Notes, Denial and Lies

Sorry for that crappy title. Anyway, I would like to mention that any KvK fics that I have that are uncomplete, will stay uncomplete. If they were updated or published before Forgotten Love, then I've probably abandoned it. Honestly I'm not sure if I'll update Forgotten Love either, because I make no promises. I might though. Maybe.

Anyway the reason I'm not updating them is that I can't so much as look at them without cringing. No. Just no. (There was one word generator prompt thing that I would update but I lost the list of words I was going to use)

Hopefully this fanfic will make up for all those unloved ones. Enjoy!

I do not own Kid vs Kat.

It was a cowardly thing to do, Kat knew that. He knew it yet that didn't stop him from grabbing some paper, a pen, and writing down all of his stupid conflicting emotions until his paws hurt.

When he destroys one of my machines, I know I should feel annoyed. Instead I feel admiration and respect.

He didn't even bother to write it in his own language. He wasn't sure if it was because he wanted to be caught or not, though. Maybe he subconsciously did, because as far as he knew he would die of embarrassment and horror (and probably some fatal injuries) if the subject of these notes ever found said notes.

When he mocks me, my appearance or my people, I know I should be irritated, offended and want to strangle him. Instead I feel horrified with myself and want to crawl under a rock until the end of time.

He didn't even know what he was doing at this point by trying to deny it. There was what he should feel, what he should want to do with this annoyance, but then there was what he did feel and what he truly wanted to do with the annoyance, who he knew wasn't really the source of his irritation. What he should want and what he did want were so vastly different that he knew exactly what it was he felt, but he also didn't dare say it even in the dark recesses of his mind.

When he laughs or smiles at that blonde girl, I know I should not care, or should at least come up with a way to use her in some scheme. Instead I feel a hate for the girl that makes me want to snap her neck. It makes me wish-

He stopped his pen. He was a few words away from finally admitting to himself what he'd known all along. Consequences flew through his head, thoughts of what would happen if someone were to find this note. He wasn't all that worried about Doctor K finding it, since she was all the way back home. Millie didn't even know about this scratching post lair. He knew the one person he feared finding it could very well find it if he wasn't careful with where he hid it.

Still, he never cared much about consequences before. He'd be sure to hide it well.

It makes me wish that he would love me too.

He finally did it. He did it and now that he'd opened the dam, a flood was going to come through.

Why can he not see the looks of respect I give him when he's defeated me? Why can he not see that I would change anything and everything about myself if he would like me just a bit better? Why can he not love me as well?

He knew the answers to all of those questions. It was very simple, really. It tore at his heart and made him want to throw an absolute tantrum, but it was the undeniable truth. And he wrote that answer down at the bottom of the page, ignoring the fact that his heart felt like it was physically breaking as he did so.

Because he hates me.

That fact was plain as day. He needed to get that through his skull, because hoping or believing otherwise would only cause him even more pain than now. Knowing this, he pulled out another piece of paper and wrote it again.

He hates me.

He hates me.

He will always hate me.

He clenched the pen tightly in his paw. He felt warm liquid on his lip and realized that he'd bitten it. He wiped it away quickly before writing his final sentence.

Coop Burtonburger will never love me.

He breathed heavily, finally placing the pen down, and lowering his head onto his arms, as he started to cry.

What had that accomplished? Absolutely nothing. All he'd managed was to tear his own heart out and shred it into bits. But it was done, and it was necessary as well. It was better that he break his own heart now, than give himself false hope and end up even more hurt in the long run.

After crying for who knows how long, he ended up falling asleep, the release of all those pent up feelings left him emotionally drained. He would hide the notes when he awoke.