Sedated – 5

AN: EDIT! I edited the ending, because I never liked it. The content is basically the same, but it now fits better to the tone of the story.

Your heart's a mess
You won't admit to it
It makes no sense
But I'm desperate to connect
And you, you can't live like this

Gotye – Hearts a mess

Two weeks in Southeast City had been fun. Back in her old apartment, she had even kept the white couch. The only sentimentality she didn´t mind. But for this… she wanted to be on her island. It felt more secure.

"Bra? Why… I´m sorry, why are you calling? I just… I don´t know when…"

"Hi Pan. I just wanted to ask you something. Did you travel with your grandpa lately?"

Pan was quiet for some time, so long in fact that Bra was convinced she had hung up. She should´ve done some small talk, tried to get the conversation on the topic smoothly, but she just… needed to know.

"Depends on what you call lately."

"Few years?"

"Twenty."

She was quiet again. Twenty years… that was about right.

"Bra, why are you asking? This seems pretty random for a first call after more than a decade."

"I… just curious. How are you, still working?"

"Stop trying to distract! Why did you ask?"

Bra grimaced, glad that Pan couldn´t see it. It had been a good idea not to call via vidphone. "Why did you want to break up with me?"

She heard Pan take in a shaky breath, sure that she would hang up now. Maybe it was better like that. She didn´t even want to know it so badly. Or at all.

"I never wanted to break up with you. Don´t you think it´s a bit late for this conversation?"

Was it? She just had heard of it, it was actually pretty recent.

"Bra? Are you still there?"

"Yeah."

"Have you forgotten who ended it? Not me!"

"No, I haven´t. I thought… I thought you didn´t care all that much."

Another shaky breath. Or maybe it was just a quick intake of air to scream better.

"Then why didn´t you fucking ASK? You have some nerve calling me twenty years later and telling me that shit! Are you feeling better now? How did you even…? Why did you dig this up again?"

"Goku was here and… and he told me that you were travelling with him and…"

"Goku?"

"Yeah. And he told me that you had some breakup and…"

"What? Why were you seeing Grandpa? Why… why are you two talking about me?"

"We´re friends, somehow. It doesn´t matter, he told me…"

"That doesn´t make sense. Why should he tell you that now?"

"Because he visited me now. Pan, listen, I know it seems weird to you but I was always under the impression you wouldn´t care all that much about it and I just… want to know if I made a mistake."

"Twenty fucking years and my fucking grandpa were needed for that realization? Fuck you! Fuck you and fuck your goddamn condescending piece of shit personality!"

Now she hung up. Bra stared at her phone for a while before she put it away. That… had been even more awful than she had imagined.

Bra eyed herself in the mirror. The sea green dress was perfectly fitting to her blue hair, make-up on point and her hair in a sideways braid falling softly over her shoulder. It was just right for the season. She never really liked the moody weather in West City, snow and cold and all that. The simple reason why she bought a tropical island and the reason she decided to live in Southeast City.

She had been a bit down after the call, especially since she did know that Pan wasn´t all that wrong. Goku hadn´t shown up again, she would´ve liked to tell him how it had went and… she didn´t think he had come to her to tell her that, that had probably just been an excuse. She wondered if he really thought she could give him good advice on how to become more like a god and maybe she should´ve at least tried.

Shrugging, she grabbed her purse and her movie ticket. Well, she couldn´t change that now but there was a premiere waiting for her and her favourite actress would be there, which was definitely something more interesting to think about.

Bra was almost out of the door when her phone started ringing. Cursing under her breath she picked it out of her bag again. It was Pan. She couldn´t quite imagine what possible reason Pan could have to call, but it could surely wait. She could always claim that she hadn´t heard it. After the third ring she picked it up. It could be important after all.

"What do you want?"

"And here I thought you wanted to make an attempt to contact me again."

Bra bit her lip, trying not to curse into the phone. "Pan, I just wanted to know if I was right or wrong back then. Since Goku hinted at something like that and it was bothering me. Now I know."

"Yeah, that thing with grandpa, I still don´t quite get it."

"It´s not your business. Pan, I was just leaving, could you just spit it out?"

Pan sighed loudly, reminding Bra instantly why her accusations weren´t all that far-fetched.

"Where are you going?"

"Movie premiere."

"Oh? You mind if I tag along?"

Very much. "You don´t need to feel like you have to spend time with me now, Pan."

"Listen, I am horribly mad at you for being such a stubborn bitch, but… I am also glad you finally called after so long. Thought it would be nice to catch up a bit, go for a drink or something."

"Whatever, can we do that after the movie? Or tomorrow?" Or never? Why had she even called in the first place? Damn Goku and his fucking need to spill something that was twenty years ago!

"Fine, when´s the movie over?"

"Ten, eleven, don´t know. Something like that."

"Right, see you Bra."

She had hung up before Bra could even tell her where she would be. But that… was not her problem.

Pan was waiting down the street, hands in the pockets of her pants. She did look older, like a forty-something. Just a quarter of a Saiyan. Bra´s mouth twitched with the thought. Despite that there wasn´t a big change, her hair was short this time, tight shirt, baggy pants, sneakers. She looked up when Bra approached her.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Sensed your Ki. I learned instant transmission a while ago, it´s really useful." Pan eyed her, the dress, the immaculate styling, the flat shoes. Nothing changed as well. "You look good. So young."

"Yeah, I guess. I mean, dad doesn´t look that much older than me… what?"

Pan stared at her, confused and a bit… frightened? It irritated her. "Pan, what´s the problem, I got a stain on my dress or what?"

She looked up, in disbelieve. "Bra… you´re pregnant?"

"I´m…" Bra couldn´t quite comprehend. "I… I´m what?"

"You´re pregnant. I can smell it."

Bra nodded, slowly. Took a deep breath. "How about we go get some coffee. I… I need to sit down."

"I don´t know how that´s possible. I mean… I only have my period every other month. I thought…"

"You still have your period?" Pan shrugged, moving the spoon lazily through her coffee. They had found a quiet 24h coffee shop, perfect for the occasion. Better than Bra´s apartment. "I´m already in menopause. Already." Pan snorted, licking off the foam from her spoon.

"As I said, didn´t think… I could still… would´ve used protection then." She took a sip, frowning. It didn´t taste very good.

"Was it grandpa?"

Bra didn´t answer for a while, just staring out of the window. The night was a bit chilly, but it was a weekday so the streets were empty. It was nice. "Yeah." She turned around, looking at Pan. "Are you mad?"

"Are you… seeing each other?"

Bra grinned, started giggling loudly. Someone turned around, staring daggers at them. Probably thought they were drunk. "Hell no. It was a… onetime thing. We´ve been hanging out a bit and… it´s a long story. I´ll tell you some other time." She rubbed her forehead, trying to think.

"And you´re keeping it?"

"I didn´t know I was pregnant until twenty minutes ago, you might want to give me some time to think about it."

"I thought something was fishy about your friendship with grandpa."

"Pan. I wanted to fuck him ages ago, like fifty years, okay? I wanted to… figure out why everyone thought he was so special. But he didn´t let me and I didn´t want to give up and we were hanging out and yeah."

Now Pan burst out laughing, another dirty stare. "Okay, THAT sounds like you one hundred percent! Oh my god, why would you even think that was a good idea? I mean… was this why you slept with me? Back then?"

Bra looked away, feeling incredibly stupid all of a sudden. "Maybe."

"This is hilarious! You are so focused on yourself that you didn´t even realize the obvious reasons everyone thinks grandpa is great!"

"Well he isn´t all that great, okay? And I did change my mind. We kinda… talked about something that was bothering me and he wanted to cheer me up, I think."

"With sex? Definitely knows how you work."

Bra gave her a dirty look. "I didn´t miss you at all, you fucking bitch."

Pan just winked at her, taking a sip of her coffee.

"You know what, let´s go outside. I want to smoke. You got some with you?"

Pan sighed, grabbing inside her pocket and wiggling the pack of cigarettes in front of Bra´s face. "As if you haven´t smelled it."

The first drag she took was perfect bliss. Old habits die hard.

"Don´t look at me like that. It was a rough night, one cigarette won´t kill a baby."

"You gonna tell anyone?"

"No."

Pan shrugged, the red glow illuminating her face. "But I know."

Bra looked at her, smiling. "Yes. You do." She took another drag, inhaling deeply. Wondering why she ever stopped with it. Oh right, her teeth had gotten a yellow stain, it had looked awful… "Pan, why did you want to see me? I can´t believe you forgave me that easily. I mean…" She scratched a tiny spot on her forehead, looking at her nail. It was a bit splintered. "I think I was a jerk. And I usually don´t judge myself harshly."

"No. Not really, eh?" Pan grinned, but it didn´t quite reach her eyes. "Are you still working?"

"Got two online companies. My old one is now lead by Noushka, you know, Natalia´s daughter."

"Mhm." There was a moment of silence. Pan just stared at the floor, her lips pressed together tightly. Bra did her best not to shake her and make her spit out what was wrong. She never liked dramatic entrances. "I quit a while ago as well. Everything has been rather boring since then. I didn´t want to apply for a new job, doesn´t feel right."

"Either start all over again or lie so much you can´t enjoy what you´re doing."

Pan looked at her from the corner of her eyes. "`s not better when it comes to other people. The last woman I fucked, I told her I was 38. Guess that´s close to what I look right now."

As if she didn´t know. Last time she had even bothered, the other one thought she was barely thirty. It made her sick. "So you come back to me because I´m the only one left? How flattering."

"No, Bra, I thought it would be nice to spend some time with someone who knows who I am. What I am. Without constantly lying. Isn´t that something you´d like as well?"

"I don´t like compromises." She threw away the stub, crossing her arms angrily. Like the fucking consolation prize.

"Oh, I think you got it wrong. I don't want you back. I just want to hang out. That had been fun, hadn´t it? Back then."

Bra took a deep breath, exhaled slowly. Her chest didn´t feel quite so constricted as usual. It was a nice relief. "I don´t know if I want that." Pan looked like a kicked puppy, it was awful. Sighing, she pushed her hair back from her shoulder. "But I mean, I´d have to try to know for sure."

Yes. That sounded quite right.

Some months must have passed, he didn´t know. It was always hard to keep track of the time when he wasn´t on Earth and there weren´t regular days and nights to help him. He knew Bra hadn´t been serious, but he still had tried her advice. Hadn´t worked. He tried not to let it get to him, but of course it did. If he could just sleep some more…

Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself. There was a big meet up with his and Vegeta´s family and he really didn´t want to spoil the mood with his problems. He couldn´t remember the last time he had seen everyone at once. Getting his grin ready, he walked to the back of Bulma´s house, to the huge garden.

His grin froze the moment he rounded the corner. There she was, sitting in a chair, her belly big and round and… he swallowed, hard, when she looked up, staring him right in the eyes. Daring him to say anything. So she had shown up at a reunion at last. Maybe the world would end in the next few days. He got a grip, his grin back in place, and walked over to his sons. He had wanted to talk to her later anyway.

"Hey Bra."

She screamed a little, trying to find something she could throw at him. It was just a pillow, he deflected it easily.

"Are you out of your fucking mind? I could lose my water, don´t scare me like that, asshole!"

"Thought you would expect me."

"Thought you would use the fucking doorbell!" She fumed, one hand on her belly, the other steadying her on the sideboard. The apartment looked different from last time, but… the couch was still there. He smiled fondly.

"So we´re gonna be parents?"

"I. I am going to be a parent. There is no we."

Not that he was all that interested in having another child. Grandchildren were exhaustive enough. Though there was something bugging him. "Did you do it on purpose? Because you´re lonely?" He begged for her to say no. She was better than that, she was supposed to be better than that!

She huffed, walking over to the couch slowly. She had trouble sitting down, the baby was probably due soon. "Don´t be an idiot. That would be the dumbest thing to do."

He wasn´t so sure. He just stared at her, waiting for something.

"What? You wanna tell me now you want her? Cause you took such good care of your own brats!"

"They turned out fine!" Goku paused for a moment. He didn´t want to fight. So it was a girl.

"Maybe you want her. Is that why you came, asshole? She won´t get you out of your depression either!"

"I´m not depressed!" It sounded hollow, especially when he looked into Bra´s mocking face, staring at him daringly. He looked away first and walked over to her. When he sat down, he felt the tiny ki of his daughter. It felt good. It felt calming. He lifted his hand, but put it down immediately. He couldn´t imagine that Bra wanted him to touch her belly right now.

"What are we going to do now?"

Goku smiled weakly. "You don´t want me involved. Why should I decide?"

She huffed again, almost laughing. It didn't reach her eyes. "I never wanted children. I don´t know…" She stroked her belly, slowly. "I don´t want to ruin this. Her. I…"

Never accepting help, not even thinking about all the people who love her and would support her in a heartbeat. Goku felt Pan´s presence in the apartment. He couldn´t understand how Bra could think she was alone with it.

"Why didn´t you get rid of her?"

Bra stopped stroking, looking up. Her self confidence was missing. It didn´t feel right. "I thought I can handle it. Just another project." She shrugged. "It´s not like that at all." She pressed her lips together, thinking. He waited, had to. There was no need to rush. "How was your training? Enlightened yet?"

"Aaaah… no. Guess that´s not for me."

"Maybe if you start worrying so much you would still have fun looking for adequate fighters."

He let out a short huff of laughter. "Same goes for you, Bra. Don´t be afraid. It doesn´t suit you." He could see it, the little sparkle that went back to her eyes. "What´s her name?"

"Corsette. My brother didn´t follow the tradition…" She punched him lightly. "Do you like it?"

He smiled, a little smile while he carefully touched her belly, the little bump that showed. Maybe a tiny foot. "Yeah. Sounds good."

He stroked until the tiny bump disappeared. When he wanted to move away, Bra grabbed his arm. "If you want to do this then do it. I´m not Chichi. I don´t want to handle this on my own."

"Are you proposing?"

"Fuck you." She leaned away, but a big smile was on her face.

"You alright?" Goku had left a few minutes ago. Pan hadn´t wanted to intrude, although she had been anxious enough to almost eavesdrop. Bra turned her head far enough to look at Pan, a smile still on her face. "Yeah. He´s maybe moving back in with me."

Pan swallowed dryly, trying to ignore the tense feeling in her throat. "Oh. That´s good, right? Having him back with you?"

"Don´t know. He´s never going to stay anyway. I guess we all know that."

Pan nodded. She should leave. It was probably better. When she turned around, Bra grabbed her hand. "And you?"

She should shake it away, leave, quickly, it wasn´t her mess and she didn´t want to be part of it and she had endured enough and… Pan closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. When she opened them again, she grabbed Bra´s hand back. "He´s not the only one always running away."

Bra´s hand pressed harder. "I won´t leave. Not this time."

No. Goku had taught her that.

Fin.

AN: It is DONE! Well, this has dragged out longer than I had anticipated, but I am very pleased with the result. There are probably some of you who are disappointed now, since Bra and Goku didn´t end up together, but I left the possibility open, since no one ended up with anyone anyway, haha.

Edit: It´s a bit different from before, and I think it´s for the better. I wanted to address the topic again that both Goku and Bra were suffering in their own ways and I also wanted to show that they wouldn´t use the child for selfish means of trying to feel better, but that it put everything in perspective.

Anyway, thanks a lot for reading and see you next time!