Chapter Seven: Buried Beneath

Tim woke before Gibbs. He'd planned to go to the gym but decided that wasn't in the best interest of building on the emotional happenings of the week. It was Friday, and Jackson was arriving for his visit a week from Saturday. They needed to get the air cleared between them as completely as possible, and address the concerns of the team as well. It was a time to rebuild on a stronger foundation of openness and truth.

He stroked a finger down the side of Gibbs' face. "Jethro," he said softly, and kissed him as he woke.

Gibbs ached all over. Stress, hypothermia, and great sex had taken their toll. "Hey."

"That lead Tony and I followed to that house yesterday didn't go anywhere. It's Friday. What do you think of giving the team the day off? We're still on call this weekend, but we all need some time to get everything going in a new direction, I think," Tim said calmly. Gibbs frowned and tensed. They did not talk about work at home. But the night before had changed things. New leaf.

"I better call them myself or Tony's gonna think you snapped and bumped me off."

"I think we'd better both say something to him."

"I'll call Vance first."

The Director was surprised but guardedly pleased when Gibbs informed him of their plans. He hadn't been unaware of the tension on Gibbs' team and he was hopeful they'd work things out so he didn't have to intervene and possibly break up the team with the highest solve rate in the agency. Their effectiveness had never faltered through the emotional tensions, but he couldn't stand to see his people so miserable.

They called on speaker and woke Tony, who croaked understanding, managing to sound shocked at getting an unexpected day off from his slave-driver of a boss even through his bruised throat.

"I think we'll want to have the team over sometime this weekend, too. We all need to talk about the changes that need to be made," Tim said. Tony grunted, and they hung up. Gibbs texted Ziva, and Tim texted Abby to let her know they were going to be implementing changes and that he was hopeful.

Gibbs started to get out of bed, but Tim pulled him back down.

"We can go back to sleep, hon. You look like you're still tired. I'm sure that was exhausting last night."

Gibbs relented and dropped back onto his pillow. "Couple more hours should do."

Tim smiled and closed his eyes. He'd talked about work and nothing had exploded. It was an excellent first step.

~~~NCIS~~~

At first it felt like a weekend day. Gibbs woke, watched Tim sleeping for a few minutes, his face young and angelic, even with his cheek smooshed by his own fist, then went downstairs to start the coffee. Once he had a cup in hand and he went to look outside, it started to bubble to the surface that he'd actually taken a day off. Tim had convinced him to let everyone on his team take a day without having worked sixty or seventy hours already. He must have been pretty damned out of it to agree to that. His conscious mind stubbornly held at bay the memory of the painful depths he'd plumbed in his own damaged psyche. But he'd never been one for avoiding.

It was his turn to try to wrap his brain around an improbable if-then statement. If Tim was willing to stick around through Gibbs treating him in ways that made him feel worse than his father had made him feel, willing to confront Gibbs about it and then take care of him when he'd been ready to die from the guilt, then Tim loved him with all the depth and breadth of his lion heart and Gibbs needed to take him at his word that he wanted no one but him. He needed to stop fatalistically planning for an end between them and start building on the platform of trust and a permanent relationship. It wasn't up to him to dictate that Tim deserved better. If Gibbs was what Tim wanted, he'd better step up and be worthy of that love and faith.

He heard water running upstairs. Tim was up. And he needed words from Gibbs about all of this. Thank goodness the last year had gotten him used to thinking about all this messy emotional crap and talking with his lover.

By the time Tim came down, Gibbs had toast and eggs waiting for him to go with his coffee.

Giving Gibbs a bright smile, Tim accepted the food after giving his lover a kiss on the cheek. They sat and ate, and worked their way through the whole pot of coffee before they said anything.

"How are you feeling this morning, sweetheart?" Tim asked, putting his hand on top of Gibbs' and rubbing his knuckles with his thumb.

Gibbs took a sharp breath to answer in a dismissive monosyllable, but paused and answered honestly instead. "I'm a little achy. Wondering how you talked me into a day off."

Tim chuckled. "I think you should take a hot shower, or better yet, a bath. Hypothermia is a strain to your whole system."

Gibbs' nose wrinkled at the thought of a bath, and Tim slid his bare foot across under the table and caressed his leg with it. "I could join you." That brought a smile.

"Figured you'd wanna talk first."

"We have some stuff to talk about, yes, but I do want you to take care of yourself."

Gibbs looked at Tim and just let everything wash over him. This beautiful, kind, amazing person had chosen him, terse old bastard. He'd put up with cruelty in order to try to make this relationship work. That needed to be addressed.

"I hurt you. Physically, in the basement that night, and mentally at work. Tim, I am sorry. I don't deserve it, but I want to ask for your forgiveness."

Tim's breath caught. He slowly completed a full inhale and a slow exhale before answering. "Thank you. I'm certain I will get to a point of total forgiveness, but I'm not there yet. I think addressing it openly will help, and I appreciate how difficult that was for you to say." He paused. "In the basement that night, I was hurt less physically than I was emotionally. Can you... Can you tell me what you were thinking? Why you p-punished me like that?"

Gibbs' heart broke. He thought he had addressed it sufficiently by taking the blame for what had happened, but if Tim was still convinced he'd been punishing him, then there remained a huge misunderstanding between them. No wonder Tim had freaked out in the lab. "Tim, it was never about punishment. I... I felt threatened, and I lashed out in the wrong direction, in the wrong way. I felt old and...unworthy of you, and I reacted like a caveman. I had to prove to myself that you were still mine, at least for that night. It was a horrible thing to do. It's unforgivable, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."

Tears filled Tim's eyes. "So you weren't punishing me? I didn't do anything wrong that night? I... I thought that you blamed me, for ruining our evening, for that guy hitting on me. But it was because you felt insecure? God, that's so... I never even considered that."

Gibbs clenched his jaw. He did not want to dwell on this! But he had to be sure Tim understood. "I told you it was all on me. I screwed up. You didn't do anything wrong, Tim."

Tears overflowed and Tim wept. Some walled-off pocket of self-recrimination was evaporating, and while it hurt to know Gibbs had been in such pain that night, it was healing for Tim to finally understand what was behind the brutal coupling that had haunted him.

Gibbs came around the table and pulled Tim to his feet and held him. When the shudders began to lessen, Gibbs turned his head and repeated, "I'm sorry," which brought fresh sobs, though Tim clung to him, so he figured he was on the right track.

Tim found the crying cathartic, and by the time he calmed, he felt lighter. He sniffed hard, and gave Gibbs a watery smile before he went to get tissues. He blew his nose and wiped his eyes and returned to his lover.

Gibbs cleared the table, putting the dishes in the sink, and was starting a fire when Tim came back from the bathroom. Once it was crackling merrily, they sat on the couch together.

"So..." Tim began. He was sure this discussion needed to happen but was filled with dread about it. He forged on anyway. "At work."

Gibbs tensed. "Yeah."

"I guess I let this go on too long. I know you've been trying to find your way to keeping the team safe and together, but I left you alone in that when I should have stepped in to guide you," Tim said. Gibbs turned his head and stared at him in perplexity.

"Huh? What could you have done?"

"Oh, sweetie, I could have told you it wasn't working at the very least! Tony and Ziva didn't feel safer with you treating me like crap, they felt off-balance and unsure what to do. You're not the most sensitive to the emotional reactions of the team when you're wrapped up in your own thoughts, so I could have said something. I'm sorry I didn't."

"None of this is your fault!"

"Oh, no. You don't get to take the blame for everything, Gibbs. We're all at fault, here. We did the best we could, but we all made the choices that led us to where we are and it's time for all of us to choose differently."

Gibbs fumed. He'd fucked up, and Tim wanted him to shift the blame onto everyone else? That wasn't right! It was his responsibility, his transgressions he had to make right. He had-

A light slap to the back of his head startled Gibbs and his jaw dropped.

"I resolve to do that whenever you need it. Stop wallowing in your own guilt and let's work out a plan to change things," Tim said, shaking his finger at Gibbs in imitation of the way Gibbs so often did to one of them after a head slap. His heart was pounding at his audacity, but he was ninety percent certain it would get him the result he wanted.

Gibbs ground his teeth for a moment. "Not in front of people," he growled. Tim's eyes narrowed.

"If you need it, I will do it whenever, wherever, and in front of whomever," he replied grimly. Then he sighed and relented. "But I will be sensitive to your position. You're our leader, and I won't compromise your authority." He had to concede to that at least.

Glaring, Gibbs finally nodded. "Fine."

Tim blew out a shaky breath and smiled. It was difficult to stand up to Gibbs, but he was determined to do whatever it took to get things going in the right direction.

"The others need to know that it's okay for them to tell you when you're being unreasonable."

Gibbs scowled, and Tim nearly rolled his eyes. But unreasonable was part of Gibbs' motivational toolbox, so he elaborated.

"When you're being more unreasonable than is warranted," Tim clarified. "You make unreasonable demands of us all the time to push us, to get the cases solved, and we all know and understand that. I don't think that anyone is going to take advantage of the opportunity to slack. That's not who we are. We just need a slightly different dynamic now."

Gibbs grudgingly nodded. His expression was still sour, and Tim drew him close and kissed his cheek. "It won't be that bad, Gibbs. We all know and love you just as you are. You're our bastard of a boss, and we're still here because we choose to be. Don't worry."

Gibbs grumbled, but settled into Tim's arms. If he got to keep this, being here with Tim sharing his home and life, as well as the job he loved, it would be worth it.

As the fire burned down, Tim thought about what he needed to be able to move on from the destructive way they'd been living. An idea occurred that he knew would lay to rest the encounter in the basement, but he wasn't sure he could face it just yet. His stomach clenched at the thought of asking Gibbs to make love to him down there. He'd save that for when he felt like he could handle it.

They cleaned up the breakfast dishes, and Gibbs compromised by taking a long shower. It helped the aching in his body, but something inside him still felt bruised and tender.

But Tim was a care-taker at heart, and he knew his lover. Gibbs was at his limit for talking and sitting around doing nothing.

"Can I help with the bookcase, hon?" Tim asked when Gibbs came downstairs clean and freshly shaven.

"You're allergic to sawdust."

"I took an allergy pill."

Gibbs nodded and headed for the basement. Tim stopped him on the landing at the top of the stairs when he found himself starting to tremble.

"I haven't been down there since I got drunk while you were gone," Tim confessed. Gibbs frowned, feeling guilty again. "I'm not telling you to make you feel bad. I'm just... A little hesitant."

Gibbs nodded and took his hand. He squeezed it, then inclined his head down, raising an eyebrow. Tim had to smile at the totally Gibbsian non-verbal communication. He took a breath, then nodded, and Gibbs slowly led him downstairs and over to the workbench. He turned back to Tim.

"I love you. That won't happen again."

Tim smiled and it was only slightly hesitant. "I know. Neither one of us will let it."

Gibbs nodded silently, then handed him sandpaper and showed him how to find rough spots and work them smooth.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs was incredibly sexy when he was utterly content working with wood. Tim kept pausing to watch his lover, seeing the years drop away, the worries and concerns that usually tightened the skin around his mouth and eyes easing as he planed and sanded and formed. Tim was enraptured. He found himself surprisingly ready to enact his plan to free himself from the hurt of being roughly fucked by getting Gibbs to make love to him instead. The switch from worried about how it might be to be down here and have something sex related happen to melting inside and needing the physical reassurance that everything was okay between them seemed abrupt, but he supposed that his trust in Gibbs was such that since he'd apologized (!), and Gibbs had reassured him that he never wanted to hurt Tim again, Tim's fear was simply gone. Maybe swamped and drowned in part by desire, but all his thinking and considering regarding this had been done previously. What he needed now was to act on it.

Gibbs' concentration was so great the he didn't notice that Tim was planning something until he appeared like a vision, nude, moving close to him and kissing him while cupping his face. Gibbs blinked as they drew apart. "Y'know, I didn't expect you to get turned on by sanding," he said with a playful twist to his lips. Tim's expression was completely serious, though.

"One of the perfect memories in my life is that first weekend with you. Everything was new and I was actually living out fantasies I had suppressed for years. You made love to me down here, and it was incredible. That other experience at the workbench has tainted my thinking of being down here. Seeing you at peace, working on another gift for me... Well, not only are you sexy as hell," he finally smiled a little, "but it gives me the opportunity to ask you to make a new memory for us, to wash away my misunderstanding and fear about being down here with you. Will you make love to me? Here, with me bent over your workbench, showing me all the love and caring that you have for me?"

Gibbs didn't answer with words, he just pulled Tim close and kissed him long and lovingly. Then he placed Tim's hands on the hem of his t-shirt, encouraging him to pull it off of him, which he did. Then Gibbs kicked his shoes off and dropped his pants, pushing them aside with his foot before drawing Tim back into a warm embrace. His arms enveloped his pale-skinned lover and registered for the first time that Tim was getting rail thin. He resolved to make sure he ate more as he ran his hands down to palm Tim's ass and spread him a little, trailing his fingers into the warm valley at his center.

Tim shuddered. Gibbs was intense when he got like this, and Tim knew he was the only thing the older man was aware of. The single-minded focus comforted him.

"Oh!" Tim gasped when Gibbs' fingertips found his entrance and opened him slightly, one digit from each hand working gently in and flexing the ring of muscle and giving himself access to the hot core of Tim. Without lube, Gibbs was just playing with the rim, not attempting any substantial penetration, but all the nerves were sending anticipatory shocks of pleasure to Tim's brain and he twitched and started rubbing his groin against Gibbs'.

Kissing along Tim's jaw, feeling the stubble, Gibbs smiled to himself and ran his tongue down the long neck and back up to his ear. "I love you, Tim. Gonna take you slow, right here. Slide into you and listen to those beautiful sounds you make... Touch your soft skin, fill you up... Show you how it should always be, babe," he whispered.

Tim's head lolled to the side, giving over to Gibbs. "Oh... Oh, yes..."

Gibbs worked his neck and rearranged them so their erections were pointed up, trapped between their bellies.

They stood and kissed and rubbed against each other for an age before Gibbs tenderly turned Tim around and put his hands on the edge of the bench. He stayed close, keeping contact with Tim's body as much as possible while he grabbed the lube he'd put down among his tools after that awful night. Running his left hand up and down the acres of skin of Tim's back and side with his left hand, Gibbs gently probed him with the lubricated fingers of his right. He lovingly fingered the hot canal, and Tim shivered and shook, moaning.

"Oh, yes, Gibbs, please... I need you, oh god! I need you to fill me and hold me and love me... Ooohhh..."

Gibbs closed his eyes at the soft words and took a long pause. "Beautiful, Tim. It's so beautiful to hear you..." He murmured in return. He shifted over and lined up, carefully pushing inside, incrementally, reveling in the sensations and Tim's response.

It was the most ideal, intimate possible feeling as his lover gently impaled him, and Tim whimpered and choked on tears. "Oh, Jethro! L-love... Yeeesss... Oh! Baby, love you... Unh... So -good- yes... Oh, Gibbs..."

When Gibbs was fully encapsulated, he leaned over and pressed against Tim, trying for as much skin contact as possible from his thighs up to where he rested his cheek on Tim's shoulderblade.

"I love you, Tim. Love you so much..."

They stood that way, gasping, until the waiting was intolerable. Tim clenched on the hardness inside him and Gibbs groaned but took the hint. He started slowly, rolling his hips and spending long moments deep inside between thrusts.

It was too much, yet not enough. Tim had tears streaking his face, and he moved so he could rest his forehead on his arms and push back into the maddening pleasure of the slowest fuck imaginable. He arched his back and felt Gibbs pressing on his prostate more and he panted, his body jerking. "Gibbs... Gibbs..."

Gibbs understood. He sped up, angling to stimulate that sweet spot in Tim more, and was rewarded with cries of satisfaction. He could tell Tim was getting close to climaxing, and he moved with deliberate intent. He wanted Tim to come while feeling and hearing how much Gibbs loved and adored him.

"Tim, yes! Oh, baby, you're everything... You're everything to me, sweetheart. Love you, so much... Want you to come for me, Tim. Come with me loving you, with me giving you everything I have and everything I am... Oh, Tim, yeah, that's it, feel me, babe, feel me loving you. Yes! Oh, Tim, yes! God! Yes, so perfect! Love, love, love!"

Tim's world was Gibbs. The words of love and tenderness soothed his soul even as his balls tightened up and he cried out with each push, getting closer, reaching for it, concentrating on how loved he felt, how cherished and important to his lover.

"Gibbs!" Tim wailed, his body clenching tight, rippling along Gibbs' cock. The older man groaned and helped him ride it out, pulling Tim upright and holding him close as he cried in the intimate moment of release.

When Tim's orgasm faded to shudders, he put his hands on top of the powerful arms supporting him. He could still feel Gibbs inside him, hard, and he turned his head and craned his neck to look him in the eyes questioningly.

"I want to finish in our bed, love. That okay?" Gibbs said softly. Tim smiled and nodded. He shivered as Gibbs withdrew from his body, but they stayed close to each other as they went up to their bedroom.

Gibbs laid Tim in the middle of the mattress and lay down half on top of him. Kissing him languorously, he enjoyed how Tim's body rose to press closer to him, arching sensuously.

With Tim laying beneath him, Gibbs could see and touch and taste every inch of his neck and chest. Tim's skin always had a very particular taste, and Gibbs loved the familiarity of it. Possessiveness roared up in him, and he stopped what he was doing to fight it.

Tim, floating in the sea of endorphins, took a moment to register that Gibbs was frozen above him. He blinked and focused his eyes on his lover and quickly brought his hands up to touch Gibbs' face.

"Love, come back to me. Jethro," he said, just barely speaking his name.

Gibbs opened his eyes and met Tim's gaze. He pressed his lips together. Tim tilted his head, still questioning, and he nodded shortly.

"I'm the only one who gets to taste you, who gets to hear you and see you in ecstasy and to come inside you. That sense of you being mine is really strong. But it makes you uncomfortable, and-"

"Gibbs, hon, there's a difference between feeling like a thing you own and feeling appreciated by you. Right now, you're not trying to show me or anyone else that you're my owner or something. You're loving me. You're appreciating that I give you every bit of myself. That's different."

Gibbs slowly let that sink in and he nodded. "You're mine because you choose to give yourself to me. I'm yours for the same reason. Damn, babe, you are so smart. How'd I luck out and get such a beautiful, intelligent person to love me?"

"You're smart and handsome and loyal and good. You deserve to be loved, Gibbs. You deserve every happiness."

Gibbs' expression clouded and he shook his head a little. Tim could tell it was an unconscious gesture. He stroked his fingers from Gibbs' temples to his chin, knowing that all the other people who knew him thought he was confident to the point of arrogance. Tim knew better, knew that Gibbs felt unworthy of love from past transgressions and so he pushed himself beyond reason to try to balance some cosmic debt he owed. "I will try to make you happy, sweetheart. I'll do anything I can to help you see and know that you deserve it."

Gibbs eyes took on more of a pained look, but he didn't speak any denial. He kissed Tim again, and reached out to the nightstand. He maintained the lip lock as he added what was needed, then broke it gently as he shifted down and held Tim's thighs up as he pressed into him. They both closed their eyes as they joined, the sensation washing over them.

Their bodies rolled gently together like a boat at sea, rocking with the swells of pure, sensual feelings. Tim looked up at Gibbs and wept silently at the expression he saw. Concentration, and that look that could have been pain in another context, along with some kind of sadness in which Tim read that dark loneliness he knew shrouded the deepest part of Gibbs' heart. He wanted to wash it away, wanted his love to believe when he told him he loved and wanted only him, and that he deserved happiness and joy and light, but he helplessly worried he didn't know how.

"Jethro," he whispered. Gibbs' stunning eyes opened and they reflexively smiled at each other. Tim reached up to cup his cheek. "You give me so much. And you deserve more than I can give. God!" Gibbs gave a particularly good thrust. "Please let me love you... Let me show you... I need you to believe me. You're good and selfless and you deserve -ah!"

"Love you, too, Tim. Now shut the fuck up," Gibbs said, angling again and again for that spot that made Tim's eyes roll back and his mind turn to pudding. In moments he could feel and see the changes in Tim that he was getting close. He dropped onto one elbow and snaked his hand between them to stroke him, knowing exactly how to thumb his glans on the upstroke and the right pace to get him off.

"Aaaahhh! Gibbs... Gibbs..." Tim cried out and then whimpered as his lover expertly milked him of every iota of his orgasm.

When Tim started thinking again, he realized what Gibbs had done and narrowed his eyes. The cheeky grin he got in return only egged him on, and he flipped them, giving a triumphant smile that he'd done it without disengaging. He started slowly rotating his hips and clenching, sliding up and down and just using his body to send Gibbs into raptures. Gibbs grunted and tossed his head at the amazing sensations Tim was creating with his body. Then Tim paused. Gibbs' eyes fluttered open.

"You deserve this, love. I'm never going to stop working to convince you that you deserve love and happiness and joy," Tim said, looking down into the depths of Gibbs' eyes. The silver head tilted, but he didn't voice any protest, so Tim smiled and went back to riding him.

Tim rotated his hips again and again until Gibbs was panting, then he shifted to a swift up and down for almost a minute, then back to the gyrations. After several cycles of that, Gibbs was moaning and his mouth was open as he gulped in air. Tim reveled in the power of bringing his strong, masculine lover to a state of mindless ecstasy. He wasn't feeling any stirring of his own erection, so he took the unusual opportunity to concentrate fully on Gibbs.

"Tim! Ah! Ooohh, fuck... Tim... Unnngh, yes, oh god, Tim..." Gibbs was making sounds Tim had never heard him make before and he found himself tearing up.

The next time Tim tried to stop sliding up and down and return to his circular movement, Gibbs clutched his thighs and started bucking. Tim immediately switched back and let Gibbs set the pace, a frantic thrusting until the older man's fingers dug into Tim's flesh and he gave an inhuman, gargled shout. Tim felt him throbbing in strong pulses inside him and he sobbed at the beautiful sensation of Gibbs filling his body. He squeezed a few times until Gibbs groaned at the continued stimulation, then he dropped forward and nuzzled his face into Gibbs' sweaty neck.

"Oh, babe, you are so wonderful. You deserve this. You deserve love and pleasure... You deserve to have your brains fucked out. You are such a great-"

"Tim. Stop. Just...stop, okay?"

Tim leaned back so he could look at him.

"I've got...crap...that you can't just make all better with words and earth-shattering sex," Gibbs said softly. Tim nodded.

"I'm never going to stop trying, though."

"You better not!" Gibbs smiled a crooked half-smile and swatted his ass playfully, then Tim slid off of him and settled beside him, wrapping his arms around him.

Holding Gibbs brought a protectiveness out in Tim. And as he considered the exchange they'd just had, he realized several things. Gibbs had admitted that he had demons. He'd insinuated that though words and sex weren't enough to exorcise them, that maybe it was possible to do so some other way. Tim had a real hope that they were going to be okay, that they were on the upswing. And he realized that finally he felt strong enough and confident enough that he believed he could handle it all. He pulled Gibbs tighter against him and smiled.

They stayed quietly in their cocoon of togetherness for a few more minutes, then got up and showered and dressed.

~~~NCIS~~~

Tim planned the meal for everyone, a traditional roast with baked potatoes and his mother's green bean casserole. He and Gibbs went to the grocery store and also bought several bottles of wine, a six pack of Tony's favorite beer, and the best bottle of Scotch the store had, a dusty fifteen year old Laphroaig, to hopefully ease the tensions which would likely be high. Walking through the store together, Tim had to smile at the memory of a trip like it during their first weekend together.

"You know I almost hauled you into the bathroom at the store that first time we went shopping together and made you take me," Tim told him, murmuring in his ear. Gibbs chuckled.

"Hell, Tim, I'd have bent you over the shopping cart in the produce section that day if you'd asked. I was flying so high at finally getting to touch you and spend time with you..."

Tim bit his lip at Gibbs' words and put his hand on top of his lover's on the cart handle. "Why did we wait so long? We could have had-"

"Uh-uh. No second guessing. We just gotta use the time we have now."

Nodding with a sigh, Tim chose a couple of pies, one blueberry, which earned a smile from Gibbs, and one a chocolate cream pumpkin spice with cinnamon sprinkles, at which Gibbs wrinkled his nose. He got an apple pie, too, in case he was wrong thinking that Tony and Abby would like the seasonal confection, and then led the way back to the freezer section for ice cream. That earned a grunt and an approving nod and Tim just shook his head.

"Do you want to ask Fornell to join us?" Tim asked as they drove home.

"Why should I?" Gibbs asked. Tim nearly rolled his eyes.

"He knows we've had problems, and he's your friend and he cares about you. I don't think this is just a team meeting, I think it's a time to clear the air and answer the hard questions so we can all start out on level ground. I'd even be okay if you want Vance to come."

"No, this is... It's private. Family. Tobias is okay, and I'll tell Vance whatever changes we come up with, but I don't think he needs to be in on this part."

"Whatever you want. If it goes well, maybe we can try to have friends over for dinner more often."

Gibbs nodded thoughtfully. "That'd be nice, hon."

"We might need a new dining room set if we're gonna host meals regularly. And the walls downstairs could really use a scrub...or paint," Tim said. Gibbs laughed.

"Sounds like an excuse for more shopping," he said, and took Tim's hand. "But that's fine. Decorate to your heart's content. I love your taste in colors and I will paint or build you anything you want."

Tim just grinned.

~~~NCIS~~~

Everyone they'd invited was eager to come, and they all brought something, even though the only person Tim asked in advance to get anything was Ziva, who brought rolls. More bottles of alcohol were added to the liquor selection, and Tim called and asked Tony stop for ice so they could chill all the beer. The SFA was tense and glaring when he arrived and he looked closely at Tim, obviously checking for signs of abuse.

Tim remained calm and went back to the kitchen to check the temperature of the roast. He was nervous, but kept reiterating to himself that these people all loved both of them and were there to support them.

At Tim's encouragement, Gibbs went out to talk to the group while he finished up in the kitchen.

"You all know it's been tough adjusting. I have been an insufferable bastard. This get together is to tell you all that I'm turning over a new leaf. At work, I'm still team lead. I'm still gonna drive you all and make you crazy. But when it goes too far... I'm asking you to stop me. We'll have to work out whatever way or signal that works for each of you, but I need this. Tim needs this. You in?"

"It's about damned time," Fornell said. "I'm in, and not just at work. With bells on."

Jimmy nodded, his eyes wide, and Gibbs doubted their meek, youngest member would ever actually do anything, but maybe he was wrong. Abby started jabbering about code words and visual cues, but it was Ziva's solemn look that caught his attention.

"I will do this, Gibbs. You are both important to me, and I am glad you are trying to be open to changing how things are between you at work."

"Thanks, Ziver."

"Jethro, this is admirable. And contrary to the colloquialism, old dogs can learn new tricks."

Tony couldn't hold back anymore. "Are we just gonna ignore the last two months?" His voice was hoarse from the damage to his throat but if it hurt to talk he didn't let it stop him. "Just give you a pass for all the times you hurt Tim, for doing what you did in the basement of this house?"

"Tony! I told you that in confidence!" Abby cried.

"Is this when you got rough with him?" Fornell asked mildly.

"Rough? He choked him!" Tony shouted.

"-Jethro! How could you-"

"-didn't tell me that-"

"-into tiny pieces so that they will never find the body-"

"That is totally unacceptable!" Jimmy's shout stopped everyone else cold and they turned to stare at him. Tim came from the kitchen and hurried to the young man. He'd been shocked by the rapid escalation of anger in the group and had hesitated under the archway, staring.

"Jimmy-"

"No! No, Tim. You have to get out. You can't stay here. If he's abusing you, you are leaving, right now. You can live with me and Breena. Agent Fornell, you should arrest Agent Gibbs right now! He's a Federal Agent, so you're within your jurisdiction. If Tim won't file a complaint, I will, on his behalf. Tim, come on-" Jimmy grabbed Tim's arm and pulled him away from Gibbs, putting himself between them and glaring at Gibbs with a ferocity that stunned everyone.

"Jimmy, stop!" Tim yelled. Palmer's face was white, his eyes wild, and Tim knew immediately that there was more to this than what there appeared. He tugged Jimmy's arm to redirect him, murmuring about going upstairs to the guest room.

"No! No hiding. This has to be out in the open, Tim. You can't hide, or it'll just get worse!"

Tim wrapped his arms around Jimmy, who was shaking, and it was obvious to everyone that the young man must have had very personal experience that had set him off.

"Jimmy, I promise that Gibbs isn't abusing me. We had a misunderstanding and now Tony's misunderstood, too. We'll explain everything. Just calm down. I'm okay. We're all okay. We're here to support each other. You'll see. Just breathe, Jimmy. And trust me, trust all of us. We're family," Tim said quietly. Everyone could hear, of course, but Tim's focus was totally on Palmer.

"You can't keep it secret, Tim," Jimmy choked.

"Shh, no secrets. We're all here together so we can clear the air."

"You have a home with me and Breena. I'll give you a key. You have somewhere to go."

"Okay, okay, Jimmy. Thank you. I appreciate your support. It's okay."

The others watched as the two spoke private reassurances. Gibbs was swimming in shame and pain, struggling not to walk out of his own home. Ducky saw and went to him.

"This is something far larger than whatever indiscretion to which Anthony is referring. There seems to be much more to Mr Palmer than even I know. Let this play out. We're lancing a number of infected wounds here, Jethro, but it needs to happen, and we're doing it together," he said.

Fornell put his hand on Gibbs' shoulder and squeezed, letting him know he agreed with Ducky. Gibbs swallowed hard and nodded once.

When Tim released Jimmy, the younger man still kept himself between him and Gibbs. Tim sighed.

"Ziva, would you cover the roast and turn off the oven? It seems we're having the discussion before dinner instead of after," he said.

When Ziva returned, Tim gestured. "Please, can we all just sit down and have a rational discussion? I'll start."

Everyone settled, somewhat uncomfortably.

"First off, you all need to know that I love Gibbs and choose to have my life be with him, and nothing that has happened in the past or will happen in the future will change that," Tim said. He pointedly met each person's eyes before he continued. "Being together openly has been difficult. We've both done things, or allowed the other to do things that weren't in our best interest as a couple. We want to keep working together, but things will have to change to do that. We want your help to make this work."

"What about the abuse Tony has accused Gibbs of?" Ziva asked. Tim realized the woman was sitting on the edge of her seat, angled so Gibbs was in her full line of sight.

"There is no abuse-"

"Yeah, Tim, there was," Gibbs interrupted. He kept his voice calm and leveled his gaze, sweeping everyone before settling back on his lover. "I hurt you, that night in the basement. And I've been verbally abusing you at work. I've said it in private, but they need to hear it. I'm sorry for treating you like crap. No excuses. I broke my vow to myself to never hurt you again after I lost control when I was drugged. I can't just ask you to forget that. Trust has gotta be earned back, day by day. That's what I'm gonna do."

Silence descended. Hearing Gibbs admit weakness or mistakes was rare.

"Timothy, I am concerned for your health. You have gotten disturbingly thin," Ducky said, shifting the attention to the younger man.

"I guess I've let the stress get to me. I'll work on that, Ducky."

"I will make sure that you eat, sheli."

Tim smiled. "And help me keep working out. I'd love to have a six-pack and look really cut..."

"I want to know everything is going to stay normal. I mean, normal for us is murder and terrorism and long hours and - well, I want the team together and acting like a team again. I love you guys and I need to keep things the way they belong," Abby piped up.

"That's what we're trying to do, Abs."

Gibbs turned to Fornell. The FBI agent raised his hands. "I know you. If you're willing to swallow your pride and fall on your sword in front of everyone, you're serious."

"Tony?" Tim said. The man had been uncharacteristically silent since Jimmy's outburst.

"I've heard everything you guys have said. I reserve judgment until I see some real change."

Tim met Gibbs' glance and they wordlessly shared their concern for the SFA. Tim had never seen him this critical of Gibbs before, but he could see in his lover's eyes that Gibbs thought he deserved Tony's suspicion, and worse, still. But they would manage. They were a family by choice instead of blood, and they were choosing to continue that.

The rest of the dinner was subdued. Jimmy still seemed shaken, and Tim saw Tony talking with him. He hoped it was about supporting Jimmy rather than reinforcing his negative reaction, but Gibbs just put his hand on Tim's and squeezed reassuringly.

After the meal, Gibbs enlisted Tony to help him clean up and they stood side by side at the sink, with Gibbs washing and Tony rinsing and drying.

"What's it gonna take for you to be okay, to earn your trust back?" Gibbs asked bluntly. Tony thought about it.

"At work... You gotta treat him better. It's been so bad that I've worried that you'll put him in danger trying to be fair and watching out for me and Ziva. You will take care of us; your gut won't let you not, but you've gotta give your heart room to watch over Tim the way he needs," he said.

Gibbs grunted and nodded. "I'm gonna be working on it. Remind me, okay?"

"You know I will."

Tony considered how to approach the other half of the problem.

"With you guys at home... I don't know. I'm not here, and I want to trust you that it's gonna be okay, but I just...don't. I keep picturing you in a rage, choking him..."

Gibbs' gut clenched and he felt shame heat his face.

"I mean, I have a hard enough time imagining you two... I mean, not that I imagine you, but just... This is McGee! Hurting him, really, it's like... Really, it's like kicking a puppy, and that's just not something I ever thought you were capable of."

"You think you never hurt him physically with your pranks? I never dared step in or reveal my feelings for him, but you were just plain mean," Gibbs said defensively.

"Yeah, I'll grant you that, but... I'm not his lover, Gibbs. I'm having a hard time not siding with Palmer on this, like, maybe Tim should move out for a while until we know it's safe-"

"Tony, it's safe. I'm safe," Tim interrupted from the archway. "Let's set up an all out match in the gym with me and Gibbs and I will show you that if I am ever in trouble, I can get myself out of it. What do you think?"

"Oh, come on! You think you could take Gibbs? Seriously?"

"No, what I'm saying is that I could get away from him if I wanted or needed to. I have been training a lot and I can even get away from Ziva when I try. Most of the time."

"Tim..." The SFA's face was a mask of uncertainty.

Tim approached and stood facing Tony. "I trust Gibbs completely with my physical well-being. Even when things got rough, even when he grabbed my throat; he did not choke me, by the way; I never got scared he'd actually harm me. Do you have any idea what that's like? Have you ever trusted someone that totally?"

"I used to trust Gibbs that way, too." Tony's voice was soft and pained.

"Oh, Tony," Tim put his hands on Tony's shoulders and held tight. "You still can. You still should." The torment and confusion Tony was experiencing was making Tim's heart hurt. "Please, you've known him so long... You know, in here-" he put his hand over Tony's heart, "that he's good and loyal and trustworthy. C'mon, man, you know it." It was killing Tim to have this conversation in front of Gibbs after trying so hard earlier to convince him of the same thing.

Tony frowned and looked torn. "I want to. I just..."

"Come over anytime. Spot check. Maybe we can give you a key...?" Tim looked at Gibbs, who shrugged and nodded, but felt apprehensive that Tony might walk in on them with Gibbs bottoming or them playing with the toys from their vacation. Tim's eyes widened as he had the same thought and he blushed scarlet. "Or... Maybe not. But, really, Tony, we're going for transparency here, so you can trust us."

Tony shook his head and sighed. "I don't know. Let's... Let's play it by ear."

Tim hugged him and pulled Gibbs in so that he was holding both of them. "We're gonna find our way. We have to. Just tell me you'll both try?" Tim asked as they stepped back. They nodded and Tim decided to leave that as it was. He returned to the living room and the rest of the group. A few minutes later, Tony and Gibbs joined them and he thought there seemed to be just a little less tension. He hoped.

When everyone was back in the living room enjoying pie, Fornell came to Tim and quietly reminded him that he had professional options for his career if everything collapsed with NCIS, feeling only a little bad that he'd say such a thing to his best friend's partner but knowing Gibbs well enough that he knew the former Marine would want Tim to feel as safe as he possibly could and so doing it anyway.

Tim sighed in response but thanked him. "And thanks for taking care of me when you found me drunk that night. I know it must have been awkward..."

"No problem," Fornell forked a bite of apple and swirled it in the ice cream. "Look, Tim, don't let it escalate into physical violence with him. I heard what you said to DiNozzo about being able to get away if you need to, so if it comes to that, do it. Jethro's last two relationships with men ended in fistfights, and I know he hates himself when that happens. You two are good together, so if he loses it, you've gotta be the cooler head."

Tim's jaw dropped at that revelation. "I-uh-I... Thank you, Tobias. I appreciate the insight."

The FBI agent nodded and went back to his pie. Tim swallowed hard and looked to Gibbs, who was smiling just a little at something Abby was saying. He wondered if he'd ever feel like he really knew Gibbs. He felt connected to him, thought he understood some of the deeper, psychological issues that his partner had, but there was still a whole lot he was clueless about.

At the door, after everyone else had left, Jimmy and Tim stood together for a long moment in silence.

"Tim, I know I totally freaked out, and if you want me to sometime, I will tell you why, but right now, please, please, take my house key. If you're ever in danger, or scared, or even just unsure, come over. Come home and stay with me and Breena." He held a key out to Tim who moved to the table where he and Gibbs always tossed their keys when they came in the door. He picked his own keys up and solemnly took the offering and added it to the ring.

"I'm sorry you had experiences that led to your reaction, Jimmy," Tim said quietly. They hugged, and with a final nervous look toward where Gibbs was gathering coffee cups and dessert plates, the young man left.

Tim helped get everything picked up and stacked in the sink, then gestured they should leave it for later and pulled Gibbs upstairs by the hand. Sharing the feeling of exhaustion he saw in Gibbs, Tim silently got undressed and climbed into bed. When Gibbs joined him, they wrapped each other up and fell asleep without discussion.

~~~NCIS~~~

Gibbs struggled with the new dynamic. He was used to being a benevolent dictator, so having his team give him feedback even with looks or frowns grated. But he soldiered on.

He backslid when Tim got stuck outside in a freezing rain without his coat. No amount of warning from Tony or Ziva could stop him from dressing Tim down even as he shivered in the front seat of the sedan with the heat blasting at him and Gibbs' own coat wrapped around his shoulders.

"What the hell were you thinking?! It's December in Washington! You don't set one foot outside without proper clothing, you got me, McGee?"

"I-It won't h-happen ag-gain, B-Boss," Tim replied, his lips stuttering from the cold.

"It damn well better not! If you're out of commission from your own stupidity, what happens when the team is counting on you to watch that exit? What if the suspect had been in there? What-"

Tim shook his head. "T-Tony, head slap him."

From the back seat, Tony squeaked. He recovered immediately and grinned as he raised his hand, but Gibbs' head whipped around and he glared at his SFA where he sat behind Tim, and Tony froze.

"This is not unreasonable!" Gibbs snarled. "I'm watching- ow!"

Ziva had done it, and Gibbs craned his neck to glare at her. He took a breath to continue his diatribe, but Tim's icy fingers grabbed his hand and he looked at Tim. The heat was obviously starting to warm him. He was okay. Gibbs choked back his words, turned back to face front, and threw the car into gear and peeled out, driving fast but watchfully back to headquarters.

Unfortunately, Tim caught a cold after that and Gibbs felt even more justified for having berated him. At home he took thoughtful care of him, setting up a humidifier in the bedroom and rubbing mentholatum on Tim's chest before bed, but the wet cough was just starting to improve when Jackson arrived on Saturday.

The guest room was prepared exactly as Tim had planned, and his nervousness was all about how the man would react to the news about the homosexual relationship his son was in rather than the thought that he might not like the decor. Tim almost wished he could worry that the room wouldn't be acceptable to the elder Gibbs, but it was perfect, so he just resigned himself to the knowledge that his Gibbs wasn't worried, so he shouldn't be either.

When they heard the car in the driveway, Gibbs waved Tim back when he started to rise from his spot on the couch close to the fire. He'd been feeling cold all morning, and they'd gotten him settled there with tea and a book. He set both aside as Gibbs went to the door and sat up straight, clearing his throat, which only made him cough.

Gibbs sighed to hear it but continued to the door, putting his coat on before he went outside to help Jackson with his suitcase.

Jack was glancing at the small Toyota in the driveway behind the truck when Gibbs took the case he'd just withdrawn from the back seat from him.

"Hey, Dad," he said.

The clouds looked oppressively low and heavy, and the bite in the air suggested it would be best to stay indoors.

"Hello son! Am I interrupting a visit?" Jack inclined his head back toward Tim's Prius as they went up the steps.

"No," Gibbs said simply. Jack nodded, trying to prepare himself to meet the latest woman in his son's life. The tiny, economical car seemed understated for someone who was interested in Leroy, but Jack was a patient man. He'd take any introduction in stride.

Or so he thought. His eyebrows climbed at the sight of Timothy McGee rising from a comfortable seat on the sofa. He wore an old sweater and slippers, so he obviously felt at home. The nervous look on the young man's face was enough to confirm Jack's suspicion. He nodded kindly.

"Hello Tim," he said.

"H-hi Jack."

Gibbs gave a small smile as he took the suitcase up the stairs and set it on the bed of the now-fully decorated guest room so that his father wouldn't have to bend and lift it again to unpack.

In the time it took for him to do that and return downstairs, Jack was already refilling Tim's tea, suggesting that the younger man should be drinking it with honey and lemon for his cold. Gibbs smiled again.

"Is that one of those electric cars? I've never had the chance to ride in one," Jack said, gesturing toward the door and the young man's Prius in the driveway.

"A hybrid, yes sir. And I would be happy to show you what it's like," Tim replied.

"Later," Gibbs grunted. "Sit back down, Tim. Dad, can I get you anything?"

"I'm fine, Leroy," Jack said, settling into the easy chair.

Over dinner, which was a curry that Tim and Gibbs always enjoyed, they talked about Stillwater, catching Gibbs up on the gossip and the latest shenanigans by the Winslow Mining Company.

"Turning out to be a bigger bastard than his father," Gibbs grumbled. Jack looked at him thoughtfully.

"I always knew there was something between you and Chuck. Nobody gets that riled up unless there's some pretty strong feelings involved," he observed mildly. Tim looked at Jack quizzically, then at Gibbs. His eyes widened.

"Chuck... You and Chuck Winslow? Oh..."

"First person I ever fell in love with, Tim," Gibbs shook his head. "Or so I thought at the time. We bonded over football and lousy fathers. I thought Jack was a lousy dad after my mom died, but Chuck's really was. Manipulative and a mean son of a bitch. We both wanted out of our little hick town, and..."

Tim reached out and laid his hand on Gibbs' arm. He just let it rest there and looked at Jack.

"So, you suspected. And you don't seem bothered by...us."

"My son looks years younger than he did the last time I saw him. I'm not going to begrudge him any happiness he finds, no matter where he finds it. I like you, Timothy. You obviously love my son, so... Welcome to the family."

Tim smiled broadly, but kept watch on Gibbs' expression, and squeezed his arm. He'd been looking off to the side, apparently lost in memory. At Tim's motion, his eyes snapped to his lover's. Tim looked back at him straight on and silently witnessed the melancholy he saw. His own gaze remained steady, and it only took a moment of drinking in Tim's reassurance to bring a slight curve to Gibbs' lips. They nodded to each other and turned in tandem back to Jackson. The elder Gibbs had watched the interaction and he smiled approvingly.

They sat in the living room around the fire, each with a drink of his choice after dinner. The conversation wrapped back around to first loves and Tim shared his story.

"I was at MIT. He was a local, bussing tables and washing dishes at this diner where I used to study. We started talking, and I guess I was the first person from my school who really took the time to see past his accent and tough guy bit... Chris. Chrissie, actually. Big family, five brothers. He was from South Boston. I'm not sure if you know what that means?"

Jackson shook his head, but Gibbs nodded. Tim explained anyway.

"It's the wrong side of the tracks. Irish Catholic, blue collar...a lot of the boys kind of form gangs. Well, Chrissie was really smart. Not like Good Will Hunting prodigy or anything, but... He'd gotten all he could out of high school and really should have gone to college. He could have done so much... Anyway, we'd talked a little, and he was just gorgeous. Beautiful blue eyes," Tim said, squeezing Gibbs' hand. "One night some guys jumped me. Thought I had money or something, but Chrissie defended me. Then he took care of my split lip and... Well, we were secretly together after that, but eventually I kept pushing him to do more with his life and trying, I guess trying to save him, y'know," he shrugged and shook his head. "Chrissie didn't need saving, though. Everything blew up before I graduated and that was that."

"It's hard to let those go," Jack said into the quiet that crept in after Tim's brief story. "I fell for an Amish girl at the market. We started talking each week when I was there with my mother, and she had the most beautiful smile that I had ever seen..." The tilt of Gibbs' head made Tim startle a bit when he realized that he hadn't heard the story before.

"When her father found out, she was no longer allowed to come to the market. I went to find her, thinking I could convince her to come away from that life, but she wanted to stay. She was too frightened of the outside world to take me up on my promises that we could make a good life together."

They all sat quietly after that, each lost in his memories. Soon after, Jack went to bed, and Tim decided to call it a night as well. Gibbs stayed up for a while, watching the fire burn down, thinking about Chuck. His mind wandered to Tyrell and Paul, the two other men he'd had relationships with. All three had ended in physical violence. Gibbs had blamed the others for the escalation, but he wondered what would have happened in the basement that night if Tim had fought back. He didn't think he'd ever hit the younger person, but he darkly wondered if he could know that for certain. He banked the coals and went up and held Tim, trying to find a way to believe he deserved the patience and love he always received from him.

The snowstorm that hit that night was bigger than predicted. The house was already getting cold inside when Gibbs woke on Sunday morning to find the power had gone out. He put an extra blanket onto the sleeping Tim before he went downstairs and built up the fire.

His dark mood continued, and he fixed breakfast for all of them in brooding silence. Jack and Tim talked and chuckled enough through the meal that it wasn't obvious, but they exchanged pointed looks that acknowledged to each other that they'd seen the turn of Gibbs' attitude.

Gibbs went out back to chop wood, needing to get away and burn off some of his brooding through the physical exercise. Tim looked from their front window and saw their neighbor, Mrs Pattinson, trying to move a downed branch from her driveway. He put his coat and boots on quickly and hurried out to help her.

"I can do this myself, young man! I don't need you in my business!" She snapped. Tim agreed, but still got the branch moved for her, then shoveled her driveway for good measure. The woman needed help but always refused it to the point of injury, and Tim wasn't about to let that happen this time.

But Tim exerting himself in the cold while still recovering from illness was ironically mirroring of her bull-headedness, and sent Gibbs through the roof when he returned inside to find Tim gasping and pale, his cough worse than ever.

"For a goddamn genius, you do some of the stupidest things, Tim! This is fucking ridiculous! I was right out back, why didn't you just knock on the window? I would've taken care of it! Why do you have to do things that are so blatantly self-destructive?"

Gibbs ranted and railed at Tim, and dodged when Tim reached for a headslap to try to bring him out of it.

Finally, a piercing whistle from Jackson stopped Gibbs cold. In the silence that followed, Jack calmly suggested that Tim go take a hot shower.

Tim's face was white and tears stood out in his eyes. He turned on his heel and went upstairs to do as the older man said, feeling helpless and frustrated. God, he'd thought that they were getting past this crap. But maybe they just couldn't. He wept bitterly in the shower, trying to think of a way to get them back on track.

"Are you trying to drive him away?" Jackson turned to his son.

"Of course not! I'm trying to keep him safe!"

Nodding sagely, Jack indicated they should sit down.

"Your fear is taking over, Leroy. You're bringing about exactly what you're fighting against."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You're terrified that you're gonna lose him. You know how bad it would be if you did, so you're holding so tightly you're gonna crush him instead."

Gibbs felt a stab of pain in his gut. That was it. That was why he was still struggling even with how things were getting better at work. He was smothering Tim. The beautiful, shining soul he cherished over everyone else in the world, and he was holding it so close he was going to snuff out every special thing about him.

"Leroy, you haven't loved anyone like you love him since the girls. I can see that. You couldn't do anything to save them, so now you're trying everything you can to keep Tim safe, but the biggest threat to him right now is you."

All Gibbs' self-loathing roared up, and a horrible stillness settled into him. "So I guess it's time to end it," he said, his iron will keeping his voice steady even as his heart wailed.

"That is not the only option, Leroy," Jack argued. "Don't be too stubborn to change, damnit. What would Shannon have said to you? First and foremost, she was your best friend, boy, and she knew you better than anyone ever has."

Gibbs rose and went upstairs. He opened the door to the smallest bedroom, once Kelly's, and now a sad room of storage boxes and dust. He went in and stood there, trying to summon the wisdom Shannon had brought to their relationship in an attempt to salvage his current one.

"How did you explain your job as a sniper to me?" Her ghost asked in his mind.

"I told you that I prepare for every contingency I can, then I trust my gut and do what I have to to get the job done."

"Did you do that for my and Kelly's safety?"

"I... Yes, I think so. And it wasn't enough."

"Could you have done anything more?"

"I could have quit the Corps and been here with you."

"No, you couldn't. You wouldn't be who you are if you'd done that."

Gibbs swallowed the lump in his throat. There was only one way he could address this. If he was a threat to Tim, then he couldn't be with him. Emptiness was all he could feel as he went to tell his lover it was over. He ignored the mental image of Shannon standing there, fists on hips, stomping her foot in frustration at his stubbornness.

Tim was wrapped in a towel and his heavy bathrobe when he came back to the cold bedroom from his shower. He stopped when he saw the hard mask on Gibbs' face, dread clenching his gut.

"My dad is right. Tony's right. I am the real threat to you, so it's time to call a spade a spade and admit that this isn't going to work."

Tim thought he might vomit. This was his worst fear, and he had to contain this, by any means necessary. "That's not going to happen."

"I love you, Tim. I need you safe. I've been strangling you with how I'm going about trying to do that."

"'If there is no enemy within, enemies outside can't do any harm.'" Tim quoted. "I'm staying. I'm going to help you fight your enemy within."

Gibbs could nearly see Shannon standing with Tim, urging him to listen. His father had told him to listen to what she'd have said, but even with the voices of these three people he so respected telling him what to do, he doubted. The agony of losing his wife and daughter was like a wall between him and what he wanted, what he yearned for: a real life with Tim.

"Damnit, why does it all come back to this?! That bastard who killed them is still haunting my life, trying to steal everything from me! Why can't I get over this?"

Tim took a step toward him. "You see it now. You know what's been driving you, so now you have a chance to change it. Gibbs, we both thought it was fear of losing the team that was the heart of this. We were addressing the symptom, not the cause. Now that we understand what's really at the heart of it, we can make real progress, real change."

"The only way I see to try to defeat this is to end it. I'm sorry Tim, but I think it's gotta be over."

"No! That's not an option!" Tim cried out desperately. "I haven't spent all these months putting up with your shit just to have you give up on me! You-you can't- can't do this to me..." Coughs overcame him.

Gibbs couldn't bear it. He went to Tim and wrapped him up in his arms until the coughing stopped. Tim wheezed, his face buried against Gibbs' neck.

"Don't do this! You love him, so love him. Be with him. You've suffered enough, Gibbs," the Shannon voice in his mind told him.

'I'm hurting him! All the time, I'm putting him in danger, and I'm tearing him apart inside!' He thought at her.

"He can take it. Don't make excuses. You know him. You know how much he and I are alike, and you figured out how to be okay going overseas away from me. Yeah, it bit you in the ass, but odds are that's not gonna happen again."

'I can't risk it. If I'm the one hurting him...'

"Bullshit. He's not safer if you dump him. You are his whole world, just like you were mine. You really are a selfish bastard if you'd break his heart just to feel safer yourself."

"Please don't leave me," Tim finally whispered. His voice sounded desolate, hopeless, like he was utterly bereft of hope but trying anyway, and Gibbs broke. His arms tightened on his lover. Who the hell was he kidding? He couldn't give Tim up. He wasn't strong enough to do that. He wasn't cruel enough, either.

Tim couldn't stop shaking. He felt like the world would end if Gibbs kicked him out. He knew it wouldn't, knew that he'd survive, but a chasm of hopelessness opened inside him when he considered it.

"I guess I'm too selfish to give you up, even if it's the best thing for you."

The chasm closed. Tim found that he could breathe again. And his care-taking instincts roared to life. "It's not selfish. You're not selfish. You were hurt, broken. You've heroically moved on, moved forward, and you've externalized everything, helping everyone else. Now you have a chance to actually heal. Let me help you, now. Please?"

Gibbs drew back and looked into Tim's eyes and was undone. Words tumbled out, expressing something he hadn't even realized until that moment.

"Shannon... In a way, she was the same as you. She grew up on a farm. She preferred jeans and plaid button-downs. She was strong and powerful and smart. She had a beauty that wasn't contained by a single gender, Tim. She taught me her rules, she stood by me as an equal... We didn't have words for it; androgyny, gender fluid... But she was like that, too. I think that's what I was always looking for with the strong women I sought out. But they were all just women. Stubborn personalities, but they didn't have that combination that Shannon had; that you have. I love how you are, Tim. It's right for me, it's the match I need."

"You realize you just said you need me, right? I'm not letting you take that back, Gibbs," Tim said through a watery vision.

Tim studied him for a long moment, then he smiled in that heart-stopping way that lit him up from inside and made gender identity superfluous. He was just Tim, the person who fulfilled every need and desire Gibbs had. He was just Tim, and he was the only one Gibbs wanted.

Tim's expression grew serious. "But I need a promise from you. No more unilaterally deciding what's best for me or for us. I can't have you keep trying to turn away from me. If you're in, if you really love and need me... I need you all in. I need to know that you're going to fight for me, with me, to keep us together. Even if it's fighting yourself to do it."

Gibbs huffed. This was it. Tim was right. If they were going to get through this, they had to do it together. He'd have to figure out how to keep the overbearing, controlling part of himself that drew strength from his grief from taking over and sabotaging what he wanted most in the world, which was to be with Tim.

"I don't know how to not try everything I can to keep you safe. If you died, Tim, I'd go mad. I'd die. There's just no way I could..."

"You're already skipping ahead to facing the heart of the problem, love. I need you to step back and think about what I said. Will you commit to me now, and promise not to run away from us when it gets hard? Will you stick with me, even if you think it's in my best interest to leave? Will you trust me and believe in us enough to do that?"

"You sound like you're proposing."

"I'm not proposing marriage, Gibbs. I'm proposing commitment; your commitment to me. Will you commit to me and give me your word that you're going to see this through and not keep trying to push me away?"

"Tim..."

"I need you as badly as you need me. I have my own demons. Some we've vanquished together, but I just want to know if you're going to be there with me when it's my turn to face myself again, too."

Knowing that he was choosing the hard road, Gibbs spoke.

"Yes. I love you, Tim. I'm in it, with you, for good. Through it all, I will face whatever we have to face together with you."

Tim let out a shaking breath that ended in a cough. He threw his arms around Gibbs' neck and held him tight.

Gibbs returned the embrace, closing his eyes, and he heard a ghostly chuckle.

"Atta boy," Shannon whispered in his memory. High praise from her. He knew she'd have approved of his decision.

~~~NCIS~~~

Tim was flying. He hadn't had to remind Gibbs to behave in over a week, their case had gone smoothly with the team working again like a family, and they had the weekend off rotation. He'd been getting a certain sexy vibe off Gibbs for the last few hours as they all completed their reports, and once both Tony and Ziva had gone, all Tim had to do was wait for Gibbs to finish up and he figured they'd be lucky to make it home without jumping each other. A quick trip to the men's room and judicious use of the tube of lube he always kept on him, and Tim was ready for anything. Back at his desk, he let his mind wander. He considered how hot it would be to have sex in the elevator, imagining the cold metal against his chest as Gibbs slid his hot, hard -

"We goin' home or what?" Gibbs waved his hand in front of Tim's face. He blushed hotly but grinned up at his lover.

"Yes, please!"

Once in the elevator, Tim's lascivious expression made Gibbs shake his head, even while his own lips were curving.

"I can tell what you're thinking. No sex at work. I'm not going to give in on that."

Tim pouted and batted his eyes, but he winked to let Gibbs know he understood. They walked out to Gibbs' car together, having switched to taking one car when they went in at the same time, and held hands as Gibbs drove home.

When they got closer, Tim started stroking Gibbs' fingers sensually, sliding along the length of them and lightly flicking the webbing between them; then brought his hand up to his mouth and enveloped one in his lips and began fellating it. Gibbs didn't say anything but Tim saw him shift in his seat, and when Tim hummed in appreciation he finally gave a low growl. Smiling around the digit, he sucked harder and tongued the calloused pad of Gibbs' fingertip.

"Fuck, Tim..." Gibbs sighed. He was getting hard but he was at a bad angle and it was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He couldn't let go the wheel with how fast he was driving, and he was hitting the lights all on green, or, okay, yellow, but he really needed to get them home. "Help me out here?" He nodded toward his crotch and Tim chuckled. Without stopping the teasing of his fingers, Tim reached over with his dexterous hand and slid it under the waistbands of his slacks and underwear to adjust him to a better position.

But of course, Tim didn't stop there.

Wrapping around the warm flesh, Tim started giving a slow handjob. Gibbs groaned. When had this drive ever lasted this long?! Turning onto their street, he roared up the driveway, parking with less than perfect precision, and Tim finally released him so they could get inside.

The moment the door shut, Tim shoved Gibbs against the wall and kissed him hard, plundering his mouth. He broke away, panting, and spoke as they pulled at each other's clothes.

"I've been so hot for you all afternoon. You gave me that look and it was all I could do not to throw myself at you..." Tim gasped. Gibbs was non-verbal in his determination, and as soon as Tim's pants were off, he turned him around and brought his finger, still wet with Tim's saliva, down to prep him. He found that Tim had already lubed up and froze, his cock jumping and throbbing at the idea. Jesus...

Tim whined and shoved back, bending more, widening his stance and arching his back in invitation. "Jesus, Gibbs, just fuck me already!"

With that demand, Gibbs surged forward, barely finding the right angle of entry but plunging ahead into the slick heat of Tim's body and crying out at the welcome.

"Yes!" Tim cried out, filled and fulfilled in that one motion. He braced himself against the wall for the pounding he was eagerly anticipating, and he squeezed on the hardness inside him to encourage just that.

"Tim!" Gibbs voice was strained as the shout was wrested from him, then he grabbed his lover's hips and withdrew only to slam back into him. Tim yelped and tightened deliberately on him again, and Gibbs gave up any pretense of finesse. He humped hard, and after a minute or two, put his arms around Tim, one across his chest, holding his shoulder, the other around his still-slim waist, feeling the abdominal muscles Tim was working so hard on bunching under his forearm. Moaning brokenly into the pale skin of Tim's spine, he shut his eyes and focused completely on the tight warmth surrounding his cock and the beloved body in his embrace.

"Fuck, Tim! I love you so much... God you feel so good baby... Make me so hot... Ungh, feel so... Oh! Shit! Tim -god- love- ngh... Babe... Ah! Yeah! Oh... Ngh! Oh god! Yes! Tim! Ngh! Aaahh..."

Those sounds and the perfect feeling of Gibbs surrounding and penetrating him had Tim transported. He was somehow aware of his hands and cheek pressed against the wall of their home, but completely enraptured by the way he was being taken. Gibbs was usually in such self-control that having him lose it and just fuck him mindlessly was powerfully erotic.

"Gibbs! Gibbs! Jethro! Yes! Gibbs!" Tim cried in response, and suddenly the thrusts grew wild and Gibbs gave a delicious grunt and his arms tightened like a vise and Tim shuddered at the feeling of Gibbs coming inside him. He braced himself more securely and easily took the weight as Gibbs leaned on him heavily in post-orgasmic lethargy. Tim's own erection twitched and he shivered a little, wanting his own release, so as Gibbs' breathing evened out, he pulled away carefully and straightened. Turning, he kissed Gibbs and let his lack of completion be known as he pressed against him. Gibbs took the hint.

Getting the rest of their clothes off, Gibbs drew Tim to the living room. He made quick work of the setup, throwing a couch cushion on the floor in front of the chair with high arms, then he pushed Tim into it and knelt. Tim couldn't spread his legs to give his lover access to his body with the sides of the chair confining his thighs, but he figured out quickly what Gibbs' idea was. He scooted to the front of the seat and put his legs over the arms of the chair. The wanton position had his cock jutting out and his ass spread wide as well, and he might have felt self-conscious if he wasn't so desperate for release.

Gibbs decided this was one of the best ideas he'd ever had, and if Tim even considered getting rid of this chair, he'd insist they keep it. The purely sexual nature of the position was amazing. He lowered his head and mouthed Tim's balls, getting a beautiful moan for it. He pressed two fingers into the relaxed entrance of his lover's ass and groaned himself at the extra wetness that he knew was his own semen.

Tim had no thought but pleasure as Gibbs used the position he was in to his best advantage. When he moved from Tim's balls to his cock, Tim started making garbled animal sounds which rose in volume and pitch as Gibbs added another finger to his penetration and started rapidly fucking him with his hand while he sucked on his cock.

The wet sound his fingers were making was sending Gibbs into a frenzy. God! It was a filthy, erotic sound, and he curled his fingers so he was sure he was stimulating Tim's prostate and he tongued and bobbed for all he was worth.

Tim screamed when he came. It was stunningly loud and Gibbs loved that fact even more. The heavy pulses of his orgasm squeezed Gibbs' fingers almost painfully tight, and filled his mouth to overflowing with bitter come.

Vision whiting out and his whole body thrumming with the intensity, Tim arched like a live wire until the last weak tremor of his climax abated. Then he collapsed back bonelessly. Gibbs moved up and kissed him and Tim eagerly sucked every bit of the flavor of his own semen from his lover's tongue.

Gibbs laughed as they broke apart. "Shit, Tim, that's so..."

"Yeah. I love it," he said breathlessly. Gibbs settled back on his heels and stared at the completely debauched look of Tim still spread lewdly on the chair but looking sated and blissful and his gorgeous eyes shining with love.

"I love you, babe."

They cleaned up and got their clothes put away and comfy ones on to replace them. Tim had bought a pair of purple silk pajama pants that he liked to wear around the house at night. The oversized MIT t-shirt he used to pair it with had bothered Gibbs to the point that he bought him a USMC shirt that actually fit, so Tim happily wore that.

"We got a package," Tim called toward the basement when he heard the knock at the front door and opened it to find the box the driver had left on their porch. He looked at the return label. "It's from your dad."

Gibbs came up the stairs and they opened it together. Tim sucked in a breath as the framed pictures were revealed from their careful wrapping. His eyes darted to Gibbs' face, and he let the breath out easily at the curious but not pained expression on his face. There was an eight by ten simply matted and framed with a family photo of a youthful Gibbs with Shannon, and Kelly at around four years old. It was a candid, and Gibbs was smiling with his arms loosely around his wife's waist, both of them watching Kelly on a bike with training wheels. Tim studied the red haired figure, taking in the loose flannel shirt, jeans, and sensible shoes. Her stance was firm, shoulders squared, and Tim thought he could see the gender fluidity that Gibbs had referenced. She was a beautiful individual.

Gibbs was surprised that he didn't feel the lance of white hot pain through his chest as he looked at Shannon. When his eyes went to Kelly, the other pain, that gaping, bottomless black hole opened in his heart, but all in all, it was a vast improvement. He reverently set the picture aside and unwrapped the other. It was Tim and Gibbs, surrounded by people, with a strange lighting playing over the crowd around them. They had their foreheads together and were staring into each other's eyes like nothing else existed. Tim's face was flushed and his eyes had the dramatic look that came from his subtle use of makeup.

"Wow. I guess Abby took our picture at the concert, huh? That's so... Wow. What do you think, hon?" Tim immediately knew what the photo was from but he wasn't sure what Gibbs was thinking as he stared at it.

Holding a picture in each hand, he moved to the mantle over the fireplace and set them both up, then stepped back and put his arm around Tim's waist.

"I think it's a good start."

~~~NCIS~~~

A/N FYI- There's a slightly different, more explicit final sex scene on AO3 for this one.

I want to thank everyone again for all the support. I was a little gun shy after the flames with Chrysalis, and I am relieved that I still have people wanting to read my normal stories. Neverending gratitude to FlyingPiglet for beta and co-creativity, and to ToniMH for boundless enthusiasm and encouragement. Thank you to everyone else for the reviews and favorites and follows! See you next time…