A/N: Sorry it took so long, but here's the final chapter! Thank you so much for all your reviews, favs, and alerts! The response has been incredible!
Title: Gerber Babies
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Tatsuki can't help but glare at Keigo as he taps his foot repeatedly on the hospital's linoleum floor. She understands it's a nervous jitter, she's nervous too, probably a lot more nervous than him in fact. It's her best friend who's about to give birth after all! Why must Keigo always be so annoying?
Mizuiro, who is seated next to Keigo, seems to be on her same wavelength. He kicks Keigo's foot, effectively stopping the monotonous tapping. "Calm down Keigo. Hospitals know how to deliver babies. They do it every day."
"Oh, I just hate to think of my sweet Orihime-chan being in any pain! And all because that brute had to impregnate her." Chizuru chides.
Tatsuki redirects her glare from Keigo to Chizuru. "Really? It's been 12 years Chizuru! Let it go!"
"Never!" Chizuru yells.
The waiting room nurse glares at the loud group. "Shhh!" She insists.
Mizuiro shakes his head. "You're all so embarrassing."
"Well it's easy for you to be calm Mizuiro. You're the only one here who has kids." Keigo reasons.
"I don't have children. Yet I have the mental fortitude needed to sit here quietly." Ishida adds, looking up from the magazine he'd been reading.
Keigo pouts. "Sorry I'm not an emotionless robot. Fine. I'm just going to sit here in complete silence. Good luck entertaining yourselves without my witty commentary." Keigo threatens.
Tatsuki scoffs. "Yeah, witty. That's the word we would all use."
Before Keigo can retort, breaking his new vow of silence, Chad returns from the hospital gift store.
"Damn it Chad, we agreed to cap the gifts at $20!" Tatsuki complains when she sees the mountain of gifts Chad has returned with.
"But we don't know the genders, so I had to get girl stuff, and boy stuff, and gender neutral stuff." Chad reasons, gesturing to the different balloons and teddy bears indicative of each gender.
"Don't let Orihime-san hear you say anything about boy or girl stuff. You know how she feels about assigning gender roles." Ishida reminds.
Mizuiro chuckles. "Ichigo told me Orihime says if the twins are boys she's going to buy them dolls so they don't think they have to play with 'boy' toys. I don't think Ichigo is crazy about that."
"But he's so whipped he won't even try to stop her." Keigo adds.
"Funny to hear you call someone else whipped. Your evil fiancée seems to have you wrapped around her little finger." Tatsuki criticizes.
"Evil is a strong word Arisawa-san. Sure, Siri can be a little mean-" Keigo is interrupted.
"A little mean? She made my kids cry!" Mizuiro reminds his longtime friend.
"She's also made you cry. Several times." Chizuru reminds Keigo.
"But she's so hot!" Keigo insists.
"But ugly on the inside." Tatsuki adds.
Keigo glowers, crossing his arms and sinking into his uncomfortable waiting room seat. "Well what do you guys know about relationships? We've got Mr. twice divorced guy with older women fetish here" he gestures at Mizuiro,
"Mr. Married to his sewing business" directed at Ishida,
"Ms. Ball Buster who drives away all interested candidates" this jab is directed at Tatsuki
"Ms. In love with a happily married straight woman" Keigo points right at Chizuru
"And I have no idea why you haven't proposed to your girlfriend Chad. She's hot! And not evil. Plus you've been together for like five years. You must have commitment issues." Keigo pauses to allow his words to sink in. "If I'm going to take advice from anybody, it has to be Ichigo and Orihime. They're the only people I know in a functional relationship."
"I resent that! Renji and I are in a functional relationship." Rukia insists, joining the group with Renji trailing behind her, struggling to carry diapers, balloons, and oddly wrapped presents.
Tatsuki smiles. "Rukia, Renji! You guys made it!"
Rukia nods. "It was a pain in the ass getting through the Senkaimon gate without an appointment, but we wouldn't miss this for the world! Plus, we had to bring gifts from practically all of Soul Society for the new babies!"
Rukia plops into a seat beside Tatsuki, Renji following suit after carefully lowering the gifts to the floor.
"So why are we out here in the waiting room?" Renji asks.
Tatsuki frowns. "They said family only. So Isshin, Yuzu, and Karin are in there. Can you believe that? Orihime is basically my sister! Stupid hospital bureaucracy." Tatsuki complains.
"Well, at least Yuzu is in there. She's given birth twice and she's a nurse so she should know how to help." Rukia chimes.
"Honestly, we're probably better off not being in there. Child birth is not pretty. Trust me." Mizuiro shudders as he reflects on watching the births of his two children.
"Remember when we had to watch that birth video in health? It honestly scarred me for life!" Keigo adds.
"And I don't know if I'm the only one, but don't you think newborn babies are kind of hideous? All covered in goo, and squished from squeezing through the birth canal. I'm obviously not going to say anything to my sweet Hime-chan about how grossed out I am by her newborn children, but on the inside I'll be thinking it." Chizuru confessed.
"What a terrible thing to say about my godchildren! Ichigo and Orihime's babies will be beautiful!" Tatsuki insists.
"Wait, did Orihime already promise you Godmother? I really thought Ichigo would pick me and Renji as Godparents." Rukia challenges.
The two brunettes exchange pointed looks. Before it can escalate, Keigo speaks.
"Will Orihime and Ichigo produce attractive children?" Keigo questions, more to himself than anyone around him.
"Huh?" Renji prompts.
"I mean, just because two attractive people reproduce does not necessarily mean their offspring will be attractive." Keigo explains.
"That might be the dumbest thing you've ever said." Ishida comments.
"No, I mean it! Sometimes the hot genes are recessive, and the offspring gets the ugly gene. It happens! I'm no scientist-"
"Clearly." Tatsuki interjects.
Keigo continues as if she hadn't said anything. "But genetics are a funny thing!"
"Hmm…Keigo might be on to something." Mizuiro agrees.
"Don't agree with that idiot!" Rukia complains.
"All I know is that when my ex-wife used to force me to go to baby yoga classes, sometimes the cutest babies had very unattractive parents. But somehow, their gene combo resulted in a cute baby." Mizuiro explains.
"I guess whether or not the twins are attractive will depend on whose genes they get a bigger dose of. Orihime's genes are obviously perfection, but what if they get a big dose of Kurosaki? Can you imagine twin girls with Ichigo's face? Ughh. It makes me shudder." Chizuru insults.
"I have trouble picturing a female Ichigo." Chad comments, trying his best to imagine it.
"Hmm…so do I. If the twins are girls, hopefully they look like Orihime. I just don't think Ichigo's features are that feminine. They would end up looking like drag queens." Renji adds.
"You guys are unbelievable. You're talking about infants!" Tatsuki reminds.
"No one is wishing ugliness on them. But we should prepare for that possibility. I mean, if you go in there expecting supermodels because of their parents' looks, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment." Keigo insists.
"But on the flip side, what if the twins are boys? Can you imagine boys with more of Orihime's features?" Mizuiro questions.
Tatsuki taps her chin as she considers the possibility. "Actually, I think that works. They'd be cute. Maybe a little too cute. I feel like they would get picked on by the other boys."
"Yeah, we'd have to toughen them up because they would definitely be bullied. Can you picture those big doe eyes on a boy? It would be cute as a baby, but what about high school? It would be a disaster." Rukia agrees.
"Isn't there an app that morphs faces into babies?" Chad asks.
"You're right Chad! Just let me download it real quick…" Keigo pauses as his phone loads the new app. "Okay! Now let me upload pictures of Orihime and Ichigo…and…."
Everyone, except Ishida and Tatsuki, crowds around Keigo's phone as the images morph.
"Ughh!" Everyone exclaims when a hideous morph is created.
"That can't be right! It doesn't look like either of them!" Rukia complains. "I guess we'll just have to wait until these babies are born."
For several moments, the group sits and waits in relative silence.
"Here's another scenario though. What if one twin is attractive and one twin is ugly? They could be fraternal. Wouldn't that be terrible?" Chizuru contemplates.
Ishida had been ignoring the others and reading his magazine, but this new scenario interests him. He lowers the magazine on the side table. "That would be pretty terrible. The less attractive twin would have a much harder life. It's scientifically proven that appearance plays a role in getting jobs and raises."
"There would be so much conflict in the Kurosaki household! Do you think that could drive my Hime into my arms?" Chizuru sighs dreamily as she pictures it.
Tatsuki smacks her upside the head. "Don't wish that on them! What's wrong with you? In fact, what's wrong with all of us? This conversation is terrible. Who cares what the twins look like? As long as they're happy and healthy I'm happy."
"You say that now, but if they look like Gollum then-" Whatever Keigo was going to say was interrupted when Ichigo enters the waiting room.
Everyone immediately rushes to him and he is bombarded by questions.
"How's Orihime?"
"What's the gender? Genders?"
"Did you pass out?"
"How are the babies?"
"What are their names?"
"Woah. Umm… Orihime's great. She was a champ. I did not pass out. I think if I can handle constant hollow attacks I can also handle watching my wife give birth to my children. The babies are great! Just getting cleaned up now and then you guys can come in. We have a baby boy and a baby girl! We named them Ryo and Reina." Ichigo answers all the questions he could hear with everyone talking over one another.
Chad wraps Ichigo up in a big bear hug, lifting the smaller man off the floor. "Ouch…" Ichigo wheezes when Chad squeezes too tight.
"Congratulations!" Chad says with a big smile.
Ichigo smiles as he is released from the hug. "Thanks Chad."
"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go see these babies!" Keigo exclaims excitedly.
Ichigo smiles. "Yeah, can't wait for you guys to meet them. They're beautiful. I think they look like Orihime but Orihime says they look like me."
Keigo leans over to whisper in Mizuiro's ear. "Parents can't be objective when it comes to their own children. We'll have to be the judge of whether or not these kids are beautiful."
After a short walk, they're in front of the delivery room. "Let me just make sure Orihime is dressed and ready for you guys." Ichigo mutters before entering the room without his friends.
As soon as he is out of earshot, Keigo turns to the remainder of the group. "Ok guys. Even if the twins are not as good looking as we would have hoped, keep in mind that they just squeezed through Orihime's vagina. They might get more attractive with time."
This time, Rukia is the one to smack him instead of Tatsuki.
Ichigo opens the door. "Come on in guys!" He's still smiling brightly, an expression that is not often seen on his face. He's happier than anyone ever remembers seeing him.
Tatsuki narrowly manages to beat Rukia as the first in the room. Yuzu, Karin, and Isshin all stand off to the side, giving the new arrivals some room. Orihime smiles at her friends, a baby in both arms.
Somehow, minutes after birth, she manages to look stunning, if a little tired. Ichigo sits on the edge of the bed beside her, kissing her forehead tenderly.
"Guys, I would like to introduce you to Ryo and Reina." She tenderly adjusts the babies so her friends can see their faces.
"They're beautiful!" Keigo exclaims loudly, tears welling up in his eyes.
"They look like Gerber babies, right? Oh, I'm so proud to be a grandpa again! And my first grandson! Oh, a happy day indeed!" Isshin exclaims excitedly.
Tatsuki can feel tears welling up in her eyes as well. "Wow. They're really something." She whispers.
Orihime smiles, placing a kiss on her son's forehead, and then one on her daughter's as well. "They are, aren't they?"
"It looks like they got the best features from both of you!" Renji observes.
"They definitely have Orihime's hair." Rukia acknowledges.
"Ichigo's eyes." Chad adds, when both twins open their eyes to look around at all the commotion.
"They'll end up with the Kurosaki chin." Karin insists with a smirk.
Ichigo wraps his arm around Orihime as she cuddles their babies and their friends try to decide who the twins resemble more. Orihime pinches his arm lightly. He casts a questioning look at her.
"Just making sure this is real life. Because it feels like a dream come true." She confesses.
Ichigo smiles, ducking his head slightly to give her a lingering kiss. "By pinching me?" He asks, his lips practically still on her's.
"Well, did you feel it?" She asks.
He smiles, resting his large hand on his daughter's small head.
"Sure did." He answers.
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A/N: The End! Hope you guys enjoyed it! Please review!