Wow what's an "update schedule?"

Idk either man

We all crowded into the kitchen and Akiteru grabbed a box of cookies out of the pantry before they sat in front of the window to wait for his friend's ride. I spaced out a bit while they joked with each other and in my daze found myself wandering through the house. When I finally realized what I was doing, I was halfway down to the room where Jirou had touched me. I could still hear their laughing voices slightly muffled upstairs. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I ran into my mom who was holding a basket of folded laundry.

"What are you up to, Kei?" she asked, her warm eyes crinkling with a smile.

"Akiteru and his friends are being boring so I was gonna find something else to do," I explained to her, a smile on my face.

She nodded. "What did you guys do?"

"We played Tales of Symphonia!" I threw my hands up in the air with excitement.

"That's fun. They were nice to you, right?" Her tone lowered. Sometimes Akiteru would get fed up with me and kick me out of the basement to go play by myself. I would get upset when he did that, but I loved my brother so I never argued with him.

"Yeah! Although..." I hesitated. "I didn't actually get to play much today..." My gaze went to the floor. Even at the reminder, a little wave of disappointed weighed in my stomach like led. After all, I didn't get too many chances to play the game when Aki's friends weren't over.

She put a hand on my shoulder. "Why not, honey?"

I bit my lip. "Promise you won't tell Jirou I told? Or Akiteru because he'd tell Jirou?" I played with the hem of my shirt. It was okay to tell my mom, wasn't it?

She nodded. "Of course, honey. What happened?"

"Well, Jirou took me aside and touched me." It came out of my mouth before I could even think about it. I just gave away our secret!

My mom's eyes flew open wider than I had ever seen before.

"Th-that's okay, right?" I stammered. Maybe I shouldn't have told her if I was going to get him into trouble.

My mother's brow creased. "Where... exactly did he... touch you?" Her voice was low and serious.

I pointed to my crotch, my head down, and saw her lower lip wobble in my peripherals.

"Tell me exactly what happened, Kei." Her tone is icy and I don't dare argue. Not listening to mom when she was like this was dangerous.

"Well we were playing but then we went under the couch and he pulled my pants down and he touched me and then we went in there," I pointed to the other room, "and he did it more."

I didn't know why I was blushing so hard.

"Is it bad?" I asked her again.

She nodded, her frown deepening. "Yes, Kei, that's bad." She took a shaky breath and my eyes began to blur with tears.

"Are you mad at me?" I almost whimpered.

She wrapped my body in her warm arms, and I relaxed a bit. "No, of course not."

I nodded and bit my lip as released me from the hug without another word.

She walked up the stairs quickly into my father's office and I followed close behind, stopping in the doorway to listen in on their conversation but not be part of it.

His face darkened as she spoke and he nodded in understanding. When they finished talking quietly to each other mom turned back to me.

"Thank you for telling me, Kei. That won't happen again, don't worry." My mother assured me. I nodded but frowned. It's not like it was particularly painful or scary, just a bit boring. I wasn't worried about it happening again, it would just be annoying. I'd rather play Tales of Symphonia.

My father finally spoke to me. "If this happens again, tell us right away. That boy isn't allowed at our house anymore."

I nodded again, face pale and hands shaking. Why were my parents so angry? And what if Jirou got mad at me?

"I'm going to go ahead and put dinner on the stove." My mother said under her breath. Her eyes were unfocused but she flew towards kitchen like her life depended on it.

I followed her to the kitchen, unsure of what to do. I felt too guilty to talk to Akiteru right now after telling on his friend and I wasn't in the mood for playing after seeing my parents act so serious. I reluctantly climbed up onto one of the stools next to the counter and watched as my mother clanged and banged with pots and dishes. Within an hour dinner was ready.

My mother called for the family to come and slowly they emerged, Akiteru joining us when the last of his friends got picked up. We had rice and stir fry tonight, my favorite. But somehow I didn't feel like eating it. There was a heaviness in the air that I picked up on even as a young kid who was sometimes oblivious to other's emotions.

My father cleared his throat and the table looked to him. "Akiteru. Your friend Jirou is not allowed over anymore." His voice was firm.

Akiteru's eyebrows creased and he leaned forward in his seat. "Why? You can't just say who I can and can't hang out with! And what's he ever done to you?" He spoke almost desperately. His eyes were narrowed, hands clenched. It was obvious he was angry.

I just stared at my plate as a lump formed in my throat. I wanted to leave.

"We'll let you go over to his house still. We just don't want him here," my mother assured him.

My brother just stared at them with a gaping mouth.

"I've already talked to his parents. The decision is final." My father's voice was deeper now, a little threat looming behind his civil words.

Akiteru shoved his seat back and stood up with his plate of food and stomped to the sink to put his dish away before storming upstairs. "I can't believe you guys!" he yelled down the stairs at us. The family listened in silence as thudding footsteps boomed across the ceiling above us and Akiteru's door slammed shut.

My mother put her hands to her face and pressed her fingers to her temples. "You could have said it a bit nicer." Her voice was soft and not very accusing at all despite her words.

"We're telling him the same thing either way. He was bound to be angry without an explanation." My dad almost snapped at her.

My face scrunched in confusion. "Why don't you just tell him?"

My parent's faces softened and my mother spoke gently. "If you choose to tell him that is your decision, but we aren't going to tell him for you."

I nodded, but still felt confused. It wasn't that big of a deal. At least at the time, I didn't think so.

I pushed out of my seat and clambered up the stairs after Akiteru. I knocked on the door hesitantly. I wanted to talk to him but I wasn't sure if he was still mad.

"Come in." His voice was gruff.

I opened the door a crack and peered in to see him aggressively typing on his laptop. When I walked in he looked at me before returning his glare to the screen.

"I know why he's not allowed to come over anymore..." I was planning on flaunting it and making him beg for me to tell him, but my voice came out in a mumble.

He didn't look up at me. "I honestly don't want to hear it right now, Kei."

I gulped and nodded before turning around and leaving the room. I didn't know if I should be disappointed or relieved.

When I went to sleep that night I couldn't help but clutch my blankets closer. The light tick of the grandfather clock down the hallway and my breathing filled the room, along with the occasional rustle of sheets. I hoped Jirou wasn't too mad at me. And I didn't know why my parents were so sad. And why they had to make Jirou go away. Or why Akiteru was so mad at me. Who was I kidding? I knew why. This was all my fault. If only I had just kept my mouth shut

Yamaguchi cleared his throat and set down his chopsticks, addressing the rest of the table with warm eyes. "I just wanted to thank you all so much for letting me stay here this weekend. I'm not gonna lie, I was really nervous at first and didn't know what to expect, but I'm so glad I took a chance and met you. You and your family have been so welcoming, and I am already looking forward to getting to visit you again."

"Stop, I'm gonna get emotional!" Hinata wailed, shoving at Yamaguchi.

Kei cleared his throat pointedly, glaring at them until they relented and got off of each other. He felt nervous about their every move when they were in the same room as his parents.

"Oh sweetie, it was so nice having you. You could teach a thing or two about manners to my son, actually."

Yamaguchi smiled politely, but Kei swore to god he shot a short smirk in his direction when his mom looked away. The devil.

"Thanks for coming. It was really fun," Kei forced out.

The couple smiled. "Thanks for inviting us."

"Okay, enjoy the meal now. Leave the goodbyes for later," Kei said when he felt his throat start to tighten up.

The group dug in enthusiastically. Kei, on the other hand, was forcing himself to eat. His stomach was swirling. After this amazing weekend, he would be shoved back into reality, where no one knew who he really was and he lived his life in hiding. He already missed the pair and they hadn't even left yet.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he pried it out and peered at it from under the table. His stomach loosened slightly. It was Kuroo.

Want to come over tonight after your friends leave?

He smiled and tapped out a short response before sliding his phone away and reemerging into the conversation.

"Oh, our train is here!" Hinata called out from his spot at the train map.

The three friends stood on the concrete train terminal, hair whipping around them as the bullet train screeched to a stop.

"Alright," Yamaguchi replied quietly, barely audible over the sound of trains and chatter around them.

Kei forced himself to get up with Yamaguchi as they walked toward the platform. "I'm gonna miss you guys. Seriously. Thanks for coming."

"Thank you!" Yamaguchi said, staring at his toes. "I hope to see you again soon."

Yamaguchi looked up, then at his toes again, and finally dove toward Kei for a huge hug. Kei hesitantly returned the hug, his arms wrapping around Yamaguchi's shoulders loosely. He didn't even really spend too long contemplating what the strangers around him thought of the spectacle. He just squeezed his eyes shut and tried to pretend they weren't leaving. Eventually, they pulled back. Kei had a small smile on his face, and looked into his friend's eyes.

After a moment of obvious internal debate, Yamaguchi leaned in toward his ear. "I'm glad you're happy with him," he whispered quietly, voice serious.

When they pulled back, Kei tried his hardest to return Yamaguchi's bright, vivacious, genuine smile that Kei wished he could have as images of Jirou flashed through his mind. He pushed those thoughts away. Now wasn't the time for that.

"Well, see you soon," Kei finally said.

"Bye!"

"Kei, the doorbell rang!" his mom called from the living room.

Kei groaned but pushed himself up from his desk chair. He already genuinely missed Yamaguchi and Hinata, but luckily Kuroo seemed to have predicted that and offered to spend time with him. He was honesty looking forward to it.

He padded barefoot to the front door, smiling at Kuroo when he opened the door.

"Hey bud," Kuroo said with a easy smile.

"Bud? That's a new level of no," Kei scowled, but his heart wasn't in it.

"How are you doing?" Kuroo inquired as he kicked off his shoes.

Kei shrugged, and led him to the basement.

As soon as the door closed behind them, Kuroo grabbed his hand to turn him around, and pecked his cheek gently. He felt his face redden but decided not to address it.

Kei sat on the couch and patted the seat next to him- Kuroo obliged.

"What do you want to do?" Kuroo asked after a moment or two of silence.

Kei let his gaze drag over Kuroo's body hungrily in response, and at that Kuroo scooted closer to him with a grin and gently kissed him on the lips. Kei responded eagerly, moving his lips against his boyfriends with a clumsy eagerness he could usually hide.

Kuroo was running his hands up and down Kei's body, humming in pleasure as Kei pushed his leg over Kuroo's lap so he was straddling him against the back of the couch.

Kei was touching- so much touching- his soft cheek, the silky strands of hair on the back of his neck, his thick arms. He could feel the touch from below- Kuroo's firm, athletic thighs against his own, the arousal against him that was hard to ignore. Their mouths slotted together perfectly, and Kei opened his mouth as he smoothed his hands over Kuroo's firm chest and abs, shuddering in a gasp as Kuroo responded by jolting up against him with a groan.

"You're so hot, what the fuck," Kuroo choked.

Then Kuroo grabbed his hips and ground against him, and a wave of pleasure and nausea hit Kei synchronously. He whined in the back of his throat, but pushed back from his boyfriend.

"You need to stop?" Kuroo asked, and he was trying to sound unbothered but the disappointment was clear in his tone.

Kei couldn't meet his eyes, the guilt and regret rolling through him. He wrung his hands and tried to take a subtle deep breath. He needed to tell him. It was obviously killing Kuroo to feel so ignorant- to feel like he was doing something wrong every time they got intimate, and even though he had told Yamaguchi over the phone, he still felt like it was bottled up inside of him, ready to explode at any moment. He'd rather not let it get to that point. He knew he trusted Kuroo, and knew that Kuroo wouldn't be mad at him for it. All that was holding him back was his own, selfish fear of rejection, and he wasn't going to let that taint their relationship any longer.

"Can I try and explain something to you?" he asked hesitantly, and cursed himself immediately. That sounded so condescending, Kuroo was going to get mad at him, how was he goi-

"Of course, what's up?" Duh, he knew Kuroo wasn't that easily offended. It was just his mind playing tricks on him. His heartbeat slowed down, if only slightly. It felt like a drum resounding through his entire body.

"You know the-the issues we have? Or... more that I have? With the kissing and intimacy? And stuff like that?" Kei tried to swallow, but his mouth was dry and his tongue felt like a big lump in his mouth.

"...Yeah, what about it?" Kuroo said when Kei didn't continue, peering into his eyes with concern. At some point he had grabbed Kei's hand, maybe in support. It felt sweaty. He fought the urge to pull away.

"Well, I guess I wanted to tell you why I'm so... like that."

Kuroo didn't respond, just continued to look at him, gaze a boulder of confidence that they both knew, at least to some extent, Kei needed right now.

Kei took a shuddering breath before forcing himself to continue. "When I was younger, someone took advantage of me. And- well- that's why... you know. I suck at this stuff."

Kuroo's eyebrows furrowed, and then his eyes hardened. "Took advantage of you... sexually? You're kidding, right?"

Kei broke eye contact, staring at a really interesting crack in the ceiling. "No. I'm not kidding."

"Seriously?" He was silent for a moment, and seeing Kei's insistence, he loosened his gaze, eyes dropping to his lap as he took in what his boyfriend had told him. "Oh. Wow. Well then. That was not what I was expecting."

Kei didn't know how to take that. He didn't know what reaction he was expecting from Kuroo, but that certainly wasn't it.

It was Kuroo who pulled away this time, standing up to pace the few feet in front of the couch. Kuroo laughed, high and unsteady, as he grasped his hair and shook his head. "And here I thought you were gonna tell me you were straight, after all." He laughed again, before turning abruptly back towards Kei.

His heartbeat picked up again as Kuroo rubbed his hands over his face, murmuring

to himself. Kei was just about ready to pick up and flee the room, when Kuroo was hugging him, warm and strong like he always was, a gentle hand stroking through his hair. The voice he heard, though, was shaky. "I'm so, so sorry. I'm sorry I've been so assertive with you. If I had known, I never would have tri-"

Kei shoved Kuroo away from him, eyes blazing with anger.

"I'm sor-" Kuroo started.

"Don't you dare. Just because I told you this doesn't mean you get to regret every moment we've had together. Every time I've felt uncomfortable, I've told you. Everything we have done was mutual. So don't apologize for what we've done, because that's just invalidating everything that we're built off of. I didn't tell you this so you would feel guilty, or feel sorry for me. I told you because I felt that I was hurting you, and hurting us, by leaving you in the dark with it, and I knew you needed an explanation for why I always clam up. And most importantly, i just needed to tell someone. I've kept it inside for so long, and you're the first person in real life that I've ever told. So don't stop doing what you do, because I love it. Please. I don't want this to change us."

Tears swam in Kuroo's eyes, and he grabbed both of Kei's hands in his. "I-I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry. I'm honestly just so new to this idea, and I didn't like the idea of even making you uncomfortable. I would never stop touching you, and kissing you- unless you didn't want to, of course- but that's not the point. The point is, I love you, and I only want the best for you, and whoever the motherfucker is who hurt you, I will hunt them down and beat them up for you if that's what it takes for you to feel comfortable again." Kuroo's hands squeezed at that declaration, his eyes shining with sincerity.

Kei almost laughed, but the reality of what Kuroo said washed over him. He loved him. He loved him. Even though- no.

Kei leaned over and kissed him softly, lips soft but so heavy and never more genuine did a kiss feel between them.

When he pulled back, Kuroo wrapped his arms around him and pulled him back so they were lying side by side on the couch. His hands were still stroking through his hair gently, and Kei closed his eyes at the comforting feeling. He wrapped his own arms around Kuroo's back and relaxed against him, savoring the warmth with no pressure to give anything he didn't want to give.

A few moments of silence passed, and then Kuroo was taking a breath. "Tsukki, I really hope you don't mind that I'm asking you this, and feel free not to answer if you don't want to, but... what happened, exactly? To you? It's just... I can't stop thinking about it. " Kei could feel his warm breath against his ear as he spoke, almost ticklish.

"I don't mind," he said softly. He toyed his lower lip between his teeth, trying to think of how to start.

"What happened... I was playing with my older brother and his friends, and one of them decided he wanted to experiment with his sexuality. With me."

Another moment of silence. "How old were you?"

"I don't know. Six or seven, maybe? I can't even remember, to be completely honest." He was ashamed.

"Oh my god."

Kei laughed bitterly. "I know. I actually completely erased it from my own memory until my mom brought it up to me a few years ago. To ask me if I wanted therapy. For a thing I didn't even know happened to me. But then I did."

"That's horrible."

"Yeah. Once she realized I hadn't even remember it, she never brought it up again. Never asked if I wanted therapy again either. And my entire family treats me like I'm glass because of what happened. Like I'm helpless and naive and can't stand up for myself. You saw what happened when my brother saw us cuddling. He just assumed you were like... I don't even know... forcing cuddles on me? I'm over six foot and an athletic man, and my parents still see me as a helpless child who doesn't know how to say no."

The hands brushing through his hair stop. "Do they know how you feel about that?"

Kei shrugged. "I don't know. I'm never, ever going to bring it up to them, though."

"I get why that could be hard."

"Me too."

Kuroo chuckled dryly.

"Is your brother still friends with him?"

"Probably not. He moved away a year or so after it happened, and our families kind of lost connection since then."

"What sick, disgusting fuck would try anything with a 7 year old?" Kuroo spat, trailing fingers tightening briefly against his back.

"Jirou."

Kuroo fell silent at that.

After that, not a whole lot was spoken between them that night. It wasn't uncomfortable, though. It was just simple. And Kei was perfectly okay with that.

I uhhh
Uhhh
My computer broke? Like I haven't had one all summer like I literally edited this and posted it on my phone. Also a breakup happened? It made me sad? And then I went to Japan which was just incredible. So yeah sorry but I hope you enjoyed anyway
Anybody else loving Desr Evan Hansen? No just me alright I'll stop