Twins and Talents

"Hey, demon?"

"Mmmm?"

"You think I'm talented, right?"

"Laxus," Mirajane groaned, not even turning around to glance at him. "Honestly, I am not in the mood to have this conversation again."

They had been having it for the past few days, at least twice a day. Since a couple of weeks ago when his older daughter deemed him talentless (and also a tyrant who refused to listen to any of her opinions, though he ignored that part), he had gone on a talent hunt.

It had not been fun for anyone.

"Why not, Mira?" He was still bleary eyed and looked like he'd been run ragged. That though was from dealing with things up at the guild mostly. Natsu had been going out on more and more jobs recently, in order to gain some more income considering his wife was having a baby. He was pretty pumped about it.

Laxus? Who had to deal with the damage to each and every town he visited? Not so much.

"Because," she said as she came to bring him his coffee before going back to work on breakfast, "we have it constantly and I've grown tired of it. Let's talk about something else."

"Fine," he grumbled, staring down into the darkness within his mug. "Shoot."

"Let's have another baby."

"Shoot again."

"Laxus-"

"No, Mirajane. If you wanna talk about a conversation that we have constantly, there it is. We've had it since Marin was born and we're not having it one more day. I'm done having babies."

"I don't know why you ever felt the need to have two."

And Haven was up. Laxus just frowned over at his oldest daughter as she came into the kitchen, actually looking dressed for the day instead of as beatdown as her parents.

"Was that you in the shower?" Mirajane asked, looking over the girl. When she nodded, her mother asked, "What big plans do you have today?"

"I'm going on a job."

"Another one?" Laxus grumbled. "You know, you kids taking all the jobs from the rest of the guild ain't gonna cut it. You-"

"We're guild members just like the rest of you!" his daughter complained. "And you set rules, which, by the way, are totally unfair, but I followed anyways. I haven't taken any dangerous jobs, I haven't taken any outside of the parameters you set, I never go alone. So what's your problem? Or are you just mad that I'm way better than you ever were?"

That made the man snort. "I did a thousand more jobs than you have by the time I was your age. I was on the way to being a S-Class wizard. I-"

"And you didn't have a stupid dad that was just trying to get in your way either!"

"Haven." Mirajane turned around to glare at her. "You apologize. Now."

"No. I-"

"Now."

"I-"

"It's fine, Mira," Laxus grumbled, moving to take a sip from his coffee. "The kid doesn't even know what it means to have a father that hinders you. She's just a brat, aren't you, brat?"

"I am not!"

Laxus just glanced around. "Where's the other one, huh? Mirajane?"

"She went to spend the night with Bickslow and Lisanna, remember?"

"Oh yeah." With a sigh, he said, "I guess I'm gonna have to go get her then?"

"I'm sure they'll just bring her down to the guildhall at some point, Lax. I mean, unless you want to go visit-"

"No," he was quick to say. "I don't. And is breakfast any closer to being ready? I'm starving over here."

"Don't get grouchy because you and Haven aren't getting along today."

Well, if he let that hold him back, he'd have been in a sour mood since the girl turned five.

Then again…

With a sigh, Laxus looked across the table at his daughter. "Who are you taking with you then? On your job? All your little friends are mad at you, aren't they?"

"No," she said with a frown. "Locke is just on a job with his father. That's all. And he should be back soon."

"Really? I thought that you all had a big falling out-"

"It's stupid Navi's fault! She's always-"

"Haven," Mirajane chided. "What did we say about name-calling?"

Crossing her arms, she said, "I don't need her or Locke. They always just hold me back."

"Well, you're not going alone," he reminded. "It's part of the rules, remember?"

"Of course I remember," she complained. "I'm going with Ravan."

That made him blink. Ravan. The one that had tried to kill Erza, before taking up residency with her?

"I thought you don't like Ravan?" Mirajane asked her then.

"Nobody likes Ravan," the girl said with a shrug.

"Then again, no one likes you either," Laxus remarked. "Huh. Maybe you two should go together."

"You're so stupid, Laxus!"

"I think it's cute," Mirajane told her with a grin. Haven just narrowed her eyes at her mother.

"Why would it be cute?"

"I dunno. It just is."

"It's not cute. It's just a job. And the second that Laxus lets me go by myself on them, I am. I don't like being part of a team, I don't like the other kids, and I hate this stupid guild!"

"Well then."

"I dunno, Mir," Laxus remarked then, leaning back in his chair. "I think she protests too much, don't you?"

"Mmmhmm."

And as their daughter stormed off then, without even a bite to eat, Mirajane grinned over at her husband.

"I think you found it, Lax," she said. "Your talent."

"What's that?"

"You're the fastest at ticking Haven off," she said. "I mean, this morning was a slow day even, for the two of you."

With a roll of his eyes, Laxus just shook his head. "At this point, I think I'll take it."

Mirajane winked at him. And, a few minutes later, when she came to bring him his plate, she tried once more at the one thing she thought about most.

"So about this third baby-"

"Demon."

Marin really liked sleeping over at her aunt and uncle's house. Even since they'd had a child of their own, Ajax, they never turned her down when she asked. Bickslow liked taking care of the kids. It was fun for him. And Lisanna had taken care of Haven and Marin both since they were babies, so it was only natural for her.

Plus, they did have Elfman and Evergreen to contend with, who had no children of their own and didn't seem to be planning any. Which, obviously, had them leading in the best aunt and uncle category. One would think, anyways. Not on Lissy and Bickslow's watch!

That night was no different. They built their usual fort and even had Kai, Marin's best friend and Ravan's younger brother, stay the night too. Which was great (for Erza as well, as it got him out of her hair for a bit) as Bickslow got even more of an audience for his usual antics.

The kids and him didn't wake up until well after noon, as they'd stayed up the whole night playing. Lisanna was actually gone when they finally did get up, having taken the baby with her for a walk, the note she left said.

"I suppose this is the part where I feed you guys," Bickslow said as they cleaned up the fort in the living room. "Are you hungry?"

"A whole bunch," Kai was quick to say, even though they had to have eaten what felt like the whole night, what with all the snacks Bickslow bought for them. If there was anyone that lived off more sugar than Erza, Kai found, it was the seith.

"It keeps me active," he always explained.

"Hyperactive," his wife would grumble softly, though he'd just nod, as if that were a good thing.

"Well," Bickslow was saying to the kids then as he headed off to the bathroom. "Just let me fix my Mohawk and we can go out to eat. How's that sound?"

Great. The kids were really excited about it. Mostly Kai though. He had grown up in a costal village and didn't leave it much. Little things like being able to go out to eat or shopping always excited him.

They went to the guildhall after that, where both kids ran off, leaving him all by himself. He figured they were gonna go play downstairs in the game room or hangout at the pool. Whichever.

That left him without much to do. So, after ordering a beer form Mirajane, he went to sit around the guild and pout about none of his friends being about. Growing up sucked. Even though he was the only one with a child out of his two cohorts, they were always the ones busy. Evergreen mostly liked going on jobs with her boyfriend, Elfman, at that that point and Freed just assumed that he was busy and hardly even checked with him before taking a solo job.

Being married and having a kid was so lonely.

"Uh, Mr. Bickslow?"

"Go away, kid. Can't you see I'm drownin' in my own misery?"

It was Navi who'd come over to him, staring up at him with wide eyes. At his words, she grinned, hiding it into her palms as she continued to look at him.

"Do you know where Haven is?"

"The older one? Can't say I do," he told her as he continued to lay there with his head down. Turning it slightly, he looked right back at her then. "The younger one though, Marin? She's here with that boy. What's his name?"

"I dunno," the girl said slowly, still having some of that nervous laughter. She liked the man's wife very well. Lisanna. She was one of her father, Natsu's, very best friends. Happy's too. But Bickslow always made most of the kids a tad nervous. "Kai?"

"That's the one!" He yelled that too, springing up so quickly and banging his hand on the table that it frightened Navi who got startled and, in her haste to get away from him, slipped and fell.

"Hey!" Happy, who'd been sitting over with Natsu and Lucy, was quick to jump up. "What's the big idea, Bickslow?"

That was said though, from Natsu's head, where he went to take refuge. He and Bickslow had had it out before (sorta) and he didn't like the man's dolls. Not at all. They would ram into him and mess up his flying and…well… He just knew not to mess with the man.

"What's wrong, Navi?" Natsu got to his feet quickly though she just shook her head, embarrassed that she'd been frightened so easily. "Are you alright?"

"She's fine," Bickslow complained, glaring over at them. "People always are giving me a bad rep when Lissy isn't around. It ain't right!"

"You're in a bad mood today," he heard someone remark from somewhere else. "Bickslow."

"Oy, boss, that ain't so," he said, glancing back at the man. "I was just teasing the kid and she fell. Is that my fault?"

"Knowing you?" Laxus grumbled from where he was trying to enjoy his beer in peace a few tables over. "Probably."

Still, Natsu went to go pat Navi on the head when she got up, making the girl tilt her head back and smile up at him.

"Mr. Bickslow didn't do anything," she was quick to say.

"He will if you keep calling him that," he remarked simply before going back to sulking. Lucy, who was over at the table too, just made a face at him.

"Where is Lisanna?" she asked.

"I dunno. With the kid, I think. And Freed's on a job. And Ever's…eh. I don't care that much. Who likes her anyways?"

"I am right here, you dope."

Huh? That sounded a lot like-

"Ever!" He grinned then, turning around to see her across the guild, at a table with Elfman. "I didn't see you over there."

"Obviously."

"No, no," Elfman sighed as the man got up to go join them. "You were fine over there by yourself. This is a man's table, after all."

He didn't hear that though as he jumped up to go over there. First he had to go make good with Navi though.

Else she might sic Lissy on him.

Eek.

"Hey, kid," he said, going over to the table she'd rejoined her parents at. "We're all good, yeah?"

Navi was quick to nod at him from where she was sitting with her mother. Happy though wasn't as forgiving.

"Fish would make her feel better," he said simply. "Two of them. For me. Because we're so close."

"Happy," Lucy sighed, making Bickslow glance at her. When he did, he grinned slightly, even leaning over the table so he could get a better look at, from her perspective, looked like her breasts. "Uh, Bickslow-"

"I didn't know that you were that pregnant already," he said. Happy snickered.

"Lucy, I think he means-"

"What is wrong with you?"

"I didn't mean like that," the seith insisted as she moved to slap at him. "I meant your babies. I can see their souls already."

Natsu gave her a look. "What did you think he meant, Luce?"

"Take a wild guess," she remarked. "I- Wait, Bickslow, what did you say?"

"Hmmm?" He had already turned to walk way, wanting to go tease Evergreen and Elfman some then, toy with death before Lisanna came to take him home. Still, he stopped to glance back at Lucy when she spoke.

"I said I can see the souls," he said with a slight shrug. "Why-"

"Souls?"

"Stand up," he told her, just to be sure. When she did, he nodded. "There's two."

Natsu frowned, not comprehending. "What does that mean? Does that mean that the baby has two heads? Cool!"

"Are you sure?" Lucy, ignoring her husband, asked. "Bickslow? This isn't one of your stupid pranks or-"

"I am hurt by the accusation," he said, "but totally get where it's coming from. And no. It's not. I can see two in there. Did you not know that you were having two? Oh, geez, I've never been in this position before. Man, uh…congrats? Can I buy you a beer or- Ooh. No. That's wrong too. Uh. I'mma, uh, gonna go bother Ever now and pretend this didn't…Hey! Mira! I was standing there-"

She just shoved him aside in her rush to get over to the table.

"You're having twins?" she asked, eyes wide as she came to stare at Lucy. Slowly the woman took her seat again, as if in shock. Natsu though had an answer for her.

"No," he complained. "Our baby has two heads. Keep up."

Happy snickered some more. "Natsu."

Navi just sat up taller, staring across the table at her mother. "If it has two heads, is it really two babies? Or just one?"

"The baby doesn't- Knock it off," Lucy hissed at them.

"Well, sheesh, Luce," Natsu complained. "Sorry for being helpful. I won't try again."

"You're confusing Navi."

"Confused? She's interested. In her two headed brother. Why is that a bad thing?"

"Oy," Bickslow called over to them then from where he'd made it to Ever's table. "I didn't even tell you guys the worst part."

"Worst?" Mirajane clapped. "This is the best news ever! Isn't, Lucy? Lucy?"

But she was just staring over at Bickslow, as if he were some sort of soothsayer.

"What?" she whispered, hardly audible across the guild. He just nodded at her though.

"The one on the right looks alright," he said. "But that one on the left? The soul's dark."

"What?"

"Bickslow," Ever hissed.

"What?" He shrugged. "Call it like I see it. You got a little demon rolling around in there."

"Great," Laxus grumbled from his table. "Just what this damn guild needs."

"Tell her you're joking, Bickslow," Evergreen ordered, shooting him daggers. "Now."

"It ain't manly to worry pregnant women," Elfman agreed.

"We'll tell Lisanna," his teammate insisted to which the man groaned.

"Fine," he called over to the panicking Lucy. "You're not having a demon. You are having twins though. You're welcome."

"Is she really not having a devil baby?" Happy asked, flying from Natsu then to land on the other man's table, no longer feeling threatened by him. Not when such juicy gossip was to be had. "Bickslow?"

"No," he said loudly. He was nodding his head yes which made the cat grin mischievously.

"Bickslow," Ever warned. "I'll tell Lisanna. I mean it."

"You guys are no fun," he grumbled, crossing his arms. "It'd have been so much fun, watching her try to figure out which one it was. Eventually killing one in her insanity. I hear that women go through that, after they give birth."

"You're demented," Evergreen remarked with a frown. He just shrugged.

"Yeah, so?"

"Lisanna-"

"Stop using her against me!"

"So," Natsu was saying over where Mirajane was happily talking to his wife, though the woman looked more stressed than excited. "Is this two headed baby thing happening or what? 'cause I'mma have mentally prepare for this, you know."

"I think you're making her mad," Navi whispered to her father.

"I'm just being inquisitive." Looking over at Lucy, he said, "I swear, I won't laugh at the kid or nothing. I mean, did I laugh at Navi when she came out looking all weird?"

"I did not!"

"You don't even know," he said, looking down at her daughter. "You were all small and squishy and nasty."

"I think babies are supposed to be that way," Happy said as he joined them once more at the table. "Natsu."

"Well, I sure hope not, 'cause someone that's not as sophisticated as me might've thought something was wrong wit her and tried to throw her away."

"You're not being nice," Navi complained as her father just grinned ant tapped her on the head. "Mom."

Lucy was a tad busy then being hugged by Mirajane, who looked far more thrilled than anyone else at the table.

"Twins are so much fun," she insisted as the woman only thought of how difficult it had been to have Navi, all those years ago. "They love each one and you can put them in matching clothes and they always have someone to be friends with, so you don't have to worry about- Oh no."

"What?" Lucy glanced up at the woman, who was standing behind her, but saw her staring at Laxus. "What, Mirajane?"

"If you're having twins…then you'll have three babies."

"Well," Natsu offered. "If you count two heads as two different babies, sure."

"Natsu," Lucy complained, shooting him a look.

"Laxus." Mirajane left Lucy then. "We seriously need to talk."

"I am enjoying a beer right now, demon. What could you possibly-"

"Lucy's having twins."

"Yeah, I know. It was kinda hard to hear anything over all that ruckus," he grumbled.

"Which means she'll have three kids."

"I can add."

"While I only have two."

"Again, I'm not stupid. Math isn't a problem for me. I-"

"Laxus-"

"Mirajane, we are not doing this right now."

Staring hard down at him, she said simply, "I want a third baby. Figure out whatever your problem is and quickly."

And, with that, she left him alone. Laxus only shifted to lay his head down on the table.

Great. Another thing the demon would use as leverage against him. Why did they have to have another baby, huh? He liked the two he had then. Marin and Haven were fine. Perfectly fine. If not a little annoying at times. Their family was complete. Just how it was.

Damn Bickslow for ruining his day like that.

Laxus even snorted some. "So now Bickslow gets two talents, huh? Acrobatics and the baby expert? Great. Fucking great."

"What's wrong, Daddy?"

He frowned as he was joined at the table by Marin. "Thought you were playing with your friend?"

"He's takin' a bath," she said with a giggle. "In the bathhouse. We ran into Erza and she ordered him to. He stinks a little."

"Just a little?"

She nodded, moving to lay her head down on the table too. "What's wrong?"

With a sigh, he said, "Marin, do you think that I have any talents?"

"Mmmm… You make me love you lots."

"Mare, that's not a talent. You love everything and everyone."

That was true.

"It's not a talent," the man sighed. "I-"

"You're still griping about that, old man?"

He frowned as Haven joined the table too, right next to her sister. "I thought you were on a job?"

"We finished it," she said with a shrug. "It was too simple. You won't let me take any fun jobs."

"Where's Ravan?" Marin asked to which the other girl snorted.

"We got into a fight," she said simply as she laid her head down too. "He's stupid."

Laxus snorted. "You know, kid, it's only once your bridges are all burned that you'll realize it can't just be everyone else. Some of your problems have to be on you too."

She made a face over at him. "What bridges? You're stupid, Laxus."

"Yeah. I'm stupid. Okay."

"Oh, good, you're both here."

And Mirajane was back too. Sigh.

"Girls," she said as she stood before the table. None of them moved though, just continuing to lay with their heads down, the girls staring at their father as he looked right back at them, his dark eyes battling their bright blues. "What do you think about having another sibling? Hopefully a brother."

"Ew, gross," Haven complained. "Locke told me where babies come from and that's nasty. You guys don't need to do that. Ever. Ew. I'm gonna be sick. Don't talk about it anymore. It was bad enough this morning, but here? In front of everyone? You're embarrassing me."

Marin just frowned though. "I already have brothers. Ravan and Kai. I don't need another."

"Girls-"

"You've been outvoted," Laxus said, not even looking up at the demon. "Bye now. And Haven, just so you know, that's where you came from too."

"Shut up!"

There it was. Now Laxus remembered. He'd always have that talent. The one to embarrass the hell out of Haven from the most trivial of things. And he was never losing that one.

Marin lifted her head then, if only for a minute, to glance over at the guildhall doors, which were opening. "Look. It's Aunt Lissy."

Bickslow had taken notice too, as she had her son with them, but she stopped first to talk with Lucy and Natsu, the latter having been waving her over, no doubt needing someone else to explain that no, it wasn't a two headed baby in there.

He watched too, in dread as he saw Lucy say a few things to the woman. When the dang blue cat took over, Bickslow knew his goose was cooked.

"Bickslow," his wife called over to him then. "You were the one that told Lucy-"

"It was a joke! A simple joke! You tell one pregnant woman that one of her babies is the devil and suddenly you're a bad guy!"

"-that she was having twins?"

Then they both stared at her.

"Yeah," Lucy sighed as Happy snickered. "He did that too."

"Wow," Ever remarked as Bickslow gulped. "You've just learned to dig your own grave, haven't you?"

"Another talent," Laxus whispered from where he was still having a staring match with his girls.

"As much fun as this has been," Bickslow told Elfman and Ever who, after sharing a look, both shook their heads.

"It hasn't," the muscular man assured him. "At all."

"I've gotta jet now," he said, getting to his feet. "Before Lissy kills me."

"Well," Evergreen said slowly. "If you must go, do so quickly. Spare us the pain. Please."

"Real men face their wives head on," Elfman grumbled.

"Yeah and the second you have a wife to test that theory out on," Bickslow said as he made a beeline for the exit, "I'll be sure to take that into consideration."

Elfman thought for a moment before asking, "Ever-"

"No."

Well there went that nugget of an idea.

I had just posted Birthday Wishes and Misses when I realized I never tied up Laxus' little talent situation and, even though I wasn't going to write about Lucy finding out she was having twins, I needed some filler for this one-shot, so you guys got that. Plus some Bickslow which, who doesn't want more Bickslow in their lives?

This cover art is Haven, obviously, done by Wo is de kse-girl again and I love it. Maybe a bit more than the other one. And if I sound like I'm gushing over these, I am. No one's ever drawn something for me before and I think it's really cool.

Probably a more Natsu and Lucy centric one-shot up next or maybe Jellal coming back for a visit. I dunno yet. Whichever one I get started on and finish first, I guess.