of his sweatshirt up and laid back once again, letting the quiet storm brewing within him settle again.

The smell of salt was heavy and during the first days, the marks on his cheeks had burned in the salty air. They were faint lines now, the scabs thin and fragile over the once-exposed bits of cheek; the swelling was gone and he had not bruised. In the weeks that had followed he had gone back to the hospital; no attitude, no questions asked, just driven straight into work, and therapy, and school; and he felt just as empty as he had done the first morning back. The marks on his face were fading, but that did not mean they hurt any less.

Sousuke shook his head, shaking the sand out of his clothes and resuming his run along the beach.

He ought to have been more surprised to see her but the truth was that he had been almost expecting it. Gou was lurking in the back of his head all the time and it was only a matter of time until he ran into her here, in real life, too. She was wearing her hair up and a thin jacket over to protect her from the cold air they had been hit with recently, the last vestige of a spring that refused to die. She stopped, fingers gripping the plastic bag on her side until they were white and Sousuke could feel his skin prickle and the back of his throat well-up with bile.

"Sousuke-kun..."

Sousuke, shouldering his bag, only looked ahead. "Don't let me stop you."

But her voice called out to him, small and distant.

"Can we—can we talk?"

He turned to her only a fraction, face surprised, eyes a dull green. "I don't think so," he said. "Talking with you has never taken me anywhere good."

She actually flinched this time and he knew her eyes were searching his cheek, so he did the only thing he could think of and lowered his hoodie so she could take a good, hard look at what she had given him. He knew he shouldn't feel as vindictive but the past few weeks had been hard, and long, and lonely, and Sousuke was getting tired of her face coming up and her name slipping out and her voice clouding his ears again, and again, and again.

"I deserve that," she admitted, shuffling her feet. "But I really do just want to talk Sou-kun. Please?"

And it may have been his loneliness, and it may have been his pride, or it may have had something to do with the fact that she really did look quite contrite, but Sousuke shrugged, reaching over and taking her bags from her hands. He tried not to linger on the jolt of electricity he felt when they touched, or how her cheeks turned a pretty crimson, or how his stomach consumed itself and expanded all in a matter of three seconds. They walked over to the dimly lit benches on the edge of the street, the ones that overlooked the ocean and that, on Fridays, were occuppied by all kinds of lovers. Not today though, not today.

"You haven't been to practice," she said, and Sousuke scoffed a little.

"I've been busy."

"At the hospital?"

He did not confirm it, but he did not deny it either. Sousuke thought about Megumi-san and how different her approach to life was, and how strangely at peace he had felt after she had left him with that awful, sweet smell of tobacco that had turned his worries to smoke. Gou was restless, wringing her hands and giving him sideway glances, so unlike her usual self. The thought made his stomach sink, once more.

"That afternoon, at Samezuka..."

"Which afternoon?" he muttered quietly. "There have been so many ..." He heard her sigh softly and he closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose.

This had been such a terrible idea...

"But you know which one I'm talking about, right?" He did not reply, and she went on. "I'm sorry, for hitting you. And I'm sorry for all the things I said, and all the times I pushed you, I—I'm truly sorry, Sousuke-kun."

The waves lapped at the shore and they were quiet for a moment, counting how many times the water broke against the distant rocks.

"I don't know what you think you know," he began carefully, still not looking at her, "but I don't want or need your apologies," he paused, "or your help."

"But I'm—we're your friends. You don't tell me anything and you expect me to just be okay with that, like it doesn't matter at all."

"There are some things," he said, getting up and settling the bags on the bench where he had been sitting, "—that are bigger than friends. I don't expect any of you to understand, but at least, I would have thought you would respect my decisions."

"Your decision to shut me out?" she said, and her voice could have been enough to shore him again.

But it wasn't.

"My decision to do things on my own."

There was that terrible silence between them again as Gou looked up at him, eyes watery. But he would not let her sway him, would not let the sight of her make him forget the slap that she had given him only weeks ago. A renewed sense of purposed washed over him, cold and clear.

"You keep trying to make this about you, about that night, about Tachibana...," he shouldered his bag once more, looking down at her with a cold, dismissive glance. "But whatever it is you want to give me Gou, I don't want it. I thought I had made that clear before."

He left without looking at her and without saying good-bye.

Behind him the ocean roared, and stilled, and called out for something he thought he could never find.

-x-

He found Rin in the bedroom, lying down on the top bunk with his Comparative Literature book open as he gazed lazily at the pages. Sousuke dropped his bag near the door and Rin looked up, unable to mask his gaze in time for Sousuke to miss it. Sousuke, still shaken but emptier and colder than he had felt before, looked Rin straight in the eye and spoke clearly, in a voice that would brook no refusal.

"I'm going to nationals."

Rin, lowering his book, frowned. There was a moment where Sousuke's heart beat loudly in his ears, but then Rin held his gaze for a moment, lips tight.

"You'll need to qualify first," he said.

"No-one's time is better than mine."

"Does that mean you're coming back to practice?"

"It means," Sousuke said, shrugging out of his hooded sweatshirt, "that I'm not going to let anyone get in my way."

"Sousuke..."

"I do mean anyone, Rin."

-x-

He had been working tirelessly for months, a feat that did not go unnoticed by his recovery team or by his Samezuka teammates. Sousuke studied patiently, worked diligently and trained religiously every day. He rested when he needed to rest, pushed when he had to push, and drew back before anything else tore. His regime had changed from higher weight to higher repetitions and he had quickly, more quickly than they had expected, recovered his mobility at an almost alarming rate. His doctors had been pleased, and he could've preened at the praise and good-natured words that they always sent him home with.

Sousuke had been most meticulous about the building, tearing and re-building of his muscles. With a carefully controlled stream of anabolics and strict training, controlled diet and regular exercise, he was feeling more and more like himself every day. He had come back to practise, had absolutely annihilated everyone else in tryouts. His place was undisputed: Yamazaki Sousuke was Samezuka Academy's star butterfly swimmer.

"His form is absolutely breath-taking."

"And his speed!"

"He's even better than what the coaches had said, I'm actually impressed. And him ... Matsuoka-kun, did you say?"

"Mh-hm. He's the one next to Nanase-kun, from Iwatobi."

The gentlemen looked impressed, watching with stoic faces and eager, hungry eyes at the swimming promises currently competing at regionals. There was a lot of talent brewing there and from the stands, several recruiters, coaches and otherwise sports enthusiasts watched excitedly for the next new champions. Amongst them, a tall young doctor with dark azure hair and thin, rimless glasses, accompanied by a beautiful woman with long, dark green hair that she had styled into a fishtail braid.

"Is that...? a man drew closer, pulling his spectacles on.

"Yamazaki-kun," the young doctor supplied, to the stunned group of men. "Yamazaki Sousuke. You're familiar with the name, I presume?"

"Sensei," Megumi jumped in, touching his arm lightly. The doctor flinched, noticeably alarmed.

"Oh, that's right, I'm sorry," he extended his hand. "Kido Jyou, I'm Yamazaki-kun's physician."

"Dr. Kido," one of the men, the one closest to him, greeted him back. "I've heard about your work."

"And so have I, Yoshimasa-san," Jyou said. "Your organization has a very high profile."

The men regarded him quietly, respectfully. One of them chanced a smile at him, and then back to the edge of the pool. "Yamazaki-kun, eh?"

"I think, gentlemen, that we should have a talk," Jyou said, and Megumi smiled her quiet smile.

"Yes ..." the older man agreed, "Yes, I think we should."

-x-

The smell of chlorine, so sharp for most people, was like a breath of fresh air for him. It was here that he was most comfortable, most at home, most himself. With every stretch of water before and after him, Sousuke was closer to his dream and farther, so much farther, of that terrifying nightmare. In here, there was no past, no pain, just effort and future and the silence that made him wish he could swim faster, harder, deeper than before.

He appreciated the unspoken understanding that passed between the rest of the swimmers, not to mention anything that had happened before. He was grateful to Rin, who had decided to treat him like before, push him as hard as he did any of the other swimmers. And Gou ... Gou supported him quietly, always with a smile, a nod, a hug that she gave Rin but her ruby eyes never left him. He tried hard to dislike Tachibana too, but he had also given up on that particular endeavour. That Tachibana had somehow gotten tangled up in his mess was not his fault, and neither was it Gou's. So he accepted it with something like grace, he hoped, and pretended that hadn't happened either.

It was easy, most days. Without that looming over his head Sousuke could concentrate on himself, on his shoulder, on getting better. It wasn't about a childish promise to Rin, or a silly rivalry with Nanase — this was Sousuke's life, his future, and no-one was going to take that away from him. But some days were hard, too. Training was exhausting, practise was exhausting, his regime was brutal. And then Gou came along and she would do something stupid, like touching his shoulder, or giving him a little push, or turn back to look over her shoulder as she and Tachibana walked away, hand in hand, closer than he had ever seen them before.

And Sousuke, like a delicately built house of cards, would feel himself crumble with the tiniest breeze.

She found him again, one of those days.

He had been running, and it was late. Gou was walking home and they only just managed to see each other, a flicker of red and teal and suddenly, before he knew it, they were standing before each other. Gou smiled tremulously, tight-lipped.

"Sousuke-san," she addressed him, and her formality stunned him into silence. He supposed he had earned that, that it somehow was his fault, too. He opened his mouth but hadn't known what to say until the words had tumbled out of him, like a small avalanche.

"I saw you, the other day. At the hospital."

Gou had the decency to look ashamed, blushing prettily as she averted her eyes.

"I was just dropping by, Hana-chan's sister..."

"You don't have to lie, Gou," he spoke quietly. "I'm ... thank you."

Her face softened, her smile evening out. "Your shoulder looks very good, Sousuke-san. I'm very happy for you."

He took one step closer, and he could smell the jasmine in her perfume, the sandalwood, and orange blossom. Before he could stop himself his hand had reached out and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear, lingering on her cheek as his heart pumped louder with the electricity of his skin touching her skin.

Even if it was just for a moment...

"You never used to be so formal," he said. "Is that how it's going to be?"

Gou turned her face, took his large hand in her two smaller ones, kissed his knuckles.

"I don't know," she said. "I wish I did."

He was closer to her now and this time, he could count her freckles, see the shining tears pooling in her eyes and also, he could smell something else, the musky and linen-fresh scent of Tachibana, and he drew back suddenly, startling her.

"You need to go," he croaked, but it was him who ended up stalking away.

The lights were gone, and all around him was dark.

-x-

Weeks later, he wondered what would have happened if he had stayed. If he hadn't overtrained, hadn't overreacted, hadn't overdone things once and again, and again. He thought of Rin saying, 'I thought she fancied you', and Tachibana's knowing, regretting, almost apologetic smile. But mostly, he thought about Gou. He thought of her finding him after practice, that first time. Of her soft fingers setting his skin aflame, and that first, damning kiss. And when he did that, he was overwhelmed, overrun with a helpless feeling of wanting not to keep hurting over this, of wanting rest, of finding a safe shore and leave the immense darkness behind.

He had found it briefly with Rin, with Samezuka, with Haruka, and the others, with Megumi and Dr. Kido. There was a brief respite where he was allowed to train, to race at nationals and prove himself, his teammates, the doctors and nurses and everyone, that Yamazaki Sousuke was far from being done with swimming.

They didn't win, of course, but that didn't matter.

The Iwatobi team had beaten them fairly and even then, they hadn't been the first place. But there was a sense of accomplishment, a jolt of energy that coursed through Sousuke's veins and he had been close to tears, fighting them back and also feeling so tired of fighting them, and, with everyone hugging him, he felt lighter than he had in months, weightless as if he had been floating all this time, instead of fighting to remain afloat. He looked for her then, and his eyes found her bright red hair, smiling through tears as she watched her friends and brother achieve something they had been dreaming of for a long time.

When she found him, she mouthed something and he nodded, understanding.

Dr. Kido, very serious despite the fact that he was off-duty, with colleagues and friends, shook his hand warmly and then smiled, softly.

"You did very well, Sousuke-kun," he said. "Please come by the office on Monday—we're going to have to talk."

-x-

He took a late train to her house that Sunday, stood outside and wondered how come he didn't care much about what the doctor had to say. He asked to see him in the office, and again, Sousuke was met with the kind of serendipitous knowledge that he had when they had first told him his shoulder was torn. But this time he was prepared, he had been preparing himself for this physically and mentally, he knew that now.

And despite knowing, despite already having seen it so many times before, the sight of Gou reaching up to kiss Makoto, the way his hand wrapped lovingly behind the nape of her neck, and the way she whispered his name ... Sousuke could feel his heart breaking, and he wanted to laugh, he wanted to shake them because, how could they stand there, kissing, touching, never knowing that he was hurting just around the corner? How could they not hear it, if it was shattering right into his ears, deafeaning the whole world?

He sank to the floor, knees gone slack, fire gone out. Makoto was gone in minutes, or seconds, or hours, and when Gou saw him, she only jumped a little. Sousuke raised his eyes, dull and clouded over and Gou swallowed, attempting a smile.

"You came," she said. "I'm glad."

"You sound surprised."

"No, I—well, a little. It's late."

"You should've told me you were seeing Tachibana, too."

And in that moment he saw her, and he saw she knew he did, too.

"You don't understand," Gou whined, but he was done with her this time.

"You're right," he barked. "I don't. I don't understand why you would claw your way into me and then make me crawl my way back to you, only to find you've been fucking along all this time."

"No, Sousuke-kun," she breathed, and the tears were spilling generously now. He stood fluidly, walking past her and wanting nothing more than to hurl himself into the ocean, swim, or dive, or drown.

"I'm tired of fighting the current," he said quietly, to her or perhaps to himself. "And I'm tired of fighting you. I can never win, Gou."

"Will you listen to me?" Gou pleaded, holding on to a limp hand, helpless to stop him as he slipped effortlessly away.

But her words and her sobs left him lifeless, hoping, breathing like a drowning man.

-x-

"Sousuke-kun," Megumi greeted him, eyes wide. "You're up early."

He had walked back home, had been running all night, running until he couldn't run anymore and when he had collapsed, more dead than alive, Sousuke had known that for him there would be no more peace. There would be no more war either; he had known that the fight had died on him already, and he felt more at ease, now that he knew there was nothing he could do to change the way things had come to pass.

"Sousuke-kun," Dr. Kido said, "I'm glad you could make it."

They were alone and he beckoned him closer, to sit. Sousuke smiled grimly as he thought of all the doctors and specialists that had become a second set of parents, of guardians, of caretakers. Dr. Kido was taking a look at his papers, gathering documents and he almost laughed because he hadn't thought it would go like this, with him having to sign a stack of papers and accept apologies for a recovery that never would happen. This was never how he expected to be asked to give up on his dreams.

"We have been working together for months now, and we've faced many obstacles together, but despite all our efforts, the truth is that there is nothing any of us here could've accomplished without you, Sousuke-kun, and for that, we are thankful."

And so it ends...

"These are the results of all our work. I have analysed it from every possible angle, dissected every piece of data and I can say, humbly, that I was unable to find any discrepancies."

Sousuke looked up.

"You've recovered even better than I ever thought, you ... there's no trace of your injury, no sequels, no setbacks. You've got yourself back in better shape than ever."

Sousuke could hear him, he could, but it was distant, soft behind the roar of the ocean in his ears, of crowds, and bangs and rushing water.

"I can swim?" he asked, his tongue feeling thick and clumsy.

He nodded. "You can swim."

"... competitively?"

He paused, and his smile softened. "If that's what you want to do—,"

"It is," Sousuke breathed out, "It's all I want to do."

"Then yes," Dr. Kido told him gently. "Your condition is ideal." He reached out into his desk, gave Sousuke a stack of letters. "These are all recruiters that have been meeting with me regularly, monitoring your progress. They're ready to meet with you whenever you are; if swimming competitively is a path you are considering, then there's nothing here that can stop you."

Teal met dark blue and Sousuke could feel himself shaking, his eyes stinging and his chest tightening over a broken heart who was slowly but steadily coming back to life. Behind him, the pretty nurse crouched and placed her arms around him, shaking him playfully.

"I'm going to miss you, Sou-chan," she teased. "Will you remember us when you're a famous Olympic swimmer?"

Inside him, a fire lit that which had been previously put out and Sousuke laughed, breathless and with shining eyes.

"How could I not?"

-x-

There was a sense of euphoria that had overwhelmed all his other senses. He was vaguely aware of his parents, of the rest of the medical team, of the champagne popping and hugs, and kisses, and well-wishes. Everything was too bright, dazzling, like he had gotten out of the pool too soon, taken a breath too soon, dove underwater far, far too soon. He knew he wanted to let Rin know, call him and tell him 'wait for me, Rin, I'm coming', tell him he'd race him to the top. He took out his phone as he slipped away from the polite celebration, fingers digging through text messages to find the conversation thread with his best friend. A dial, and then he looked up to find Makoto staring at him, jaw squared despite his sad, apologetic eyes.

"Can I have a minute?" he asked, and Sousuke hung up after the second ring.

"Sure," he said, then looked around. "Are you okay?"

It seemed stupid to Sousuke, asking if Makoto was okay. Of course he was, his life was just a dream, wasn't it? And despite how much brighter his was now, he did not forget the sting of the previous night, nor the ache of all nights before that.

"What? Oh, yeah," Makoto answered, blushing. "I offered to pick up my brother's medication. He's had a bit of a flu, and it was quicker coming here than waiting for the pharmacy, and ..." he scratched his head. "I was kind of hoping I'd run into you, too."

"Me?" Sousuke asked, "But...?"

"Gou's a mess, Sousuke," Makoto told him, brow furrowed. "And I know it's because of you."

"You're wrong," Sousuke said simply. "I couldn't do anything to affect Gou. That's all you."

Makoto seemed to be fighting some struggle himself, and finally sighed, looking at Sousuke with that benevolent smile that always made him feel wretched and small.

"We both know that's not true," he said gently. "No matter how hard you both like to pretend it is."

They had reached the backyard, the stone and wood benches where Megumi-san had found him so many months ago. But this time Makoto sat down and Sousuke was too fired up, too wired to sit still and so he watched him, shoulders drawn proudly, look up to him and not waver in his words.

"Why are you telling me this?" Sousuke asked. "I can't comfort her."

"What she needs is more than what I can offer. Even if I did want to give her more than just comfort."

"What are you saying?" Sousuke asked, but he knew, had always known. "What do you want?"

Makoto frowned, eyes temporarily clouding over. "I want her to be happy. But I can't very well do that, if she's heartbroken over you, can I?"

And Sousuke did laugh then. "What do you know about heartbreak?"

It took him a long time to answer and when he did, Sousuke was sorry he ever asked. "I know it's never fair," he replied, and Sousuke looked at him behind thick lashes, wondered how a man his size could be so gentle, how Sousuke himself could feel it too. "And I know I'm done with it. Have a good night, Sousuke-kun."

Tachibana rose and Sousuke watched him walk away, never hesitating to put one step in front of the other. His hand gripped the medication bag and the other one hung loosely, palms open, like he had nothing at all to fear.

"Are you going back to her?" Sousuke called out, but Makoto kept walking, not even stopping to say yes or no, because he would not answer questions Sousuke already knew.

-x-

He found her at the beach, sitting in the cold sand. She looked small, smaller than he remembered, and she was wearing one of Makoto's sweatshirts, zipped up to her chest. The hoodie was drawn up and Sousuke hesitated to come closer, his body alerting him that she was someone else's, that she wore his clothes to keep everyone and most of all him, away. It would've worked, too, if Makoto hadn't been so cold, so distant when he had come to see him.

"Makoto?" Gou called out, and it stabbed him in the middle of the chest, that she did not call out for him. But he kept going, and when he stood before her, Sousuke took a deep breath, taking in the salty, heavy air of the seaside.

"No," he said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she sighed. "He's not coming back."

"You're not in love with him," Sousuke murmured quietly, looking at her under a pale moon that gave just enough light to see her expression clearly.

"He's not in love with me either," she said, not as a rebuke but matter-of-factly, almost. "But I needed him, and he loves me so much..."

His hands dug into the sand, drew strength in its cold, coarse grip. "Why'd you do it, then?"

"I can't explain it," Gou said in a small voice that almost broke his heart, "You were out of my reach, always. I couldn't get close without hurting you. And you ... you didn't want me around."

She hugged herself, drew herself into a tight little ball and Sousuke wanted to laugh again, because it all seemed so surreal, too heavy, and cold, and unforgiving. He shifted in his seat, standing up and placing his hands inside his pockets.

"I said I don't need anyone, Kou, but that doesn't mean I never wanted you. I did. I still do."

Behind him, Gou stood up, and timidly she reached out for him. First one hand, touching his arm; then the rest of her, pressing herself against his back and bunching up the material of his sweatshirt in tiny fists, hiding her face against him, and the moon, and the ocean.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," she said.

"I'm going to swim again, with Rin," he continued as if he hadn't heard her, gaze locked on the waves. "I've been healing since you found me that night, but I didn't know that, because it hurt so much. And I didn't know it was you, because that hurt, too."

His hands reached out behind him and he turned slowly, lifting her chin with one hand, wiping her tears with the other one. Gou hiccupped, reaching out with trembling fingers, touching above the fabric of his clothes. She closed her fist, pulling him by the collar and he was ready for it this time, had been ready for who knew how many nights, and days, and miles and laps. He kissed her and it was not slow, or gentle, or soft—Sousuke kissed her like it was the last time he would, like she was the anchor that kept him from drifting away.

And she was, she was.

Her hands, cold and moist, slipped under his shirt and Sousuke shivered when she touched his skin, bit her lip down, hard. Her hand found his shoulder and her touch became gentler, and she placed her open palm on the thin scar.

"Does it hurt?" she asked, eyes closed.

Sousuke reached down, kissed her forehead, the tears in her eyes, the line of her jaw. He picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist and he buried his face in her neck, hidden by her hair. She was sweet, and he breathed her in as deeply as if he hadn't in years, and his lungs had no time to adjust, his ribcage expanding perilously.

"No," he said between kisses, "Not when you touch me like that."

Rippling over canyons, the storm that had for so long raged inside him stopped, and the ocean was calm.

Notes: During the past few months this story has garnered more attention than I ever hoped it would, both here and on AO3 and for that, I am thankful. Drowning was meant to show a little of Gou and Sousuke but it became much more than that, a struggle about Sousuke himself, and Gou was just a part of it. I don't know how or why this happened but I hope that, with this chapter, you and I will both be satisfied, dear readers.

Thank you for reading.