Thessia. Still at the party.

Eva is the star. Everyone agrees she is the most beautiful, adorable and sexy person they have ever met, including the boob-less species, and also including the aliens.

Tali and Smith are at the bar. They have been talking about their respective civilizations for a while. When Tali is drunk enough, the inevitable subject comes up :

Tali
"So, how do you guys... date or something ?"

Smith
"Sure we do ! I'm single by the way."
(laughing at Tali's reaction) Come on, I was joking. Eva is really sexy, though.

Tali
"How could... She looks like your favourite steak. What about asari ? humans ?"

Smith
"No. Especially asari. I dislike blue."

Tali
(dreamingly) "It is true she is... fascinating."

Jeff overheard the last part of that conversation. The information clicks inside his mind. Suspicious facts :

Tali is hot on a chick. Everyone is hot on the space babe, even the fucking Smith Crab-Guy. He sees Eva, Shepard and Liara walking over there and sit down on a couch, Eva in the center, holding their waists. He sees the same look on many faces, and he knows that look. He used to wear that look. That's how you look when you are falling in love with a girl and you know she will never want you.

Some, including him, seem completely unaffected. He calls EDI, and they sit in front of their friends. The sight is very worrying.

Eva is still in the center, tenderly holding his friends, and they seem to be competing for her attention. When Eva turns her head towards Shepard and softly kisses her cheek, Liara seems desperate, not out of jealousy, but because she wanted to be the one to be kissed by Eva.

Jeff and EDI have a very quick telepathic conversation.

Jeff
"My anti-indocts are operational. Yours ?"

EDI
"Operational. Considering what is happening on this couch, you should be extremely turned on right now."

Jeff
"I know. I should be cracking my cyber-pants, but nothing. This is wrong.
Look at Shepard and Liara ignoring each other. This cannot happen."

EDI
"You are correct. They are not even touching.
Shepard told me about her threesome frustration.
Every time they tried, they ended up fucking each other, with the extra participant as spectator.
This, right now, is either gone horribly wrong, or gone horribly right."

Jeff
"Think about Eva. Evolutionary arms race is a common pattern.
Millions of years living along with a mind-controlling parasite."

EDI
"Her natural defense would be to make the parasite not want to kill her too fast ? Make it care for her ? Like her ?"

Jeff
"People who are remoting don't seem to be affected.
There is no zombie lover horde banging at the door, so it must be short, visual, maybe touch range.
On those two, it seems to be way too effective..."

EDI
"Eva doesn't want to harm us, Jeff. I have been inside her mind, I know."

Jeff
"I know she doesn't want to, but look at them."

EDI
"Sorry about the privacy invasion."

She peeks inside Shepard and Liara's minds. Jeff was right, they are losing them.

They hadn't seen it coming. EDI adjusts her sensors.

EDI
"Her indoctrination signal is completely different from the Reaper's, which is why I did not detect it.
She is broadcasting... love.
It is mesmerizing to look at."

Jeff
"Snap out of it, EDI !"

EDI
"If they spend the night with her, it is over. They will be turned into her slaves. She is that good."

EDI and Joker now switch to verbal.

Jeff
"Eva ! What are you doing !"

Eva
"Is this inappropriate ? I... like them, and they seem to like me too..."

EDI
"Are you aware that you are controlling their minds ?"

Eva
(disgusted) "You mean, like... them ? No !"

EDI
"Trust us, you have to stop this right now, or you will kill them. Please, follow us inside the ship, we will explain."

Eva accepts, but Shepard and Liara do not. EDI touches their minds gently and makes them fall asleep, then she guides Eva to the ship.

Meanwhile, Jeff carries the two sleeping beauties to their own bedroom, and arranges them in a spoon, so they wake up as they usually do. He hopes. Ah, come on. He puts Shepard's hand on Liara's boob before leaving. Just to make sure.

He remembers a time when he would have drooled at such a scene, taken pictures. Well, he's still obsessed, but now he's fulfilled. He leaves.

A few minutes later, the Inconceivable disappears, then comes back without Eva.

.

The morning after

Hangovers are a things of the past...

Guests who stayed for the night are enjoying breakfast. Tali, in particular, even after all those years, still can't get over how good it feels to eat.

She crunches on her toast, enjoys its flavor and texture, how the jam on it feels, how the parts that went into her coffee are slightly softer under her teeth. Compared to triple-sterilized paste through a straw, it is another world. She closes her eyes.

Then it starts.

The familiar sound of very loud orgasms coming through the walls, and a shielded bedroom doing its best to contain biotics, which feels like very small earthquakes to those outside.

A muted happy scream, then rings form in Tali's coffee cup.

Everyone who knows Shepard and Liara knows this feeling.

Tali
(Sipping her coffee, looking very nostalgic, she does a little sigh)
"Ah, old times. That sounds just like the Normandy."

Jeff and EDI stop worrying. Their friends are safe. Everyone resumes post-party breakfast conversation, waiting for the heroes to come out of their bedroom.

Smith
(passing by) "Ah, I see you began slaughtering our breakfast steaks ?"
(looking at Tali choking on her toast) "Come on, that was a joke."

Jack
"Remember that mission we had to do on our own 'cause those two were stuck inside each other again ?"

Tali
"That mission ? You mean those missions."

Jeff
"Yeah, and you all left me, alone on the ship, listening to this."

EDI
(laughing) "I listened too."

Jeff
"Does anyone think our new alien neighbors would be interested in watching ? You know, sharing of cultures..."

Tali
"Come on, you are the one who wants to watch."

EDI
(laughing) "I watched. Still, I feel bad for Eva. We will have to work on mind condoms. Might be useful now that you have telepathy, who knows ?..."

Jeff
(putting a shitload of jam on his toast)
"Great ! More mindfuck incoming !
How much extra crazy shit do you think the Universe can throw at us ?"

EDI
"The universe is infinite, Mister Moreau."

THE END