Chapter 1

…

Merlin's life wasn't the same after Arthur died.

He hadn't spent more than a day or two away from the man for years, ever since he became the Arthur's servant. Being left alone wasn't something Merlin had allowed himself to consider, but suddenly, it was his reality. He spent a lot of time alone, mostly only talking to Gaius and to Gwen. Arthur had been the most important person in his life, his king, sure, but also his best friend and a part of his destiny. Without Arthur, Merlin was lost.

It took Merlin about a month after Arthur's death to realize he'd stopped aging. Actually, it was more than that. You don't really notice yourself aging. It was more like Merlin had… frozen. His hair stopped growing. He didn't need to eat or sleep as much. He almost didn't even feel alive.

He started drinking then. He'd had a few nights right after Arthur's death where he drank until he blacked out, but he knew he couldn't allow that. So drank just enough to dull the pain, using it like a medicine, and he forced himself to continue.

Years passed, with no change. He continued on, drinking a little more every year when it wasn't working any more, all the while just trying to forget the sadness consuming him. He watched Gaius grow older and weaker. Then he watched Gaius die.

He'd always known he would see Gaius die. But that didn't make it easier. Gaius was like a father to him, and losing him was as painful as losing Arthur.

But still, he continued on. He had to. He watched over Gwen and the Knights of Camelot, making sure that they lived long, full lives. If one of them was injured or caught disease, he would save them. But that didn't last forever. Soon, they began dying too.

In time, Gwen died too. Sir Leon's oldest son, Rupert, became king. His father had taught him well in politics and in kindness. Unfortunately, Sir Leon didn't live to see it, as he'd died a year previous.

Merlin advised King Rupert, and his son, and his son's son. But, when Leon's great-grandson died, Merlin couldn't continue any more. He left Camelot to live alone in the wilderness. He didn't want to see anyone else die.

Merlin remembered people he'd encountered whose wish was to live forever. Merlin wondered, if they knew what it was really like, would they still want that? Would anyone choose to live on as everyone they ever knew or cared for died in front of them?

There were times that Merlin wanted to die. He wasn't really sure if he could, but he wanted to. The only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that, someday, Arthur was fated to return, and he had to be there. It was a small light at the end of a very long tunnel.

After a while, Merlin got tired of seeing his face the way it was. He hated looking the same way he had when Arthur died. He hated looking young, when he knew he wasn't. He felt old. So he decided to take on an old disguise, as "Dragoon the Great", though that's certainly not what he called himself. He took the potion for a while, before finally realizing that he didn't need it. His magic had grown much stronger after Gwen removed the ban on magic, and it grew even stronger when he started living alone, as he used it then to satisfy his basic needs. After a few years, Merlin grew accustomed to keeping up the disguise, to where it didn't even bother him anymore to maintain. And, while at first, it had made his eyes gold all the time, over a few decades, it faded into a thin ring of gold around the natural blue.

He also stopped drinking. He knew he had to stop, he was drinking so much by then. He knew it probably wouldn't kill him if it hadn't already, but he didn't feel right about it. So he forced himself to slow down. Every year, he forced himself to drink one less pint a day. When he started he was drinking almost a keg per day. He quit slowly, but he knew he had time.

After the first century, when he'd finally gotten down to drinking nothing and had kept doing that for a year, Merlin came out of his solitude. He moved to a small town, and became the local physician. However, he took on a new name, "Colin Morgan", which he kept. Every decade or so, he would move to a new town and do the same thing.

He noticed that his older appearance seemed to help keep away suspicion. People took him seriously, assuming he had more life experience because of his age. He tried reverting back to his ordinary appearance once, just to see if it would work. It didn't. No one wanted to hire a 25 year-old claiming to be a qualified physician.

Plus, Merin always seemed sad (because he was), and people were less likely to talk to him about it when he looked like an old man. Old men are often sad.

After two centuries, Merlin decided to do something new. He had been thinking that, when Arthur returned, he would come to the Isle of the Blessed. Merlin wasn't sure how exactly he'd come to that conclusion, he supposed it was just several centuries' worth of thinking about it.

So Merlin moved closer to the Isle of the Blessed, to the outskirts of a larger city. He started farming a small area, using a bit of magic to help his plants out, and he would sell his products in town. And, once a week, he would go back to the Isle of the Blessed. Often times, he would just sit there, looking over the water.

When people got a bit too nosy or suspicious, which happened after a few decades, he moved to the outskirts of another town near the Isle of the Blessed. Then, when those people got suspicious, he moved back to the first city.

This routine continued for many centuries afterward.

As the world progressed, so did Merlin. He forced himself to keep in touch with society, so that he knew who was in charge, what the laws were, et cetera.

But he never drank. Merlin didn't allow a single drop of alcohol into his body after he'd quit. Sometimes it was hard, but he did it. For Arthur. For Gaius. For Gwen. And for himself.

Days, months, and years blended together. Merlin kept track of important dates in history, but mostly forgot about holidays.

The only holidays Merlin really remembered were New Year's Eve and New Year's Day. Those days, he always spent by the Isle of the Blessed, which tended to be especially quiet then.

The one New Year's Eve that he remembered most was the one that happened the night of December 31st, 1999.

Merlin went to the actual Isle that night, instead of staying on the mainland and looking at it from afar.

The year 2000. It had been so long since Camelot. So long since the last time he saw Arthur or Gaius or Gwen or the Knights or any of the Kings he advised. So long.

Merlin took down his disguise too, something he hadn't done for several decades. He stared at his reflection in the water, stared at his unchanged, young face. It was so strange seeing himself that way. Like… seeing a ghost.

Merlin sighed and looked out over the water. It was so beautiful there, it was hard to believe this is where Arthur had died.

"Over a thousand years have passed," Merlin said quietly, breaking the absolute silence that had settled over the area. "Some days… I can't remember Gwen's face. Or Gaius's voice. But…"

Merlin's eyes were wet, and his voice choked up with emotion. He stared at the water, knowing that Arthur's remains were down there somewhere.

"I… still… remember… the way the sunlight shone on your hair."

Merlin shut his eyes as tears began to fall, and he put back on his aged disguise. He didn't want to look at his young self any longer. It didn't feel right seeing himself like that, without Arthur by his side.

"I don't want to be alone anymore," he whispered, eyes still shut to the world. "Please come back."

…

REVIEW!

I know this chapter is ridiculously depressing. I admit, I got a little teary while writing it. But, rest assured, it will get better. I just had to establish a background before I jumped into plot.

By the way, I have to give credit to FandomUniverse_ on iFunny. That's where I got the quote, "Over a thousand years have passed. Some days I can't remember Gwen's face. Or Gauis's voice. But I still remember the way the sunlight shone on your hair." The first time I saw it, it absolutely destroyed me, and I had to include it here because it was so moving.

Updates, in case you didn't already see, will be Tuesdays and Thursdays.

Quick heads-up: This is going to be one of my longer stories. It'll be something like 30-35 chapters in total, all of them probably close to this length. So It'll end sometime mid-October. I promise it will be worth it. (Well, I think it will be. Otherwise, I wouldn't be writing it.)