Monty woke in a cold sweat. Curling into a ball, he clutched his hands over his ears. Nightmares were supposed to end after you woke up, but these ones didn't. The sound of drills and screams echoed in Monty's mind as he lay there shivering.

"It's over. You're out. Jasper's alive. Harper's alive. Miller's alive. Clarke, Raven, Bellamy…they're all alive," Monty whispered.

The familiar stench of burnt skin and blood attacked his nose, causing bile to build in the back of his throat. Monty focused on taking deep breaths as he firmly repeated, "We survived. We escaped. You're in a tent. You're out. You're out…"

Minutes passed before the noises faded, replaced by a pounding in his head. Monty let go of his hands drop and pulled the blanket around him tighter. It was more of an attempt to ground him rather than keep him warm, seeing as nothing could take the chill away. Monty had left Mt. Weather, but the hellish place hadn't left him. Images of Maya and Mrs. Ryan haunted his thoughts, the blood vivid behind closed lids.

Monty wanted to go to Jasper's tent with every fiber of his being, but Monty wouldn't find him there. The boy in that tent wasn't his Jasper. This Jasper wouldn't talk to Monty. He couldn't even look at him. This Jasper was cold and empty and silent. Monty's mind replayed the scene of Jasper sobbing over Maya's body.

How could you let this happen?

"I'm sorry," Monty's voice trembled. "I'm so sorry."

Tears streamed down his cheeks, and continued to flow until exhaustion took over.

…

"Monty, be totally honest with me. Which brace is better?" Wick asked, holding up the options.

"I'm not getting in the middle of this. We just got out of a war. I don't want to start another," Monty answered, making Raven snort.

"He's being nice. He likes mine," Wick told Raven.

"Or he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Besides, who needs a brace when you have wheels?" Raven joked, rolling her wheelchair towards the working bench.

Even though Raven hadn't had as many drills poked into her as Harper, the prior surgery on her leg left her more bruised and battered after her drillings. Abby ordered bed rest, but it was Raven. She'd be damned before being useless. The wheelchair was their compromise.

Monty understood. He too had thrown himself into his work since their return, desperate to be a source of help again. The morale boost from hanging out with Raven and Wick was a perk. It was a bit weird to see them kiss, but overall he was happy for them. Secretly, Monty knew they were the only ones he could stand to be around for long amounts of time. He might as well have been dead to Jasper, and Monty did his best to check on Harper, but the flashbacks of cages resulted in minor panic attacks. Bellamy had broken the news of Clarke's departure to him the day after she left. This stung. Monty's time with Clarke was brief, and surrounded by a darkness he would do anything to forget. He couldn't blame her for leaving, especially since the prospect had crossed his mind as well. Monty could leave and pretend it was all truly just a dream; a figment of his twisted imagination, but leaving would do more damage than good. He needed to cling to every scrap of humanity this planet had left. If it presented itself in the form of Wick and Raven's flirtatious bantering then so be it.

If Monty felt this way, he could only imagine how Bellamy felt about the situation, which is why Monty only spent so much time with him. Bellamy needed time to process, and he was insanely busy with assisting the "adults" (Monty found it weirdly hilarious that the delinquents were still considered children). Wherever Bellamy went, Miller followed. The two had fallen into their original delegate and execute relationship, but even more efficiently, communicating with nothing more than a side-glance or nod. Monty himself remembered the signals between him and Miller while in the mountain. Reading the emotions on one another's face or listening to the true meaning within the tone of voice. Thoughts drifting into a rarely visited territory, Monty's attention slipped from his hands. He jumped as a spark from the wires burned his finger.

"How's it coming Monty boy?" Wick questioned, screwing and unscrewing panels.

"It's coming," Monty replied dryly. The three had spent their week constructing a radar system, and moved onto the daunting task of a radio. Longer range and higher quality was the goal, for the slim chance of other ark survivors trying to reach them. There was also a team dedicated to mapping out the land and finding resources around camp. The Blake siblings, Miller, and Monroe had formed a squad, and were conquering serious ground under the leadership of Lincoln. Food, medical, and radio were the priorities now, but there was tension in the atmosphere. The whole camp seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for the next disaster to reveal itself.

Wick put a hand on Monty's shoulder. "I'm sure it'll get done with my main man on the job," he grinned. Monty forced a thin-lipped smile in return. Wick gave his shoulder a squeeze and went to assist Raven with the circuits.

Human contact was a doubled edged sword. Monty craved it, a reminder that people he loved had survived, but it cut him with the belief that he didn't deserve it. How could he? After what he'd done?

Monty's stomach lurched.

"I'll be back in a minute, I have to use the restroom," he excused himself.

Having been in the mountain as long as he had, Monty's eyes had become extremely sensitive to sunlight. He blinked his eyes, getting them to adjust so he could see where he was going, but it didn't happen in time. The collision knocked Monty to the ground with a thud. Head spinning and wounds throbbing, Monty shakily got back on his feet. The impact hurt more than it should have, the soreness another side effect of the procedures he underwent in Mt. Weather. What hurt the most was recognizing the person he collided with.

Jasper's face was emotionless as he sat on the ground.

"Jasper let me-"

"Don't," Jasper's voice horse. He ignored Monty's outstretched hand and pushed himself off the ground. Monty watched his friend in silent terror. Jasper's movements were unnaturally slow and robotic, realization of how much weight he'd lost when in the mountain hitting Monty like a blow to the gut. Jasper didn't even brush the dirt off his clothes before passing around him.

"Wait! Jasper-" Monty began.

"Stop," Jasper snapped, turning around fast enough to make Monty dizzy. His eyes bore into Monty's, sending shivers down Monty's spine from the absolute dullness of them. "I don't want to talk to you ever again."

Monty did his best to swallow the lump in his throat, but he'd have better luck trying to swallow a pile of nails.

"You don't mean that, you're just angry. I'm still you're best friend."

"I can't be friends with a monster," Jasper stated.

Monty's blood went cold. There was a rushing in his ears and hot tears blurred his vision.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

Bellamy's voice sounded far away, but Monty felt his presence next to him.

"You can both drop dead," Jasper spat. Monty flinched.

"Cool it," Bellamy ordered, but Jasper's black eyes never left Monty's.

Brain switching on autopilot, Monty's legs carried him away from the scene. He vaguely heard Bellamy call his name, but he refused to turn back. Monster. Wasn't he though? Bellamy and Clarke might have pulled the lever, but Monty programmed the radiation. Each type of the button had sealed a person's fate. An innocent person's fate. People with families and friends. People like Maya who risked their lives in order to save his, and he killed them.

Sobs wracked Monty's body, as he collapsed on the ground somewhere behind camp. Jasper was right. He was every bit as much of a monster as Cage and Dr. Tsing. Their horrible actions were done to save their people, just as Monty's were. Die. That's what Monty had told Maya. Die.

The screams and drill noise returned, accompanying the scene of Mrs. Ryan's murder. Monty hugged himself, but it was pointless. He was a monster. A monster falling apart.