Whew, next chapter, going to be at least one more? I think?

As soon as Eddie's in the room Barry is there and he's pulling him over to the couch, little bursts of super speed mixed in there, and then suddenly Eddie's lying down, a familiar pressure leaned up against him, and his arms are around Barry's chest.

"Nice to see you too," Eddie said, blinking before relaxing back onto the couch, but Barry is squirming in his hold, trying to get comfortable, and there are little hitching noises coming out of his mouth. He shifts a little and frowns. "Everything alright?"

"No."

He so rarely gets such a clear answer – usually Barry either insists he's fine, trying to hide it, or he mumbles about some off topic thing. It scares him a little bit.

"What's wrong?"

"I need to cut."

"Did –"

"I didn't do anything."

"Well that's – that's good, Barry, that's great, I'm proud of you, you're –"

"Eddie, I need to cut." There's an urgency there that Eddie doesn't usually see, a trembling in his voice. The only times he's seen Barry like this is when he's caught him – either in the middle of the act or right before, chasing him into the bathroom or out of the building. Barry has never actually come to him when he's spiraling like this.

Eddie pulled him in closer, feeling him tremble against him.

"It's OK," Eddie said, "You don't need to. Everything's alright."

"No, no it's not," Barry said, shuddering. He started to squirm out of Eddie's grip, but Eddie wouldn't let go now. He sat up a bit, but his arms stayed firmly around Barry, and it was really scaring him now, the fact that one minute ago he had been desperate for Eddie's presence and now he was pushing him away.

"Barry," Eddie said.

"Let go."

"You brought me over here."

"I – I can't, Eddie."

And Eddie turned to face him, put one hand against the side of his face. "Yes you can," he said steadily. "Look at me, Barry – you don't have to do this."

"You don't – you don't get it, Eddie – you don't understand, I can't – I can't, Eddie, I just can't, I can't do this, let go, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry –" And then he was crying and Eddie was staring dumbfounded, before wrapping his arms around him again, moving so Barry's face rested against his shoulder, sobbing there. He was shaking, clawing at the material of Eddie's T-shirt, clinging to him, and all Eddie could do was rub his back and make shushing noises while telling him everything was alright.

"Babe," Eddie said, giving the back of his neck a quick kiss once he had calmed down. He was crying silently now, not shaking, but his fingers were still holding on tightly. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"It's all my fault," he said, "it's all my fault, Eddie, it's all my fault – I – I can't, I didn't – it's – it's not even just an accident this time, it's me, it's my fault, it's because of me –"

"OK, OK, shhh," Eddie said, cutting him off as his voice escalated before he could go into full blown hysterics again. "Whatever it is, we can fix it, OK? What happened, babe? Something with the Flash?"

He felt him nod against him, some more muttering of, "it's all my fault."

"Tell me what happened, Bar," he said, giving him another kiss.

"F-fire," he said. "There was a fire. I – I moved him – I moved him, Eddie, he told me not to and I did and –" He broke off in a sob.

"Shh, Bar, you're making yourself upset. Come on, just tell me what it was. I'm sure you were only trying to help, Bar – you can't save everyone, you know that – it doesn't make it your fault."

"No, it was my fault," Barry said, "It's all my fault, it was all my fault, I don't – I deserve, I need it, Eddie, I need –"

"No you don't," Eddie said firmly, still rubbing circles on his back, "whatever you did, whatever happened, you don't deserve it and you don't need it."

"You don't understand, it was my fa-"

"Barry, tell me what actually happened."

"There was a fire, and I," he paused, bit his lip as it wavered, as his voice cracked, "I was getting people out and it was fine, it was fine, but I – there were two people, and I – I thought it was safe. I grabbed the guy and I – I left him two floors below and he told me not to, he said there was a broken beam, he screamed it at me, but I was already gone, because there was a woman too, and I – I thought I didn't have time, but I did, and I got her and then it collapsed and he's dead because I didn't listen."

"Barry," Eddie said, soothing as he erupted into sobs again, "Barry, you were trying to help both of them and you were doing what you thought best. It's not your fault, Bar, it's not."

"But there was time – I was in such a rush I left him there, I didn't go all the way down, because I thought it was safe there but it wasn't and I did have time – that part of the building didn't collapse, and they both would have been fine if I had just –"

"But you didn't know that," Eddie said soothingly, "you didn't know it would be fine and you didn't know the beam would collapse – you thought he was just a scared panic-stricken guy yelling – you didn't know he was right and you didn't know you wouldn't have made it out. They both would have been dead regardless if you hadn't been there. You still saved a life, Barry."

"He's dead because of me," Barry said, his voice a whisper.

"No," Eddie said, "she lived because of you. He's dead because a fire caught in his building and there was a terrible tragedy. He would have died if you weren't there, and unfortunately he died when you were there. Nothing changed."

"I could have saved him."

"But you didn't, and Barry, that's OK. You won't be able to save all of them. You won't Barry. I know you know that, we've talked about this. It's not your fault."

"He told me not to leave him there."

"You barely heard him. You were trying to help everyone. Not your fault."

"I let him die. I left him there to die."

"Barry, you didn't know."

"He's dead because –"

"Stop it. You're going in circles. This is not your fault, Barry."

"But –"

"If you can't see it yourself," Eddie said, "then trust me. I'm telling you this is not your fault, you have nothing to feel guilty over. It's still sad, and it's a horrible tragedy, but it's not your fault."

Barry's mouth curled up, a thin line, and his eyes dropped, but he didn't say anything.

"Stop thinking," Eddie said, kissing his forehead in between the words. "This isn't your fault. It's no one's fault. It's just a sad tragedy. You can't save everyone, and you know that."

"I can try," he mumbled.

Eddie leaned back, the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Now you're just being obstinate."

"You always say that when I'm right."

"I do not," Eddie said, "I say it when you're being a brat."

Barry scowled at him, but Eddie laughed. "Come here," he said, and he was shifting him around again, so Barry was leaning back against his chest. "I know you're upset," he said seriously again, "but you have to let it go. You'll drive yourself crazy if you don't, Barry."

Barry was quiet for a while, and it looked like he was finally starting to calm down.

"I still feel like I did something wrong," he said, his voice impossibly quiet.

Eddie gave him a squeeze. "You didn't."

"I… I know, but…"

"You feel like you need to punish yourself," Eddie finished.

Barry looked down, and Eddie knew his face was turning red.

"It's OK, Barry," Eddie said, "you don't. You don't need to."

"I…"

"You want to cut."

"Yeah."

"You're not going to cut, Barry."

"I… OK. Yeah, I… I know, I know I can't," he said quietly, "but… but…"

Eddie's fingers slid under the hem of his shirt, sliding over his stomach. Barry leaned back against him, head falling right under his shoulder.

"Yeah, I know, Bar," Eddie said softly.

"I want to," he said, and it came out like a plea, desperate.

"I know, Bar – wait it out, it'll pass."

Barry shuddered. "Don't leave."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Barry's hands came to overlap his, fingers spanning out over his knuckles.

Please comment and tell me what you thought, and thank you for reading :)