Sacrifices

"He felt feathered wings on his eyelids and a song of sorrow beyond his ears." -Unknown

The blade through her heart was as disturbing as the wings charred into the ground around her. She had said yes. Somewhere along the line, she had let an angel use her to do their bidding on Earth. He always thought she was too caring, sweet for her own good but he was sixteen back then and the world should have tainted her soul in the years since. No one slipped by unscathed, especially someone that he had come in contact with at one point in time or another. Yet, here she was lying in front of him with an angel blade in her chest, far too late for any deal or bargain to bring her back. Her name had spilt from his lips over and over in a whispered prayer but her chest refused to fill with the life he felt he had taken from her.

"Dean," Castiel spoke from behind, making his presence known.

The hunter used his thumb to wipe away a spec of blood from her porcelain cheek, his insides twisting at the sight of something so pure being so broken, destroyed, before pulling the blade from her chest. In the next second he had Castiel pinned up against the brick wall, the blade that had killed his Madeline hovering just above the angel's neck. Rage filled his veins, the name of Winchester cursing him once again, and he couldn't take it anymore. Everyone had sins to atone to but not Madeline, not the last hope he had in the world of lies and deception.

And it was the angel in front of him that caused it all.

"Dean," Castiel tried again, seeing the storm that had been brewing in the eldest Winchester's eyes finally breaking. "You don't want to do this."

"Oh, I really think I do."

"She wouldn't want you to do this."

Humidity hung thick in the air as she pushed herself back and forth in the old tire swing, allowing what little breeze it created to make the day more bearable. Momma was correcting papers again and daddy had long since taken to the bottle, leaving Madeline to fend for herself. She was used to it though. How was she supposed to know that there was any other way? Dean had made her smiles brighter in the weeks he had been staying with Sonny at the farm and she only hoped that he wouldn't be taken away before she had enough time with him. There was never enough time with the things or people she loved the most and she waited for her world to come crashing down around her once more.

"What's wrong?"

Madeline hadn't even heard him come up behind her and she let out a breath after Dean started to push her on the swing. "Just waiting for the moment when you leave."

"Trying to get rid of me?"

"Never," she paused for a moment and closed her eyes as if she could fly right up to the stars and get lost in them away from where she was now. "I just know that soon enough you're going to be gone and…"

"And what?"

"I'll be forgotten again."

Dean took hold of the thick rope, slowing the swing until she was stopped, and could look her straight in the eye. He might have been sixteen years old but he knew what it felt like to want to protect his brother and here he was having that same strong feeling towards someone who wasn't blood. "You can never be forgotten, Maddie. You matter too much."

She couldn't help but cry as the truth tore down every wall she thought she had built around her. How could two simple words break her down so much. To a shallow mess of tears and feelings. You matter. That was all he had to tell her in order for the flood gates to open like they did. You matter. Words she had of course heard before. It was customary in her home to make sure someone knew of their importance. For how would they not after they had been so delicately destroyed. To hear she mattered broke her heart. For she hated herself so much that it was almost impossible to understand how so positivity someone else could find within her. Why? That was what she didn't understand. Why was it so hard to accept someone else's view of her? Why could she not see what these others deemed to be so true? Why was her heart so full of love for others yet so full of hate for herself? Why did their sense of truth break her? For years she had pined for him, before she ever knew his name, before his eyes looked at her in both softness and intensity, before she saw such truth in their brightness. Was it fear? Fear of the ability that her own self hate wasn't the truth she claimed it to be? Fear that perhaps she was the only one holding herself back in an entire world that wanted her to move forward? It was a series of questions and uncertainties she couldn't gift now no matter how hard she tried, or how long those eyes looked at her, or how long those words hung in the air. You matter. Her heart had begun to beat so hard you would have thought he said he loved her. Yet, in a sense he had. Dean admitted to her a fact that she wanted, needed, to know. She was of importance. She didn't understand how or why. But she was. She had invaded someone's life so much and so delicately that she had affected him to the point they fared for her. She mattered.

"I was just trying to help," Castiel attempted to explain to his friend though he wasn't quite sure if he was able to use that term anymore. "If that faction kept growing it would have been twice the size of Raphael's."

A new fire burned within Dean as the tip of the blade pierced Castiel's skin, small droplets of blood beading around the wound before rolling down his neck. "Tell me it wasn't you. Tell me that you weren't the one to put this blade through her chest." When the angel had yet to answer Dean pressed a little harder, the blood flowing more freely now. "Tell me!"

"The angel she had allowed to use her was very powerful…if we didn't…"

Dean snarled as he pulled the blade from Castiel's neck, ready to stab him through the heart as he had done his Madeline. A justice that only he could see fit for such a crime as his friend betrayed him. But before he could bring the blade down and through Castiel's chest, Sam's hand was there clasped around his wrist in an iron grip refusing him the kill that welcomed itself at his feet. That moment was all it took for Castiel to get away, leaving the two Winchesters and the mangled body of his only love.

"What does your dad do?"

Dean sat next to her on the couch, shrugging the question off like he had been taught to do as soon as he entered elementary school. "Boring stuff."

"Do you like it?"

"Not really…but he expects me to follow in his footsteps."

"Yeah, I get it. My mom wants me to become a teacher but that's not happening. So, what do you really want to do?"

A genuine smile pulled at the corner of his lips, no one had ever really cared what he wanted before. He had to be his father's little soldier and Sammy's protector but in a world where he was able to have his own dreams, "I wanna be a rock star," he chuckled at the thought, knowing he sounded as naïve as the kids he made fun of, that he was jealous of. "But I also really like cars."

"Being a mechanic seems rough."

"What? No, not at all. Cars are freaking cool as hell. Fixing them is like a puzzle and the best part is when you're done they leave and you're not responsible for them anymore."

Had Sam not always have come first maybe he could have stayed with her, gotten away from the supernatural, and worked in the garage like he wanted to. But, blood came first and he couldn't help but think that she was one more thing he sacrificed in the name of the family business.