Up or Down?

By: Shania Nowhere

Chiyuki felt the elevator begin to move, a light jostle as it began to rise in the shaft. It felt cold, surreal after the experiences she had lived through with Decim during her stay at the Quindecim bar. She wondered if she would forget it all like they all said she would, but she also wondered if a part of her would miss it even if she didn't remember it; remember him.

"I've never seen him smile before," The boy at the keypad said, smiling himself as he stood casually in the corner.

Chiyuki looked up at him through the tears in her eyes, unsure what to say.

"It's Clavis," He turned his smile her direction. "Chiyuki, right?"

"Yes," She had not really known Clavis, she had only recently seen him during her adventures with Decim to the lower levels. He always seemed to be smiling, she wondered if he enjoyed his job that much.

"It was nice to meet you, you really brought a freshness to this world," He remarked jovially.

She looked away to the floor as if she could still see the bar fading into the distance. "I wish I could remember everyone, in the next life, I mean."

Suddenly the elevator came to a jarring stop, causing Chiyuki to look up in surprise at the boy whose smile hadn't changed. His finger was on the emergency break button.

"What do you think your next life will be like?" The boy asked wistfully.

"My...next life…?" She looked down, catching sight of her flaking wrist. Flashes of her death rose up before she pushed them away again. "I'm not really sure. Better than the last one, I hope. Not that it was a bad life, really." She sighed and hugged herself. "I…I kind of wish…"

"Hmm?" There was a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

She shook her head. "No, I couldn't. It's not possible."

"What if it could be?" He finally turned his gaze to her, or at least his smile. He never opened his eyes, she wondered what color they were.

"What if...what could be…?" Chiyuki began to wonder if he could read her mind the way he spoke, but then again Decim could see her memories before. Maybe all Arbiters could.

Clavis just smiled before looking away again, tilting his head and sliding his finger over the keyhole on the pad in front of him. "I could take you back down...all the way."

"What?" She stepped back a little, feeling the paint chipping off her knee with the rock of her heel, reminding her of what precious little time she had before her soul was lost forever. "You mean the Void? Why?"

"It's an interesting existence, knowing that you're a dummy," He mused. "For an Arbiter, I mean. Deep down we're all made of these hollow, wooden frames. We have life breathed into us, but only at the expense of the souls trapped in the Void. It doesn't really seem fair to them, now that I think about it. Having parts of them pieced away to somehow cobble together some monster that poses as a real person, masquerading as something that can feel the same kinds of emotions that real humans can."

Clavis' hand fell away from the pad, slowly raising palm up as he smiled softly down at it. "I always wondered, though, what is the difference between emotions and souls? If a soul has no emotion, is it really alive? Doesn't the very act of having emotions mean that you exist? After all, don't we use the emotions and reactions of a human to decide their fate, whether they deserve to go on living or end up in the Void?"

He fell silent, allowing the distant creak of the elevator shaft fill the air. Chiyuki wondered what he was getting at, before responding. "I guess...you do have a point..."

"You think so?" He smiled up at her gladly. "What do you think would happen if an Arbiter took on all of the emotions of a human from the Void? The Higher Powers say it's forbidden, but they never really told us what would happen if we did. Maybe they don't want us escaping into the living world with some condemned soul inside us."

"So..." She began to get an idea of where he was going with his philosophical waxing. "...in theory, if my soul went to the Void...if it was drained of all of its emotions and memories...and placed in a dummy in this world…"

"Hmmmm?" Clavis continued to smile, with a hint of mischief.

"I could stay...but would it really be me? Or just a dummy with my feelings and memories?" She frowned.

"Isn't that what you are now?"

She hadn't thought of that, he had a point. "But they said I couldn't stay because human souls aren't meant to live here. That's why my paint is chipping away," She held up her wrist as evidence.

"That is true, I mean I could be wrong. I am just a dummy after all. It was just a thought." He turned back to the keypad to push the resume button.

"Wait!" Chiyuki almost tackled Clavis to stop him from pressing the button. "What if it was a lie? What if I was made to break so I couldn't stay?"

"I hadn't thought of that, usually humans don't stay long enough to find out." He fingered his chin thoughtfully.

"Right, and I was different too, wasn't I?" Chiyuki recalled how she had remembered being dead when she arrived. "Maybe it was on purpose."

"Why would someone do that?" Clavis tilted his head curiously.

"Why would they start putting human emotions in Arbiters?" She retorted. "Weren't you all supposed to be void of emotion so you wouldn't have conflicting feelings about your judgements?"

"Well," Clavis thought about it. "Nona started that, she thought it would help us understand humans better and make clearer judgements. But that's a secret no one else knows about. I probably shouldn't have said anything."

"Then maybe Nona wanted me to stay?" Chiyuki grasped Clavis' lapel, causing more paint to chip off of her wrist. She quickly pulled away and paced around the small confines of the elevator. "No that doesn't make sense, she would have done something about this body…"

"Maybe she wanted you to show Decim what it was like to be a human and have compassion. We're not really made to feel those sorts of feelings, just judge the facts," Clavis shrugged, watching her pace.

"Maybe so, maybe I wasn't meant to stay after all," her voice echoed the sadness she felt at that statement, stopping her pacing and staring off into the distance. "I was just here to teach him some life lessons. Just another experiment.

Clavis was quiet a moment, his smile half faded away. He then asked a serious question, "Do you want to stay?"

"I…" She looked down at her hands, one revealing how temporary her existence there was, the other still life-like and hopeful. "I don't have a choice, do I…?"

"You might, but it's your choice to make," Clavis' smile faded completely as he became more serious. "I cannot make it for you. I shouldn't even be suggesting it, but I've never seen Decim react to someone like that. I've never seen any Arbiter care about someone before, let alone a human."

"He...cares about me…?" Of course he cared, she thought to herself. He was always so careful with her, giving her chances and memories and allowing her to experience her passion for skating one last time. He listened to her advice and asked for it often, wanting her to share her life with him. Maybe he wanted her to share more than just her memories and she completely misunderstood. Her heart skipped a beat at the thought as she looked back down at the floor in the direction she came from, was he still standing there waiting for her to return?

She thought about it hard before feeling the strength in her knee weakening. Chiyuki leaned against the wall to hold herself up. There was no time left to wonder about the ifs, she had to make a choice and make it fast. Setting her jaw in determination, she turned her gaze to Clavis. "If I stayed...who will make sure I don't just stay in the Void?"

"I will explain it to Nona, she can save you," Clavis remarked gravely. "You're running out of time."

"I know! I know…" She ran her fingers through her hair. She wanted to see her mother again, but that wouldn't happen even if she were reborn. That life was over, and her next life hadn't even started yet so what was she missing? All she knew is what she had in that moment. "What if it doesn't work? What if she won't do it? Won't you be in trouble?"

"You let me worry about that," His smile returned. "You need to decide: a life on Earth, or a life in the Tower with him?"

She looked up with tears still staining her cheeks, uncertainty in her eyes. "Does he really want me to stay?"

"I think you already know the answer to that question," Clavis' smile was gentle but confident. "What'll it be, Miss Chiyuki?"

Her heart pounded in her chest, but she realized it wasn't out of fear, it was out of anticipation. With her mind made up, she looked him solidly in the eyes. "Down."

With the broadest smile she'd ever seen and a swift bow, Clavis said cheerfully, "As you wish!" Before promptly pushing the final button on the keypad. When had he put the key into the lock? She didn't have much time to ponder it as the elevator swiftly dropped to the bottom floor into nothingness.

Decim stood watching a couple argue about their past as they played a deadly game of mini golf. It had been a while since Chiyuki left, the bar seemed quieter and the judgements weren't quite the same without an assistant to give him feedback. He found himself glancing at the dummy seated by his bar, expecting it to chime in with some words of wisdom. But it only sat there, silently present and lifeless. Sighing, he returned to monitoring his current clients' interactions as they began to duel with the clubs.

Time passed and finally a winner was chosen, but only Decim knew their true fates. He ushered them to the elevators, directing them into their respective carriages before the doors closed and delivered them to the unknown. The smile he learned to don faded as they disappeared, he felt empty every time his guests left. He wasn't sure what it meant but he continued on, after all it was his job to judge and release spirits.

He turned and headed back down the hallway, rounding the corner and promptly stopping mid-stride. At the bar he could see someone sitting on one of the stools facing away from him. Had he forgotten someone? No, he sent both his guests off just a moment ago. Returning to his steps he ventured down the hall to the bar before halting again. He recognized the figure, but he had left her sitting next to the bar a moment ago. Was someone playing tricks on him?

With a sigh, he approached the dummy, saying "Ginti, how many times have I asked you not to move my things?" He placed his hands on the shoulders of the dummy to shift it but found it resisted. He frowned.

"So I belong to you now?" The dummy spoke, startling Decim enough to back away. Turning, she faced him with her crimson eyes. "I'd like to think I have a say in that."

His eyes wide, Decim staggered back before tripping over his own feet and plopping on his rear. He continued to stare in disbelief from the floor, his mouth gaping in shock. "Chiyuki?"

Turning and hopping down from the bar stool, she walked over and knelt beside him. "In the flesh. Well, sort of."

"But...you left...your body came back empty," He stammered before looking down at her knee. It was mended. He grasped her wrist and turned it over in his hand to see the smooth milky white skin that was now unblemished. "You're not flaking anymore."

"That's right." She muttered, her heart pounding a little as she stared down at their hands.

He paused a moment before sitting up more. "How can you be here? You were reincarnated. Weren't you?"

"I guess you could say that," She looked up into his eyes but could tell he was alarmed.

Decim didn't seem to know what to do, he hadn't had a visitor come back before. Usually when they leave, they don't return and he hadn't been on the job long enough to see repeat deathers. This couldn't be real, unless…

"Decim...I came back...for you," Chiyuki kept her eyes on him, wanting to make sure he understood and had no doubt of her feelings.

"Came back? But...how? It's not possible," His eyes scanned over her, hoping that something was different, showing some hint of what had changed. But then his eyes returned to hers and found the difference. "Chiyuki, you...your eyes…"

"Yes," She looked down finally, gently pulling her wrist from his hand and placing her palm on his. "I'm an Arbiter now too."

"But that's…" He shook his head. "You can't be, you're a human."

She squeezed his hand. "Not anymore."

"No!" Decim's outburst startled Chiyuki, causing her to jump. He grabbed her shoulders again, pulling her eyes back up to his. "You were supposed to go on living! Why would you do this?"

"I am, Decim!" She thought he would be happy but found her eyes welling up with tears. "I chose to live with you!"

"But...but how, you can't...what did you do?" Decim's grip on her shoulders tightened, displaying his dread of the truth.

"I…" She looked down at her lap, biting her lip before muttering, "I went to the Void."

"The Void? Why!" Decim shook his head. "No, but...you couldn't have, you're here! Unless…"

"Yes…" Bravely she brought her vision up to his. "Nona saved me. She put all of my emotions and memories into this dummy so I could come back to you. It was my choice, Decim. I know what it's like to live on Earth, and I know what it's like to live here in your world. I chose to be reborn here."

"But...is it really you?" Decim asked in disbelief, his grip loosening a bit as he sunk down more on the floor.

"When you brought me down to the basement to trick me with that illusion, I didn't really understand why you would do that to me," She gently pulled his hands into her lap to hold them. "But then I thought about it, if I chose to condemn another soul just to save my own it would mark me as a bad egg. I'd have to go to the Void. After that you could have saved me and brought me back just as I am now, that's why you were so upset about deceiving me. Because you were being selfish, because...you wanted me to stay."

"I…" He looked embarrassed and ashamed, holding her hands tightly. "I did...but I couldn't ask that of you. I couldn't...you shouldn't have done this! You'll never be able to be human again…"

"That's fine, it's not all its cracked up to be," She shrugged. "Besides, why would I want to be up there when the person I want to be with is right here. Anyway, there's something I never got the chance to share with you," with that she leaned in, giving him a gentle kiss.

Decim stiffened in surprise but did not pull away, staring blurrily at her dark lashes, feeling her supple lips against his. Feeling the warmth. What was this, a kiss? No one had ever kissed him before, he had seen it in memories but didn't know why humans seemed to enjoy it so much. His desire to understand and to learn overrode his logic of telling her she had made a mistake. Before he knew it, his hands had crept up to hold her face close to his, weaving into her hair to become entangled there. His eyes slowly closed as he reveled in this new feeling, this human desire.

Their kiss ended after what seemed like an eternity, Chiyuki being the first to pull away. She looked up into his eyes to find him still swept away by the moment, causing a gentle smile to caress her lips. She brushed his hair aside and cupped his cheek. "I love you, Decim. I didn't understand it before but I do now."

His eyelids heavy, he peered at her lazily, still drowning in waves of foreign emotions. "Love…"

"Yes. I think...that you loved me too, even if you didn't know how to say it," She studied his features.

"Love…" He seemed thoughtful. "Is that...what I felt?"

"Well," She sighed, fiddling with his hair, "You wanted me to stay and went to great lengths to try to make it happen. I know you didn't mean to hurt me since you were so upset with yourself. You also gave me the gift of being able to skate again and perform for an audience, it felt so wonderful. And getting to see my mother again, even if I didn't get to talk to her…" She trailed off, thinking of how heartbroken her mother must be.

His expression saddened at her words. "I shouldn't have deceived you, it was wrong. I was being...selfish."

"It's okay," She returned to holding his hands. "I decided that what I really wanted was to be with you, and the only way for that to happen was for me to give up my human life to be an Arbiter. Unless you didn't want me to stay…"

"I do!" He blurted out like an excited child before looking embarrassed again and looking away. "I mean…"

Chiyuki chuckled. "I know what you mean." Pulling him into a hug, she whispered in his ear. "This is our little secret though, as far as the others know I'm just a recreation of Chiyuki."

"So only Nona knows?" He returned her hug wholeheartedly.

"Well," She rested her head on his shoulder. "Clavis does too, other than that it's just the four of us."

"I see," He seemed resigned to the fact she was there, since there was no going back from this.

"Decim?" Chiyuki pulled back to look him in the eye again.

"Yes?"

"Are you okay with having an assistant for the rest of your life?"

He smiled, not a ridiculous smile but a gentle slight smile that warmed her heart. "If you're okay assisting me for the rest of yours."

"Until death do we part."

The End.