A/N: This is one of those things where you have to wonder why I thought this was a good idea. Also, this fic is female!Robin and all the marriages are based off the ones I did in my first playthrough.

April 10, 4:20 PM, Detention Center

There were a lot of things in Phoenix Wright's life that didn't make sense. That was, apparently, just how his life worked, and just how his life had always worked, even if there had been a definite increase in strange after Mia died and he took over her law office. That being said, there was little that could have prepared him to meet his new client: a burly brunet in bluish-silver plate armor.

He had, evidently, been arrested after his employer decided to press charges for sexual harassment.

"Isn't it usually the other way around?" Maya said.

"I honestly have no idea why milord had me arrested," the brunet said, "I was simply carrying out my duties as I always do-"

"That's nice," interrupted Phoenix, "but shouldn't you start with your name?"

"Oh, of course," the brunet said, sitting up even straighter than he already was, if that was even possible, "I am Frederick the Wary. I am in need of a good defense attorney."

"Well, you came to the right place," Phoenix said, presenting his attorney's badge, "my name is Phoenix Wright: ace attorney."

"And I'm Maya Fey: ace spirit me- err, manager and assistant!" Maya added brightly. "Now, why don't you tell us a bit more about your employer?"

Frederick nodded. "Of course. My 'employer' is none other than Prince Chrom of Ylisse-"

"Wait, 'prince'?" Phoenix said, "so your employer's a man?"

"Yes," Frederick said, giving Phoenix a curious look, "does that… change anything?"

"Of course not!" Maya said quickly, waving her hands, "we don't have a problem with that at all! I mean, like, my best friend's bisexual-"

"Wait, Maya, I thought I was your best friend."

"…yeah?"

There was an awkward pause after that.

"I'm straight," Phoenix muttered sulkily while Maya continued asking Frederick about why, exactly, he had been arrested for sexual harassment. He seemed as baffled as Phoenix and Maya, although admittedly for fairly different reasons.

If the nonsense had ended there, of course, that would have been fine by Phoenix. But something about Frederick's earnestness (and confusion) prompted him to take the case. Fair enough, Phoenix had thought; he knew it was going to be a wild ride, but he was sure he could get him acquitted, or at least get this Prince Chrom guy to drop the charges. Maybe it was a little odd, but it was straightforward odd.

What wasn't straightforward odd was the odd, glowing, purple, vaguely-eye-shaped portal in the sky that had opened up right outside of the detention center. Or the teenaged girl in a blue cape and top hat who dropped out of it, landing gracefully on Phoenix's bike and bending its front wheel all out of shape in the process.

"At least my bike's still fine," was all Maya had to say to that.

"Hi, Daddy!" said the top hat girl, energetically waving and still perched atop Phoenix's poor, defeated bike.

"Woah, Nick," Maya said, "when did you have a kid?!"

"Never!" Phoenix said, flabbergasted, "and even if I did and just didn't know about it, there's no way she could be this old by now!"

"…too much information, Nick."

"You asked!"

The top hat girl giggled. "I'm actually his daughter from the future," she explained, "my name's Trucy."

"Uh… hi, Trucy," Phoenix said awkwardly.

"I can't believe you reproduced," Maya said thoughtfully.

"Actually, I'm adopted," Trucy said, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

She then proceeded to follow Phoenix into the taxi that he took back to his office. When she revealed that she didn't have any cash on her for her share of fare and dashed into the office without another word, Phoenix made the mistake of lifting his face to sky and asking why, God, why did all these crazy things happen to him and could his life possibly get any crazier?

"…are you Mr. Phoenix Wright?"

Phoenix looked back down to see a white-haired woman with purplish robes (not at all like Kurain ones) and a kind-looking face. "Yeah," Phoenix said, presenting his badge to her, "that's me. Can I help you, Ms…?"

"Robin," she said, "I'm a friend of both Frederick's and Chrom's. I was hoping to talk to you about the case."

"Oh," Phoenix said, "well, my office is just up here. I'd be glad to hear what you had to say." This is good, though, Phoenix thought. If Robin was coming to help, surely she believed in Frederick… right? "The desk is not for sitting, Trucy," Phoenix said as he and Robin walked in.

"Aww," Trucy said, sliding off of Phoenix's desk, "future you never cared if I sat on your desk…"

"Er," Phoenix said, glancing at Robin, but she looked only faintly amused.

"This is your daughter from the future, Mr. Wright?" she said.

"Wow, how did you know?" said Trucy.

"I have a son from the future," Robin said, "but I left Morgan in Ylisse while I came to help sort this out between Chrom and Frederick."

Meanwhile, back in Ylisse

"Morgan!" Inigo yelled.

"Yeah?" Morgan said brightly, putting down his book. Inigo dropped a dictionary on top of it.

"I looked up what 'gigolo' actually meant," he said, "please tell me you didn't know."

"Didn't know what?" Morgan said.

"Whaaaat?!" Cynthia (Inigo's S-Rank bae) cried, walking in, "Inigo, you're a gigolo?"

"No!" Inigo yelled.

"What else haven't you been telling me?" Cynthia said, clearly upset.

"Nothing!" Inigo made an angry face at Morgan. "This is all your fault!"

"You're welcome," said Morgan.

"Oh yeah," Phoenix said, "Frederick wasn't really able to explain his relationship with Chrom in the first place. Can you tell me what's going on?"

Robin nodded. "I think pressing charges was actually Sumia's - Chrom's wife's - idea. I think Frederick's behavior disturbed her… not to say that it didn't disturb Chrom, too, but usually he let it slide."

"What exactly was Frederick's behavior?"

"…to be honest," Robin said, frowning, "it was the sort of thing where it's understandable that Chrom would be disturbed. Frederick has nothing but the highest respect for Chrom, but sometimes he shows that a little… inappropriately."

"I see," said Phoenix, although he really didn't.

"For instance, there was one time - actually, several times - where Frederick cleared the road of all the pebbles so that Chrom wouldn't trip."

"Oh."

"And there was another time when we encountered some sort of couple, and Frederick spent half of the battle after that trying to convince Chrom that they should have a bond exactly like that. Although I thought, at least at the time, that Frederick didn't realize the nature of the couple…"

…they got into a battle with the couple? Phoenix thought, confused, wait… they got into a battle?! "I see," he said.

"Chrom was already married at that time, too," Robin said, "but he ended up just brushing it off."

"But if Chrom had previously brushed off Frederick's… advances…?, how did his wife convince him to press charges?" Phoenix asked.

"Oh, Sumia can be a little scary sometimes," Robin said, smiling, "when you're married to someone who can clear an entire battlefield by herself, it's best to take her seriously."

I wonder if this lady's married, Phoenix said, suddenly feeling very worried for her spouse, whoever he may be. Hopefully Robin's hypothetical husband was a seasoned warrior or whatever it was these strange people did.

"Fir-! oh dangit Nick, when did you get here before I-! NICK WHO IS THIS," Maya yelled, kicking open the Wright & Co. Law Offices door with adroit ardor.

"We were in a taxi while you were on a bike, Aunt Maya," Trucy said.

"Okay, still," Maya said, "Nick, who's this?" Robin introduced herself. "So you're taking our side in court?"

"Uh…" Robin said with a worried frown, "I honestly don't want to pick sides, so I won't be testifying. But I will help you if you try to convince Chrom to drop charges."

"That works," said Phoenix, "can you help us get in touch with Chrom before the trial?"

"Nick, the trial's tomorrow," Maya said.

"…oh," Phoenix said sheepishly. Why, why did he only ever get clients right before the trial? Was his name listed in the phonebook as "last-ditch, last-minute defense attorney, pro bono only"?

"I'll see what I can do tonight," Robin promised.

April 11, 9:45 AM, District Court, Defendant's Lobby No. 1

"I take it milord has not decided to drop charges," Frederick said.

"…yet," Phoenix said, "he hasn't decided to drop charges yet."

Robin walked into the room. "Hello Phoenix, Maya, Trucy, Frederick…" They all greeted her in turn. "So, the prosecutor today…" she started.

"Isn't it Mr. Edgeworth?" Maya said.

"Is that what his name is?" Robin said, "He looks exactly like Virion."

"Interesting," said Frederick.

"Looks exactly like who now?" Maya said.

"Nevermind," Frederick and Robin said at the same time.

April 11, 10:00 AM, District Court, Courtroom No. 1

"Court is now in session for the trial of Frederick the Wary."

"The defense is ready, your Honor."

"The prosecution is ready as well, your Honor," Edgeworth said.

The Judge nodded. "Very well. Mr. Edgeworth, your opening statement, please."

Edgeworth nodded and pulled out a piece of paper. While he looked professional, there was something about the wrinkle of his nose as he read off the paper that just screamed 'I cannot take this trial seriously and everyone from Ylisse is insane.' Or maybe Phoenix was projecting? "There's not much to say about this case. The victim, Prince Chrom of Ylisse, has merely decided to finally press charges for sexual harassment following years of continued incidents."

"Was there a particular incident that lead to the victim pressing charges?" the Judge asked.

"Actually, Prince Chrom's wife was the one who got fed up with it. She persuaded him to press charges in the hopes that it would stop."

"I see," said the Judge. "You may call your first witness, then."

Edgeworth put his paper down and stared blankly ahead like he was hoping that if he ignored all this, then it might go away. (Again, that might've been Phoenix projecting.) "The prosecution, who would like to cut right to the heart of the matter, calls Prince Chrom of Ylisse to the stand."

The stand was taken by a tall, handsome, blue-haired man in a… was that a onesie? He also had a few pieces of armor and a freaking cape, but that… that was a onesie.

"Witness, name and occupation."

"Prince Chrom of Ylisse. Commander of the Shepherds and, uh, prince of Ylisse."

"Could you describe to us a few of the incidents that lead to you accusing the defendant of sexual harassment?"

"Um, yes, Vir-" Chrom grimaced. "Sorry. Gods, you look exactly like him - only your hair is a bit different. You two could be twins."

"It's true," Frederick offered from the defendant's box.

"I wonder if Virion is going to show up before the trial's over," Maya commented.

"But of course I am," said a French-accented voice from the gallery right behind the defense bench. Maya whiled around.

"Oh my gods, Nick! Look! It's Edgeworth's stunt double!"

Phoenix elected to ignore Maya and Virion as Edgeworth said flatly, "Witness, please proceed."

"Alright," Chrom said, still grimacing, "the one that comes to mind right now is the time that he had all these… motivational posters made, and he hung them in the Shepherd's tents…"

"…yes, and?" Phoenix prompted.

"Well, I was naked in the posters."

Maya headdesked. Phoenix gave Frederick his best 'are you KIDDING me' look.

"It was the most inspirational thing I could have imagined," Frederick said with a shrug.

"I see," said the Judge. Was he paying attention to anything? "Mr. Wright, your cross-examination, please."

Phoenix took a deep breath. "Witness, what exactly happened to these posters?"

Chrom gave Phoenix an extremely odd look. "Don't tell me you want to see them."

"No!"

"Methinks the lady doth protest too much," Maya sang.

"We already have a copy of the poster in question submitted as evidence, but there's no need for us to actually look at it," Edgeworth said, looking remarkably bored, "incidentally, Maya, that actual line is 'The lady doth protest too much, methinks,' and when Hamlet was written, 'protest' meant 'to vow' or 'to declare solemnly'."

"Oh," Maya said, "Well, you learn something new every day!"

"Anyway," Phoenix said, "witness, answer the question."

"All the posters were taken down before anyone saw them," Chrom said with a shrug.

"Sooo," Phoenix said, "no harm, no foul, right?"

Chrom gave him a slightly confused look before blinking once and saying, "well, that's sort of what I thought after it was over with."

"So how come you pressed charges?" Maya pressed.

"It was kind of my wife's idea," Chrom said.

"Ah," Phoenix said, putting his hands on his hips, "your Honor, the defense would like to call a witness of their own!"

"Very well. Who?"

"Prince Chrom's wife, Sumia!"

"An excellent idea," Edgeworth said dryly, "except she was never subpoenaed, seeing as we can't really contact anyone in Ylisse due to-"

He was interrupted by the courtroom doors slamming open and a pure white pegasus swooped in as the gawky brunette on its back flusteredly yelled, "Sorry! Sorry!"

"Great timing as ever, Sumia," Chrom said warmly, stepping out from behind the witness stand as the pegasus landed in the middle of the courthouse floor. "You've just been summoned as a witness."

"Oh, I have?" Sumia said, "I'll do my best, then… Chrom, could you take-"

"Of course," Chrom said, awkwardly patting the pegasus and then leading it towards the gallery. Because that made sense. Meanwhile, Sumia hurried towards the witness stand, tripping on the way over. This was the woman who could clear an entire battlefield by herself?!

"Darn boots," Sumia moaned, pulling herself up on the stand.

"Witness," Edgeworth said, turning back to the court after staring at the pegasus for a while, "name and occupation."

"Sumia. I'm a Dark Flier for the Shepherds."

"And you are married to Prince Chrom of Ylisse?"

"Yes," Sumia said, smiling shyly, "we have two daughters."

"And are you the one who convinced Prince Chrom to press charges against my client?" Phoenix said.

"Y-Yes," Sumia said.

"Why is this?"

"Did you feel threatened or something?" Maya said.

"No, no," Sumia said, "it was actually… because of Cordelia."

"Because of Cordelia?" Frederick said, stunned.

"Well, I know you two kind of only got together because you're both in love with my husband," Sumia mumbled.

"I assure you I would do nothing to ruin your marriage," Frederick started, taken aback - well, for him, anyway.

"This isn't about my marriage, though!" Sumia said, "this is about your marriage!"

"…you're married?" Phoenix said, putting his 'are you KIDDING me' face back on.

"Oh, I see," said the Judge, "so this was all a misunderstanding! It was just the victim's wife trying to save a friend's marriage!"

"Um, yes? I guess so…" Sumia said, giving the Judge a weird look.

"In that case, I would advise Prince Chrom to drop charges," Edgeworth said.

"…although I do want Frederick to stop acting so… creepy," Sumia said quietly, "no offense, Frederick."

"None taken."

"I guess Virion, err, not-Virion has a point," Chrom said, walking over to the witness stand to stand next to Sumia. "Well, I'm willing to drop charges. I'm really sorry about all this, Frederick."

"No harm done, milord."

"Okay then," said the Judge, who still seemed remarkably unfazed by all this, "in that case, I hereby declare the defendant, Frederick the Wary-"

And then a dragon crashed through the ceiling.

"I am far too sober for this," Edgeworth muttered. Huh. Phoenix didn't even know he drank. Of course, he shouldn't have been focusing on that right now. He should have been focusing on the FREAKING WYVERN THAT JUST SHATTERED THE CEILING OF THE COURTHOUSE AND RAINED CHUNKS OF REBAR AND BITS OF PLASTER ON EVERYONE, AND OH YEAH, IT WAS A DRAGON.

"Oops! Looks like ol' Teach screwed up!"

The wyvern roared.

"Well now!" said the Judge, sounding mildly startled, "a flying horse was bad enough, but a wyvern? In my courtroom? This is inexcusable! We need to evacuate at once!"

"Aw, it's just Minerva," said a silver-haired man dressed in black and purple, "she's harmless! Now, is anyone injured?"

"Henry, go get Lissa and Cherche," Chrom ordered, frowning.

"Aww! But people might be bleeding!" Henry protested, but stepped back out anyway. Minerva roared again.

April 11, 10:30 AM, District Court, Defendant's Lobby No. 1

"Well, all's well that ends well, right, Nick?" Maya said, clapping her hands together cheerfully. "At least Frederick got declared not guilty! …kind of!"

"That was probably the craziest trial of my life," Phoenix said solemnly.

"It was fairly straightforward," Frederick disagreed.

"…a dragon crashed though the courthouse ceiling."

"It was just Minerva," Robin said, "she's harmless."

Frederick nodded once. "Well, now that I am released of charges, I think we should all go back to Ylisee."

"That's a good idea," Robin said, smiling.

Maya looked around vaguely. "Are there more of you guys than just the ones who were at the trial today?"

"Not really," Robin said, then frowned. "Actually, Libra came too, but I don't know where he is…"

Meanwhile, somewhere in Los Angeles

"Okay, how 'bout this one," Larry said, "Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers."

Libra frowned at him, trying very hard not to feel offended. "As I said before, I am not a woman. I'm a man."

"We all have our problems!"

"…are you even listening to me?"

"I'm sure he's fine, though," Robin said.

The door to the defendant's lobby opened. A short reddish-brown-haired boy with a large wizard's hat peeked up. "Guys, we should get going," he said.

"Of course," Frederick said.

"By the way, Mr. Wright," Robin said, smiling and reaching out a hand for the boy to take, "this is my husband, Ricken."

"Ricken, huh?" Maya said.

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "Your husband? He looks awfully young."

"That doesn't mean anything," Ricken protested indignantly.

"How old are you?"

"…"

"…"

Yep, Phoenix Wright's life didn't make any sense. It was all the more obvious as he watched the white-haired woman from another world get arrested for statutory rape as her underaged husband fumed and demanded that they leave her alone. Even better when Ricken started begging Phoenix to defend her in court so she could come home - and speaking of home, Phoenix's daughter from the future was still at his, as far as he knew. But other than that? Everything was business as usual. Or at least as usual as you can get when you're Phoenix Wright.

Yes, Morgan did call Inigo a gigolo. It was in the Hot Springs Scramble DLC. And obviously all the stuff that Frederick did to Chrom really happened, too, but I probably didn't need to say that.

Uh... you know, I don't have anything else to say. Except for did I mention that Virion and Edgeworth look a lot alike? Because Virion and Edgeworth look a lot alike!