A/N: While watching the finale again, I wondered – What would've happen if Landon (ugh) hadn't been in Erin's apartment that night? The two Jackson Park officers that ambushed them that night were concerned because Roland didn't say anything about dropping two bodies. Well if there was only one body – Erin's – what would've happened?

"How unfair, it's just our luck.
We found something real that's out of touch.
But if you'd searched the whole wide world,
would you dare to let it go?"
Not About Angels – Birdy

10:46pm

Jay Halstead was a soldier. He spent two tours in Afghanistan fighting a war for his country. He'd seen people get shot. He'd seen innocent children die. Hell, he was nearly killed when half of his unit was blown to pieces by an IED.

But none of that compared to the feeling of absolute terror he felt the second he heard the piece of shit that Voight had by the neck.

"Some lady cop he said set him up."

Jay's breath catches in his throat and he swears he hears his heart stop. He immediately looks to his sergeant but is caught off guard when he sees Voight already looking right at him.

It's not that Jay hates Hank. He's good at his job and good at leading their team, so he respects him as his boss. It's just that they've never really seen eye to eye in the whole moral department. Voight's world has a lot more grey than his.

Then there's the whole 'I-Banged-Your-Daughter' situation. But he doesn't have time to get into it because Erin isn't picking up her phone.

"Halstead. With me. Antonio, take care of this," Hank says, sprinting out the door as Jay follows. It's not like him to leave that quickly without an explanation, but they all know what's at stake here.

Erin's life.

They're in the car and speeding through the night, weaving in and out of traffic. Voight calls over the radio to Atwater and Roman while Jay bounces his knee and nervously chews his thumb. Neither of them say a word; both too wrapped in their thoughts of the worst-case scenario. It leaves them in an eerie silence until Jay can't take it anymore.

"Sir," he states, staring straight ahead into the sea of red in yellow lights of the cars in the city. "Whatever you have to do in there to save her, I've got your back."

Jay knows what he's implying when he says this and he hope that Voight does. If you have to kill them, I'll help you sink them in the river. He knows it's not right but he can't find it in him to care. Because the thought of losing Erin is too much. He can't possibly breathe without her and he wouldn't be able to live without her and he-

"Thank you," Hank says quietly, cutting off his thoughts.

Jay nods once.

11:07pm

When they get to the scene, Roman and Atwater are approaching an unmarked squad car. It doesn't belong to Intelligence or anyone at the 21st.

"Sarge," Atwater shouts, "It's them. It's Jackson Park."

Voight takes off running into the apartment building before Atwater can even finish. Jay follows closely behind. They take the stairs two, even three at a time and just as they reach the third floor, they hear a gunshot ring out from Erin's place. He looks to Voight and Voight looks to him, both with eyes wide for half a second.

"Erin!" Hank shouts and kicks in the door. He hears Voight fire his gun twice, shooting both Jackson Park cops in the head with terrifying precision and accuracy. But Jay can't focus on anything other than the tiny, crumpled figure on the floor.

Erin's on the ground, crimson blood pouring from her heart. He immediately kneels down beside her, his hands franticly searching for the entry point around her chest. He knows that if she was actually shot in the heart, nothing he does will make a difference, but he can't afford to think like that at the moment. The only thing that matters is her and her heart and the red, red blood.

"Oh thank God," Jay breathes out a sigh of relief. "It's her shoulder," he says to Voight, ripping his vest off and immediately pressing his hands into her left shoulder to stop the bleeding.

Hank calls it in on the radio, stepping over the bodies to the bedroom to find towels.

"Jay?" Erin asks, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her face twists into a grimace with every movement. "The guys from Jackson Park? "

"We got them Erin," Hank says as he kneels down and pushes a towel into Jay's hands and her chest.

"Hank?" Her eyes dart over to him, tears pouring over and down her cheeks. "Daddy, it hurts," she cries.

"I know, kid," he chokes out, grabbing her hand.

Jay feels like he's intruding on a moment. There are very few things in this world that Hank Voight is afraid of, and he knows that one of them is happening before their eyes. He wants to stay with her forever. He also wants to leave them alone but he can't go anywhere. His hands are putting pressure on the bullet wound and he'd sooner die than let her bleed out. Forever it is.

Her breathing is getting more erratic as she starts crying full, aching sobs. The blood is seeping through all three of the towels Voight managed to grab and Jay thinks that he's going to lose her right here and now.

"Erin, it's okay. Breathe. Just breathe," Hank says, unknowingly calming both Erin and Jay.

"Can't. Hurts."

Someone is speaking on the radio and he thinks he hears something about the ambulance being close, but he can't concentrate on anything other than the girl before him and how it's astonishing that she's still breathtakingly beautiful even when she's bleeding out.

"The ambo is on its way, but you have to breathe," Jay reminds her.
"I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you. Sorry. Love you," she repeats. Her eyes dart rapidly between both him and Hank as her breathing gets slower and her eyes get heavy.

"Hey, you're not going anywhere, got it?" Jay reassures her.

"That's an order, Kid." Hank adds, trying to sound stern and tough but the shake in his voice when he calls her 'kid' gives him away.

Her eyes open and close rapidly, as if she's trying to fight off the darkness. "You gonna -" she pauses to breathe in a strangled gasp, "- ground me?" She asks with a tiny smile.

"If he doesn't, I will," Jay tries to laugh, but it doesn't keep the tear in his eye from spilling over.

"I… Go... Wisconsin," she mumbles; her eyes slowly drifting shut.

"Hey. Erin." Hank says. He places his hand on her cheek to get her attention. "Erin. Stay with me okay?"

Her eyes flicker a few times before she says, "Wisconsin."

"Okay. We'll go, okay? You just have to stay with me and we'll go." Jay's sure he's almost hysterical but he doesn't care.

11:21pm

The paramedics are surrounding them, quickly examining her and assessing the situation. They call out a bunch of medical terms that Jay swears he'd be able to identify if it wasn't his Erin laying there. But he can't so he steps back and watches them pack the wound and roll her onto a backboard.

He and Hank both help to lift the backboard onto the stretcher, working fast to wheel her out and into the elevator. He's not sure how long it takes, but when it finally reaches the ground floor he sprints alongside the bed and helps load her into the ambo.

"I can take one of you," the girl says, staring at him and Hank expectantly.

Jay looks to his sergeant, assuming he'd be the one to ride along. He's her father for God's sake. He expects Voight to jump into the back with her but he doesn't.

"Halstead," he places his hand on Jay's shoulder and looks him in the eyes. "Stay with her," he says calmly; dangerously even.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm taking care of Roland."

Jay nods silently and climbs up into the ambulance. He grabs onto the hand that's closest to him and sits on the bench, watching as the paramedic hooks her up to various lines and tubes.

They race through the streets of Chicago but somehow nothing is fast enough.

When they finally stop, he's not sure how much time has actually passed. So much happens in the next thirty seconds that he doesn't even realize he's out of the ambulance until they burst through the doors of Chicago Med. The one paramedic in front of the stretcher shouts something to a doctor and he hears the letters GSW, but it's all a blur of people and hands as they lead her into a trauma room.

Jay hears one of doctors ask, "Is that her partner?" He vaguely recognizes the girl, but he can't place her.

"You're Dr. Halstead's brother, right?" Jay looks up to meet the woman's eyes.

Oh yeah. That's how he knows her. His brother works at the hospital. They're in the hospital. Erin is in the hospital.

He's having trouble thinking straight and he doesn't trust his voice so he just nods several times before returning his eyes to Erin.

"April, page Dr. Halstead. Tell him his brother is here and he needs to get down here immediately."

Soon they're cutting off her clothes and connecting her to more wires and more tubes. He knows that if she were awake, she'd be thoroughly pissed and the thought of her beautiful face all scrunched up in anger almost makes him laugh. Almost.

Will flings open the door to the room, breathing heavily. "Jay? What are you-" He starts to ask, but he sees the patient on the table and it stops him from saying anything else.

"Will, please," Jay pleads to his brother, tears falling freely down his face now. "I can't lose her. I can't."

"I know," Will says gently, patting Jay on the back once before turning around to put gloves on and jump into the chaos.

The machines start beeping and alarms start going off, and all at once there seems to be a big commotion. "Someone shouts, "She's coding!"

"No!" Jay screams, hollow and broken.

"Get him out of here. He doesn't need to see this!" His brother yells.

The nurse attempts to escort him out of the room as someone says, "clear." He doesn't want to leave her; he can't leave her. But Will shouts at him again to get out and he listens. His heart is racing and there's a lump in his throat as the nurse – April was it? – takes him out into the hallway.

Jay leans against the wall and slides down it to sit on the cold tile floor. He cradles his head in his hands and cries.

12:02am

The door to the room finally opens as they wheel Erin out. The team moves quickly and by the time he gets to his feet, they're already down the hallway. Jay doesn't even get a chance to see her.

"She's stable for now," Will assures him, "but we have to get up to surgery right now."

"Will..." He starts to say but his brother stops him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll take care of her," Will promises. "I'll let you know more as soon as I can."

Jay nods as Will takes off down the hallway in the same direction they took Erin. He's never been in more pain in his life. Not when he got injured overseas. Not even when he was shot before joining Intelligence.

This must be what dying feels like.

"Detective Halstead?" April says, pulling him from his thoughts. "Let me take you to the waiting area. Your team is already there."

The nurse takes him down the hall in the opposite direction that Will just went and leads him through the door into the waiting room. Jay takes a sweeping glance of the room as everyone from Intelligence stares back at him in shock.

Well, everyone except for Voight and Olinsky. He knows where they are and what they're doing, and he doesn't care. He silently prays for that son of a bitch, Roland, to rot in hell.

Everyone is still staring at him and he's not sure why until Ruzek approaches him.

"Hey man," Adam says quietly, "how about we head to the bathroom and you can get cleaned up?"

He looks down to his hands and notices that they're covered in blood. Erin's blood.

Oh.

It's smeared all over his arms and clothes. And some strange part of him doesn't want to ever wash it off because it could be the last piece of her he ever feels again. He wants to explain it but he can't find the words so he just shakes his head, 'no'.

Burgess comes to stand next to Ruzek in front of him, breaking his trance. Her voice is calm and steady when she speaks. "Jay, we're going to the bathroom across the hall." She commands gently, not really asking for his opinion. "Adam will stay here and he will come get us if anything happens. Okay?"

Jay can't bring himself to speak because he's absolutely sure he will burst into tears if he opens his mouth. So he says nothing and let's Burgess lead him in the direction of the bathroom.

He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looks like he walked straight out of a horror film. His once brown shirt is almost completely stained with dark maroon. He feels like he walked straight out of a nightmare.

"Jay? Do you need help?" Kim calls from outside.

"No," he says. His voice is hoarse and it comes out a bit strangled. He tries not to focus on the fact that he's washing the last bits of Erin down the drain.

12:47am

Jay is slumped over in a chair with his arms on his knees and his head in his bloodstained hands when Voight finally enters the waiting room. He hears someone discussing Erin's current condition but sits up straight when he feels someone sit down in the chair next to his.

"It's done," is all Hank says.

Jay lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and nods. They sit in silence and wait.

x

A/N: That's it. I think? I'm torn because at this point it's kind of a 'choose your own adventure' and I like that.
ALSO: find me on Tumblr at theonlythingiknowis. tumblr .com!