Title: Harry's Darkest Secret

Summary: Harry has a secret that no one knows about except his two best friends Ron and Hermione: he is in love with his former professor, Remus Lupin. Harry goes to stay with the Weasleys over Christmas break and so does Lupin, but so does someone else who Harry thinks Lupin likes. Jealousy follows and will Harry be able to keep his secret?

Rated: T

Pairing(s): Harry/Lupin, Ron/Hermione

Genre(s): Romance, Friendship, Drama, Family

Warning(s): Some angst

Day 1

Harry was so excited.

Two more hours until he got to see his favorite professor from last year, Professor Lupin. At the end of his third year of Hogwarts, the fact that Lupin was a werewolf had gotten out and the whole school knew, so the poor man had resigned.

One more hour.

Harry spent this hour thinking about Lupin; he was staying at the Weasleys' house with them over Christmas break. Sadly, he knew he didn't have Lupin to himself, but at least he would be there. And surely he and Harry would bond even more. Ever since the dementor-on-the-train incident, Harry had kept secret his huge crush on Lupin. The only people who knew were Ron and Hermione, his two best friends. All summer, their letters had been begging Harry to write Lupin and tell him how he felt, but Harry refused. He wouldn't ruin what he and Lupin already had, because although it wasn't exactly what he wanted, Lupin's friendship was special to him.

When Harry arrived at the Weasleys' by Floo powder - the second the Dursleys had gone shopping for the holidays, and left Harry behind - everyone gasped in delight and took turns hugging him. Mrs. Weasley engulfed him in a bone-crushing hug, but he was glad to see her. When he finally got to Professor Lupin, the man was smiling warmly at him with the same smile that Harry fell in love with. He felt a sharp pang as he realized just how much he'd missed his former teacher.

"Oh...Professor Lupin." A lump formed in Harry's throat and he hugged the man tightly. "I missed you so much!"

Lupin held Harry close. "I missed you, too, Harry."

Harry pulled back and grinned fondly at the man. "Dinner's in an hour," said Mrs. Weasley. "Remus, dear, I made you your favorite."

"Thank you, Molly." Lupin's hand rested on Harry's shoulder.

"Harry, want to play wizard's chess?" Fred and George asked him.

Harry looked at Lupin. "Actually...I'd kind of like to talk to Professor Lupin for a while," he said. "I'll play later, though, all right?"

"Need to talk to me about something?" Lupin's knowing look scared him a bit, and Harry prayed that Lupin didn't know anything about his feelings for him.

"I - I think so, sir." Harry swallowed nervously.

"Harry, you know you can call me Remus." Lupin smiled warmly and Harry almost melted. "Shall we go take a walk?"

Harry nodded before he could talk himself out of it, and he followed Lupin outside, buttoning his coat and wrapping his Gryffindor scarf around his neck.

After walking for a while in silence, Lupin asked, "So, Harry, what did you want to tell me?"

"I..." Here it came. It was now or never.

And Harry chose never.

"I can't," Harry said. "Remus, I can't tell you, I'm sorry."

Lupin looked worried. "Harry, if it's something serious - and I can tell that it is by how nervous you look - you can tell me. You can tell me anything."

"Thanks, but you would never understand." Harry tried to hold in his tears. He'll never love you, he's way too old for you, he'd be disgusted, he told himself.

Lupin looked at him questioningly. "I doubt that very much, Harry," he said. "Why do you say that?"

"Because you've never been in the same position I am," answered Harry.

"Are you sure."

"Very sure."

Lupin sighed. "All right, I'll leave it then." He watched Harry with a gentle look. "But if you ever want to tell me, know that you are always welcome to, no matter what it is. I won't judge." He smiled.

Harry smiled back. "Thanks, Remus."

And then Lupin did something that surprised him. He pulled the younger Gryffindor into a tight, warm hug. "Our hug earlier wasn't nearly long enough," the man said, and Harry, too stunned to reply, snuggled into Lupin's jacket, warm despite the snowy holiday weather. "I meant what I said earlier, Remus."

"And what's that?"

"I missed you."

Dinner was just being put on the table when Harry and Lupin got back. "Oh, good, you're here," said Mrs. Weasley. "I saved you two seats at the end over there." Harry and Lupin sat down beside each other. The meal was delicious and Harry could tell why it was Lupin's favorite. "I'm so glad you could come spend Christmas with us, Harry."

"Thank you for having me, Mrs. Weasley," Harry replied, grinning happily. He wondered if the Dursleys were back from Christmas shopping yet. Surely they were. Not that Harry cared.

That was when, under the table, Harry felt Lupin's fingers sliding in between his own. He gasped silently as Lupin squeezed his hand and then Harry squeezed back.

Lupin was holding his hand.

Harry wanted so badly to tell Ron and Hermione, who were sitting right next to him, but he knew it would have to wait until after dinner.

"I don't know what to do, Ron," Harry said that night as he and Ron lay in bed with the lights out. "I just love him so much. I totally wimped out tonight - you should've seen it. It was pathetic." And then he remembered dinner. "But he did hold my hand at dinner tonight."

"Bloody hell, Harry," Ron said, "that's great. And it's not pathetic. You know how I feel about Hermione."

"Love sucks," Harry concluded.

"So true," Ron agreed. Harry was glad he had his best friend to talk to.

Day 2

"Harry, wake up!" Harry woke up to Ron shaking him frantically. "It's snowing like crazy out there!"

It was true, Harry saw as he looked out the window. Last night there had only been a few inches but now there was a thick blanket of snow on the ground, and it was still coming down hard. "Let's go wake up Hermione!"

Grinning, Harry followed Ron out of bed. "I'm gonna go wake up Remus."

"Okay."

Ron went to knock on the girls' door while Harry went to Lupin's room and knocked. "Remus, wake up! It's snowing!"

Lupin opened the door a moment later, wearing gray pajamas. His hair was messy but not like Harry's, it looked attractive on Lupin. "Good morning, Harry," he said, smiling.

"Morning," said Harry. "Want to come outside with me and Ron and Hermione?"

"And Ginny," Ron said.

"Not Ginny," Ginny argued, trying to go back to sleep, but Ron wouldn't let her.

Lupin laughed and the sound lifted Harry's heart. "Ron, let your sister sleep," he said, chuckling.

"You people aren't any fun," Ron declared before going downstairs. Harry, Hermione, and Lupin followed him.

They spent the morning in the snow, laughing and joking around. At one point they had a huge snowball fight, which the girls won. When they went back inside for hot chocolate around noon, they stopped in their tracks. Because a man with shoulder length black hair and a smile on his face was standing beside Mrs. Weasley.

Harry gaped at his godfather. "Sirius?"

AN: Hahaha cliffhanger! Let me know what you thought in a review please :) Updates soon