The Product of Insomnia

Summary: Light is unable to cope with L's sleeping patterns, so much so that his mind has begun playing tricks on him.

Light often thought that he had the patience of a saint, able to deal with anything that the world threw at him with a polite smile… but L was pushing his limits.

The fifty-day imprisonment Light could tolerate, he was the one to suggest it after all, though being held under the false pretense that he was Kira when he most definitely was not was emotionally exhausting.

When the killings restarted while he was confined, that should have been enough to prove him innocent, Kira-free, not guilty. But no. L refused to admit his fault and had the bright idea to chain them together. Light had gritted his teeth and accepted the iron shackle. If being under twenty four-seven surveillance in the most primitive way would end the stubborn detective's childish suspicions, then so be it.

But this…

"Ryuuzaki please…"

This was the last straw.

Light never thought he would have to resort to begging but desperate times called for desperate measures. "Can we please go to bed now?"

"In a moment, Raito-kun," L muttered, refusing to peel his panda-eyes from the glaring computer screen. "Just after this one."

It was the fifth time the sugar-addicted insomniac had responded with that line and Light was tired of it. L must have already finished dozens of "this one's" and then some. This must be one of L's unorthodox interrogation methods, depriving him of sleep until he cracked and confessed. Though Light hated to admit it, this cruel and unusual torture was working.

The teen had not had a chance to close his eyes, let alone have a full night of sleep, since he was chained to the workaholic. For nearly a week, he had been laboring long after the rest of the task force had retired to their rooms within the headquarters. He should be at home, worrying about exams and annoying girlfriends, not bound to an insane detective hell-bent on proving that he was a serial killer.

Light sighed and returned to pleading. It may be futile and humiliating but he was too tried to care about his pride and the moment. He just wanted to go to sleep. "Ryuuzaki, it's late and we both need some rest to function properly–"

"No we do not." L interrupted. "Or at least I have no need for such a wasteful activity."

"Sleep? Wasteful?" His hearing must be failing or L was insane. Light was hoping it was the latter rather than the former.

L finally averted his gaze from the screen and turned to face his captive. "Man spends an average of twenty-five years asleep. If one were to live for eighty years, that would be 31.25% of life wasted lying vulnerable to death when that time cold be better used for something productive. For Raito-kun to suggest that I should willingly surrender myself to unconsciousness, placing myself in a position that will easily allow me to be assassinated or remain unproductive for an undefined period of time, then he would be wishing to hinder this crucial investigation."

Light growled. "That's fucking illogical and you know it, L." There was no way he was dealing with this any longer. He wanted, no needed, some sleep or else he might actually murder someone, preferably the annoyance he was chained to. Kira percentage be damned.

"One reveals their true self when deprived of a want mistaken for a need." Well Light would like to see L go a week without his precious diabetes-inducing sugar diet, maybe then he'll see the detective's 'true self'. "The aura that Raito-kun is expelling along with the dark glint in his eyes and tense posture suggests that he wishes to kill someone. The chance of Raito-kun being Kira has been raised by 10%."

Usually Light could shake off the murder accusations but he was not usually sleep deprive. With fatigue clouding his mind, he lunged at the detective. The teen knocked over a pot of coffee as he tackled L to the ground, too focused on knocking out chain-mate in order to get some form of sleep to notice they were both drenched in the liquid. Whether the caffeine-addled beverage was cooled or still warm, Light didn't care as he attempted to land another punch on the detective while avoiding a barefoot kick.

Being to more alert of the combatants, L was able to turn the tables and managed to tumble on top of Light. Refusing to be overcome by his opponent, Light attempted to push L off of him. The teen grabbed at the detective's chest only to grab onto something… soft…and lumpy...

…and…

…and…

…

"Raito-kun, I do believe that socially unacceptable to grab the breasts of a woman you are not married to." L deadpanned.

But Light did not move. He was certain that L was male forty seconds ago and while the detective did wear ill-fitting clothes, Light would have noticed if a feminine figure was concealed underneath them.

It was illogical, impossible. How can someone spontaneously swap to the opposite sex without extensive surgery and hormone treatment?

"Raito-kun?"

This random sex change was a plausible as Shinigami and murdering notebooks.

So Light did the most logical and appropriate thing for a genius to do in such a situation.

He screamed bloody murder.

{~~~}

Splash. Flat chest, definitely male.

"Some time ago Watari insisted that I take a short 'vacation' from detective work as, he had explained, 'Even the greatest minds need some time to rest to function at full capacity'."

Splash. Now there were definitely breasts. Female.

"We decided to go sight-seeing around China as it was full of myths and folklore just waiting to be disproven."

Splash. Firm muscular figure. Male.

"One of our destinations was the legendary training ground of cursed springs in the Bayankala Mountain range, Zhòuquánxiāng otherwise known as Jusenkyo."

Splash. Soft curvy figure. Female.

"Our guide had warned us to be careful not to fall into any of the springs, as anything that were to fall into one would be cursed to take the form of whatever that originally drowned, ranging from cats to black piglets to Yetis-riding-Bulls-carrying-Cranes-and-Eels."

"Are you serious about the last one, Ryuuzaki?"

Splash. Deep voice. Male. "Yes."

Splash. Higher voice. Female.

"We heeded our guide's warning, even though it sounded like complete nonsense at the time, are remained cautious around the springs."

"Sadly the other members of our group, a father-son duo of travelling martial artists, ignored the warning and proceeded to spar on the bamboo poles above the springs."

Splash. Average-height male.

"Both fell into the springs and were cursed. Unfortunately, I was dragged in with one of them and was also cursed to change between male and female forms with a variation of water temperature…"

Splash. Slightly-shorter female. "…as Matsuda and Aizawa have had the pleasure of demonstrating throughout this explanation."

Both members of the Task Force froze, Matsuda with a kettle of hot water and Aizawa with a pail of cold water, ready to dose the detective again.

"But Ryuuzaki," Matsuda said, empting the kettle onto L. Male. "It's not every day you get to witness real magic."

Aizawa nodded, dousing L with cold water. Female. "This is truly something amazing though I have to ask, are you a girl or a boy?"

L glared at the pair for ruining her cookie, which was now just a pile of soggy crumbs and choc-chips on her hand, before drying herself off with a towel that Watari had gracefully provided. The last thing she needed was to catch a cold and be forced to stay in bed. "That is confidential." The detective muttered.

"But why not?" Soichiro questioned. "We don't know your age, name and now gender. These things are a given when you begin working with someone."

"Exactly." L responded. "Name, age and gender are the three main things that are needed to piece together one's identity. My anonymity is maintained as these pieces on information are impossible to come by which is the reason why I do not search for a cure like many others who are cursed." A sly grin sneaked onto her face. "But there is no need to worry. I can still ask for Raito-kun's hand in marriage regardless of my biological sex."

The Task Force turned to Light, who was still on the floor with one hand twitching.

"L is male then he's female then she's male again then he's female…" The teen was muttering madly.

L kept a neutral face as see observed her star Kira suspect from the other end of the chain. If this was how he reacted to something as small as a minor gender-bending curse, how would a something much larger, such as Kira's supernatural killing method, affect him?

She smirked into her chocolate treat. All she needed now was how Kira killed and Light would be brought to justice. She also needed a way to let the teen sleep without hindering her own work. If L was not careful, Light's next sleep withdrawal will reveal her true name.

{~~~}

Thank you for reading and please, leave a review if you can.

Sorry for the long absence but hopefully I can post something again before… the year ends?

Feel free to use the idea if you want and if enough people are interested, I might write a bit more on this plotline.