title: to be the man who walked 1000 miles (to fall down at your door)
category: vampire diaries (tv)
genre: friendship/drama/romance
ship: bonnie/damon ; side caroline/stefan
chapter rating: high teen (graphic violence, character death)
overall rating: nc-17/explicit (graphic sex; violence)
spoilers: 6x18
word count: 8,055
summary: After Bonnie sacrifices her life for his, a grieving Damon is offered the chance to save his favorite witch. Time travel. Thrown back to 2009, he has a fresh start ahead of him and only one goal; keep Bonnie Bennett safe and happy. Falling in love with her wasn't on the to-do list, but he was already half-way there, so why not finish?

to be the man who walked 1000 miles (to fall down at your door)
-novel-

life's a vitch, and then you die

i.

Bonnie was fuming, her arms crossed tightly over her chest and her foot tapping.

Damon kept glancing at her from the corner of his eyes, but refused to open that particular can of worms.

"So we have six loose ripper vampires with magical powers… That's what you're telling me?" she said, her voice eerily calm.

He nodded, swirling his glass around to stir the ice in his drink. "And one ripper mom who couldn't give two shits about her sons…" The smile he offered was completely empty, and was wiped away as quickly as it appeared. "And, since Stefan is chasing Caroline halfway across the country, that leaves us."

"Right. So you lie to me about keeping the ascendant safe, let out six of the most deadly vampires alive, not including the one person I desperately needed to not be here, and now that the shit has hit the fan, you want me to come in and just, what, clean it up for you?"

Damon's jaw ticked. "Not by yourself… Just… Help me."

Bonnie's chin rose abruptly as her narrowed eyes cut across him. "Help you? Like you were supposed to help me? Putting Kai in 1903 was supposed to make up for the last time you broke my trust, Damon. It hasn't even been a week and here we are again!" She tossed her hands up.

"Okay, I admit that a lot of this is on me…"

"A lot? All of it is on you. You wanted your mom out, so you brought Kai to see me. You needed her to turn Stefan's switch. You didn't even try to do it yourself, which, let's face it, is really what it boiled down to anyway since it was your words, and not your mother's that got your brother back. But because you didn't even think to try, you tossed all the trust I had in you right out the window for the second time in days so that your mother, who you barely know could go back and retrieve the vampires you knew for a fact were Rippers." She waved her hands around. "Even ignoring the fact that they actually have witch powers, you still knew how dangerous they were. So yes, Damon, this is completely on you!"

"All right!" he exclaimed, his face twisted up. "I know I hurt you and I made a lot of mistakes, but I wasn't thinking clearly. I needed my brother back, Bonnie. And let's face it, with our history, I really didn't think I'd be enough to put a dent in flipping his switch. So yes, I went with the wild card, and yes, damn it, I used you and Kai to do it. I didn't know this was going to happen!"

"Because you never think! You're so impulsive that you only go with Plan A and you never come up with a Plan B or C!"

"That's what you're for. You're supposed to come up with those. You're supposed to be the long term while I'm the in-the-moment guy!" he defended.

"Well, maybe if you tried actually talking to me about these things before you do them—!"

"I'm talking to you now…" He walked toward her, searching her face. "Bonnie, please. I know I burned this bridge too many times already, and I know this is my fault, but I can't do this without you."

She huffed, turning her head away and glaring out the window.

He reached for her, hands settling on her upper arms and squeezing gently. "I will make this up to you. I promise. I just… I need your help now. And you can hate me later."

Bonnie closed her eyes, shaking her head minutely. When she opened her eyes, she looked up at him, his expression blank. "Fine. But after this, we're done." Pulling out of his hands, she started toward the door.

Damon's brow furrowed. He turned around, following her with his eyes. "Bonnie—"

"Meet me at Grams' in an hour. We'll come up with a game plan," she said, before walking out the boarding house, the door slamming sharply behind her.

Damon flinched, guilt curdling in his stomach. He set his mouth in a firm line and gave his head a shake before knocking back his bourbon. They would take care of this, and then he would fix him and Bonnie. She might be the most stubborn witch he knew, but he was the most stubborn vampire, and there was no way he was letting them end on this note.

…

"So, we're just going to… attack and hope for the best? I thought you had a Plan B, C, and D!" Damon complained.

Bonnie sighed, exasperated with him. "We're luring them to a neutral location—"

"My house," he corrected, tossing a hand up. "I happen to like that house. I don't want a supernatural war in my backyard. Why can't we have it somewhere else? Like… Dog-boy's manor or whatever."

"Because. Luring your mother to your house won't look as suspicious as getting her to go out to Tyler's. And the only one you'll be fighting is Lily." She paused. "Can you do that? Can you… kill your mom?"

Damon stared down at her, mouth twisted up. "I'll do what I have to."

"Damon," she said quietly, lips pressed in a line. "If you can't do this, you need to tell me."

"I'll do it," he told her firmly.

She stared at him searchingly a long moment, and then nodded. "Okay."

"So, what happens next?" he wondered.

"I found a spell in my grimoire that I think will work in neutralizing at least the powers of the hybrids. All I'll need to do is get them to touch me and it'll activate. They're siphoners, even if they have their own power source, they'll want more. Think of it like blood; as Rippers, they'll crave my power. But, instead of absorbing my power, the spell will grab theirs and siphon it into this." She showed him a necklace, a pale blue stone at the center. "Once the magic aspect is out of the way, I can focus on putting them down as vampires, then you can start staking people."

"Wait, wait, wait… You want to let these things get close enough to touch you?" He shook his head vehemently. "No! No way. That's witch suicide."

Rolling her eyes, she said, "This is our only option, Damon. If you have a better plan, then share it!"

"We get Alaric in on it. He starts taking these things out from afar, sharp-shooter style. He's got every gun you could think of."

"No, absolutely not," she argued, shaking her head. "We're not bringing Alaric in on this. He has Jo to think of. The baby. We can't risk his life!"

"Well, fine, so we ask to borrow the gun and I'll shoot them."

"As soon as you shoot one, they'll scatter, and then what?"

"Well, I don't know, Bonnie, but I know getting close enough for them to kill you is a bad idea," he shouted.

"We don't have time to argue about this," she reminded him. "Elena set up a make-shift medical tent; her and Jo have been saving and compelling who they can. But eventually, Lily and her hybrids are going to move beyond Mystic Falls. We can't let them get out there… They're impulsive and hungry and completely reckless. That's why they were put in 1903. So we need to stop arguing about this already. This is our plan, Damon." Standing from the couch, she slipped the chain of her necklace over her head; the stone falling to rest against her chest. "Are you in or out?"

He stared at her, grinding his teeth, and then gave a short, stiff nod. "Let's kill us some vitches."

…

Three hours later, Bonnie was regretting Plan B and rethinking the sharp-shooting from afar idea that Damon had pulled out of his ass. At the very least, she would have been less exhausted. There was also a small part of her, tiny as it was, that really just wanted to turn tail and run. She'd had far too many brushes with death, and this felt a whole lot like another one. Bonnie and Death had reached a point in their relationship where she would very much like to go from 'it's complicated' to 'divorced.'

But here she was, yet again, pitted against six of the most powerful beings alive. How was it she always got into these situations? Never mind, she knew exactly how. He was running around behind her, trading hit for hit, and insult for insult, with his mother.

At least they'd stopped throwing fireballs at them. Dodging those had been an obstacle course she was not at all prepared for. While she'd managed to redirect some, she was pretty sure her hair was singed from one that got all too close, and probably would have gotten even closer if Damon hadn't grabbed her around the waist and taken her out of harm's way, brief relief that it was before the next attack. The fire was one thing, but then they added wood to the equation, shattering porch chairs and sending pieces flying at them like stakes. Bonnie had a bleeding wound on her arm and head to show for it.

When the adrenaline wore off later, she was going to need a hot bath and a good cry. In the moment, however, there was nothing to do but attempt to survive. They sent a stake directly for Damon and, though she exploded it before it could hit, she knew the slivers had pierced his back anyway. She added 'picking those out of his back' to her long list of things to do post-battle, right alongside 'drink away the near-death terror with Damon's best bourbon.'

Soon enough, they were separated, with Damon's hands full fighting only Lily.

"Is that the best you've got? A hundred and ten years and you couldn't work on your technique a little?" Damon snarked somewhere behind her, despite his noticeable panting from the exertion of their brawl. "I'm disappointed, mother."

"Always such a sharp tongue, Damon. And so little backbone to support it," Lily returned.

The pained grunting that followed told Bonnie that he wasn't doing as well as he'd thought he would, but she couldn't focus on that now. Damon would persevere, he always did; she needed to focus on her opponents, all six of them.

Bonnie was tired, hurt, bleeding, and second-guessing her plan every few seconds. But finally, thinking they had the upper hand, they let the draw of her power lure them closer. The grass was still smoking as they circled around her eagerly. Having a well of their own power to keep them alive was fine, but they were siphoners by nature, they would want as much as they could get.

Hands reached for her, eager to get a taste of all that power. The expression on her face, one of sheer terror, was not as much of an exaggeration as she would have liked. She couldn't help but think of how it felt when Kai had siphoned from her, the tearing sensation inside of her as she felt her power being ripped out from the very core of her being, leaving her in fraying threads. But there was none of that now, thankfully. As soon as their hands touched her skin, the stone of her necklace began to glow, and instead of pain, she felt only pride. Their magical essence was being siphoned from them into the necklace, and it would keep siphoning it from them, until they were mere husks of what they were, killing them, slowly but surely.

As the vitches stumbled back, weakened, Bonnie raised her hands and hit them with a wave of aneurysms that sent them to their knees. She curled her fingers into claws and heard the audible snap of their bones; their screams carried on the wind, echoing howls of agony. It couldn't hurt to hurry up the process of their deaths. Without their powers and their slowly weakening life forces, they could do nothing but bend under the will of her power. All that was left now was for Damon to stake them.

"Damon," she shouted, turning her head slightly. When she received no answer, her chest tightened worriedly, and she turned a little more, her powers still keeping the vitches in place. What she found made her heart sink into her stomach. Damon knelt in front of his mother, his head hanging at an odd angle, eyes empty. A snapped neck. He could come back from that. A huff of relief left her, before she raised her eyes to meet Lily's enraged gaze.

"He warned me you would be the true enemy," Lily told her, lip curled faintly. "While I thought his infatuation with you might have blinded him, I felt it was only smart to have a contingency plan…" She stared at her searchingly. "You will release my friends, Miss Bennett, or I will lay Damon's heart at your feet."

Bonnie swallowed tightly. "He's your son," she exclaimed.

Lily's eyes fell as she gazed down at her eldest boy. She dragged a finger down the side of his face. "He was. Once. But my allegiance is with my new family now. While I would… regret Damon's death, it would be survivable." She lifted her head then and peered at Bonnie. "I suppose the question is… would it be for you as well?" She reached down to press her fingers against Damon's chest, the skin and muscle giving under her strength, blood blooming on his shirt. "Have you ever held a heart in the palm of your hand, Miss Bennett? Never has something felt so fragile as when you're so easily capable of destroying it."

A wave of rage ricocheted through her and Bonnie released it on the vitches, mollified only slightly by their increased screams. "If you hurt him, I will kill every last one of them, and then I'll kill you," she vowed through gritted teeth.

Lily merely smiled at her. "You think that a threat? Were you to kill my family, what purpose would I have any longer? My death would be the only answer to theirs. So you see… you are the only one who will lose here. Either you give me my family and Damon lives, or I kill Damon, and I find peace with my family. While you, my dear, you… have to go on without him." Cocking her head curiously, she arched one fine eyebrow. "What is your choice?"

Bonnie stared at her searchingly, hoping to find some modicum of regret or hesitation, but there was none. Just crystal blue eyes that resembled her son's in image alone. Bonnie's heart thumped hard in her chest and tears littered her eyes. With regret, she let her hands fall to her sides, the vitches released from her wave of pain.

Turning better to face Lily, she tipped her chin down. "Please. Let him go."

"The necklace first, my dear."

Swallowing thickly, Bonnie reached back to unclip the necklace and tossed it to the ground before Lily, who smiled at her show of insolence and crushed the stone beneath her heel. Immediately, Bonnie felt the power of the vitches return to them, and then a hand coiled around her ankle, sucking her powers from her. The tearing wasn't as agonizing as it had been with Kai, but the pain was still enough to steal her breath from her lungs, her eyes wide.

Lily looked her up and down a long moment, and then slowly pulled her hand from Damon's chest. She released him, letting him fall backwards to the grass, his legs tucked under him at a weird angle. She very carefully wiped her hand on her shirt, ridding it of her son's blood, smiling pleasantly all the while.

"I must thank you, Malachai… Your information was far more important than I had first anticipated," he said, her musical voice lilting.

Kai, standing off to the side, stared down at Damon's body, a grimace on his face. He glanced to Lily then and shrugged. "I try to be of service."

Bonnie glared at him, her lips trembling with her anger. Never had she hated a person so much in her life, and the desire to tear his flesh from his bones burned inside her.

"Oh." Lily tisked. "It seems you have deeply offended Miss Bennett. An odd thing that, considering it was she who left you to rot in the other world."

Kai glanced at Bonnie, his lips pursed, and kicked at the ground. "She had her reasons," he muttered. "Can't say I blame her. An eye for an eye, I guess."

"Yes. It would seem the night for that." Lily stared at Bonnie, waiting for her to meet her eyes once more. "You understand, Miss Bennett, that I cannot let you live."

Bonnie raised her chin, even as it quivered, pain ricocheting through her. "Is this the part where I beg for my life? Because I have to tell you… I've been killed by better."

Lily's mouth curled up at the corners, amused by her. "I imagine you have. An accomplished witch like you." She walked toward her, unhurried. "Malachai sung your praises when he was warning me that you would be a threat. I did not take him seriously, I'm afraid. Not at first. But then I remembered Damon… He didn't speak of you often, but then, I suppose speaking of another woman with your lover is frowned upon even in this day and age. Still, I know he respected you, and for Damon, that says much."

"He won't let you get away with this," she choked out. "When he wakes up—"

"Which do you think he will prioritize?" Lily interrupted curiously. "Your death or the lives of those left in town… I ask because my friends clearly need to replenish themselves after your attack and Mystic Falls is so… rich with fresh blood." She put a hand to her ear and inhaled deeply, letting it out on a content sigh. "I can almost hear it rushing in their veins."

Bonnie's eyes narrowed, her lip curled in a snarl. "Either way, he'll kill you. And you'll deserve every second of it."

Lily rushed forward, her hand gripped around Bonnie's throat. Leaning in, her lips brushing Bonnie's ear, she asked, "Do you think he knew…? Do you wonder if he noticed how your eyes lingered on him, or heard how your heart sped up in his presence? Did he have any idea of the depth of your love for him, Bonnie?"

Her breath caught; a sharp pain, that had nothing to do with her magic, echoed in her chest.

"Better, do you think he loved you back?" She stroked her thumb down the column of Bonnie's neck. "If I told you yes, would this hurt any less?"

Bonnie's eyes raised, but there was no chance to reply, before Lily twisted her hand, and Bonnie's neck cracked beneath it, snapped like a fragile twig in a hurricane.

"No!" Kai shouted, lurching forward. But Bonnie's lifeless body fell to the ground all the same, a broken heap. He let out a shuddering breath before he whipped his head toward Lily. "You promised!"

Lily laughed musically. "Oh Malachai…" She cupped his cheek with one hand. "You poor, simple boy…" She thrust her free hand through his stomach and right out the other end. "It truly is too bad that your brother redeemed some small part of your humanity when you merged. I think you would have been a beautiful addition to my family otherwise."

Kai stared up at her, his eyes wide and blood dribbling from his mouth.

Pulling her hand from his stomach, she threw him away from her, tossed like garbage to lay at the foot of a tree, slumped and discarded.

Walking to her family, she gathered them up, tisking as they still groaned and whined in pain. She helped them to their feet before taking two hands in hers, the others following suit. "Come… I have just the remedy for all that ails you." Her teeth flashed before she ran forward, taking her people with her.

Kai stared out over the field, pain radiating through him. He stared at the two slumped bodies in the distance and stretched out a hand. "Modus."

Bonnie's crumpled body came to him, hovering a few inches off the ground, her hands dragging along the grass at her sides. She fell gently at the end of his feet, and he stared at her, eyes half-closed, a dribble of blood drying on her cheek.

"Probably too late to say sorry, huh?" he asked, choking out a humorless laugh. "For the record…" He tipped his head back against the tree and stared down at her, eyes damp with unshed tears. "I am."

…

Damon startled back to life, eyes shot wide. The twinge in his neck told him it'd been unceremoniously snapped. Lungs squeezing painfully, he sucked air in on a cracked gasp; a gurgle of blood foamed at his lips before it spattered his chin on a cough. Blurry eyes darted around as he gave a pained groan, slivers of wood still piercing his back and the burn of vervain singing strong in his veins. His mother got him good with that one; he'd give her that. He felt like he'd been run over, twice, and left for dead. Not a completely inaccurate description, actually.

His mother, devil woman that she was, was a far better opponent than he'd expected. And with her little vitch pack on her side, they hadn't had much trouble kicking his ass. More Lily than the others; last he remembered, the vitches were getting their asses handed to them by his little wi—

He sat up abruptly, stabbing pain echoing in every inch of him. His eyes scanned the scorched backyard of the boarding house. Fire. He remembered them volleying fireballs around in an effort show off. Like he hadn't seen Bonnie pull off better on her worst day. Speaking of… Where was she? The last thing he remembered was his mother sticking him with his own vervain needle, because as much as he'd said he could take her out, he hadn't been so sure he could actually kill her, and that was his back-up plan. Fat lot of good that did him. He was kneeling at her feet then, choking and struggling to get free, vaguely listening to the pained screaming of the vitches bowing under Bonnie's power. And then— nothing.

"Bonnie?" he choked, giving his head a shake when his vision blurred. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he turned himself over onto his knees and pushed up. Swaying, he raised his hands and pressed the heels against his eyes. His knees shook as he stood, threatening to give out on him, but he pushed forward, stumbling across the blackened grass, trying to stretch his hearing for a heartbeat he was all too familiar with. He could remember falling asleep to it, every night in the prison world, a funny little comfort he'd come to miss after they were separated. She'd fallen asleep on his couch a few times, and he'd offered up one of the spare rooms when she came home, but there were too many people, too many unknown factors (his mother, namely) for her to feel comfortable there. He couldn't find her heartbeat now; just the low thrum of some other human and the quickened heartbeat of various animals in the woods.

Taking a deep breath, he tilted his head back and shouted with all he had, "Bonnie!?"

It took a moment, of him waiting, and waiting, his brow furrowed and worry skittering down his spine. What if his mother took her? Or the vitches got one over on her while he was down for the count. What if her powers sucked her dry and left her for dead? They weren't always kind to her; or maybe it was her that was unkind to them. Regardless, her magic was as inconvenient as it was convenient, especially when it came to keeping his bossy little friend alive. He was just opening his mouth to shout her name again, though he wasn't sure it would do anything good, when— "Over here."

But it wasn't Bonnie's voice he was hearing.

His eyes narrowed as his head swung abruptly to the left, and he spotted the vague outline of someone. He raced toward it, his abilities hindered both by vervain and his injuries. A body was slumped on the ground, a few feet short of a tree, laying at the feet of Kai Parker. Damon hit his knees in front of Bonnie and reached for her shoulder. "Bonnie? Hey… Talk to me…" Her body was limp, head hanging at a funny angle, and he choked. He pulled her up so she was leaning into his arms. "Bonnie," he tried against, staring down at her still face searchingly. He didn't need sensitive hearing to know her heart had long gone still. Her skin was cold where it usually ran warm, and her complexion was off, oddly pale.

"It was your mom," Kai piped up, offering a faint, humorless smile. "She had you, originally, but… You know Bon-Bon. Martyr complex, that's what you called it, right? Always so quick to sacrifice herself."

Damon bared his blood-stained teeth at him, lip curled in a snarl. "Shut up."

Kai held up one hand, shrugging. "Hey, I'm just supplying a little context. I mean, you were down for the count for the big finale. Bon-Bon really knocked it out of the park." He tipped his head, rolling his eyes, before amending, "Well, almost. Clearly she didn't get the homerun. Close though, I'd definitely give her an A for effort. But that mom of yours…" He whistled. "She's a real piece of work, huh? She knew exactly how to play our witch. Just had to hit the right cord, and Bonnie was putty in her hands… The cord was you, in case you weren't catching my drift. Mama Salvatore threatened to tear your heart out herself and, well… Bonnie stopped torturing all the little vampire witches to save you. Long story short, your mom killed her. But, hey, at least she kept her word and left you alive, right?"

Damon shook his head faintly, staring down at Bonnie, her eyes half-closed, dried blood staining her cheek from a cut running the length of her scalp. She was so… quiet. In all the time he'd known her, quiet was not something she knew how to be. She was a chatterbox, filling up any available silence with noise. It didn't matter where they were or what was going on, she always had something to say, questions to ask, complaints to raise. And he'd been all too quick to tell her to shut up, stop questioning him, quit pointing out problems, but now… Now he missed it. He missed the sound of her voice, even when it was angry or disappointed or accusing. He would take all three now.

She'd been mad at him. Not just pissed, but enraged with him for betraying her. He'd tried to explain, to make excuses, but she refused to hear any of it. And he'd been upset, that she wouldn't understand, that she wouldn't just forgive him. But she'd been right. He'd made a careless decision in the moment, too impulsive to think of the long-term ramifications, figuring he would deal with it when it happened. But his mistake cost her life, and he had no idea what to do with that. His heart, dead as it had been for a century and a half, squeezed tightly in his chest, all too eager to shatter into tiny, infinitesimal pieces.

Stretching his fingers over her cheek, he tucked a stray strand of hair back, his thumb rubbing at dried blood, trying to get it off her. It was wrong. All wrong. If life were a movie, she would be the heroine, the underdog who pulled an ace from her sleeve and walked away victorious despite the odds stacked against her. But it never went that way for her. No matter how hard she tried. No matter how many people she saved. No matter how many times she risked her own life for everybody else. She was always the one that paid for it in the end. The unsung hero that lost her life in every fray. And he was sick of it. He was sick and tired of losing her.

Had he ever really had her? he wondered. In all that time, from the very beginning, he'd been nothing but a thorn in her side; the embodiment of terror; her nightmares come to life. Slowly, but surely, he'd changed that, but theirs was a relationship that was always mired in conflict. He was too big-headed, too arrogant, and she was too virtuous, too judgmental, for them to meet on even ground. Until they died, holding hands no less. And he could hate the prison world for a long list of reasons— he could hate the loneliness and the depression and the constant guilt that chewed away at his insides— but he couldn't hate it for giving him her. For letting him have those four months with her where it wasn't easy, but it was theirs.

Damon had avoided learning too many life lessons, but Bonnie had a way of drilling them into his head, whether he wanted to hear them or not. Hope was a big one. And she'd been that for him. He'd never understood what kind of hope, where it was leading, until this very moment. He was a cynical person by nature; expect the worst and it couldn't surprise or hurt him. But somehow, despite losing her more times than he could count, despite knowing that her life always seemed to be stuck in a looping countdown to the next sacrifice; he'd thought, for one brief moment, that maybe this time she would live. Maybe this time she would spend that rest of her witchy little life annoying him. The righteous voice in his ear; the stabilizing hand tucked in his; the yin to his yang; light to his dark; hope to his hopeless. But here they were again. He could almost laugh at the predictability of it all. Instead, he found himself choking on the burn of bile climbing his throat.

His brow furrowed as he stared at her, memorizing her face, from the arch of her eyebrows to the fan of her eyelashes to the length of her nose to the faint upturn of her lips to that stubborn little chin of hers, always raised in defiance. He could just hear her, shouting I told you so's at him, exasperated and angry, tired of always having to clean up their messes. It always ended up here; they needed her help and she paid the ultimate price.

For him.

She could have saved the whole town, saved everyone, if she'd just let his mother finish him off while she destroyed the hybrid vampire-witches. But she hadn't. She'd let herself be killed, let the magical Rippers walk free so he wouldn't die. He closed his eyes, one and two and three tears spilling unchecked. He bent down, pressing his forehead to hers, smooth and cool to the touch.

What a stupid, self-sacrificing little witch. He wanted to shake her. Shake sense back into her head; justice back into the world; air back into her lungs. He wanted her to yell and scold and shout at him for all of his mistakes, all of his shortcomings, all of the ways he failed her. And there were many. God, there were so fucking many…

His breath hitched in his throat as he gathered her closer, burying a hand in her hair, fingers shaking at the nape of her neck. "I'm sorry," he choked out, voice wavering. "You were right. Damn it, Bonnie. You were right. I was stupid and reckless and I never should've— I never… It's my fault… It's on me…"

He swallowed tightly, squeezing his arms around her. She was so small and frail; he'd never noticed that before. How tiny she was. She'd always taken up so much space with her voice and her power and her righteousness.

He gritted his teeth. "Why do you always have to be so predictable? Why do you always have to throw your life away? And for what? Huh? Me?" He laughed, his face twisting up in anger. "Stupid. You were supposed to be the smart one. The only one in this whole damn town. Instead, you're just as bad as me. Impulsive and reckless and always putting your life on the line… Like anybody else even matters."

His voice broke on him then, leaving him hoarse, and he just held her, rocking her in his arms; his tiny, broken bird. It took him a few minutes to gather himself before he pressed a kiss to one closed eye, and then he surveyed her, reaching an arm under her legs. He had no idea where he would take her, what he would do with her, but he couldn't just leave her there.

"It could be worse, you know?" Kai said, drawing his eyes.

Damon glared at him, brow knotted tightly. "I've got my arms full of dead witch. Please, tell me how that could be worse."

Kai stared up at him. "Well, you could be the reason your mom knew how to play her…" He half-smiled, mouth turned up on one side, and Damon suddenly realized the scent of blood on the air wasn't just from Bonnie or him. The stink of death, the slowing heartbeat thudding away, it was Kai. He took a closer look at the witch in front of him, the front of his shirt soaked in blood, a hand pressed to his weeping gut. "See, I bartered my way home on the Mama Salvatore Express. Oh, she wasn't eager to bring me along. She was there for her people, not me. But I had information, a way to make sure you and your little friends didn't get in her way..."

Damon felt rage stirring up in his gut, his fingers stretching and then squeezing around Bonnie, eager and willing to tear Kai's head from his shoulders.

Kai rolled his eyes; unaware, or uncaring, of Damon's quickly building anger. "She was going to go for Elena, make the obvious choice, you know? Hide her, use her a leverage to keep you in line. But I told her there was someone else; that even if she got rid of Elena, there was a bigger threat she needed to think of… So she let me come, as long as I played nice, and I have to tell you… It seemed ideal at first. I'd get to come home and then I'd leave them to their little reign of terror and get back to leading my coven. But your mom's smart. Can't say the same for her sons; you must take after your father..."

At Damon's blank face, he continued, "She made sure one of her little hybrid always kept me close. Apparently siphoning vampire-witch trumps regular siphoning witch. Who knew? Needless to say, she kept me on a tight leash and the only way I kept myself alive was giving up Bonnie. But, in my defense, I was pretty sure little Bon-Bon could handle herself… Clearly, I underestimated how much she actually cared about you. Oh, I knew she'd try to save you, but I figured her martyr complex would lean toward the town, not one vampire." He scoffed. "What a waste."

Damon's eyes narrowed, his teeth gritted as he asked, "Is there a point to this? Because all I'm hearing is reasons to kill you, painfully and slowly, after I put Mother Dearest and her new 'family' in the ground."

"Now, now, is that anyway to talk to someone who can give you another chance to change things?" he mocked.

Damon blinked, mouth ajar.

Kai smirked. "See? That's better. I like it when you're in awe. Makes me feel powerful."

"Explain. Quickly. Before I start feeding you your internal organs," Damon snarled.

"First of all, they're already pretty stirred up. In fact, if I move by finger just right, I'm pretty sure that's my spleen…" He laughed, but frowned suddenly. "Then again, I failed biology, twice, so…" At Damon's unamused expression, Kai took a deep breath and let it out on a long-suffering sigh. "Fine, so let's say that I might know a nifty little way for you to do the impossible."

"Which is?"

He grinned slowly. "Reverse time. Save Bon-Bon. Make it all better…"

Suspicious, Damon looked him over. "Why? Why help me? What's in it for you?"

"Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm dying." He tipped his chin down to his stomach wound. "Now, siphon-vitch took a pretty good bite out of my magic and this whole bleeding out thing is definitely not helping, but I do know that I have just enough juice left for one whopper of a fix-it… So either I heal myself and go on walking the earth to annoy and terrorize a little longer, or I do the 'right' thing and send you back to save little Bon-Bon here."

He stared at Damon searchingly. "I know what you're thinking. Why the hell would this handsome devil choose Bonnie over himself? Well, the answer's simple. Guilt. I'm swamped with it. I blame Luke for it, really. It's annoying, and choking, and apparently all those things I heard about regretting most of your choices on your deathbed, yeah, definitely true." He nodded, offering a shaky half-smile. "Not fun, just so you know. Anyway, the point is… I can change it. So either I spend the rest of my life feeling like this, which, not ideal. Or I take a page out of Bon-Bon's book, and do something about it. So? Up for a little experimental time travel?"

Damon stared at him a long moment, and then turned his eyes down toward Bonnie. Quiet, still, lifeless Bonnie. There was no guarantee it would work, and signing on with Kai had done nothing good for him so far, but… It was Bonnie.

His expression hardened before he looked up, stared Kai straight in the eyes, and said, "Do it."

With a breathless laugh, Kai nodded. "That's what I like to hear." He held out his bloody hand, which Damon took. "Just FYI, this is going to hurt like a bitch."

He frowned. "Wha—?"

Damon's voice broke off on a cry of pain, and then it all went dark.

Nothingness felt a lot like being splintered into tiny pieces and then shoved back together in the wrong order. Only to be broken up again to go through the whole process, over and over, until the agony was almost too much to bear. Time lost meaning. Was it seconds or minutes or years that he spent in that nothingness? He couldn't tell. All he knew was that the pain was absolute and the end was unknown.

Maybe Kai had screwed up. Or maybe this was his revenge, getting a gullible Damon to play along, making choices on blind hope that led only to an eternity of pain. He wouldn't put it past him. Then again, maybe Kai hadn't had as much power left as he thought, and part way through, he'd just died. Fzzt. Dead as a doorknob. The stink of death had been thick on him; he hadn't had much left in the tank. Maybe he used up all of his power getting Damon this far, and there was nothing left to finish the job.

And maybe he deserved it. Maybe this was Damon's penance for all the lives he stole. All the people he'd hurt. All the times he should have kept her safe and didn't. He owed her. Beyond anyone or anything, he'd owed Bonnie. The idea that it was his fault. That she might still be there if he'd just come up with a different way; if he hadn't handed his mother, who he barely knew, the one thing he knew would lead to breaking Bonnie's trust. That would inevitably lead to her death. He couldn't have known it would end there, but with her track record, he should have prepared for it. In fact, if he somehow, miraculously, actually made it through whatever this was, he was going to dress his little witch in bubble-wrap and never let her near anything deadly or even pointy for the foreseeable future. She'd aneurysm him into the next lifetime for sure if he pulled that. It was an oddly comforting thought.

And with that, the pain broke.

Instead, a coolness washed over him, like rain drops soothing his burning skin, pouring over him until the fire in his veins and the tearing of his muscles faded away to nothing. His chest rose and fell, air sucked into his lungs, and slowly, he opened his eyes, staring up at a blue sky, spattered with white, fluffy clouds. He was in the woods; he could feel twigs and leaves beneath him, dirt and rocks under his fingers, and hear the skittering heartbeat of nearby animals.

His mouth opened, lips peeling apart slowly, and he coughed her name, "Bonnie." Like he thought she'd be there, in front of him, alive and well.

Sitting up slowly, he blinked, casting his eyes around in confusion. The pain of before was gone; no more splinters in his back or vervain in his system. He felt good. Better than he had in a while. Pushing up to his feet, he readjusted his jacket, and took another look around. He knew exactly where he was, his mouth tilting with vague amusement. The woods where he'd first bit her, enraged with Emily and her betrayal.

Dusting himself off, he started walking, making his way toward the road. As he stepped onto the highway, it hit him that he had no idea what was going on, and trusting Kai suddenly felt like the dumbest move possible. He felt a surge of panic build up inside him and knew that he needed to find her. She would know what to do. He started running, racing toward Sheila Bennett's old house, where Bonnie had holed up after returning from the prison world, taking comfort in her Grams' things.

It wasn't until he was standing across the street from Sheila's that he realized he had no idea how far back Kai had sent him, only that he would have enough time to save Bonnie. He expected hours, maybe even just minutes before his mother finished her off. Like Kai said, he only had so much juice left in him, so a day was probably stretching himself. But as he stood across the road and watched Bonnie Bennett walk down the porch stairs of Sheila's house, he felt his breath catch.

She was… young. Bright and innocent. Her hair long and her face the picture of sweet and hopeful. And he knew, without a doubt, that this was before he came into her life. This was when she was just a regular teenage girl, before the terror and chaos of the magical world suddenly infiltrated every single corner of her life. He watched her, smiling warmly back at her Grams, her books hugged to her chest as she made her way to her car.

"You be careful, baby. Drive safely."

"I will, Grams. Promise."

"All right, honey. You come see me after school. I want to hear all about your first day."

Bonnie smiled. "Every detail." She climbed into her car then, putting her books behind her on the backseat, and then paused, looking out the back window, directly at him.

And Damon stared back, wondering if, somehow, despite everything, she might recognize him. Might jump out of her car and race across the street, leap into his arms like she had just a week ago. Reunited again. He wanted it. Badly. He wanted her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck and her joyful laugh against his ear. He wanted his Bon-Bon. But all she did was gaze at him, her brow furrowed thoughtfully, and then her eyes fell and her cheeks flushed, and she turned herself around, hands reaching for the steering wheel.

It took her a minute of readjusting her seat and the mirror and pulling on her seatbelt, before she was pulling out of the driveway and turning to go down the street. Time seemed to slow down as she passed by him, helpless to her curiosity as she turned her head to see him. And he shouldn't have, he should have turned on his heel and walked away, but he raised his hand and he wiggled his fingers at her, mouth tipped up at the corners.

Bonnie stared at him, brow furrowed, but raised her hand just a little to wave back. And if his heart could still beat, it would have skipped. It felt like only seconds ago that he was holding her lifeless body in his arms, but now, here she was. Alive.

He watched her car as it took off down the street, pausing at a yield sign before turning and leaving his sight completely.

She was okay. Young and untouched by the worst of this world. A little voice in the back of his head said that he should leave, run away, let her be. But another part said that he should stay. That he knew so much, he could change it. He could make it so that she didn't lose Sheila or her dad; that her mother was never turned, by him no less; that they were prepared in advance for Klaus and his screwed up family; that Silas was never raised; the counsel was never triggered into action; Jeremy Gilbert wasn't resurrected once, twice, or however many times he felt like getting killed this time around; that Bonnie never went near Expression or burnt herself out; that she never died.

He could change it all.

It was risky, and there was no guarantee that it would all turn out perfectly. In fact, he could make it worse. His brother wouldn't trust him in this timeline, not without a hell of a lot of proof that he'd changed. Elena wasn't his anymore. She wasn't anybody's; still grieving her parents and completely unaware of the two brothers that would infiltrate her life and turn it upside down. But, for the first time in a long time, the idea of not having her wasn't devastating. It hurt. He'd tried so hard and the struggle to be together had been long and painful. But maybe it was better this way. Maybe she was better off without him. And maybe… Maybe he could still be happy, just not the way he'd first thought.

With that in mind, Damon crossed the street, hands tucked into the pockets of his leather jacket.

He climbed the stairs of Sheila Bennett's porch and raised a hand to knock, amused more than anything when she swung the door open before he could touch it.

"What the hell are you doing on my porch, Salvatore?"

"Good to see you too, Sheila. I hope you don't mind house visits; I have a feeling you'll be seeing a lot of me in future."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she raised an eyebrow and scoffed at him. "What do you want, Damon?"

He took a deep breath, and when he let it out, he half-smiled. Meeting her eyes seriously, he said, "I want to save your granddaughter's life."

Expression severe, she stared at him, good and long. And then she stepped out onto the porch. "Explain."

He nodded, making his way over to sit on the porch rail. "It's a long story."

"I've got time. And I know you do."

His mouth twitched. "Two words… Prison world. I guess you could say, it all really started there…"

[tbc]

author's note: this idea has been bothering me for a while now, and i thought writing a short oneshot on it would get it out of my system, but nope. i just really love the idea of a better shaped damon going back and deciding to right as many wrongs as he can and keep bonnie from having to go through so much of what she did. also there were a few awesome questions raised by reviewers on the oneshot about the how's and why's and what if's, so now i feel obligated to expand on it, especially since i've been building it up in my head anyway. :)

so, i hope you enjoyed it! thank you for reading! please leave a review; they're my lifeblood!

- lee | fina