You ask me what I hold on to when I am sad; when I am genuinely feeling down with the way my life unfolds, when work brings me no solace it is supposed to bring, when relationships take the turn I never intend them to go to; I close my eyes and I hold onto the sound of my name in the way she says it; the way she adds the abounding love of a dearest friend, the non-deterring trust of a companion on the road of life, it is more than just four letters, more than just another playful abbreviation of my name from her lips. One word for the ears, four letters for the mind, it is so much more than I can ever thoroughly describe.

The name that I was born with had a connection with me deeper than I could ever acknowledge. Truthfully, when I did learn what it meant, it made me proud of being expected to live up to a name as somber and eloquent as that, "Maura". It was uplifting. I have always appreciated the significance of the psychological aspects a person's own name has on his/her eventual perspective on life; and I have come to admire my name in more ways than one. The way it weighs in the air. The way people grasp attention as it hangs on to the echo of its own vibration. I like how layered it is, how strong it feels. But I have never found so much solace in it when Jane calls me Maur.

"Maur, please get me that?"

"Maur where are you?"

"Maur are you okay?"

"Come on Maur, it's time to go home."

There is a rhythm that soothes my aches when she articulates it; it is the comfort of an affection that needs no name to be bound to. I can feel her moods in that one word, the highs and the lows, the joys and the sadness, everything sums up in the way she calls me and I feel it. Sometimes I hear it when her eyes speak that name, when she just looks at me and I hear it and I understand. It is always that one word and resonates in me like the pulse in my veins.

Every time my name escapes from Jane's lips in the silent mist of a smile, that term of endearment echoes around my ears and clings to my heart; it makes me feel happy, content. There is a haze of joy that surrounds it, a smile borne of reasons unknown hugs my lips as if that was the way I was supposed to be called all along, as if there was never any other word associated to my identity in this world, as if I was living all this time just to find it being said the way she says it. The casual touches of the sound on my heart, it melts me and it warms me, it snuggles me close and makes promises. I love it more than I should perhaps, but I cannot control how much my heart reveres it the way Jane says it. When she says my name like that, it becomes a whole new thing. I become a whole new soul. It is my safe haven in this ruthless, unforgiving world; it is my home where my heart wishes to dwell forever, the embrace of a care and concern that I had been looking for all my life. So yes, I hold it dear, I cling to the sound of it, and I anticipate when she would say it… my name in her voice… is what I hold on to.