Dry Her Eyes

By Loki Palmer

Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. The Avengers and all related characters belong to Marvel Comics and the late, great Stan Lee.

I do hope everyone is staying safe and healthy in this COVID-19 pandemic that has many of us shut in our residences, only to pop out for essential travel. Many workplaces (like bars) have been shut down, and restaurants have either been shut down or reduced to drive-through and delivery services only. The world of academia has had to adapt itself to online work. Thank God we still have electricity and the Internet. If we had neither, that would be the end of the world. I would shudder to think of the ensuing panic that would follow a disastrous event like that.

Now, onto my responses to reviewers.

Kid: Each chapter takes quite a while to type, and it comes out only when I am ready to bring it out. I also have a tendency to focus on one story at a time.

MMWillow13: Thank you, your review was mighty kind. Sorry for the ensuing headache from the nonstop laughter, but at least you said it was worth it. I find it a great encouragement to know that my writing can be a shining beacon in dark times. If I don't put a smile on at least one person's face, I haven't had a good day.

WhiteElfElder: As to the mysterious girl's identity … see Chapter 11. As to plans? You'll see … oh, yes, you will see …

themadmartian: Yes, BadVoodoo's flame was beyond the pale. At least I blacklisted him/her, and I tried several times to get Fanfiction dot net to throw out his/her nasty, abusive review, but all I got in response was … [crickets chirping].

Chapter 14

Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacour, and Cedric Diggory came up to Harry as he was leaving the Great Hall with the Avengers behind him.

"Harry," said Viktor, "vould you care to tell us vat you mean by these letters you sent us?"

"I sent you letters?"

"Tu les as firmées, n'est-ce pas?" (You signed them, right?) said Fleur.

Harry glanced over the brief letters they held out for him. "Guilty as charged."

"How are we to do this challenge all bundled up like this?" said Cedric. "Wouldn't our coats weigh us down? You do understand the challenge is underwater, right?"

"Yeah, sorry to disappoint you. I imagine Fleur had a hot little swimsuit all picked out that would give every red-blooded, unattached male an Eiffel Tower in their britches, if I'm not mistaken? My Napoleonic ego and dashing good looks notwithstanding, she would give me a hard run for my Galleons if this was a competition like The Wizarding World's Next Hot Model … but it's not."

"The dashing good looks he got from Me," said Loki. "The Napoleonic ego he got from Thor."

"If I remember my mythology aright," said Viktor, "You and Thor … brothers, right? How …?" Everyone saw the figures of James and Lily Potter flash in place of Loki and Thor for a moment. "Oh. I vithdraw question."

"I sense there might have been a second question implied, one best left unasked," said Tony, "but let's assume it was already asked and Point Break didn't knock Borscht Boy clear into the lake."

Viktor held up his hands. "Da. I vould not vant to anger legendary God of Thunder. Спасибо за помощь.Вы спасали мой зад." (Thanks for the help. You saved my butt.)

Tony waved off the thanks. "Well, we don't want a fight breaking out before you make it out to your Second Task."

Neville and Seamus went to open the doors to the Great Hall so everyone could exit. "Ready, Harry?"

Harry spun Mjøllnir around, kicking up a wind as Tony put on the Iron Man suit. "Everybody clear the runway, kid's about to take off!"

"Take a running leap if you need to, Harald," said Thor. "Trust your instincts."

Harry did so and shot off at the speed of a bullet, letting out a whoop of joy.

Loki grinned. "An excellent rule of thumb to keep in mind: If you always expect the unexpected, you will never be surprised."

"That almost sounds like a Family motto," said Thor as he grabbed him.

"Could be … but could you tell me something?"

"What's that?"

"What do you think you're doing?"

"We have to catch up to him, don't we? Hold on ..."

"I must say, I'm not too comfortable with this … Thor? Thor?"

Thor sped off after Harry, with Loki in a firm grip, the latter screaming all the way.

"What are we waiting around here for – the spring thaw?" said Iron Man. "After them!"

Before everyone else could start running behind Iron Man, a golden portal opened up behind them, and a blur knocked over Captain America, Hawkeye, and Dr. Banner. It stopped and turned around, revealing a white-haired teenage boy.

"What – you didn't see that coming?"

Dr. Banner was the first to get up, eyes brimming with rage.

"Сестрица," he said to the long-haired brunette coming out of the golden circle, "ты приносила мой свежие трусы?" (Sis, did you bring my fresh underpants?)

"Ну, да Пьетро. Почему?" (Of course, Pietro. Why?)

The Hulk roared at Pietro, and the latter had a look on his face, like that of a dog whose master caught him piddling on the carpet.

"Я делал вонючий борщ в моих трусах." He sped away and his sister flew after him.

"Viktor," said Fleur, "I can see your grin. What did he say?"

"He first asked his sister vether she brought his fresh underpants, she answered, 'Of course. Vy?' and then … he said ... he made smelly borscht in his underpants."

"Good morning, everyone, my name is Dr. Stephen Strange," said a third man in a red cape as he stepped through the golden portal and closed it, "My apologies for our unceremonious arrival, but Pietro and Wanda were so excited to come out here with me, and who can blame them? Dr. Banner … Hulk, if you will accept my apologies on Pietro's behalf ..."

"Hulk no need apology. Hulk need SMASH SPEEDY PUNK!" With another roar, he sped off after Pietro.

"What if I –" said Hawkeye.

CRASH!

"– Fired a few arrows at them? No can do, Pietro's metabolism is higher than a California speed junkie. We have to get you to your Second Task, don't we?" He opened up another golden circle. "Don't worry about the crash, I'll investigate. No doubt it's another Hulk-related accident."

"Brilliant deduction, Sherlock," said Hawkeye as he and Captain America led everyone through.

Dr. Strange smirked. "Elementary."

~DRY HER EYES~

As Mrs. Weasley, Ron, and Percy approached the Great Hall, she was saying, "I wish we could show Harry Potter that he made a mistake to cross paths with us!"

"Good one, Mum!" said Percy.

"We'll show him!"

On the contrary, what Mrs. Weasley should have wished for was not to be in the path of a stampeding Hulk. Dr. Strange discovered them moments later, so he opened up a golden portal to the Hospital Wing and levitated their bodies through it.

"Madam, these three patients ended up in front of the Incredible Hulk."

She leaped to her feet. "Ach, again?"

"This has happened before?"

"Last time, he trampled Ron and Percy, and knocked out Mrs. Weasley."

He nodded. "Quite. I'm going down to help Mr. Potter – he'll need all the help he can get."

"Godspeed, good sir."

He closed the first portal and opened another one. "It's Doctor, Madam. Doctor Strange. I didn't go through years of medical school to be called a mere sir, thank you very much."

~DRY HER EYES~

Professor Snape heard the whoop of joy. "Sounds like Potter is having fun again … always has to make an entrance ..."

"Ach, belay the criticism, Severus," said Professor McGonagall.

"Minerva, I have agreed with both the Headmaster and Potter's royal grandfather that I will do everything in my power to keep Potter safe … but it doesn't mean I have to like him, or to spoil him like the pampered prince he is."

"I never said you had to like him, Severus," said Albus, "and spoiling him is out of the question, whether he is a prince or not. I would not ask you to do something outside of your capabilities."

"SEVERUS, WATCH OUT!" said Professor McGonagall as she knocked him to the ground. At the same time, Albus ducked in time to avoid Harry passing over their heads and saying:

"I HAVE NO INSURANCE!"

"POTTER," they said, "WATCH OUT FOR THAT –"

CRASH!

"– tree."

Thor, with a green-faced Loki in tow, was the next to land, with Iron Man close behind.

"I thought you enjoyed flying when you were last on Midgard."

"I did, but that was on a broomstick!"

Iron Man flew to catch Harry.

"You okay, kid? Your flight was awesome, but you didn't stick the landing."

Harry grinned as Iron Man put him down on his feet. "I only hurt my pride, nothing else."

Captain America arrived with everyone else, and Dr. Strange arrived a moment later.

"Harry, we seem to have a Hulk-related problem."

"Who set him off this time, Cap?"

Captain America looked towards the Black Lake. "Looks to be that new punk kid, zooming along the Black Lake's surface."

The Incredible Hulk leaped into the Black Lake after Pietro. Pietro was too fast for the resulting tidal wave to drench him … but Professor Snape wasn't.

Author's Note: Another hilarious chapter done. Read and review!

Smiles and Laughter,

Loki Palmer