Hello everyone! This is a sort essay about the feeling of a Tera Online character. For sense's sake, this story assumes the character is the only "Hero of the Valkyon Federation" and considers all other PC as "Irregulars", powerful warriors that don't properly belong to the army.

I am "Shield" Hoshi, proud member of the Elin race, unparalleled dreadnaught of the Lancer class, exarch of the Iron Order, hero of the Valkyon Federantion... and a fraud.

Since that fateful day, when embarked in the second expedition to the Island of Dawn, I have stood out from my peers, out-feating all my companions, rising more and more in the ranks of the Federation.

I have crushed the hopes and dreams of many under the pretence of rightfulness. It was me who dealt the decisive strike to the Scions of Lok, crushing a faith I didn't bother to understand. Someone told me they were evil, and pointed the way. I charged and destroyed.

It was me who decimated the vampyr race. Sure, they were cursed and were a danger to their neighbours (conveniently members of the Federation). Still, not a single question left my lips when someone told me "they can't be saved".

Countless species and whole ecosystems were thrown in disarray because of my feats. Wolves stalk your herd? call Hoshi. Hyenas hinder your gathering? call Hoshi. Basilisks are minding their own busyness, but are big and dangerous and scary? call Hoshi. My race is supposed to live in balance with nature, some Elin I am...

When my superior was proven a traitor, not a single felt of betrayal hurt my heart. I just thought "Oh, so that's how it was". And proceeded to give chase and take down.

I have killed gods, just because they weren't my own. Destroyed guardians who stood in my way to do the same thing I was commissioned to do (protect that artifact, intercept that invasion... or whatever, I lost count.)

When I was pointed towards the Argon. I charged again, stopping at nothing. Striking hard and fast inside their own lands. Again, I was told they were evil. Maybe they really were. I'll never know, Shandra Manaya's last breath was to curse me.

And still, I have saved nothing. Everyone I really cared about, I failed to protect.

Isrenia, the cheerful avatar of Isren's staff was most likely the sole remnant of my deceased goddess. Not only did my failures force her to sacrifice to save Sikander, but I managed to trample her efforts, killing it's corrupted form and letting the argon take it's body, and claim it's divine flame for themselves.

Yashring, indefatigable researcher, always with that smug look in her face when she knew something you didn't, and that vivid glint of curiosity when you brought news or knowledge. Half-assimilated into argon, we were too late again.

What's more, during the noctenim disputes I even turned weapons against my Federation brothers. Of course, a background of idealism was always there to justify actions, "the Iron Order wants to be ready for any new threat, we learnt our lesson with the Argons. The noctenium should be used militarily, not as some kind of lab rat or even worse, as trade token". But deep down, I was just releasing my pent-up frustration against Valkyon as a whole.

For some reason I didn't had great expectances about Northern Arun. A whole new land to be-pointed-at-evil-and-charge... yay.

Yet I met Paesyn on the Velyka Outskirts, while getting ready to board the Sky Cruiser Intrepid. Such a nice popori, a bit overreactive, maybe, and definitively a scatterbrain, his many mistakes always managing to end in a hilarious fashion. But when push came to shove, he did his part. It was hard to not like the furry fellow

And also Zolyn, one of this new "Reapers". I'll admit I had my reservations about this "new class" so dark and destruction bound. But my orders meant to put up with her, and so I did.

My new mission in the Vanguard Initiative turned up as way more interesting than anticipated.

On one hand, our bumpy journey was more challenging that what we had bargained for, and I didn't had a moment to get bored. First regrouping after our crash landing (while my stomach still acted funny. How the hell did Fieri become Chef?), then learning about the Khirian and the Archdevan. Unveiling conspiracies and breaking through armies. Reaching Highwatch, learning some more, being betrayed (Again)...

On the other hand, we had the reckless actions of a lovestruck popori trying to melt an ice heart. At first I welcomed the entertainment, one cannot be a relentless war machine 24/7, and his fruitless efforts were worth both sympathy and the occasional chuckle.

With time I learnt to respect Zolyn. Even if we were commonly seen as Irregulars, there were few Elin properly part of the army. And she was not so different from myself. Single-mindedly bound to our respective targets. Our greatest difference was that I devoted myself to protect (All my attacks pre-emptive strikes, all my taunts desperate attempts to redirect animosity towards myself) and she was devoted to avenge (The place and people she once loved, burnt down now).

We were both crazy, and we felt a familiarity and trust forming little by little.

Somewhere along the way (Was it when Paesyn managed to almost get killed for the Nth time, gathering flowers to make a bouquet?), my feelings for the odd couple changed.

After all, I was no longer prejudiced against Zolyn, and the passionate way Paesyn described the Reaper and her actions begun to sink on me. From a sympathy inspiring futureless enterprise their "romance" turned into something I cheered from the sidelines.

The lonely beauty deserved something more than a future of steel and blood , and the warmth of the furry engineer presented a balancing contrast. I suspect I developed a slight crush for both of them.

That's why it was such a blow to see Zolyn abducted before my own eyes (Again, too weak again, some "hero" am I, some "Shield"), that's why it was so hard to calm down Paesyn, as I kept my own anger barely under control as I recklessly advanced toward the enemy fortress.

Renouncing to sleep and rest, I almost single-handedly opened the way to Dakuryon's sanctuary. Apparently karma decided my sacrifices meant nothing, and my efforts were rewarded with a result more bitter than ash.

We... no, I. I was late. Again! Always late, always a failure! Zolyn had been turned into an abomination. She killed Paesyn with her own hands, and I had to kill her with mine. What feels even worse is to know that, at the time of truth, she regained herself and held back her mutated body long enough for me to deal the finishing blow.

Now you know the truth.

I am "Shield" Hoshi.

A failure.

An amalgamation of insipid victories and hurtful defeats. A "cornerstone of the Federation". A sad joke.

But I keep walking forward. Retreating would be an insult to the fallen. Sidestepping a spit in their graves.

Until here, Memento Zolyn, I hope you enjoyed the story. If you felt it's really depressing, then I accomplished my objectives (Mwehehehehehe!). Some other time I'll get more happy, I promise. Just not anytime soon...

Signing off:

-Planeshunter