There's a certain kind of smell that you develop when you haven't left your bed for two fairly hot days. It's inescapable. It sticks to your skin with the accumulated oils that have seeped out of your pores and gives your bed sheets a distinct odor and feel. An odor they wouldn't have gotten even after two weeks of normal use.

After returning home Thursday evening, I'd laid in bed and read. The first three to four chapters of the books for the Literature Club didn't keep me busy for long so I'd started reading Zaimokusa's book. Which, to my great surprise, wasn't terrible. I'd finished reading it at around 11 am, so I bought a digital copy of the second book on Amazon. The main character was fairly unlikable at times, but she had her redeeming qualities. Though there hadn't been much if any romance in the first volume, the love triangle had clearly been established between the heroine and the male leads Yoshiie Yoshikawa and Tokuji Fujiwara.

I should clarify that I was not in bed the entire time. I had managed to make my way to the kitchen several times to make instant ramen and microwavable breakfasts. The various new stains on my comforter were proof that I hadn't been starving myself.

Despite minimal physical activity and sincerely wishing that my metabolism would slow down, I found myself hungry once more. My last trip to the kitchen had been almost thirteen hours earlier, but I still remembered that I had managed to finish off the last remnants of what little actual food I had left in the kitchen. If I didn't mind eating little packets of pepper, salt, and maybe soy sauce I could stay in my apartment, but otherwise I would need to venture to the outside world in search of food.

"Whhhhy?" I managed to croak out.

Nearly every part of me wanted to remain firmly planted to my spot in bed, but the sounds of my stomach betrayed my lazy attitude and demanded that I leave my sedentary lifestyle behind in search of food. Curse my mamalian physiology, if only I could put down roots and take in nutrients from the earth. Of course I live on the second story of an apartment complex, so putting down roots for probably annoy the people below me and not get me much in the way of nutrients anyways, but that's besides the point.

"Gaaaaaaah!" I yawned as I stretched my arms towards the ceiling and forced myself up and out of bed.

As I fumbled my way out of bed, I contemplated showering. It was nearly 11 pm and I was only going to the convenience store. It wasn't like I was going out to eat.

Did I have to bend to societal standards and social norms? Sure the cashier might think I'm some smelly NEET, but why should I care what some minimum wage earning night employee, that I would likely never meet again, had to think of me?

"No shower," I grunted.

After dressing myself, because even at 11 pm it's not the best idea to stroll the streets in a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt, I left my hermit kingdom for the first time since Thursday. The air was just as hot and sticky as I remembered it having been when I'd parted ways with Meguri.

It was disgusting.

I made my way to the mini-mart and I thought about a dream that I'd had the evening before. It had been a little surreal, but also very disconcerting because it had simultaneously been too realistic. I'd fallen into a coma, but even though I couldn't move or see anything I could hear everyone around me. I heard my sister, my mom, my dad, Meguri, Sensei, and Haruno. She didn't talk a lot. Mostly she just teased me while I laid there, unable to tell her off. It took me 2 years to wake up from my coma, but when I finally opened my eyes the world was too fuzzy to make out. There were two feminine figures looking down at me, though who they were was beyond my ability to tell. Where before their words had been clear, now it sounded like they spoke with marbles in their mouths. Or maybe it was just that my ears had been stuffed with cotton. Either way, I couldn't see or hear properly, but I could feel them. One of the figures began to pat my head while the other simply held my hand in her own.

I wasn't sure if the figures were my mom and sister, Haruno and Meguri, or someone else entirely. Or at least I hadn't been sure until the muffling came to an end and the person patting my head leaned in very closely and whispered, "Hikki."

Then I'd woken up.

I didn't need that. I didn't need to be thinking about her or about how I'd screwed up.

I mean, was I a screw up? Yes, but being reminded about how I screwed up wasn't something I needed to be doing to myself. Yet there I was, thinking about her and thinking about my mistakes.

While I strolled down the street, disheveled, unclean, and wearing a tracksuit that probably needed to be thrown away, I couldn't help but think about her. That stupid dream had made it impossible not to.

What was she up to? She was beautiful, so it wouldn't have been a surprise if she'd gotten engaged at some point since high school.

Maybe she had a kid, though that was kind of unlikely. Time had certainly passed since we'd last seen each other, but not having a kid levels of time. A mental image of what she might look like floated around in my head. In it she showed off her gaudy western style wedding ring and giggled nearly uncontrollably. Her right arm was linked with a man's. He was tall and gangly looking, with a hidden face, and she loved him. I could tell, because I was the man in that mental image and of course she would love me. She would forgive me for being a moron, she'd never even think about the fact that she was a second choice. She'd accept it. It would hurt, but she would move on. Because that was the kind of person she was, because she was too nice to let something like being someone's fallback taint the way she felt.

I punched a nearby lamp post and immediately regretted it. Now, not only was she still on my mind, but my hand hurt.

"Damnit," I mumbled under my breath.

My thoughts about the dream subsided as I finally arrived at the convenience store and my appetite began to suggest I buy far more than I needed.

The clerk was a woman with long blonde hair. I couldn't really tell how old she was because she was turned away while she stocked the shelves behind the counter. She was a little full in figure, but she wasn't fat. She was too busy working to pay me any attention and so I ignored her and went on my way.

All the brightly colored packages of the snacks and junk food called out to me and in my ravenous state I grabbed for way more than I needed and tossed them into my basket.

After I'd overstuffed my basket with an assortment of goodies I made my way back to the front, just in time for the cashier to turn around and freeze.

Oh no.

She recognized me and I recognized her.

"Hikigaya?" she asked. Slightly unsure of herself.

I could have lied. I could have said, "Sorry, you must be mistaken." but instead I simply nodded yes.

"Yumiko?" I asked mostly out of politeness.

"Yes."

We stared awkwardly at one another for a bit, not exactly sizing each other up, but certainly taking in the people that we had become. She was a bit tanner than I remembered her being, a little bit chubbier, and the blue and white striped uniform that she wore seemed very out of place on her.

As I took in the sight of her, I realized she must be taking in the sight of me. What could she possibly be thinking of disgusting Hikigaya wondering in late at night, in a tracksuit, and probably smelling funny. Was she going to open up the conversation with a stinging insult? Because my failing sense of self worth desperately needed another reminder of how much of a garbage person I was.

"How've you been?" she took my basket and began to run the items through the scanner.

I was caught a bit off guard by her reaction. There wasn't any of the malice that I'd expected.

"I… uh… I'm fine. Just going to school and working. What about you?"

She paused for a bit, and I worried that I'd done something that I shouldn't have. But if I'd done something bad, then hadn't she initiated that by asking me in the first place? It's normal to ask someone how they are after they've asked you the same question… right?

"I'm sorting thing out." she smiled a little. It was kind of pained, but also hopeful.

"That's good."

This was painful.

The extended pauses, the wondering what to say, and the wondering what she was thinking made me wish that I'd just stayed in my room and gone hungry.

"Have you seen anyone else since graduation?" she asked.

Please don't feel a need to keep up polite chit chat on my account.

"A few people here and there. Meguri-senpai and I are in a literature club together."

"Oh… um... that's nice. Anyone else?"

"No, not really."

She nodded for some reason and then said, "You know, if you ever get hungry during the day you should go to this really nice bakery a few blocks from here. They sell both Japanese and Western sweets and they're all homemade, plus I know some of the people that work there and I'm sure that they could make something you'd enjoy."

"Um, okay. Thanks, I guess."

I really wasn't sure where that had come from. It felt forced and even more awkward than the rest of the painful conversation we had been having.

After she totalled the price up, I shuffled through my wallet for my credit card. Something funny would pop into my head and I'd be able to kill the awkward silence that was punctuated by annoyed grunts as I fiddled with my credit card. Unfortunately, nothing came to mind and the mere moments that it took for me to pull out the card and for her to run it dragged on for an eternity. I lived and died a thousand lifetimes in the two and a half or so minutes it took to finish that silent exchange.

With my food all bagged up, I gave Yumiko a polite wave goodbye and left.

"I should have stayed inside." I muttered to myself once I was far enough away from the store.

It probably would've been easier if she'd been rude. At least if she'd been rude I could have blamed my ineptitude on her. Instead, she'd acted like a perfectly normal human being and I had been given the opportunity to display my full capabilities of being a spastic.

Walking back, I replayed the horror show. With each mental replay it got worse and worse and by the time I had reached the apartment complex I had my face buried deeply in my hands.

Everything that had been weighing on me, from thinking about the book club, and my dream, to my stupidity at the store all vanished as I looked up from my hands and saw someone waiting in front of my door with two large luggage bags at her side.

No.

"It's rude to leave a lady waiting, Hikigaya-kun."