He could have just denied the request to send him to the new world. Just...signed the paper, and actively told the government to shove its portal up its arse. But, nope, he didn't, and where'd that land him? In the middle of some epic sword fight between four rather attractive ladies, dodging beneath their swings as they had a no holds barred death match, with the purple-haired woman being the one receiving the beatings. Thus, with the only weapons he had being a Skorpion SMG with a second back-up in his satchel, a telescopic baton to stun possible creatures, a Kukri-machete to cut down plant samples from trees, and a Mossberg 500 shotgun with an assortment of shells, he was forced to constantly dive out of the way of incoming swings whilst delivering opportunity shots to any of the women that came a bit to close.

Not the proudest activity Jack had undertaken. He figured it when he shot the green-haired woman at point blank range with a Dragon's Breath shell after she bumped into him (her ample breasts hitting his face first, he might have added). She looked just as surprised as he did, as though she didn't expect to see a total stranger. And it was likely he was just that to anybody he would come across for as long as he was there: There seemed to be absolutely no way back to Earth. So he was stuck avoiding angry women trying to stab each other with almost anime-esque flying and swordplay.

On the plus side, he discovered something interesting: None of his weapons seemed to be depleting their munitions, jamming, or overheating. This came as a pleasant surprise when he held the trigger on his Skorpion for a good thirty seconds in a panic, with the gun showing no signs of running out. Thus, he felt like he stood a slight chance in the event that the girls turned on him. Diving behind a fallen stone pillar on the outskirts of the arena, he noticed something: The area was flying. All around, clouds stretched out for miles and miles, with no ground in sight. So he was either on top of a really tall mountain, or...

Ah, whatever.

He was going to sue the everliving shit out of whoever designed the portal when he got back. They'd be shitting their kids' university funds by the time Jack was through with them. He was told it was an uninhabited terrain, but was given some weapons of his selection "just in case". Plus, they also let him wear whatever the hell he wanted, since apparently they'd checked beforehand if anything nearby was dangerous. That meant Jack put on his usual black Magnum boots, pair of jeans, black shirt, and army green button-up shirt on top, with a satchel containing equipment and first aid, a set of body armour (in the form of forearm ballistic guards, shin ballistic guards, and a lightweight ballistic vest), plus a few bandoliers and holsters by request of the government self-defense trainer he had been working with for a while in preparation.

Seeing no problems with his apparel, they sent him through, but obviously they didn't account for the outlandishly attractive women that were trying to kill the one with purple hair. Jack exhaled, catching his breath again, and went back through his head. What the fuck was he doing there, again? Shit.

...samples.

Collect samples of local flora and fauna.

That was the one.

He just hadn't expected the local fauna to be both sexy, and violent. He couldn't exactly just let them kill each other. What if they turned on him? He could just Dragon's Breath the shit out of them, since the shotgun seemed endless as well, but...that would be cruel.

He shuddered: He knew what fire did to people. He'd seen napalm and white phosphorous wounds, and they were fucking horrible. He'd also seen bullet wounds, and they were almost as bad.

"Ah, shite..." he muttered, the sounds of battle raging behind him. He couldn't let the purple one die. She looked to be on her own. Maybe...if he helped her, she could help him get home? He grinned. Flawless. It would have to work.

Raising his Mossberg again, he swept around the end of the pillar and pointed the dangerous end towards the woman with the white hair and blue eyes. She hadn't noticed him: She was locking blades with the purple haired girl. Thus, Jack had no reason to not shoot her straight in the back with some 00 Buckshot. She let out a cry of surprise and recoiled forwards, allowing the purple-haired woman to force her away with a foot and parry the previously unnoticed green-haired woman's spear. Immediately discarding all questions as to how she was still alive after a shotgun blast, Jack racked the pump of his shotgun, before swinging it round to point at the shorter blue-haired woman with the nearly comically oversized axe. She was holding it ready to swing at him, and he was pointing a shotgun at her face. Standoff-ish.

"Beat it, asshole!" she yelled in an aggressive way. "I don't care who you are or how you got up to Celestia, but this is between goddesses, not humans! Now scram!" Jack blinked. Holy shit, they spoke the Queen's English, and swore at him. That was brilliant. Now he could be a dickhead as well because she started it.

"Fuckin' hell, Lady, you speak English?" he replied in amazement, almost being tempted to lower his gun. The woman looked at him with no less of a sense of rage.

"Course I do! We all do, idiot! Now who the hell are you?"

"Same could be asked of you, shorty." In fairness, he had a point: Jack was five foot ten, and she was a good foot shorter than him, maybe four foot nine. She gritted her teeth.

"What the hell did you just call me?!" she nearly screamed.

"Calm it down, it was just banter," Jack said quickly. He now knew he shouldn't lower his guns. For anything. Ever. "Now tell me who you are!"

"You first." The woman glared back at him, narrowing her vibrant red eyes and tightening the grip on her axe. Jack sighed.

"Fine. My name's Jack London. I was sent here by some scientists through some weird portal or somethin'. I got told to look for plants and wildlife, then take it home for study. Of course, there's no portal back, and the first livin' things I see are trying to murder each other, so you might be better off tellin' me what the fuck is going on." The woman looked like she didn't believe a word of it, with her eyebrow raised. "You don't even fuckin' believe me. Great. Absolute fuckin' quality."

"Well, I gotta believe you," she snapped. "You weren't here when we started, and only we goddesses can get up here. So you're not supposed to be here."

"You're a goddess?" Jack inquired, lowering his gun a bit so that it was at his hip and pointed at her stomach. The woman only slightly lowered her axe. At least it was progressing towards calming her down.

"Goddess White Heart, to be exact," she shot back. She then pointed a clawed finger at the woman with green hair, then the woman with white hair, then the purple-haired victim, all still locked in combat. "Thunder Tits over there is Green Heart. Bleached Bitch is Black Heart, and the last one is Purple Heart. We're all Console Patron Units."

"...CPUs..." Jack murmured. Weird name for gods. "Anyway, as much as I appreciate you presence, would you be able to tell me how I get out of here?" White Heart rested her axe on her shoulder.

"Hell if I know," she shrugged with a nonchalant expression. "You can help me by taking down Purple Heart. If we make it out of this, I can bring you back down to Gamindustri with me. Then, you and I are gonna have a talk." Jack nodded after a moment's consideration. Better than nothing. Progress, at least.

"I'd appreciate that, cheers," he replied. White Heart gave a nod, before gritting her teeth and flying straight back into the fight, leaving her new 'friend' to watch from a distance. He sighed. "...she's a good start, I guess..." Jack threw the sling of his shotgun over his shoulder, then unholstered his Skorpion, swinging it into a two handed grip. Without delay, he began to unload bursts of shots towards Green Heart...wait, Purple Heart was the white haired one...no, no, wait, should be obvious, it was the purple haired one. Yeah.

But why was he attacking her, besides helping White Heart? Now that he was thinking about it, it made a slight bit of sense. Green Heart, White Heart, and Black Heart were all attacking her. If he helped them defeat her, maybe he'd gain a few allies if the other two were a bit less aggressive than White Heart. He could already tell that his accidental shooting of Green Heart and absolutely 100% unintentional shooting of Black Heart were having effects on them: Green Heart was holding a hand over a patch of reddened skin on her slender torso, whilst Black Heart seemed to be struggling in general.

Thinking of it, Jack wasn't entirely sure they'd like him that much. But...it was a sunny day. Good things happened on sunny days. Except 9/11. That was bad. And, uh, the Blitz...which also sucked. Also Vietnam. That wasn't fun. Jack paused only briefly to unfold the stock on his Skorpion. He really needed to think up better life mottos to replace 'Good things happen on sunny days'.

Though he did get a face full of Green Heart's breasts. That was... an eye-opening, soft, and warm experience. Until he shot her. He still wasn't certain what she'd be more pissed at him over: His itchy trigger finger, or his positioning of his facial structure into her ample bosom.

He decided not to think about it, instead opting to begin advancing towards the battle and firing his weapon at Purple Heart when he had the chance. Black Heart and Green Heart looked at him in surprise, watching him carefully trudging towards Purple Heart with an almost absurdly tiny machine gun pressed in front of his face and a steely expression. Purple Heart didn't seem to notice the bullets very much: Either because they weren't hitting her (which seemed fairly likely when you considered that Jack had only used a Skorpion once or twice during his training), or she was too focused on parrying White Heart's repeated axe swings to care. White steel clashed with a purple light, sparking everywhere as the two women danced back and forth in combat, the occasional bullet from Jack pinging into the fight. However, these shots were doing next to nothing of note: At most, they seemed to make Purple Heart wince a little bit when they hit her in the face. Nothing more. The adtenaline must be really pumping for her to just ignore bullets, Jack thought, folding the Skorpion's stock back up and slipping it into its holster, before letting the Mossberg slide down his right arm and into his waiting hands. But he didn't fire any shots. Black Heart and Green Heart, still observing him in utmost confusion, had many questions swimming around their heads. Green Heart decided to ask the most obvious.

"...who are you?" she asked. Her voice seemed friendly enough. Jack now had even more regrets for shooting her, but the question caught him off guard. He slipped the butt of the shotgun under the crook of his right arm, and scratched the back of his head with his left hand.

"Uh..." he began. "I'm...not from around here, if that helps?" Green Heart raised a brow.

"So I gathered," she said calmly. "Do you have a name?"

"Jack London," he replied flatly, pointing to Green Heart and Black Heart "And you're Green Heart, and you're Black Heart, right?" The two shared a cautious glance, then nodded.

"Indeed," Black Heart spoke up. "How did you end up in Celestia?"

"Like fuck if I know," Jack shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets and letting the Mossberg balance itself to point towards the ground. "I went through a portal back on Earth, now apparently I can't go home, and White Heart over there said if I help you lot get rid of Purple Heart, then she'll help me." There was a pause, filled with the sounds of White Heart's yelling and Purple Heart's rather audible grunts of exertion. "You two don't believe me, do you?"

"I'm afraid not," Green Heart nodded, not changing her expression. It was now that Jack noticed she and Black Heart were hovering a few inches off the ground, making her a bit difficult to focus on. "But I suppose I have no other story to go by. No human can make it up to Celestia alone, and I doubt any of us brought you up here, considering how you barely seem to know who we are." She paused. "You're really believing White Heart?"

"Well, she offered to help, so I said I'd accept the help..." Jack replied, trailing off as he noticed the two goddesses laughing quietly. "What, did I say somethin' bad?" Green Heart tsk'ed and smiled to herself, closing her eyes.

"My, my, you really don't know much about this place, do you?" she chuckled. "White Heart isn't the most...benevolent of us goddesses. And that doesn't include her stature as the least endowed." Green Heart coupled the statement by folding her free arm under her breasts, lifting them up and giving Jack an eyeful. He wasn't entirely sure what he was meant to say, but thankfully he didn't have to compliment her breast size and look awkward: As if the breast related insult had triggered some linchpin, White Heart growled loudly and her frequency of attacks increased.

"Shut your fat hole, Thunder Tits!" she screeched over. "Once I'm done with Neptune, I'm coming over there to kick your ass as well!" Jack smiled beside himself. Some top-notch banter, gotta admit.

"Well, what do I do instead?" he asked, slipping the gun into his hands once more. "I probably won't survive a fall from here, and I sure as shite can't fly. What's your recommendation?" Green Heart thought for a moment.

"I could bring you down to Leanbox with me, and you could help deal with our monster problem," she suggested. "I'm certain someone with as much firepower as yourself could deal with a few Dogoos without much trouble. Furthermore, I'd be more than happy to host you in a guest room, so long as you pull your weight." She turned to Black Heart. "Unless Black Heart would like for your presence...?"

"So long as he doesn't shoot me in the back again, I'd be fine with hosting him in Lastation," Black Heart said. She was smiling, but undoubtedly, her sudden mention of the shotgun blast would probably mean she was harbouring a hatred for him already. "Besides, my sister has been looking for someone to help her with a few dungeons. Help me deal with monsters, and I'll help you."

"What the fuck is a Dogoo...?" Jack muttered, still stuck on that one point, before raising his brows and sighing. "Uh, sure, either sounds great to me, thanks." He turned towards the fight. "But, uh, should we help her? White Heart, I mean?"

Green Heart sighed, and raised her spear slightly. "I suppose you're right. Come, let us finish Purple Heart once and for all." As she was turning away, Jack raised a hand.

"Ah, question?" he said quickly. Green Heart sighed exasperatedly.

"What?"

"Why exactly are we all attackin' Purple Heart?"

Green Heart paused, and looked to Black Heart for an answer. Her white haired 'comrade' shrugged and gave a rather adorable expression of cluelessness, leaving Green Heart to frown and look down at the floor in thought. "Because...we were told, I suppose."

"Told? By who? I thought you were all goddesses or somethin'."

"Whoever she was, we couldn't see her, and it seemed Purple Heart couldn't hear the voice. It suggested that if we were to get rid of Purple Heart, we wouldn't need to deal with her later." Jack raised a brow.

"Makes a bit of sense, I suppose," he mused. "But why are you listenin' to some random voice that suddenly came out of nowhere?" Green Heart looked up at him with slightly darting eyes and an almost sorry-looking expression, blushing in embarrassment.

"Ah...?" To Jack, she was seeming more like the kind of person that's quite kind, but not exactly the most thoughtful. The fight between White Heart and Purple Heart was now a secondary crisis that Jack wanted solved: He was going to put some sodding sense into these women, and they were gonna fucking like it.

"So lemme get this straight," he began, slinging his shotgun over his shoulder so he could use his hands for emphasis. "Not only are you all fightin' for what to me seems like no reason at all, and you're all gangin' up on one of your own, but you're doing it because some dodgy voice said you should? I tell you what, that seems like a right fuckin' set up to me." Nobody else spoke. "I haven't even been here for a few minutes, and I'm already pointin' out your fuckin' mistakes! Maybe this world has different ideals and views on what makes any fuckin' sense, but as an Englishman, I'm requestin' you give me permission to make it my fuckin' mission...nah, my fuckin' job to fix shit that's gone wrong because of your cock-ups." Black Heart and Green Heart had been joined by Purple Heart and White Heart, who were now watching the foul-mouthed tirade in disbelief. "You said you have a monster problem, then fuckin' fine, let me get at those wankers. Crime in progress, no worries, I'll bash their fuckin' heads in and send 'em to jail to get raped. But before I even do any of that, lemme just say that you seem to have absolutely zero fuckin' sense when it comes to doin' things."

"Hey!" White Heart shot back. "We make sure that we know exactly what'll happen when we do somethi-"

"Really?" Jack cut in, jabbing a finger down at her face and causing her to recoil slightly. "Do you fuckin' really? You take orders from some dodgy voice that comes out of bloody nowhere to try and kill Purple Heart, then claim it's justified because you don't have to do it later? Is that really your idea of fuckin' 'knowin' exactly what'll happen when you do somethin'', because if it is, pardon me for smashin' your train of thought, but that seems seriously fuckin' stupid. Nothin' personally aimed towards any of you lot, but holy shit, you really didn't think this one through, did you, ladies?"

The goddesses were stunned. Was this...human...insulting them? Black Heart gripped her sword and pointed it towards him. "You watch your mouth, mortal!" she snapped. Before she could react, however, the man in front of her had batted the blade out of the way, much to her surprise. "What?! How did you-?!"

"Doesn't matter how I fuckin' did it, because you're not gonna be fuckin' doin' that again, we fuckin' clear?" he barked, pointing a finger towards her chest. She glared back at him, almost tempted to cut him in half right then and there, but...something stopped her, and she reluctantly nodded. She didn't know why, but she wanted to hear what else that the outrageously boorish man had to say. "Good!" he grinned in a rather predatory manner. "Then you four understand me when I say that you didn't think this one through?" They shared a glance, then nodded. "Good. And so what are you gonna do about this 'third party' problem?" They shared another glance.

Good question.

"What I suggest you all do is put your weapons away, go over there, and have a civil fuckin' discussion. Alright?" Jack pointed to an area nearby, where two pillars had fallen down to form an area that looked like they might be able to sit and speak with each other. "Oh, plus, if you try drawin' your arms, I'll fuckin' pelt you with Dragon's Breath shells. Might not do much, but it'll fuckin' hurt." They shared more glances, mostly seeming to ask each other if they could just kill him, then finally, Purple Heart sighed. Her large, glowing purple katana disappeared, and she stood up (hovered) slightly straighter.

"You do have a point, Mr...Bundem...?" she said calmly, before looking back to the other three. "I'll be over there if you need me." Without a word, she began to hover over towards the pillar, before silently setting herself down with a troubled expression. The remaining three CPUs stared at her in amazement. Jack looked at them impatiently, with his arms folded.

"It's 'London'..." he muttered, snaking his head. "And you three?" He looked to the remaining three women. After a moment, Green Heart's lance disappeared in a flash of purple, and she floated silently towards Purple Heart without a word. Her slightly less endowed counterpart looked up at her, and smiled as the seafoam-haired woman sat down opposite. They had already began to have a discussion. A discussion containing less than trusting looks towards each other...but a discussion, nonetheless. White Heart and Black heart both remained speechless.

"Holy shit..." White Heart muttered. Jack resisted smiling. He already liked her: She had no issues with turning the air blue for what may as well have been next to no reason. The first thing she'd said to him was a flurry of insults, and the first thing he'd said to her was "Fuckin' hell," so he figured that if they both had the same views when it came to obscenities, they'd get on fairly well.

If she didn't decide to suddenly murder him with a ridiculously oversized axe, that is.