AN: This fanfic is inspired by Ephemeral Everlast's Please, Shake Me. If you have not checked it out, you can... after reading my story :) Thank you for stopping by and giving this story a chance. I may not be as eloquent and descriptive as Ephemeral, but thank you anyway.

Warning: Slash ThunderShield fic. No ThunderShield moment... yet.

Forever and Always

He awoke to the sound of the alarm clock Tony had jokingly given him last year on his 95th birthday. It was fashioned to look like his shield, with red, white and blue rings. The star however, was made of glass to show the two hands of the clock. Even though Steve never needed it, he always makes sure it was placed near him. A remembrance of sorts, a symbol of lost time. The short hand was pointing to its south, the long one to the north. Six in the morning. It was time.

As he silenced the alarm, he noticed the sun's rays pilfering through the room, warming it up. Steve had forgotten to close the balcony doors last night, again. It wasn't advisable since he is now marked for death and the balcony door could become an entry way for any one to assassinate him. But he didn't care; he stopped caring for his own safety a long time ago.

Steve wanted to bury himself in the sheets again. Maybe even try to choke himself with the pillows, so that he can die and go to the Heaven his religion has always promised. But he wasn't a good man, so he is now considering Hell. Anywhere would be good, but not here. Not in Asgard.

Asgard, the land of the Norse gods. He never believed that such a place existed in this universe before. It was just a figment of imagination, a dream land of sorts. When he was given the evidence that Asgard really does exist, he let himself envision that this might be the place where he can be free. Free to be himself and free to love.

But Asgard never gave him anything but pain and suffering.

True, he was treated well. Physically, at least. It was a grandiose room, the one he's staying in now. The walls were lavished in gold and etched with symbols, runes to protect anyone staying inside. Floor panels are well polished and wrapped in gold. Even the bed was embedded with rubies and diamonds, with the blankets and pillows were spun with the softest white fabric Steve has ever felt. The drapes also seem to be spun with gold, for they shimmer under the rays of the sun.

But he doesn't care of any of that. All he wants is to get out of the palace, and go back to Earth. To the normalcy: trying to live in the modern world, battling with the Avengers. However, he can't. Earth, or Midgard to the Asgardians, was not a safe place for Captain America. Not anymore. Not after the reign of Loki, who really does want to kill him.

It angers him that he, Captain America, became a liability all because of love. All the tales he read a long time ago said love strengthens you, that it makes you do things you did not imagine you can. Apparently, it doesn't apply to him. So here he was now in Asgard, taken care of (or more likely imprisoned), for only Asgard could protect him. However he is not an Asgardian by blood, so he needs to be affiliated with someone who is.

Steve never thought that being affiliated could equate to marriage.

Marriage. A word so foreign to Steve's concept it might have been Norse. A ritual that binds two people forever, professing love and loyalty to one another. It could have made him happy, if he was marrying the one that he loves. However, the one that he loves doesn't love him anymore.

Thor doesn't care about him.

The thought tore through Steve's heart like it was just yesterday. When Thor forced him out of Asgard because his love faded and was gone. That he was marrying Sif, a woman. Who can give him children, heirs for the throne. Back in Midgard, Thor also professed his love to Jane Foster, right in front of his eyes.

How could Steve compete with two women? He might be Captain America, a strong and famous hero and savior, respected member of the Avengers. Yet he was a man; he cannot give birth. And he can't give what Thor wants. So he was cast aside and forgotten. Rubbish. A toy that lost its use.

There wasn't anywhere that Thor belongs to him. He should accept that. He should have accepted that a long time ago. He left his balcony doors open, hoping that the hammer-wielding god would come to him at night and save Steve. To profess his undying love all over again. He didn't, and he never will.

For how will Thor stop the wedding he initiated in the first place?

A tear escaped from his sapphire eyes, but he should not feel remorse. It was past time to move on and try to forget Thor. Even if his heavy heart and stupid mind says otherwise.

The large doors of his room suddenly opened, making him wipe his eyes hastily. He counted four, six, twelve servants bringing in his dress. He was a man, yet his wedding attire really does look like a dress. The tailor said that it was just a cloak, underneath it was a layer of tunics, loose trousers and brown leather shoes. White was in abundance, with gold stitches resembling symbols the Captain has unheard of, its cloth flowing to the floor. He sighed and got up from the bed. It was beatiful, even he could not deny that.

After he was bathed by his attendants (against his very wishes) and fitted into the inner part of the attire, his eyes caught the dark eyes of Logan, casually leaning on against a wall. He was already dressed for the wedding, resembling a knight, complete with the silver armor and white fur-lined cloak. But the ex-soldier and mutant never fails to look like someone fresh from the wilds, with his ever-present stubble, his stance like a graceful cat.

"My lord, it is time," Logan spoke with such softness Steve was caught in surprise. Gentle wasn't a word to describe the man who was infamously known as Wolverine, as well as morose. Despite their almost half a century of friendship, he never saw him like this: sad, forlorn.

Steve let out a short, mirthless laugh, trying to enliven his friend. "Stop calling me that." Logan hastily went to his side and offered a hand, which earned him a glare from the Captain. "I can walk without assistance."

Logan nodded, and smiled a little. "You will now be a part of the royal family of Asgard, my lord."

Steve looked at him weirdly. "Why are you being so formal to me? It doesn't mean that I am marrying Lord Farlan, our friendship will change. You will always be my friend Logan." Logan winced a little at the word friend, but Steven didn't notice it. "Besides, you must be happy for me. I am getting married, remember? Weddings are supposed to be joyous celebrations. Why are you sad?"

"Unlike you, I cannot pretend that I am alright when in fact, I'm not," Logan's voice was barely a whisper, but it felt like a resounding shout to Steve. "You are not happy. Why should I be happy for your misery?"

Steve felt a lump rising in his throat. He is eyes became like glass, threatening to shatter his facade.

Steve requested the servants to leave them alone for a while. After the doors slid shut, Steve let it all go. Logan gathered him to his arms, and he wept. Steve wept and it felt like a gushing river released from the confines of the dam. All the pain, suffering, heartache, he let it all go on Logan's shoulders.

"I wish I never met him Logan," Steve whimpered against an armored shoulder. "I wish I never loved him." A show of weakness is not recommended to a soldier but at this moment, no one could chastise Steve for crying. Not after what he's been through. Logan's presence was reassuring, making Steve hope that someday this would be all but a distant memory.

Steve hopes that day would come soon.

*.*.*

AN: And yeah, in medias res. So what do you think? Comments and criticisms are always welcome.