AN: Re-tooling of this chapter. Honestly, I forgot I had posted it as finished until I was uploading this new version (which I think is better anyway!) All of my Avengers stories, including First Glance, are now up at AO3. I'll get this one ported over soon. My personal life is in shambles, so that usually means good things for my writing :D

Clint arrived back at the farm with trepidation. He wasn't sure how he was going to be received, not after disclosing about the rest of his life to his wife. He didn't arrive until he knew the kids would be at school, to not throw off their schedule. Laura was waiting for him, offering him a beer before they sat down to talk.

"So, there's a lot you have been keeping from me." Laura started with the understatement of the year.

Clint sighed. "I thought it was for the best." Best for whom could be open to debate. It certainly made things easier.

Laura bristled a little at that, knowing it was true to some extent but also having trouble with this new picture of her husband. "I am not sure what to do with this."

"That's fair." He didn't protest or try and fight it; he knew she was in a tough place, and their marriage wasn't strong even before this disclosure.

"Really, that's all you're going to say?" Laura stood up in frustration. "I find out that you have been lying about pretty much everything since the beginning and you think it's fair that I am at a loss? You've murdered how many people? I'm not sure any part of this is really fair for me." She knew throwing in that he was a murderer was a low blow and something he was sensitive about.

"Yes, that's all I'm going to say. You have never been part of that life, and we both know you've not always been honest with me." Laura flinched a little when he said that, knowing he was referring to her 'unplanned' pregnancy that motivated their marriage to begin with, but also knowing after calling him a murderer, it wasn't entirely unprovoked. "Our lives and marriage are pretty fucked up. I'm coming clean about it now, and yes it's late to do it, but I'm doing it, ok?" She noted his expression didn't really change through any of this. She wondered if showing no emotion was normal for him and the emotion he showed at home was feigned.

"Why are you telling me now?" Laura tried to keep the accusation out of her voice, but she was hurt by his barb about her lies. Clint looked away from her when she asked. "That's what I thought. You didn't tell me the truth for me or because you wanted to be closer to me. You did it for her."

"Yes. Yes I did." He spoke quietly, but Clint wasn't going to lie about it; Natasha was the only reason he disclosed. If it weren't for her, he might never have said anything. "It was the right thing to do and she made me see that."

"Because she knows you." And there was the underlying problem. Laura didn't know the man she was married to at all, she just knew the character he played when he was with her.

Clint nodded. "She does." He came into this conversation with the determination to not lie to Laura any more, no matter how much it hurt.

"I think maybe we need some time off." Laura's eyes had tears in them and her voice was thick. "You need to figure out what you really want, and maybe so do I."

Clint felt a pain in his chest when she said that, but it wasn't as sharp as it should have been. He also knew it was probably the right thing to do. "And the kids?"

Laura noted he didn't argue or try and convince her that it was a bad idea, which just reinforced to her that it was the right choice. "I think for right now, status quo is fine for all they are aware. I'll tell you when I'm ready to tell them anything else. You can still arrange to visit."

"Alright." He nodded his head, looking down. "I'm sorry, Laura."

"I'm sorry too, Clint." She sighed, struggling to find more words, but unable. Finally, he just hugged her unexpectedly. She stiffened at first then hugged him back. "This is the right thing I think," she whispered, to him and herself.

He nodded just barely, then pulled away. "If you need anything, just tell me, ok?" His voice was low with emotion, really the first he showed since starting the conversation. She nodded in return, then looked to the door to cue him to leave. He took the cue and walked out, turning back to give a half-hearted wave to her as he left.

He didn't know how this would end, but at least she finally knew.

Back at SHIELD HQ, Natasha would vehemently deny being at all concerned about what was going on with her partner. She was busy, so very busy and she didn't notice at all every second that went by without knowing anything. She gave assistance to a hand to hand class, which didn't burn off nearly enough energy, but did send a couple trainees to the infirmary.

Fury called to see her in the afternoon. "You ok?" He didn't specify what could have upset her – the op, the leaks, Clint talking to his wife.

"Of course. I've been debating whether the traitors deserve execution." And she had, in the back of her mind, measuring the positives and negatives of killing them; it provided some distraction from worrying about Clint.

"Which side is winning?" She could have sworn she heard a trace of amusement in Fury's voice.

"Evaluating them on their individual merits as humans." For Natasha, that was actually a very reasonable and measured response, though Nick knew it was likely to still end in blood. "Being willing to betray one's country and colleague is a very large black mark. They need to have some immensely positive traits if you expect me to overlook it." She was pleased Nick didn't seem to intend to talk her out of it.

"It is," he said gravely. "But don't jump to conclusions too quickly. We will keep them in custody." He knew he shouldn't be ok with extra-judiciary execution, but anyone who threatened Natasha's safety had already forfeited their life in his view. She was not known for her solicitous nature, especially concerning death threats, the Red Room and perhaps worst of all, putting her partner at risk.

"Fine." Her posture was displeased, but not entirely due to their conversation. She just was in a foul mood.

Fury clenched his jaw slightly. He knew what was going on with her and Clint and wasn't entirely thrilled with it. Natasha was a psychopathic sociopath who happened to be on their side, and while he found her very useful when it came to SHIELD, he worried about future, because he knew there was no way for this situation to end well. "Look, I know Hawkeye is still out, but there's someone who has been giving Phil the run around. You can help back him up." He pulled out a dossier, tossing it across the desk to her. "Hawkeye will join when available."

"You want me to obs Tony Stark? The weapons manufacturer?" She was incredulous as she opened the folder and saw Tony's smirk in a photo.

"Well, ex weapons manufacturer. Didn't you hear?" Natasha shook her head, she had been too into her own issues to follow the society pages. "He came back from being captured in Afghanistan and announced he wouldn't be making weapons anymore. And we have reason to believe he has a mechanical suit of armor that allows him to fly."

Natasha blinked. "What? Fly?" She frowned as she continued looking through the folder.

"Yes, fly. And has some powerful weapons too. I know it is a slow assignment, but with his intelligence and tech, if we want real intel, not the show he puts on, Delta is the best team." They both knew Hawkeye was especially suited for this, but in light of his current absence, she could fill in until he was present.

Natasha was barely paying attention to Fury now as she looked through the details, muttering, "No, it's fine, this will be good. He still needs to heal fully." While his leg was safe, he wasn't at one hundred percent and keeping him out of the line of fire for a couple weeks was something Natasha was very ok with. She didn't know how long he would be gone, and studiously ignored any discomfort she felt at the thought he could be reconciling with Laura at this very moment. "I'll get stuff together."

"Great. Obs only." Fury called after her, because he knew Stark could be obnoxious and tended to be a magnet for trouble and he didn't need an edgy Black Widow teaching him any lessons.

Natasha rolled her eyes as she closed the folder and went to the door. "Yes, yes. He'll never even know anyone is watching." She was curious though to see what kind of tech he had created. And it would keep her busy and not waiting to hear from Clint.

Clint initially retreated to one of his apartments in NYC. He didn't tell SHIELD or Natasha that his visit home was over so soon. He didn't know what to even say to Natasha anyway. Their relationship was complicated already and his separation from Laura didn't make it any more simple. He needed some time to process what had happened himself, to grieve, to try and get his shit together before he could try to be functional.

He felt relieved in some ways, that Laura had asked him to go. Which then of course made him feel guilty at the same time. He wanted out, if he was going to be really honest with himself, but he didn't want to be the "bad guy" to make that call. He had worked so hard to try and be a good person after some of the horrible shit he'd done, that leaving his wife seemed to be an almost irredeemable sin.

On some level, Clint knew it really wasn't quite that bad, that in many ways, he never was really married to Laura, it was just yet another cover he assumed, but he had gone along with it for so many years, the blame fell squarely on him still.

He remembered their hurried wedding after she had told him she was pregnant. They had just gone to city hall for the paperwork and worn their nicest outfits as they were legally joined. Their "honeymoon" was just returning to the circus and taking the night off to spend with each other.

It was nice enough, but made easier perhaps because he was gone so much. It wasn't long after their marriage that he left the circus, and established the true parameters of their marriage. He realized that with what he did, if anyone found out who he was, or who Laura was to him, they would use that against him. So he did what he needed to do – he hid her away, legally and geographically and emotionally. In many ways he never allowed himself to get that attached to her or the kids. He was more of a fun uncle than a good father, but he figured that was better than a shitty, abusive father.

Yet it still hurt to think of not seeing her or the kids again. He would miss them, miss the comfort of knowing they were there. It was selfish of him to want them, honestly. Laura asking him to go was probably the best choice she could have made, for everyone. But damn, it still hurt.

He spent the next day and a half fletching arrows, meditating, working out and mourning the loss of something he never truly had anyway. The time for charades was over, now he needed to face the truth, no matter how painful it was.

Two days after his conversation with Laura, he returned to SHIELD HQ to try and move on with his life, for better or worse.

"Where's Nat?" Of course that was Hawkeye's first question when he returned to base and couldn't find her anywhere, quickly going to Fury's office for info.

"You're back so soon?" Fury frowned a little, he had been expecting the trip to take longer.

"We're separating." Clint spoke quietly, staying in the doorway, not setting foot in the office officially, hoping to keep the discussion to a minimum.

Nick and Clint regarded each other in silence for a long time after he said that. Fury leaned back, steepling his index fingers. "I am sorry to hear that." And he was. He felt that Laura and the children gave a sliver of stability and normalcy that was rather important to hold his best agent together mentally.

"Where's Nat?" Hawkeye repeated his question, trying to avoid this discussion.

"We're going to have to talk about this, Clint." Nick sighed, this was usually Phil's place, but Phil was already out in California and it was a rare opportunity for him to talk to Clint without any concerns about Natasha being nearby. He gestured to a chair to get Clint to sit down.

Clint's expression was tight, knowing what was coming. "She says she doesn't know who I am and she wants some time." He sat down in the chair with a slouch.

"Understandable. It's not every day you find out that your husband is an assassin and spy." A ghost of a smile at the oddness of the statement. "But we both know that there's more."

Clint took a big breath in, reaching up to scratch his head then rubbing his face, not even sure how to start. "Nothing is going to happen."

Fury leaned back, his brow furrowed in concern. "I know you know some of her history."

Clint held up a hand to stop him from expanding on any of her past. "If she wanted me to know, she'd tell me."

"It's not a good idea." Fury wasn't going to forbid anything, but he did care about Clint and he was worried, not only of what he might do to Natasha, but of what Natasha could do to Clint. The council wanted him to forbid it – they didn't even want the agents to be partners. They feared the influence exerted over each other would outweigh the influence of the council or other commanding officers. Fury understood both of them better and knew that separating them would be an exercise in futility, and that while the council's fears were well-founded, it was far too late to change things as easily as separating them.

"I agree." Clint was not going to try and say differently. He knew that his issues, her issues, their issues, all of them together meant that they were a bundle of dysfunction and personality disorders and if there were problems, it could destroy one or both of them. Possibly a continent. He wasn't worried about himself, but he would die before hurting her.

Nick sighed, shaking his head. "It's not going to make a damn bit of difference though, is it?"

Clint stood in agitation and frustration. "I don't know." He paced around the back of the office. He stopped and hung his head, not looking up as he spoke, "It might be too late." In truth, Clint suspected it might have been too late after they first escaped from Russian rebels, unaware of who the other was.

Nick appreciated the honesty at least. "Be careful." His voice was actually gentle for a moment; he cared about Clint and didn't want to see him hurt. But despite this moment of almost tenderness, he was still going to do his best to try and keep the two of them from self-destructing, however he could.

Clint nodded quietly. "I'm trying."

Fury just shook his head as his tone returned to business, handing Clint a folio of information about his next assignment. "She's in California with Phil. They'll fill you in when you get there. Dismissed."

Clint took the folio and high-tailed it out of the office. He had been expecting worse from Fury, and didn't want to give him time to reconsider.