Hello everyone!

I'm trying out something a bit different this time, a parody! It's been a while now that I've wanted to do something like this and now I'm finally going for it, *applauds herself*.

I don't mean to offend anyone, and I have to admit that some clichés I've read are true masterpieces.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

(So, I re-published this story because I corrected a mistake I had made regarding the color of Ron's eyes, I'd like to send a big thank you to the readers that pointed it out.)

First year

I, Rose Weasley, was a drop dead gorgeous eleven year old, after all I am the main character and Merlin forbid the protagonist is anything but stunning.

My eyes were as green as the freshly cut grass of spring, even though Ron had blue eyes and Hermione brown. But fuck genetics, this isn't a muggle's story. My hair, as all Weasleys was red and wavy.

I timidly knocked on a compartment door, inside was a girl who was a first grader just like me.

Me and my cousin Albus sat down next to her.

"Hello I'm Rose Weasley," I introduced myself.

"I'm Albus Severus Potter, son of Harry Potter and Ginevra Potter, Grandchild of James and Lily Potter and Molly and Arthur Weasley." Albus said. "But everybody calls me Al." And from this point on he will be only referred to as Al.

"Hi I'm Olivia Night." She said extending her hand. Obviously Olivia was Caucasian; she had beautiful black hair and stunning blue eyes.

"I already know we will be the bestest of friends!" I exclaimed.

As soon as I had finished my sentence a blond boy entered the compartment.

"Oh hi there, my name is Scorpius, would you mind if I sit here everywhere else is full." He said arrogantly smirking.

I clutched my fist at his insults.

"Yeah sure." Olivia said casually. I gasped; I had never felt more betrayed by my best friend I had just met two minutes ago!

"You're reading Hogwarts a History too!" He said pointing at the book in my hands as he took a seat. "It's my absolute favourite! "

I was outraged by his remark! He was obviously calling me a nerd!

"I'm not a bookworm no matter what you think of me!" I yelled.

"But I-" "No! I won't tolerate your discrimination no more! Leave the compartment at once!"

"Well they are all f-"

"LEAVE!" I ordered at my enemy.

Seventh Year

It was my seventh year and as I entered the compartment I smiled proudly at the shinning badge on my chest.

"Hey Rose, how was your summer?" Asked my friend Maria.

"We want to know everything!" Continued Olivia in a non-stalkerish way.

"Oh great," I said smiling at her and showing them my badge, "I'm head girl!"

"Wow Rose that's wonderful news!"

"Do you know who head boy is?" Not a hint of jealousy was in their voices.

That was surprising enough. I was more beautiful than both of them, smarter, a Weasley and now I was head girl. My two friends were destined to live forever in my shadow.

"Nope, but Al does, he doesn't want to tell me," as I mentioned my Slytherin cousin Olivia sighed.

"Oh don't worry Ollie, I'm sure he will ask you out this year," I said, "I am certain he likes you back."

The door opened, it was Al and Malfoy. Speaking of the devil.

"Who likes who? Because if you are talking about Weasley, there is absolutely no way anyone in the right mind would like her." He smirked and high fived Al.

I rolled my eyes at his remark. "Grow up Malfoy." I growled.

As I looked up at him I noticed his badge and gasped.

"No! Not you!"

He smirked.

"Oh come on sweetheart we have to go talk to the perfects."

I yelped in pain.

The meeting was dreadful. All the girls and some boys too shamelessly flirted with Malfoy. After all he was one heck of a handsome teenager. He looked really similar to that muggle actor, Tom Felton. Malfoy was part veela, part vampire and part douche-bag.

As we entered Hogwarts we all took our places, I was next to Lily and we started talking about how we loved our family, Olivia and Maria tried to take part in the conversation but we hissed at them and they left.

As soon as the feast ended me and Malfoy were approached by the headmaster.

"I'm afraid I have some news." He said. "The minister of Magic wants to create a world where you can no longer choose whom to love. Miss Weasley and Mr. Malfoy, you are engaged."

"But this can't be! I'm only seventeen!" I wept.

"Nooo!" Cried Malfoy.

"I'm sorry but the author was running out of ideas to make this story interesting."

In that same moment Hugo passed by, he was looking sad and depressed, but this is a Scorose FanFiction. And nobody gives a fuck about Hugo in Scorose fanfictions.

My friends tried to comfort me as I cried in my bedroom.

"Oh come on Rose, it's not so bad."

"Yeah, you could've ended up with Nott."

I cried even harder.

"On a happier note: Al asked me out!" Olivia exclaimed surprising no one. Siriusly, no one was surprised.

I screamed at them and went to write a letter to Teddy.

Dear Teddy,

Scorpius is head boy and the headmaster told us that we have to get married.

Love, Rose.

P.s. I'm pregnant with Malfoy's baby, our hands touched in the common room.

I spied on Scorpius and noticed that Al was trying to comfort him, problem is he didn't need to be comforted.

"I'm sorry mate."

"Uh I don't really care," Scorpius said shrugging. "I'll continue living my life same as always."

"We'll get through this together!" Al said, with tears falling down his cheeks.

"Al calm down, it's no big deal."Scorpius replied as he put on a shirt, covering his beautifully toned abs, because in this world fat and ugly teenagers don't exist. "I have to go do patrol with Weasley now."

"I'm here for you!" Al shouted after him.

As Scorpius searched for me he encountered John Thomas, my ex boyfriend that is only in this story to make Scorpius look good.

"Hey Scorp." John greeted him.

"You cheater!" Scorpius said and punched John in the face. How heroic of him.

Dear Rose,

Congrats! I always knew that you and Scorpius would end up together (duh it's a Scorose fanfic).

While you were gone Ron turned evil and started cheating on Hermione and abusing her. So she left him and went with Draco Malfoy who had killed his wife just a few days earlier. But Draco left Hermione for an apple. Lucius or as I like to call him Luscious is very proud of his son.

Oh and Harry turned into a girl but Ginny continues to love him/her, as you know that is impossible because in Harry Potter fanfictions lesbians don't exist. But vampires, unicorns, werewolves, trolls, giants, dragons, therastals and dementors do.

Harry is now married to Severus Snape who didn't die in the war.

Percy is still a bitch. James and Fred II are still pranksters. And all the minor Weasleys are fine. Actually I think one of them died, but no one really gives a shit.

I'm marrying Vicotorie, again surprising no one.

Buckbeak is having a great time and that's all that matters.

Buh bye! Love, Teddy.

At least Teddy was still by my side.

It was obvious, that I a white privileged teenage witch was having the worst life possible in the whole wide world.

I cried myself to sleep that night, under my warm blankets, with my belly full of food and a roof over my head.

Epilogue

I ended up enjoying my marriage with Scorpius and fell in love with him and our child. No one could see that coming, after all it is not written in the description.

Olivia and Al got married but soon divorced as Al came out as gay. He now only wears pink, he loves to put on makeup, he is an avid gossiper and he speaks in a high pitch voice. Because that is how homosexuals are.

Maria and- oh shit! Maria is single! But that cannot be! Chaos would happen if there were a strong single female character! Okay, okay, everybody calm down, we can fix this. Maria fell in love with... hum... Ron Weasley? Yup. They had fourteen lovely children.

Draco ended up accidentally killed his lover, the Apple, while having sex so he started flirting with female Harry Potter. Harry got pregnant with Malfoy's baby and divorced Snape. Now Harry and Draco are happily married.

Severus has now become stronger than ever, both emotionally and physically and so he has conquered his biggest fear: Shampoo.

Hugo committed suicide, as if anybody cares.

Ginny who was starting to have a liking in girls, was brain washed by the ministry and now is married to Kreacher.

Hermione became lonely and started filling up her void with cats. She is pleased to inform you that Ruffus and Sniffles are getting married. The ceremony will be tomorrow at the Burrow.

The headmaster continued tricking young teenagers to marry each other, with the lie that the ministry had said so, until he got married himself.

Everything turned out just fine, and everybody was happy. Well except for Hugo. Hugo's dead.

I hope you liked it! Leave a review to tell me what you think, and don't be afraid to criticize: if you point out some of my mistakes I'll try not to repeat them in my future stories. I apologies if my grammar is not excellent.

Thanks for reading!