(This story is also published on Archive of Our Own under the name shadow_faye)

Haru was being quiet, actually had been so for some time. Not that being quiet was unlike Haru or anything. Haru was always quiet, he only spoke when he absolutely felt it was necessary. Normally that wouldn't bother Makoto. It didn't matter that Haru had barely said anything in the last two weeks aside from their usual morning greetings. That was also normal for him. No, what bothered Makoto was that this silence started right after Makoto kissed him. Makoto didn't know what had come over him. He wasn't planning on kissing Haru, he never planned on kissing him.

He knew Haru didn't feel the same way he did. He was pretty sure the only thing Haruka Nanase loved was water. Makoto couldn't take the silence though. He normally knew exactly what Haru was thinking, he could read every emotion behind those bright blue eyes. It was how they always communicated, but this time those emotions were hidden from him, unreadable.

They had gone through the motions of the day normal enough. Makoto had gone to pick Haru up for school, it was near the end of summer, so he didn't have to get Haru from the tub. After Haru cooked breakfast they walked to the college campus together. Normally Makoto would talk and Haru would comment on points he deemed necessary. However, over the last two weeks, Makoto spoke, and Haru remained silent. Aside from the morning greetings and farewells, Haru hadn't said anything to Makoto in two weeks. Makoto thought he was going to lose his mind.

"Haru-chan!"

Haru jumped, started, looking at Makoto, eyes narrowed at the nickname.

"What's wrong? It's been two weeks since you've spoken to me."

Haru's eyes showed surprise while the rest of his face remained impassive, as if he hadn't realized it'd been that long.

"Thinking."

"You were thinking? What about?"

Haru tsked and looked away with a frown on his face. Anyone else would have thought he was angry, but Makoto could see he was simply frustrated.

"The kiss."

"I..I see, Haru, we can forget about it. I won't try to kiss you again...your friendship is too important to me."

"I just don't know if I liked it or not," Haru said softly and quietly.

Makoto blinked in surprise. His ears had to be deceiving him. There was no way in hell Haru could have enjoyed that kiss.

"You don't know?"

Haru looked away a second time. Embarrassment. Makoto could see it clearly, and the smaller man was failing to hide his blush.

"It was my first kiss."

"B...but you're 19 years old Haru!"

"So?"

"Lots of girls were interested in you." And some boys, Makoto thought, mind drifting back to Rin and their trip to Australia. Makoto had been sure Rin would make a move on Haru.

"I never much thought of dating or any of it. I didn't see the point in it. I still don't. That kind of stuff never meant much to me."

"I...I see."

Haru shrugged looking back at Makoto. This was an expression he couldn't read. He hated when he didn't know how Haru was feeling. It was so rare for Haru to speak his mind, the only way to know how he felt was to read his barely there expressions.

"I guess, we could try it again? I mean, I don't know how I feel about it. I just didn't want to say anything until I knew for sure, but if it's bothering you that much..." Haru said with a shrug.

That was definitely Haru. He never said anything without knowing where he stood on the topic. He was never one to play both sides. But Makoto could tell he still wasn't sure where he stood on his feelings just yet. It warmed him to know he wasn't being rejected outright, but he had a sinking suspicion he knew why Haru was so indifferent to the kiss now. He had thought about it a lot, especially when everyone in their group was going on dates and talking about sex. Haru, he was dating the water. Water was always Haru's first love, and no one could understand just how he felt about the water and swimming.

"Haru, are you asexual? Is that why you never showed interest in dating or relationships?"

"I've never heard of that."

"Perhaps you should do some research Haru-chan."

"Perhaps you should drop the chan." Haru dead panned back and Makoto smiled glad Haru was returning to normal.

"I'm serious, I have a girl in one of my classes whose asexual. She says she's never felt sexually attracted to anyone. Even though she gets crushes on people, she never thinks about having sex with them or anything like that."

Haru nodded thoughtfully, eyes fixated on the sidewalk. He could see their conversation struck a chord with Haru, and as much as it pained him that Haru might never return his feelings, Haru's happiness came first. It was always that way between them. Even without meaning to he put Haru first. He wanted Haru to know he always accepted him and believed in him.

"Come on, we're skipping class."

"What?!" Haru cried, finally letting some emotion show in his voice.

"This talk is more important. Start walking or I'm going to leave you behind while you're talking," Makoto told him quoting something Haru used to say when they were younger on the run to school.

"B..but.."

Makoto smirked walking down the sidewalk. It was nice, those rare moments when he was able to make Haru lose his cool and sputter on his words. Haru was so careful about what he said, that he tended to speak without emotion, those few moments that he did lose his calm were precious to Makoto.

Makoto didn't look behind him to see if Haru was following. He knew Haru wouldn't mind skipping class. They'd barely missed since starting school. Between Haru's scholarship and Makoto's intense course load, they barely had time to do anything but study. They needed a break from time to time.

Makoto lead him down the street to a cafe they often used to study. It was a quiet place once the morning rush was over. It was popular among the university students. However, most students were already in their classes, so Haru and Makoto would have the place to themselves for at least an hour or two. The woman behind the counter smiled at them as they walked in together.

"Nanase-san, Tachibana-san, good morning. Are you running late this morning?"

"Ah, our morning class was canceled..."

She smiles a bit at them looking toward the university through the window. It was evident on her face she didn't believe him.

"You don't have to lie dear. Did you two decide to skip in order to have a breakfast date?"

Haru walked away heading to their usual table near the window leaving Makoto to handle their order. It was their usual routine, though Haru normally was worn out by hours of swimming practice or at least, that was his excuse.

"Ah, well, we're not...together like that..." Makoto said awkwardly looking over to Haru in his seat. Haru was looking out the window, looking bored as usual. Makoto knew he was instinctively looking in the direction of the closest body of water.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, it's just I never see you two apart, and the way you dote on him..."

"Don't worry about it." He said smiling a bit and then added quietly. "Believe me, it's not from lack of trying."

"Oh I see...well he is quite the handsome one, even if he doesn't speak..." she said giggling a bit.

"Oh, he speaks, when he thinks it matters. Can you get us our usual?"

"Sure thing."

Makoto paid for their coffees carrying them over to the table sitting across from Haru. As Haru took his cup, Makoto pulled his laptop from the bag booting his computer up.

"I thought you wanted to talk?" Haru asked cautiously.

"I do, but I wanted to show you a website also."

Haru blew an irritated breath through his lips taking a sip of his coffee. It'd been awhile since Makoto had been the cause of such obvious annoyance. He hoped it wouldn't last.

"Fine," he said moving his chair closer to Makoto so he could look at the screen. "So, what's this website?"

"One that girl in my class told me about. It's about asexuality."

Haru looked at him slowly before sitting back in his chair crossing his arms.

"Why does it matter so much to you that I label my sexuality?" Makoto was surprised at how clear the annoyance was in Haru's voice.

"I...I just wanted to help. Besides, it'd make it easier to turn down people you aren't interested in."

"You're the only one who's ever shown interest in me."

"I...no way. "

Haru shrugged. "No one's said anything before."

"Not even Rin?"

"Why would he?"

"Because he was crazy about you Haru."

"Rin's not gay."

"Yeah, he is."

"Then why did he get upset when the hotel in Australia only gave us one bed? I had to tell him to shut up and go to sleep, or else he would have complained about it all night."

"You shared a bed in Australia?"

"We didn't have a choice, " Haru grumbled. "The lady at the front desk acted like it was our fault."

"I see...well believe me, Rin is interested in men."

"How do you know? Did he tell you?"

"He didn't have to. It was obvious. But...besides that, he and I..."

"You had sex with Rin?"

"No! No, definitely not. We, just made out a bit at the graduation party..." Makoto said awkwardly, this was not something he wanted to admit to Haru. He and Rin hadn't planned for it to happen and neither of them spoke of it since.

"Oh. "

Makoto nodded trying to read Haru's expression. It was one he'd never seen before. His tone almost sounded jealous and even though Makoto knew he shouldn't be, he was happy about that. At least he was, until something crossed his mind. Was he jealous of Rin or Makoto?

"I shouldn't have outed him like that," Makoto said softly realizing what he'd just done to Rin. Despite the fact that they both had feelings for Haru, they'd remained good friends and Makoto didn't want to endanger that friendship.

"I'll pretend I didn't know."

"Thanks Haru, and...I'm sorry for being so pushy. You're right, it's your sexuality. You should be able to come to terms with who you are on your own. I guess I got carried away. I just...you know how I am."

Haru nodded looking out the window sipping his coffee slowly. Makoto could practically see the gears turning in his head.

"I'm sorry too. At this point, it doesn't just affect me does it? You have feelings for me, which means you should know where I stand. But how could you, when I don't even know myself? So, I'll try and come up with an answer. A real one, okay?"

Makoto smiled widely at him, touching his hand gently. "Thank you Haru-chan. That's all I ask."

"Drop the chan already Makoto."