It was good to know that some things were the same in any reality. No matter what life she had led, Regina could still be the most stubborn, obstinate, pig-headed woman that Emma had ever met.

"It's nice that you want me to be in your little cult," Regina said, taking stock of her limited supplies under Emma's disapproving gaze. "The kid seems sweet. Good of you to want to share him. But I'm trying to get away from Snow White. I'm not traveling days in the opposite direction to stop the wedding of someone I barely know!"

Emma looked away, checking to make sure Henry was still in the hollow of the tree she'd left him napping in. Other than the three of them, the forest clearing was entirely empty.

Emma gritted her teeth. "It'd be really cool if you could."

Regina looked briefly to Henry, still asleep, and Emma willed her to picture it. Him being her son, their home, her happy ending. The muscles of Regina's jaw twitched as she stood, slinging her pack over her shoulder. "And when I do interrupt a stranger's wedding, simply for the sake of the delusion you've clearly passed onto your child, what exactly will I have to show for it?"

"I know it's a risk," Emma argued desperately, "but isn't even a chance, a chance at true love—"

"With a thief who can't even grow a proper beard?"

Emma's lips stapled together. "He cleans up nice?"

Regina shook her head free of the notion. "I'm sure it would be very therapeutic for your bloodline to see that interrupting someone else's wedding day isn't a firm foundation for a relationship, but when I risk life and limb, I like it to at least be for a payday."

"I could pay you!" Emma offered quickly.

"With what?" Regina shot back. "Not that your look isn't dashing enough, but it doesn't exactly scream 'manor born.'"

"I'll… I'll owe you one?"

Regina harrumphed.

"What do you want? The name of my firstborn? A lock of my hair? Toenail clippings? C'mon, everyone in this realm loves to make deals, there must be something I can give you for a little bit of your time."

Regina thought it over, her lips pinching together, her eyes slowly traveling the length of Emma's sword and the breadth of her hair... "Nope! Can't think of anything."

Emma grabbed her arm before she could turn away. "I could swear allegiance to you!"

"I'm the rightful heir to the throne. You should've done that already."

"If we get to the church and stopping that wedding doesn't do anything—well, then me and the kid really are crazy, and I might as well be your butler as anything else. I could cook your meals, clean your clothes—anything you want!"

Regina thought that over. "Or, we interrupt the wedding, nothing happens, you decide you're not crazy enough to be my body servant and take off. All your plans seem to involve me taking all the risks while you get everything you want."

Emma bit her lip. At least the Storybrooke Regina was too polite to mention that. "We can't do an Unbreakable Vow or something?"

"I'm afraid not. Maybe in your little fantasy world, we do magic together all the time…"

"You'd be surprised."

"But in the real world," Regina pressed on, "I have no way to trust you and no reason to."

Emma clasped her hands together. "Please. I'm begging you. I will do anything."

Regina looked her over, eyes feeding on her desperation, scheming, fitting together the promises Emma had made. Emma pleaded with her eyes, fingers tightening with each other, turning white inside their gloves. Regina took a step closer, a crooked smirk swimming up to Emma's face. For the first time, this strange new Regina gave Emma déjà vu of the old one. The Mayor of Storybrooke.

The Evil Queen.

"Alright," Regina crooned. "Kiss me."

"What?" Emma countered, giving a start.

"You don't meet many eligible bachelors living in the woods. Oh, there are dwarves, I suppose, but I have a thing for tall men…"

"Yeah, who doesn't? But despite my jawline, I'm not a man."

Regina shrugged. "I'm flexible. You're cute. And if your story's true, you're a princess. I've always wondered how a princess kisses…" She took a step closer to Emma, who helplessly gave ground. "You said anything, as I recall. I want to be sure you really are as desperate as you seem to be." The word 'desperate' crackled on Regina's tongue as if she were savoring it. "One way or another, you'd better convince me that this isn't a trick. And those lips look quite soft…"

Emma pinched them together. "You know, back in the real world—the real real world—we may be Henry's parents, but we're not together… you and Robin Hood…"

"Uh-huh. And you and your pirate. That why you can't stop staring at me? Picturing me with a peg-leg and an eyepatch?"

"No, I—I don't stare—" Emma threw her hands down. "Fine. One kiss. You take us to stop the wedding."

"I'd say you have to enjoy it as well, but I don't think that'll be a problem."

Emma rolled her eyes. No matter what reality she was in…

She reached for Regina's face, trying desperately to summon up how Hook had looked the last time he changed clothes, but Regina swiped Emma's hands away. Emma's eyes widened, her jaw dropping a little—was this all a big joke?—but then Regina was grabbing her, catching her by her jaw and cheek to pull her into a kiss. Emma's body fell into it. She felt Regina's lips, her tongue—all at once. 'Don't meet many eligible bachelors in the woods'. Somehow Emma doubted that.

Regina's kiss was a blowtorch, melting through layers of useless muscle and bone and gristle, flesh Emma had no idea what to do with, straight down to Emma's clit, burning it, making it itch for the pressure of Regina's firm thigh, so close already, one sway of her body away from Emma. Then Regina reached down, right hand actually down the seat of Emma's pants, to grope her bare ass with shocking pressure. Emma started to protest, tell her that wasn't in the bargain, but with Regina's lips against hers it instead became a moan deep in her throat.

Regina kissed her harder, the heated feeling of her clit meeting a sudden wetness in her sex, hot oil dripping between her legs. Emma moaned again—it wasn't even trying to be anything else—but Regina suffocated it with her lips as she reached down lower into Emma's trousers, fondling the thick curve just above the join of Emma's upper thigh. The grope pushed Emma forward, along Regina's body, and Emma was painfully aware of how her current outfit constricted her, kept her from feeling any of Regina's body but the soft lips that were being so effortlessly hard on her.

The hand dipped lower, between the backs of Emma's thighs, and Emma thought for a moment that Regina was actually going to get a finger through the backdoor—the thought had the disturbing shape of ohyesplease—but instead her hand curled still lower, between Emma's legs now, under her body, to where she was wet and hot and Regina's…

"Holy shit!" Emma cried, halfway through tearing herself away from Regina's lips, so it came out as more "mmmmmmmmmmmffghly SHIT!"

Regina smiled awkwardly, her lips a crooked line that barely resembled a grin. The fingers of her right hand were rubbing together. "Not many eligible bachelors in the 'real world' either, I take it?"

Emma blinked desperately. "That was definitely worth a week's travel! And you'd better hope I don't kick your ass when you get your memories back!"

"Oh, I do believe you want to do something to my ass. Your story's falling apart a little, princess. There's no way we're a couple with a teenage child—not if you still kiss me like that."

Emma wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Regina followed suit—though she was more holding up her fingers to her mouth, running them along her lips…

"That's pee," Emma said vindictively.

Regina glanced down at Emma's crotch. "And what did you drink? A full keg?"

Emma resolutely pulled her vest down so it covered her groin. "Can we go already? I bought a week of traveling and I want to get my money's worth."

"A week? For one kiss?" Regina laughed. "When did we agree to that?"

Emma's jaw clenched. "I swear to God, Gina, if I punch you right in your flawless face, there's a chance the real you might not even remember it."

"Oh, don't get me wrong, it was fun and all. I'd say it was well worth a day's travel." Regina smiled brightly. "You'll just have to think of something else to… entice me… tomorrow." She leaned in closer and Emma's heart went straight up into her throat, knocking at her cranium to say she's going to kiss you again. With, like, fifty exclamation points. "The woods get cold at night. Thinking on that should keep you nice and warm."

"Well, too bad," Emma replied with a dry mouth. "Because I'm not going to think about it at all."

"Alright then. I'll think about it. I'm sure something will come to me." Turning on her heels, Regina set off down the trail. "Wake the kid up. We've got a long walk ahead of us. And you obviously have a lot of energy to burn."

Emma sighed. Why was it that in every reality—whether she was a queen, a small town politician, or a bandit—Regina had to be so damn stupid sexy?