I Didn't Choose the RTS Life

I could not decide whether to attack or defend – it was terran be apart. While you may claim I doth protoss too much, I did not want to zerg rush into a situation without probing it first. For I am not a drone, even though I can be quite zealous. Past experiences have made be quite adept in now taking a cautious approach. I would like to a-void the disasters of past legacy.

But in my heart, I sense the swarm, so I send units with wings to give me liberty. As I imagine the carnage I will reap, I'm sure it will be well worth the Wraith. But until then, I must keep calm and carrier-on. While this is a foe that will ravage without err, I can be a marauder just as well. I shall reap a heavy cost, send my foes fleeing like bats out of hell, and make ghosts of the enemy. And their widows shall be mine, haunted by the spectres of their past.

Or husbands. Whatever.

A storm is coming. A cyclone or a tempest, the winds are picking up. My air units are at risk – no longer can they just cruise into battle. The air is screaming like a banshee. And so are my units, begging that they be withdrawn.

"Archon-traire," I say. "Continue the assault."

The battle begins. I turn away and return to my lair where I command, acting as a nexus of control. But I stop. I am being stalked. I look around – where are my sentries? Who is trying to disrupt my actions? Well, no matter. I am the player. I am immortal. I am-

"Your forces are under attack."

"We require more vespene gas."

"Not enough minerals."

"You must construct additional pylons."

"Additional supply depots are required."

Ahh go feck yourself.

I take a seat and evaluate the situation – I am a lord, and shall not brood. But despair still infests my mind. What is lurking out there, I wonder? I observe the battlefield and-

"Your warriors have engaged the enemy."

They're at the doorstep. But I can hold.

"We cannot hold!"

I said, I can hold.

"We could use some help here!"

Wait...am I commanding protoss or terran? I've really got to switch to zerg – least they don't protest when they're under fire. Course I suck at zerg, but, meh.

"Reinforcements now!"

Oh shut up Stukov.

All whining aside, we are indeed still holding. I feel hope well in me, like a phoenix. Like a colossus, my forces move forward, unchallenged. Maybe I can win, I fell myself. I shall gain retribution against this insurrection – my forces have proven to be quite stellar. I-

Internet Connection Lost.

"No!" I exclaim. "No!"

I've got this. I've just gotta reconnect my modem, and-

"Not enough energy."

"Fuck!"