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Chapter 12

"Did you tell her?" She asked as soon as they went inside the car. Amanda stayed away from him and Olivia as much as she could. Intellectually she understood Olivia did not have anything against her but she knew she was Nick's friend and partner. Nick cared what the older woman thought. The last thing Amanda wanted to do was screw up with her one more time. The detective wanted to tell Olivia about them. It would be on her terms; when she felt ready.

"I told her I wasn't going back." Nick said as she drove them to her place.

Amanda sighed. "It's not that I don't want people to know Nick."

"I can wait Amanda. I'm determined." He smiled at her.

She nodded. The blonde was terrified but Nick, he just seemed to know what to say or do. He was patient and showed her an understanding that she didn't think he was capable of. He was letting her do things and decide. She wondered how long that would last. Nick was stubborn to a fault. He was persistent and relentless.

They went home. "I'll walk Frannie." Amanda kissed him softly and changed to her jogging clothes. Frannie and her jogged for twenty minutes. She felt leagues better than yesterday. Nick didn't blame her or ask her for a paternity test. She knew he would support her but listening to him say the words was something completely relieving. Amanda remembered telling him about her detour to the clinic. He tensed then and confirmed her suspicions. He wouldn't forgive her if she terminated the pregnancy.

For the longest time Amanda was sure she wouldn't have children. Now she wasn't sure. This wasn't about a certain epiphany about her loving her child. She didn't know how to feel about the baby inside of her. The woman however knew how she felt about Nick. She was in love with him. He wanted the baby and that was it. She felt conflicted because she didn't know if she wanted the baby. Amanda couldn't imagine what having and caring for a baby would be like.

She breathed deeply and stopped thinking. It was scary but Nick would be there. She had mixed feelings but choosing to terminate the pregnancy without Nick knowing would have forever haunted her.

Amanda and Frannie went back to the apartment. Frannie went for her bowl of water. Amanda locked the door. She heard the shower running. The woman didn't think twice. She undressed and went inside the shower. Nick smiled. "I was wondering when you would come back." He kissed her lips.

She missed him terribly. She dove right in and kissed him more and more. Amanda felt his hands on her ass. She smiled and tried to reach his mouth once more. He was too tall for her to reach. He would usually lift her and press her against the wall. Nick couldn't, his knee wouldn't let him, not yet.

"Bedroom." He said with desire on his eyes. She yearned for him too.

She kissed his chest and nodded. He turned off the water and they stepped out of the shower. Nick held onto her as they made their way to the bed. He smirked at her. "I'll just rest here and let you do the work, busted knee and all."

Amanda sat on his lap, as far from his knee as possible. She kissed his jaw. "Are you cleared for this?"

"Yeah, even if I wasn't wouldn't tell you now." He grabbed her right nipple and rolled in between his fingers. She ground her hips over his.

She felt the familiar tingle inside of her whenever Nick was naked and aroused. She tried to think about his health but it was distracting when he placed a finger over her opening and whispered into her ear, "so tight. Amanda I can't wait to be inside of you." The woman gave in. She placed him at her entrance and slowly sank into him. She felt the familiar sensation of him inside of her.

"Go slow. I want to enjoy the ride." He bit licked her neck. Amanda moaned and nodded. She went slow and looked into his eyes. She remembered when she couldn't hold eye contact with him. Those days were long gone, the woman enjoyed looking into his warm brown eyes. They reflected so much of him. She saw desire and happiness. He kissed her roughly. Amanda sped up the rhythm. Nick helped her along when his orgasm approached. She fell on him and listened to his beating heart.

He moaned, "are you in pain?" She asked concerned and looked at him.

"No. You know my knee will be as good as new in a few weeks. The bullet hit me in a miraculous position or something like that." Nick ran his fingers over her back.

She nuzzled his chest. The scar was big, still red but it was healing nicely. She kissed the scar and moved lower. Amanda trailed kisses and licked his torso. She cupped him and could feel him become hard under her hands and mouth.

The blonde bit his thigh and licked the bite. Her lover liked to bite her too; it was only fair. She teased him with her hands, dropped a few kisses on the head of his cock but didn't put him inside her mouth.

"Inside." He begged her. She smiled and slowly, very slowly licked him. She caressed his balls and felt him arch his back. Nick looked at her with his big dark eyes. She knew he wanted her to suck him. Amanda licked the base of his cock. He squirmed on the bed.

"What do you want Nick?" She asked huskily.

"Suck me." He rasped. Amanda was wet, very wet for him.

She moaned and did just that. She sucked him while trying to look at him. There was something to be said about seeing Nick become undone. She sucked and licked; she didn't stop when he told her. He spilled inside of her mouth. It wasn't the best taste but she swallowed it.

Nick's face contorted with pleasure. He pulled her up and kissed her. Amanda thought it was the hottest kiss he'd ever given her.

"I want to taste you too." He went for her neck. She nodded.

Nick slid down the mattress. Amanda took the hint and went up to the headboard. She was above Nick's face. He didn't wait for her. He licked and sucked. Amanda moaned and tried to not suffocate him. She enjoyed him, his mouth, his hands on her ass, caressing her. She felt his tongue on her opening. Amanda couldn't help but grind on his face. She felt her orgasm overtake her.

Nick grabbed her hips and helped her down. She slid on top of him. They were sweaty. She moaned when she noticed he was hard again. "I want to be inside of you again." Nick caressed her sides. She kissed him, gently biting his lower lip and then opened her legs to receive him.

This time it wasn't as slow as the first time. Nick thrust up frantically. "I can't wait to have you under me."

Amanda moved her hips just and frantically. She bounced up and down, emitting little sounds of pleasure and gasping because Nick sat up and held her to him. It was intense. She came just by looking at him bite his lip from the pleasure. She moaned his name. He attacked her mouth. She slumped against him and tried to keep up the pace but was unable to. He wasn't done yet. She stayed on his chest as he moved her hips up and down. She kissed him. He moaned, Amanda loved kissing him and running her fingers over his scalp. He spilled into her. She moved to the side while Nick pulled her to him. He was a cuddler and she didn't mind at all.

"You smell wonderful." He inhaled deeply and fondled her breasts. "I want to sleep." She murmured when he rolled her nipples.

"I'm not asking you to do anything cariño." He licked the shell of her ear.

"The mind is willing but the body is not." She yawned and giggled when she heard him mumble and kiss her neck.

Amanda woke up and wanted to throw up. She moaned and felt his strong arms around her middle. "Shh, don't move too quickly." He kissed her forehead and handed her a cracker. "Eat it. It will settle your stomach. I have tea for you."

She opened her eyes and saw a plate and a steaming cup of tea. She ate a few crackers and then drank the tea. "Feeling better?" Nick asked her while kissing her forehead. Amanda never had a lover, or anyone who cared like that for her. She nodded and kissed his mouth. Nick never cared about morning breath, or anything really. He rubbed her back.

"What do you want to do today?" He asked her as he turned on the TV. "Bill already came in and walked Frannie." Amanda still felt sleepy and stayed by him watching Friends until her bladder demanded to be emptied.

Amanda cooked some lunch and they went to the park with Frannie. She heard him call his mom and reassure her it wasn't necessary for her to visit him. "I can manage on my own mom." He rolled his eyes.

They played with Frannie. Well, she played with her. Nick watched them from his bench. He looked happy.

They were walking back to her apartment. "Let's go do something you like." Nick mastered the art of using his crutches.

Amanda looked at his hopeful eyes. He was really trying to make her feel at ease. She took him up on it. "Let's go and catch a game."

"What game?" Nick asked.

"Whichever game." She shrugged Amanda didn't care. Nick's eyes gleamed. They ended up going to a baseball game.

She was about to protest when he grinned at her. "You said you didn't care which game."

Amanda gave him a look, "Fine but if I don't like it we go." She said. The lot wasn't full but there were more than enough people to see the two teams play. Amanda heard a lot of Spanish. Nick looked excited and explained the game to her. She of course knew the rules and how baseball was played. She found it boring but the way Nick explained excited her. He sounded and looked like a kid. The woman found him endearing.

She would never really like baseball but she liked watching Nick when they were watching a game.

They rode the subway back to her apartment. "So did you like it?" He asked.

"I did, not as much as football but it will do when I'm bored." Amanda laughed when Nick feigned to be hurt. She kissed him and they went up to her apartment.

"Want a sandwich?" He hobbled to her kitchen.

She nodded and turned on the TV. Nick was fun to have around. He cooked and gave excellent back massages. Amanda felt immensely better that Sunday night. They watched re-runs of the X-Factor. Amanda pulled a leg over his groin. She could tell he would sigh and roll his eyes at some of the performances. She missed that. "Just watch it." She said when he squirmed.

She loved when he caressed her scalp. She couldn't tell when she fell asleep. Amanda liked the feeling of Nick's strong arms around her. She heard the alarm go off and stood up. Nick was fast asleep by his side.

She went to the kitchen and held in the urge to puke. She drank tea and ate some saltines. The detective glanced at her phone and found a missed call and text from Liv. She was needed at Mercy hospital; new case.

"Come on girl, quick run today." Frannie wagged her tail and followed her out of the apartment. Amanda jogged with Frannie and checked on Nick. He was still very much asleep. She showered and dressed for the day.

Amanda came close to Nick's face and kissed his forehead and eyelids. "I'm going to work." She whispered and he tried to pull her down to the bed. "I'm late as it is."

"K" he said and snuggled into the pillow.

She wished she could stay with him snuggled but duty called.

Amanda stepped inside the squad room with a sense of ease she hadn't felt in the past two months. "Such a nice smile." Fin remarked.

"Had a nice weekend." She replied. The victims at Mercy were cooperative and ready to identify and testify against their abductor. Carisi and Olivia walked with the cuffed man.

It was a regular day. She went to court, took the stand, came back to the squad room and caught up with paperwork.

Nick called her. "Billy came and walked Frannie." She could hear street noises.

"Where are you?" She asked curiously.

"On my way to Cynthia's. Gil needs help with a math homework." He said.

"Ohh." She wanted to ask him if he was going back to her place but didn't want to sound needy or pathetic.

"Love you. I'm about to get on the train." He said and then the line went quiet.

Amanda didn't have time to think about her sudden need for Nick to be waiting at home for her. Olivia pulled a case and wanted them to investigate further into a victim's story. She was busy for the rest of the day. Fin and her drove around Brooklyn trying to verify this woman's story. Fin drove her to her place.

"Take care Manda." He said as she stepped away from his car.

She half expected Nick to be there. He wasn't. Frannie greeted her with enthusiasm. Amanda ate some lunch Nick must have made and then went to bed. She checked her messages. Nick texted her about the food. Call me he wrote after that. Amanda didn't. She never was the type to call back, text or check in. She wouldn't start now. It was good that Nick was at his apartment. They spent the whole weekend together that was enough.

Only it wasn't. She missed him. Amanda cared for Nick. She was in love with him but she couldn't help but think it was a weakness to want to call him or go over to his apartment because she missed his smell, his voice, and his kisses.

Amanda gave up by 1:00AM. She called him. "What happened? Are you ok? Did something happen? Are you bleeding? Don't move. I'll call an ambulance." He said quickly while trying to remain calm.

She felt guilty. "I'm fine. I'm not bleeding. I just got out of work and you said to call you." She lied through her teeth.

She could practically see his relieved face. "Cariño, don't ever do that. You almost gave me a heart attack." He said with an annoyed voice.

"You didn't let me speak." She replied, thrilled that he cared.

"I'm sorry. Yes, so how was your day?" He began and just like that they spent an hour talking on the phone.

He yawned first, "You should get some sleep Cariño. I'm sure Liv will expect you by the afternoon shift but you should sleep."

Amanda cringed; it was 2:00AM. She should be asleep, she would have to wake up by 7:30 and be at the station by 9:00 AM. She didn't feel sleepy at all. "I thought you would be here." Amanda finally said what bothered her. She hoped she sounded casual.

"I don't want to overwhelm you. I thought you would like a night for yourself." Nick said honestly.

"I don't mind you here Nick." Amanda sighed.

"I'll go by your place tomorrow." She smiled, happy at her idea.

"I'll count the hours." Nick was sappy. She liked him, even when he was sappy.

That first week after telling Nick that she was pregnant went by swiftly. They were showering and getting ready to visit Nick's orthopedic surgeon for one last check up. They were to be at Bellevue in less than an hour.

"Stop." She said when he tried to tickle her once more. "We'll be late." She kissed him. They made it out of her shower just in time to call a cab.

She was by his side when Cesaria Amaro called him. "Yes ma, I'm at the doctor's. No you don't have to pick me up. I'll call a cab and head home on my own." Amanda knew Nick was a mama's boy. He called his mother every day and went to church with her on Sundays. He didn't go last Sunday because he spent it with her and that was an exception he made. He told her so.

Amanda remembered the doctor well. He was friendly and checked Nick's x-Rays and asked Nick questions about his physical therapy.

"I must say Nick. You are progressing above all my optimistic expectations. I will recommend you be reinstated to the force, not immediately of course by I think you'll be out of desk duty by winter." The doctor said with a smile.

"So the knee is good. I won't need a cane." Nick said hopefully.

"Not yet." The doctor said.

"Good." Nick was happy and squeezed her hand.

"Continue with your PT and remember don't try to be a hero. If you're in pain call me and tell your therapist." Nick and the man shook hands.

They were in the elevator. "I think we should go to OBGYN. Don't make that face. We have to make sure you're on track. See the baby; get an estimate of his or her gestation. Get vitamins. I can't let you set the pace on this." Nick pressed the 11th floor.

Amanda felt panic rise but couldn't deny that he was right. "Ok." She said nervously.

"I'll hold your hand." He smirked.

They stepped out of the elevator and went into the double doors and into the OBGYN practice. Amanda sat down, the place wasn't crowded or anything. There were only two other women chatting to each other. The blonde detective felt out of place there. Nick came back with a clipboard and asked her for her insurance. Amanda gave it to him and he filled out all the paperwork.

"No allergies, one surgery, when was your last period?" Nick whispered quietly. He asserted there were no allergies or any more surgeries. She would have teased him but she felt too nervous to challenge him.

"I don't know Nick. I was on the shot. I guess five months ago." Amanda whispered quietly.

"Ok." He went back to the first page. She glanced at the page. He filled out birthday, address, and other basic info. "Family history."

"Addiction and mental illness. My mom is bipolar. Don't look at me like that. I don't exhibit any symptoms." Amanda was not worried about bipolar disorder. The woman knew for a fact her mother faked symptoms to get benefits from the government.

Nick looked confused, "She faked symptoms. I just wanted to see the look in your face." She smirked.

He kissed her hand, "work on your jokes." He completed the paperwork and hobbled to the front desk. He came back and held her hand.

"We'll be fine." Amanda didn't speak for the longest. Nick was mercifully quiet too.

"Ms. Rollins." The nurse led her to the nurse's room. The woman weighed her and drew blood. "We'll make sure everything is fine with you and your baby."

"Thanks." She said and then they told her to wait by Nick who looked out of place for the first time.

"We have to wait for the doctor to call me." Amanda sat down by him. "What did they do?" He asked while still holding her hand. He didn't lie when he said he was going to hold her hand.

"The nurse drew blood. She weighed me." Amanda shrugged, "the usual." She took his phone and checked his pictures. Nick was a dying breed of men who didn't care if she was on his phone. He shrugged.

Amanda checked his pictures. He had pictures of Zara, Gil, and her. She smiled, "when did you take this one?" She pointed to a picture of her and Frannie.

"Months ago. I can't remember. Let me see." He took the phone and checked the picture.

"We were at the park. That day when we went to get Frannie vaccinated." He replied. Amanda looked at more pictures and found pictures of Zara and Gil when they were babies.

"How did you get Gil's pictures?" She looked at a beautiful picture of Gil with a toothy grin and mush all over his face.

"Cynthia let me take pictures of the pictures. I told her I would have loved to be there when Gil was little."

"He was adorable." She commented and for the first time thought about the child inside of her. Zara and Gil looked a lot like Nick. This baby would probably look like him a lot too.

"Ms. Rollins you're next." The nurse who drew her blood said. The blonde detective held on to Nick's hand as they made it to the room. He smiled at her. "Don't say I'll be fine." He nodded.

The doctor was older than them fifties maybe. "I'm doctor Whitaker. Ms. Rollins. How are you this morning?"

"Fine." She replied and explained the reason of their visit. Nick was concerned about the shot and the fact that she still managed to get pregnant.

"You are not the first woman to be pregnant while on birth control. There is nothing to worry about in that sense. I'll make a note of that and we will go from there. Monica took blood and urine samples."

"I'm going to do an ultrasound to clarify some things and make sure your baby is well." She handed her a robe. "We'll do a pelvic exam as well."

Amanda went to an adjacent room to undress. Amanda came back and rested on top of the examination table. It was uncomfortable and embarrassing. She looked away from Nick who had the decency to look away too.

The doctor checked over and instructed them to look at the monitor. Nick's eyes were there already. "That's your baby about thirteen weeks." The doctor clicked a button and they could hear the heartbeat. Nick gave her the biggest smile she'd ever seen him wear.

She smiled at him. "I'm going to start you on folic acid as soon as possible. The baby looks well."

Nick went close to her and kissed her on the mouth. "That's our baby cariño."

"You'll come back in few weeks to keep track of the baby's growth." The doctor said welcomingly.

"Could we get a copy of the ultrasound picture?" He asked with big puppy eyes.

She was as if in a daze and relied on Nick to get all the information from the doctor. "We'll get something to eat. We'll go to the place you like."

They went to the Italian place and got whatever she wanted. "The baby is real. It has a heartbeat." She said after a while.

"Yes, he or she is in there Amanda. You are growing a part of me and you." He said as if in awe. He said it with an air of reverence that Amanda liked. Nick always told her she was smart and was impressed with her drive but this was a whole new level of brightness in his eyes. She doubted then, was he with her because of her or the baby. She couldn't stop the niggling doubt that maybe Nick professed all those feelings of love because of the child inside of her and not her. He was excited beyond belief while she couldn't help but feel more overwhelmed by the minute.

They went to his apartment. They watched whichever show she picked. He let her choose and do everything. Amanda did not get the satisfaction she was supposed to get from his actions. Instead of feeling victorious she felt more insecure. Nick humored her because of the baby.