Title: Sick
Summary: Edward needs to blur his thoughts and reality. Alcohol is his only comfort. Alfons reminds Edward how sick he is.
Rating: Explict
Pairing: Hei/Ed, Elricest
Warnings: Substance abuse, violence, incest, sex mentions.

He should have expected this, but still wasn't ready for it as he entered the apartment. Alfons sighed as he hung his coat up and drifted his eyes to his roommate; whom was currently sobbing into his arms at the table, a bottle of whiskey nearby.

"Liebling… Edward," Alfons whispered as he came up behind Edward, who tried to stifle his sobs and hiccups.

Edward peeked over at Alfons, his face red from the booze and tears. The younger gently pushed messy, golden locks off the others face. Edward sniffed as he reached for the alcohol and took another long swig from it. He coughed as it burned and warmed his chest.

Alfons didn't know what to say as Edward slumped back in the wooden chair. Words most people used to comfort others didn't work on the Edward; he just brushed them off, smiled and nodded, not really hearing them. Alfons pulled up a chair beside the blond and sat down, his hands playing with the others hair.

"You're okay," He kept his voice soft and quite, "Everything's okay Edward,"

Dealing with Edward when he was like this was like walking through a mine field. You have no clue when he'll go off or what will make him go off but Alfons was waiting for it. He'd rather come home after Edward's violent outburst so he could simply clean up broken glass and any cuts Edward gained due to his actions but helping the other avoid the violence was something he needed to do.

His hand moved from golden locks to a tear stained cheek, testing to see if eye contact was a trigger or a comfort. 'Trigger,' Edward jerked his face away as his brows furrowed. Alfons reached for Ed's real hand next and that too was pulled away, 'physical contact is a trigger,' a mental note was made as Alfons tried to touch Ed's hair again and the elder threw his face against the table.

"Edward," Alfons made his voice as quite as he could, keeping distance from the other, "Please talk to me,"

"WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT," Bang, there it was.

Edward stood up from his chair and grabbed the bottle of whiskey. He took another mouthful before pitching it at the closest wall. Alfons pushed his chair back as Edward grabbed the front of his shirt. No words were exchanged as Edward crashed his lips against the others. There was too much teeth and whiskey for Alfons liking.

Edward didn't stop kissing him until he was panting for breath. Alfons was coughing as Edward leant against his chest, he lungs burned as he tried to draw in air. He hated when Ed was rough with him but it was one of the less violent ways he could express his anger. He felt teeth and lips on his neck, having ripped his shirt collar down, a button rolling across the floor.

"Edward, please," Alfons gave the other a weak shove as he felt less light headed.

Edward's sobs were agonising to listen to. There was so much pain, so much frustration, everything Edward couldn't say was coming out with his tears and gasping breath. Alfons wrapped his arms about the other. Edward was shaking as he held onto Alfons' shirt as though his life depended on it.

Then it came. That one name, the person Alfons was always hearing about, being compared to. He didn't even know this other but he had a hatred he couldn't explain. It filled his chest as he tried to block out Edward's voice.

"Alphonse… Alphonse… Alphonse," Edward repeated it like a mantra, calming down till he only gave the smallest of shutters from his pervious sobbing.

Alfons clenched his teeth and he fought to throw the other off him. He was caught off guard as Edward kissed him again. It wasn't as rough but it still tasted of the strong liquor. The taller blond kissed back this time. He forced his anger into the kiss as he moved so both of them were standing. Edward was still saying that name as they kissed.

"Do you think about your brother when you kiss me?" Alfons growled as he pulled Edward's head back.

Edward was silent, his drunken haze being broken. He stared at Alfons with wide, golden eyes as he searched the others face. He didn't know how to answer. He didn't know how he felt. After a moment of his breath being caught in his throat, Edward looked down at his feet. The answer became clear and Alfons let the other go. Edward fell back into his chair, defeated.

"You're disgusting..." Alfons whispered, falling into his own chair.

The hiccupped sobs reached his ears but he refused to look at or comfort the other now. 'He's in love with his younger brother… he's using me as a replacement, it's sick,' Alfons thought as his breath hissed out between clenched teeth.

"S-Sorry," Edward managed through tears, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

"You're so drunk you don't even know who you're apologising to do you?" Alfons managed to regain his soft voice.

Edward simply nodded, now wishing he hadn't thrown his only comforting bottle of alcohol. It felt like hours till Edward had calmed and was nearing sleep. Alfons sat still and silent beside him the whole time. He was reasoning with himself; over Edwards perversions and the reasoning's, over their relationship, they were colleague and roommates but on some nights they were a little more than just friends.

It usually started the same way. They'd settle into bed together after Edwards asks to sleep with Alfons. They'd lay there until Alfons feels a hand moving on his leg, then Edward would roll over on top of him. The kisses were sweet and the touches gentle, so full of love and passion.

They would touch and kiss and taste and caress until Edward was beneath Alfons, his arm draped around his neck. Alfons would enter Edward and the smaller would gasp and pant and beg for more, for it harder, for it faster. And Alfons would happily obey all the begs and orders that spilled from the others lips.

It was bliss and raw pleasure they shared on this nights. And Alfons can clearly remember the name Edward calls when he climaxes, 'Alfons… he says Alfons on those nights,' The German worried his lower lip in thought.

However there are nights not quite like these that involve similar actions. They're normally ones like these. The nights Edward drinks to blur his thoughts and reality. He will do it anyway and anywhere. He'll bend over the kitchen table after rough kisses and biting. He's have Alfons carry him to the bedroom and have his face pressed into the mattress. He likes to be hit, to be bitten, to have it hurt. It's these nights that he rarely calls Alfons name. He'll call out on similar or he'll call a nickname or that one word that makes Alfons stomach churn, 'Brother,'

"You're sick," Alfons muttered.

"I know…" Came a tired reply.