Head Common Room

"Lily, I mean it, calm down and just think it through. You're not making any sense!" James yelled.

Lily glared at him, "You don't understand-"

"I don't understand? Of course I don't understand! You're telling me nonsense! You're telling me one thing, then another, then something totally different. You're giving me excuses! If there's something you want to tell me, just tell me!" James shouted.

They had just walked into the Head's common room, both Lily and James tossed their books and bags onto the couch as they continued yelling at each other.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Just leave it, James-"

"I won't just leave it! Bloody hell, Lily, I swear, if you just-"

"Can you stop interrupting me? Blimey, you just can't stand not hearing your voice for a second, you conceited-"

"Stop changing the subject!" James yelled as she began to walk up the stairs to her room.

"Again!" she shrieked, turning around to face him, "Let me hear my own bloody voice please!"

"Then talk! And tell me why you think this!" James was breathing hard, his face red, hair even more messier than it usually is, hands shaking and chest heaving. Lily's never seen him so mad before. Not at her at least.

She got scared all of a sudden, her tough exterior washed away immediately, "James, I-I-I-. Just forget it. Please. I'm stupid," she shook her head and began walking up the stairs again.

"Lily, stop!" he yelled, he's never yelled at her like that before, she jumped, he didn't seem to notice, "You always do this," he whipped off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, "Whenever this comes up. Always. You know we have to talk about this. You know it. So if you'd just sit down and listen to me, I'll listen to you. If you just tried to understand why I think this is so stupid, then I'll try to understand why my offer is out of the question . Just please, Lily. Talk to me!" his voice got a little softer, but there was still a hint of frustration.

Lily closed her eyes tightly and trudged down the stairs, plopping on to the armchair. Sighing, James followed, but stayed standing instead.

"You go first," he said, "You want to hear your voice, go."

"James," she sighed.

"You've got to tell me the truth, though. Lily, just don't lie to me, because I swear," he shook his head. He leaned against the mantle behind him.

His face had softened but his eyes were closed, his fingers still squeezing the bridge of his nose. His glasses were dangling in between his ring and middle finger. For some reason, seeing him like that; slightly annoyed, frustrated, and so superior like, angered her. She forgot about how he scared her when he yelled, how this was all really her fault and how she was planning on apologizing. Instead she steamed up and lashed at him again.

"Can you stop doing that?" Lily scolded.

Noting the tone of her voice, he opened his eyes, raising an eyebrow again, "What?"

Rolling her eyes, she shook her head, "Nevermind," she grumbled.

James crossed his arms, his glasses still relaxed in his fingers, he poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, studying Lily. It was quiet for a long time.

They weren't talking. Neither of them made any noise. His owl was at the Owlery and her cat had wandered off. The windows were closed and the fire was put out, leaving the couple in complete silence.

Finally, James sighed angrily, "Bloody hell, Lily," her head whipped up to look at him, her face as angry as his. "Can you at least help me fix this? I mean it's so damn simple on your part! Just tell me why," he stressed, "Why won't you come and stay at the Manor?"

She looked away from him. He noticed the tears welling up in her eyes. He hated seeing her cry. He hated it. He hated it even more knowing he'd be the reason they fell.

But James had to keep going to find out. Find out why on earth Lily was so against the idea of her staying at the Potter Manor.

It was a week after Lily's parents had died. Lily's second day back at the castle. Both her mother and father and about a dozen other muggles were involved in some horrible Death Eater attack, a warning for the Ministry.

Lily was devastated. Both her parents were gone. And according to her sister in a long, lengthy letter that made it clear that Lily had no home in Cokeworth anymore, nor was it necessary that they keep in touch. Everything had blew up in Lily's face all at once. No room for her to let it all set in.

So James was actually really disappointed in himself at the moment, fighting with Lily like this, as if she didn't have enough on her plate.

He gave her a few more minutes to think, while he wore his glasses again. Nervous for her answer, he began nibbling on his thumb nail. When she took too long, James frowned, and breathed deeply.

He knew what was going to get her to talk. A question that would call to her attention. A question with an answer that terrified him.

Softly, the softest his voice had been yet, he asked, "Why don't you want to stay with me?"

Lily once again whipped her head to look at him. Her eyes were a fiery green that could've burned him. She stood up briskly, knocking over a vase off the table.

She yelled at him, "Do you think this is easy for me?"

James sighed running a shaky hand through his hair.

She ignored him, "Do you think I'd be panicking if there wasn't a lunatic out there, killing people like me. Have you forgotten that that lunatic killed my parents! Don't forget that my sister, the only family I have left, has ended that relationship with me! And to top it all off, I have no home to return to when this year is done!" her voice rang in his ears.

"That's why you can stay with me! That's what I'm offering you! A home!" James retorted back.

"But it's not the one I want," she sobbed, "I didn't grow up there, I don't have memories there, there is nothing there that will remind me of my parents!" She breathed deeply "It's not safe anyway. I'm bloody muggle, James, if you forgot, the type of people those Death Eaters are killing. It's not safe," she spoke over him when he opened his mouth, knowing what he was going to say, "And if you think that I'm going to be all snug and safe after I leave Dumbledore's care, then I swear, James, I overlooked your intelligence. Not even the damn Ministry is going to save me! Alright? I'm bloody scared James and upset and depressed and all you have to respond to that is "Why won't you live at my big fancy Manor?"

"I can protect you," James said softly, "I can. You can stay at the Manor, you've got Sirius and I. And when the two of us is too much for you, my Mum's always there, Mar is just across the backyard, Lily. I'll be there to keep you safe. Just don't leave, Lily, please don't. Please. I'll take care of you. That's what my dad did! He took care of people. Especially muggles, Lily! Lily-"

"And we all know how that ended!" the words had spilled out of her mouth before she could help it. And they were wrong words. Words that stung James.

His face was soft but hard, surprised but emotionless. Unreadable.

A week after their Sixth Year started, James's father was killed by one of the first arrested Death Eaters, Rorius Macnair. He was hit with a Killing Curse during a raid. The murder had shaken the Wizarding World, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, Charlus Potter, had died.

The death of his father had shaken James the most, obviously. For the first time ever, his father wasn't there to fix his mistakes, to solve his problems, or to watch his Quidditch games. No one was home with his Mum, and when James would go home for Holidays, he'd never see the grown up version of him. His father's death had matured him, as if when he passed, James had received his maturity.

Lily's face had softened but was full of anxiety. She was shaking so hard now, and her eyes began to well up. She didn't mean to say it.

"James, I'm so, so, sorry, James. I didn't mean to- oh my God, James, I'm so sorry," she rambled, moving closer to him.

When she was a dictionary away from him, she reached to caress his face, hers already wet with tears. There was a tear in his, threatening to fall from his eye. Her hand, shaking, was so close to touching his face when he moved it away.

Wiping the tear himself, he looked her in the eye. He didn't say anything, just bored his hazel eyes into her emerald ones.

"James," she gasped, "I-"

"Lily? James?" there was a knock on the door, Marlene's voice on the other side.

He tore his eyes away from Lily, and moved swiftly to open the door.

Marlene came in, moving awkwardly, obvious to the tension. "What's wrong? What happened?" she asked the two softly.

"Why'd you come here, Marlene?" James asked bitterly, turning to go fidget with a picture on the mantel.

She looked at Lily, confused. Lily could only look away, wiping away her tears. Marlene looked back at James, "I-" she cleared her throat, "I needed to borrow your broom cleaner. I forgot to ask you yesterday after the game."

"Right," James mumbled, drumming his fingers on the mantel, "I left it in the changing rooms. I'll go get it," he opened the door with his wand and left, trotting down the stairs that lead to the corridors.

"I..." Marlene frowned.

"Follow him. Please," Lily sobbed.

Marlene nodded, skeptically, "Fine, I'll send the boys up here though."

She left.

~~O~~

A Few Minutes Later

"I can't believe this is your fault," Sirius mumbled.

Remus hit him on the head, "Bloody hell, Padfoot, you don't need to make her feel even worse," he looked at Lily, "Don't feel bad."

The boys had ran up to the Head Common Room when Marlene had asked them to. They found Lily, staring at the spot where James had been standing, her face pale and sullen.

When the boys had burst in, she almost dropped on spot before Sirius could wrap her up in a hug.

Through gasps and sobs she told them about the fight.

Now, Sirius had reclined on the couch, next to Lily while Remus sat cross legged on the loveseat. Peter sat on the window sill, looking out the window. Lily was lying down, wrapped in a big, thick blanket.

"I- his father," she said softly, absentmindedly.

Sirius looked at Remus raising an eyebrow, then back down to Lily, "Lily-"

"The way he looked at me earlier."

"Well, you always get mad at him, Lily. I 'spect it's his turn," Peter said.

The other boys glared at him.

Remus crouched down to level with Lily, picking up the remains of the broken vase she had knocked over earlier, "You can't blame James for getting mad. You can't. But you can't blame yourself for being scared. This war affects you immensely. I mean after what happened, you can grieve," he handed her a piece of chocolate from his robe.

She declined, shaking her head.

Sirius sighed, dropping his arm from the back the couch to her back, rubbing it. "He'll cool off," he mumbled.

She shook her head, "I don't think so. What I said- it was... out of line," a tear slipped from her eye, "I'm such a dolt," she sobbed.

"Lily," Sirius groaned, "No crying, please."

"After everything he's done for me; standing up against the Slytherins for me, for every hex he's thrown at Snape and every detention that came with it, for saving me when I found out about you Remus, for loving me, a Mudbl-"

"Don't say it, Lily," Sirius scolded softly.

"I'm such an ungrateful prat. He should just leave me and find some nice pureblood who's not going to get him in trouble with the Dark Lord. I'm no use wasting his life for," she sniffled.

"If James heard that, he would've hit you up side the head. He's bloody mad about you."

"He's bloody mad at me," she grumbled.

"He loves you, Lils," Sirius scolded.

She just closed her eyes, completely tired of herself. She fell asleep.