I do not own Grey's Anatomy.

'S okay.

Alive

Alive.

That's how she felt, standing on top of that crushed car staring down at her fellow doctors.

Alive.

The tow truck bed the car rested upon rumbled under her feet, like the gods themselves laughing approvingly at her boldness, her brash determination.

Because she taunted them.

Taunted them with her aplomb, with her fearlessness.

And she felt alive.

Whether this man lived or died, she had done the unthinkable.

And she hadn't whined, she hadn't stumbled and staggered. Hadn't shuffled her feet or hemmed and hawed.

She had looked Death straight in the face.

And said Not Yet.

And the man trapped in the twisted metal still breathed, still existed.

Because of her.

She wasn't helpless.

She wasn't weak.

She wasn't April-the-one-who-lost-her-baby-remember.

But April the field-trained combat trauma surgeon, ready to face down anything on the spur of the moment.

She was strong.

She was prepared.

She was clear-headed.

And she was going to, by god, take him further anybody else had thought to.

Had dared to.

Whether it was God guiding her or everything already within her, honed and sharpened by months on the battlefield, she was strong enough.

Finally strong enough.

And as she looked down upon them staring up at her in shock and amazement, she felt a surge of adrenaline, of life, course through her body.

It might not be enough to save the man whose life was hanging in the balance below her.

Or it just might.

They would find out soon enough.

Because it was time to move.

I think April only feels truly alive when she's on the job here, especially out of the hospital.

So long as she doesn't have to face herself.

And I get that. I really do.

It's sad and tragic in its own right.

But sometimes it's what keeps you breathing.

I just hope Jackson can buck up and figure that out. He seems to be trying.

But hey, I'm not writing the show, just the fanfic. ;)

Anyway, everybody appreciates feedback. Leave a review if you like.