Hiccup was in the Academy, straightening the saddles and counting the supply ropes in one of the storage areas when he heard Tuffnut and Fishlegs come in behind him. He turned to greet them both, but the look on Fishlegs' face stopped him. Fishlegs somehow looked embarrassed and frightened at the same time, his ears bright red and his face white. His hands were shaking and he kept opening and closing his mouth like a codfish.

"That's what Uncle Gunnarr said, anyway," Tuffnut said, shrugging.

Hiccup crossed the room. "Fishlegs, what's wrong?"

Tuffnut put his hand on Fishlegs' shoulder, and turned to face Hiccup. Fishlegs was still staring into the distance, unfocused and clearly freaked out. "Uncle Gunnarr gave me some, ah, advice last night, and I was sharing it with Fishlegs."

Hiccup frowned. "What kind of advice? Wait, who is Uncle Gunnarr?"

"He's my uncle."

"I gathered that."

"He's here to visit my mom. He's been at sea for so long with the Berzerkers, he had all kinds of stories. Like, more than Johann. More than three Johanns. And they were good stories, too - adventure stories, scary stories, and, you know, useful stories." Tuffnut waggled his eyebrows. Hiccup remained confused, and Fishlegs didn't appear to be aware of anything.

"Useful stories?" Tuff didn't elaborate. He'd gotten distracted by a broken length of spear and Hiccup knew it was useless to try to talk to him.

"Fishlegs, do you need to sit down?"

Fishlegs shook his head. "It's the most… thing I've ever heard," he mumbled, his face bleak.

"What thing? What happened?"

Fishlegs made eye contact with Hiccup, but shut his mouth with an audible snap. He shook his head, refusing to speak.

Hiccup was about to ask Tuffnut again just what he'd told Fishlegs when Snotlout walked in. Well, as much as Snotlout walked anywhere. He strutted or pushed, and sometimes, if Hookfang tossed him off his saddle, he fell into rooms. Today it was strutting, and he flexed his arms, filling the doorway with his body and the rest of the room with his voice.

"Hey! Did you miss me?"

"No," Tuffnut said. "But you're going to be sorry you missed me."

Snotlout pushed his helmet back on his head and glared. "What are you talking about? You're right here. I didn't miss you."

"Not now me. Earlier me. The talking me. From before. You missed me."

Snotlout turned to Hiccup with his palms up, a confused expression on his face.

"I'm as lost as you, Snotlout. Tuff, what did you say to Fishlegs?"

"And why does Fishlegs look like he's about to pass out?" Snotlout was suddenly very interested in the conversation.

"Oh! It's because I told him everything Uncle Gunnarr told me last night. Things I can't really tell the likes of you." Tuff stuck his chest out, nodding sagely at each of them. Hiccup saw Snotlout make a fist and jumped between them.

"I got that part, Tuff, thank you. What exactly did Gunnarr tell you?"

"You don't want to know, Hiccup," Fishlegs said in a quiet voice.

"I want to know," Snotlout declared.

"Well, I suppose I could share it with you, though you're not part of the Berzerker heritage," Tuff said, tapping his chin. "Your constitution isn't so strong and full of strength like ours."

"Hiccup, outta my way. I'm going to punch him."

"Your punches cannot harm me!" Tuff brandished the half spear in his hand, spinning it wildly and almost cutting his ear in the process. "I have been given the secrets to eternal life and happiness!"

"Is that what has Fishlegs so upset?" At least Fishlegs looked at little better, Hiccup thought. He had color in his face again, though he was slowly turning more and more red.

"Oh, no," Tuffnut said, tossing his spear over his shoulder. "He hasn't been the same since I told him about the book of Not Dragons."

Both Snotlout and Hiccup spoke in unison. "The what?"

"I gotta go. Bye!" Fishlegs nearly ran out of the room and up the ramp to where Meatlug was waiting for him.

"Well, it's not the book of dragons, but it is a book, so I figure that's what it's called."

"The book of Not Dragons? Seriously?" Snotlout was rubbing his fist with his hand. Tuffnut didn't appear to notice.

"Why would a book of 'not dragons' scare Fishlegs?"

Tuffnut stepped close to Hiccup and lowered his voice, his eyes wide and excited. Snotlout moved closer. "Because, my friends, it contains the secrets to everything."

Hiccup was ready to end this conversation and go home, but Snotlout had other ideas. "Like what?"

"Well, remember when we got the talk?"

Hiccup felt his neck begin to turn red. This conversation was not something he wanted to hear. Maybe he could catch up to Fishlegs.

"Yeah," Snotlout replied, his voice impatient. "That was years ago."

"The book of Not Dragons is like the talk, only better."

Hiccup wanted to step back, but Tuffnut still had his arm on Hiccup's shoulder, and Snotlout was suddenly extremely interested in everything being said. "Better... how?"

Oh, Gods. This was not going to end well.

"Well, imagine every possible thing you could possibly imagine."

Snotlout looked at Tuffnut, unimpressed.

"Whatever it is, it's in the book of Not Dragons."

"Ok, I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're annoying, so I'm leaving."

Hiccup tried not to sound audibly relieved as Tuffnut followed Snotlout out of the room, arguing with him about the secrets of life and happiness as they left the arena. He finished cleaning up the room, hiding the half a spear that Tuffnut had found, and arranging the other equipment. He was about to shut the door and lock it when Tuffnut came back.

"What now, Tuffnut?"

"I need to ask you for some help." Tuffnut was looking over his shoulder while pushing Hiccup back into the room.

"Can you make it quick?"

"Yeah. Quick. Good call. Need to move fast."

Hiccup stood and waited. Tuffnut stared at him blankly. "What do you need, Tuffnut?"

"Oh! Right. I need something that locks."

"What, like a room? A chain? Can this maybe wait until tomorrow?"

"No, no, it cannot wait. I must hide this from Ruffnut or she'll- no, no, let's not even speak of it."

"Not a problem, since I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Hiccup. The Book of Not Dragons is mine and mine alone, and I need to hide it from her snooping, thieving, devious —"

"Ok, ok," Hiccup said, holding his palms up. "I get it. You need something to put the book in. How big is it?"

Tuffnut held up his arms and began to describe the book to Hiccup, while Hiccup tried to stop himself from rolling his eyes. He pulled out his notebook quickly and wrote down what Tuffnut was saying.

"So, right. You need a box, something that locks, fairly impossible to break open. Do I have that right?"

"Yes! And it should be soft on the inside, too. I don't want to damage the leather. It's a really nice, soft cover, a dark dark red, feels good on my skin. Looks good, too. If I wear it."

"You wear it, and the book feels good on your - no, no. I do not want to know." Hiccup lifted his head and looked at Tuffnut. "Wait, red? It's dark red leather?"

"Yeah, really dark, like burnt red, with a big swoopy-thing on the front, and a bunch of marks in it, but I ignore those. The back is smooth, supple, and I like to rub it on my-"

"No. Stop right there."

"Hey, guys. What's up?"

"Hey, Astrid," Hiccup said, thankful to be interrupted, yet wondering how long it would be until he got to go home and eat.

"Oh, nothing, nothing. See you later, Hiccup!" Tuffnut ran out the door and up the ramp, turning to make some strange gesture at Hiccup, followed by a thumbs up, before he disappeared.

"What's with him?"

"I have no idea," Hiccup replied, shaking his head.