in which Jiraiya learns he may have to contemplate OT3s

Flashing his suavest smile, Jiraiya expertly slid his arm around his blonde teammate's shoulder and leaned in to whisper lowly in her ear, "So Tsunade—"

Tsunade and Orochimaru turned to look at him, and—oh god they were doing that absolutely dead stare. Jiraiya tried not to shudder. Why, why was Tsunade arguably the sexiest kunoichi in Konoha when she acted so... creepy?! Jiraiya wondered what he'd done to deserve the unfairness of it all. He made his best effort not to drop his charming expression. (In reality, it cracked utterly, and looked manic.) The minutes ticked by as they stared at him, unmoving and unblinking; both of their faces could have been cast in stone.

Orochimaru finally spoke, smugness animating his features, predatory eyes never leaving Jiraiya's (definitely creeped out) face. "Hime, your regeneration technique?"

Tsunade's head snapped around, hair whipping about in a swirl of white gold. "Hm, yes, we should continue working on it," she said tonelessly, as if Jiraiya hadn't just attempted to ask her out on a date for the umpteenth time. She didn't even appear to care that he'd touched her. "Let's go." The cool, nearly mechanical girl took hold of Orochimaru's hand and tugged him along. Glancing back, Orochimaru's mouth curved into a silky smirk at the mixed confusion, jealousy, and growing anger on Jiraiya's face... and winked at him, exaggerated and undoubtedly sultry.

(No. NO. Orochimaru was not sultry! He was not sexy! That was just WRONG.)

Jiraiya spluttered and turned red, cursing the pale teen when he loosed his hand from Tsuande's to rest upon her shapely hip, murmuring something to her. They looked like a couple, and naturally the Senju heiress had no idea—or chose not to care. Jiraiya chased after them, complaining loudly about her coldness. Ah, one day! She'd give in one day.

But Orochimaru wasn't sexy, hell no—how had his thoughts even gone there?! The white-haired teen let his gaze drop to Tsunade's very fine ass. This was what he liked, seriously, no snake bastard, never. His eyes briefly flitted to Orochimaru's.

Well.

...Then again, that wink was kind of hot. Jiraiya came to the conclusion that puberty well and truly sucked.

A/N: Ehehe, so before anyone freaks out: no, I haven't abandoned my stories. I figured everyone has been waiting for so long, I should give something (anything). Have a drabble I wrote in early 2014. Concerning the drabble itself; you may catch a glimpse of what SI!Tsunade could be like, but I wouldn't consider this super spoiler-y or canon.

Shout-out to akeakeake and Petrichor in May for putting up with my silliness!