Perverts

It was a lazy day of relaxing in the grass, which wasn't anything new for Team Asuma, but it was kind of nice, all the same. Shikamaru lay on his back following the clouds with his eyes while Choji sat next to him munching on a packet of chips, sweet chili and sour cream flavour. On the other side of Shikamaru lounged Ino, feeling particularly pleased with herself. According to her bathroom scales that morning, she had finally shed that last little bit of weight, finally achieving her goal. At this moment, she was perfect.

"Hey," she said to no-one in particular, striking what she thought was a particularly flattering pose, her platinum blonde hair cascading silkily down one shoulder, "who do you think has the best body out of all of us girls? I mean, in our village?" Already hedging her bets in case Shikamaru was going to say that Sand girl he totally had the hots for.

Shikamaru sighed laboriously while Choji shoveled in more chips.

"…that's an unfair question." Shikamaru finally deadpanned.

"What? No it's not," Ino countered.

"It is." Shikamaru replied. "You just asked because you want us to say it's you, but then if we don't you'll get all pissy and stuff and I just can't be bothered to put up with that today."

"Ha! You just admitted that it's not me! And see, I'm totally fine… so TELL ME!"

Choji shrank into his packet of spicy BBQ chips while Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

"Alright… but you won't like it." Shikamaru drawled.

"Oh what, so you think it's Sakura? She's always been such a little Skinny Minnie, but you know what I think –"

"It's not Sakura." Shikamaru interrupted. "…if I had to pick, which I probably never would if it weren't for you, I'd have to say… Hinata."

Ino saw Choji meekly nod his agreement behind a quivering packet of salt and vinegar chips.

"What?!" Ino raged, "oh I get it now, is that all you jerks can think about? You know there's more to a woman than just that! I mean I've been to the baths with her, I know what's going on, but really? Really?!"

"…you are such a drag right now." Shikamaru sighed, before he and Choji simultaneously leapt up and ran for their lives in an uncharacteristic burst of speed.

"I mean, can you believe those two?" Ino moaned, still somewhat upset. After all the hard work and dessert-refusing she had put in, didn't she deserve at least a little appreciation? She allowed herself another spoonful of strawberry ice cream to cheer herself up.

"Yeah, I don't know," Tenten said, absently playing with her spoon. "When I asked Neji he was all, 'I refuse to participate in such asinine speculation, nyer nyer nyer,' but then I spoke to Lee…"

A mild blush coloured the apple of Sakura's cheeks as she popped another piece of orange and poppy seed muffin into her mouth. She had a good idea what Lee would have said, alright.

"…he said Hinata as well." Tenten took a despondent glance down at herself before taking a long drag from her iced chocolate through her straw. She focused on scooping up the perfect ratio of chocolate syrup to ice cream on her spoon to avoid having to meet the other girls' eyes. "Something about her twin canons of youth blazing with the full bountiful force of the flames of blah blah blah… I mean I'm his team mate and half the time I still have no idea what he's talking about."

"Oh, but I do!" Ino exclaimed, incensed. "All men are dogs who can only think about one thing!"

"Yeah!" Tenten cheered, because girls rule and boys drool.

"Yeah," Sakura added, to be supportive. On the inside though, she was feeling a bit deflated herself. Is that really what all guys ever thought about, even Rock Lee, who Sakura was so sure still had a crush on her? Well, at least she knew one guy who would still give the answer her ego needed…

Naruto stared back at her quizzically. He felt like this was a trap, but he also felt like he should be able to talk openly with his team mates about things and stuff, but still... "If I tell you Sakura, will you promise not to hit me?"

"What?! That's absurd!" Sakura yelled.

"Sakuraaaaa!" Naruto whined.

"Okay okay, I won't hit you, you big baby! Just tell me."

Naruto looked at her with scepticism furrowing his usually trouble-free brow, before he relaxed back into his natural smile. "Well, if you really want me to be honest..?"

Sakura nodded.

"…Hinata."

Sakura struggled to give Naruto the benefit of the doubt, fists clenching unseen at her sides. "Really, Hinata you say? How come?" She felt very impressed with the light and conversational tone of her voice.

Lulled by her sweet voice, Naruto continued on. "Well, this one time I was out training and Hinata was out training near to where I was out training, and I totally saw her take off her jacket!"

Sakura endeavoured to keep smiling as she cracked her knuckles and prepared to break the promise she'd made just moments ago. It wasn't her nindo, after all.

"And I dunno if you've seen her without her jacket on Sakura, but she must have the biggest pair I have ever seen o- oh hey, look it's Hinata! Hey Hinata, c'mere for a sec!"

Sure enough, said kunoichi was indeed nearby at that moment, a rosy pink blush dusting her fair complexion at the sound of her long-time crush calling her name.

"H-hello Sakura… Naruto." Hinata murmured.

"Hey Hinata!" Naruto replied brightly, flashing his trademark grin. "I was just telling Sakura about that time you took your jacket off when we were out training!"

Hinata's blush brightened and she ducked her head in an embarrassed nod.

"…Naruto…" Sakura growled in warning.

"Yeah," Naruto continued on, oblivious. "So now that you're here, I figured why not just show her, right?"

If possible, it now seemed as if Hinata's face was glowing, it was so red. "Uh… I don't, kn-know…" Hinata stammered back nervously, staring at her shuffling feet.

"Oh come ooooon, Hinata! They're so awesome, if I were you, I'd show them off all the time!"

"Naruto!" Sakara snapped, aghast.

"Hey, you know what? I'll take my jacket off too if you want, then you won't be alone!"

At the opportunity to see more of Naruto, Hinata's head snapped up. "Umm, o-okay," she agreed, immediately brightening.

"On the count of three," Naruto instructed, having already unzipped his jacket and dropping it carelessly into the dirt, revealing his black mesh undershirt. Hinata quickly followed suit, revealing a thin white tshirt that clung to her most generous curves like a second skin. Sakura didn't like where this was going, but the small smile on Hinata's face seemed to indicate that she was comfortable with the situation, if not enjoying herself.

In unison, Naruto and Hinata counted out, "one… two… three!" then raised their arms up, flexing their biceps side by side.

"Aw man, I gotta train more! I swear Hinata, yours look like they might be even bigger than mine!" Naruto complained.

"Whaddya think, Sakura?" he asked, turning his attention to the pinkette, "you just got free double-passes to the gun show, yeah!"

Sakura stared at the two of them dumbfounded, while Hinata giggled modestly behind her hands. "Oh, N-Naruto…" Hinata said with a renewed blush.

"What? So Hinata has the biggest pair… of muscles?" Sakura mused, incredulous. "How on earth..?"

"W-well," Hinata said, thinking the question was directed at her, "Hyuuga are too recognisable to be sent on infiltration missions, especially with myself as a potential heir to the clan, so my training is not limited in that way," she explained with an emphatic nod of the head.

"Oh…" Sakura commented. That way, as in she didn't have to regulate her training to make sure she could physically pass as a civilian woman without raising suspicion. She looked to Naruto, who was smiling daftly and mimicking Hinata's nodding motion. Did he even get it?

"Al-also, because of my particular... uh-umm, endowment, Lady Hokage and my sensei put me on a training program to build strength in my upper body for umm, more… su-support." Hinata's hands crept up under her chin to discreetly shield her chest with her arms and she shot an anxious look at Naruto, who was still nodding like the happiest idiot in the world.

"Oh..!" Sakura exclaimed, her eyes widened with surprise. She had no idea such endowments could be such a burden, she'd just never really thought about it before.

"Y-yes, well, uh… I have to go now, bye!" Hinata blurted out, before sweeping her jacket off the ground and fleeing in the direction of the Hyuuga compound. It seemed she had reached her limit.

"Bye Hinata!" Naruto called out belatedly, waving at her retreating back.

"Naruto, did you even understand what Hinata was talking about?" Sakura scolded.

"Of course I did, Sakura! Hinata is not suited to the boring kind of spy missions where she'd have to pretend to be a weak little civilian girl because her super cool eyes give her away as a Hyuuga!"

Sakura raised an eyebrow. Maybe Naruto was smarter than she gave him credit for, after all.

"Aaand, because of her endowment as the Hyuuga heir, Granny Tsunade and Kurenai Sensei gave her extra training so Hinata can get extra buff and feel more supported and confident about beating up anyone who tries to mess with her and stuff." Naruto finished, looking extremely pleased with himself.

"Huh? I thought she meant the extra training was for her big boobs," Sakura said, confused.

"Her what? Sakura, I can't believe you of all people could be such a pervert!" Naruto exclaimed.

~*~FIN~*~

Teehee, I told you guys it was silly! I really wanted to write a Real story where something actually Happens, but maybe next time... Please review! Pretty please! It will motivate me to write a new fic! :)